From Princess to Pornography: One Woman’s Struggle with Lust

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Pornography, by its very nature, assaults everything beautiful in a woman. It is devoid of beauty, grace, innocence, joy and compassion. So, after becoming hooked at age 13, I constantly found myself questioning how I could have ended up there. I am a woman! How could I be getting some twisted satisfaction from watching the destruction of everything I was created to be? Was I even getting satisfaction if all I felt was guilt, shame and loneliness? What was wrong with me?

Every little girl is born with a certain beauty, grace and innocence that fills her heart. There’s just something beautiful about the joy and compassion that comes with being a woman. For some, though, the fairy tales are squashed before they can ever grow. Hearts are left searching for acceptance, love, compassion, joy and fulfillment. The consequences of that search are dire.

For whatever reason, my heart was searching, and I felt an acceptance in pornography. Grant you, I was being fake. When I wasn’t in a chat room being the blonde-haired blue-eyed “angelface001” I was in my bedroom, isolated, dreaming about my prince Charming. Fantasizing.

Every time, though, I just felt more and more empty—hollow. I was becoming a shell of who I was supposed to be. After being told “women just don’t have this problem,” I gave up hope of ever becoming anything worthwhile. But then, God sent me a rescue.

Seven years after my struggle began, one woman stood in front of 300 young women and said, “We know some of you struggle with pornography and masturbation and we are here to help.” It sent a surge of hope through me, and began my journey to freedom and a restoration to the life God wanted me to have.

In the years since then, I have found that I am not alone. Many Christian women struggle with lust, with masturbation, with fantasy, with pornography. Some are married, some are single, but all are carrying the weight, guilt and shame of their sin. They know what it is to battle alone because they fear rejection at the hand of those closest to them. Fear keeps them from being honest and open, and it keeps them in chains.

Be assured, that if you are a woman struggling with lust, you are not alone. In fact, you are joined by a growing number of fallen princesses, many who probably sit beside you in church. Cling to the promises of God’s word that He will provide a way for you to escape temptation! Pray diligently for an open door to be honest and throw away the mask.

Remember that no matter how far you have fallen and how much you feel you have wasted away, God’s grace is enough to pick up your broken pieces and restore your joy, grace, innocence and compassion. There is freedom for you and hope found in Christ.

Editor’s note: The author’s name has been withheld to protect her privacy.