By LeAnn Rice
Looking for some easy recipes for your next get together? Here are two of my favorites.
Honey Ham Biscuits
1 package Bisquick honey-butter biscuit mix
1 container honey nut or pineapple cream cheese spread
Sliced ham
Prepare the biscuit dough according to package directions. Gently roll out the dough as directed on package. Cut biscuits with 1½-inch biscuit cutter and bake, according to package directions or until golden.
Split the biscuits with a serrated knife and spread both sides with cream cheese. Place ham between layers and sandwich together.
These can be prepared ahead of time and wrapped in foil. Heat in a 350° oven for about 20 minutes or until warmed through.
Icing-In-The-Cake German Chocolate Cake
1 (18.25 oz) German Chocolate Cake Mix
1 (15 oz) Coconut-Pecan Frosting
4 eggs
1/2 cup oil
1 cup water
Preheat oven to 350º. Spray pan with non-stick cooking spray. This can be made in either a 9” x 13” pan or Bundt pan. Baking time is the same on either one.
Mix all ingredients (including the icing), in mixer at medium speed for 2 minutes. Pour into prepared pan and bake 50-60 minutes. Remove from oven to wire rack and allow cooling for 10 minutes. Invert onto serving plate and dust with powdered sugar.
LeAnn Rice shares recipes and menu ideas along with a helping of grace through her food site, www.SheCooks.org. She lives in North Carolina with her teenage son, Nick, who sadly prefers frozen pizza to his mom’s cooking experiments.
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Recovering Genuine Companionship
by John and Stasi Eldredge
John has a circle of things he loves to do. It includes fly- fishing, rock climbing, working on cars, hunting, reading, smoking cigars, and just about anything with adventure in it. I have a circle of things I love to do. It encompasses going to movies, working in and enjoying my garden, talking, taking walks, worshipping, and reading novels.
Oh, dear. Hopefully, somewhere, we can find some overlap. I am also the mother of three sons. I live in a house hold of men. I love them passionately but it can be lonely at times being the only woman around. Do some of you feel that way too? It isn’t easy to find places to connect with them and to share in their lives. I don’t play Xbox. I’m not a hunter. I’m not a rock climbing, mountain biking, backpacking, snowboarding teenager. Often I don’t even understand them. I long for real relationships with them and have been praying for ways to connect.
And John just gave me a Ping- Pong table for Christmas. Ladies, I know what you are thinking—doghouse gift; what a miss! But John knew what he was doing. My family had a Ping-Pong table while I was growing up and I spent hours playing with my brother and with my dad. Those are sweet memories for me, times of real connection with my family. The present of a Ping- Pong table was an invitation to connect. Now I am playing with my sons and my husband. Team games. Single games. It doesn’t matter games, because we are spending time together doing something we all enjoy. Big sigh. Yay!
I also love water. I love being near it, on it, and in it. Pools, ponds, lakes, rivers, streams, oceans, and even bathtubs! All of it. Diving in, putting my head under, swimming as deeply as I can breathes life into me. I’m happy sitting next to a beautiful mountain lake; I am happier paddling a canoe on top of it, but happier still diving into it. We have found ways to share our love of water. First, John introduced me to canoes, those wobbly precarious silent crafts that can explore shallow channels and mysterious inlets. How many adventures we have had paddling around lakes, bays, and rivers! He got me into my first kayak; I was so close to the water I was sitting in it but somehow still remained dry. It was while we were kayaking as a family that we came so breathlessly close to a humpback whale; I felt I’d crossed back into Eden.
Over the years we have found other ways to build companionship. We love to travel. We love going out for Chinese food. We share with each other movies that we like, or something from a book that has stirred us. John loves the wilderness; we found a way to enjoy it together using lodges. In this way we can spend a day out on the trail, but at night I get a shower and a bed!
And, we still enjoy many of our loves alone, or with other friends. There is no need to feel jealous that your spouse loves to do things without you. There is simply no way you can be everything to each other; your hearts are too vast and your interests are too diverse or you to “be one in everything.” It would be weird if it were otherwise. And of course you want your spouse to have a “full cup,” to be filled and happy and well; they will be so much easier to live with. And they won’t be looking to you to make them happy. So good grief, do not fight their enjoyment of other things or other people! Sometimes I [Stasi] would feel that I was in competition with John’s close friends and other interests.
How freeing to come to understand that that was not the case. The place I hold in John’s
heart is not up for grabs. (But John had to reassure me this was so, and God needed to move in my heart so I could believe it.) There is an ebb and flow to the companionship of a marriage. During hunting season, I don’t expect to see John much. But afterward, I do expect him to come home and re engage with me! There are seasons when the two of us are “connecting” well and seasons when we aren’t. What you want to do is create an environment where over time and with intentionality, you are nurturing companionship.
Every day is unrealistic; once a month isn’t often enough. Somewhere in between.
This can feel a little awkward if it has been a while since the two of you spent time together. Initiate anyway, and don’t be put off if your first few efforts aren’t warmly received. A friend tried to get her husband to enjoy bubble baths; that was a miss. Watching American Idol might be a miss. Bass fishing might be a miss. But you are going to have to find some meeting place together. Tennis. Beachcombing. Vietnamese food. A favorite TV show. Scrabble. Square dancing. Do you ever read together? (One suggestion: Maybe you two could read “Love and War” together and talk about it chapter by chapter.)
Maybe you should just ask your spouse what they’d like to do. Our suggestion is to explore this together. Find those intersections of life that you each enjoy and both can share.
Excerpted from Love and War by John and Stasi Eldredge Copyright © 2009 by John and Stasi Eldredge. Excerpted by permission of WaterBrook Press, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
John has a circle of things he loves to do. It includes fly- fishing, rock climbing, working on cars, hunting, reading, smoking cigars, and just about anything with adventure in it. I have a circle of things I love to do. It encompasses going to movies, working in and enjoying my garden, talking, taking walks, worshipping, and reading novels.
Oh, dear. Hopefully, somewhere, we can find some overlap. I am also the mother of three sons. I live in a house hold of men. I love them passionately but it can be lonely at times being the only woman around. Do some of you feel that way too? It isn’t easy to find places to connect with them and to share in their lives. I don’t play Xbox. I’m not a hunter. I’m not a rock climbing, mountain biking, backpacking, snowboarding teenager. Often I don’t even understand them. I long for real relationships with them and have been praying for ways to connect.
And John just gave me a Ping- Pong table for Christmas. Ladies, I know what you are thinking—doghouse gift; what a miss! But John knew what he was doing. My family had a Ping-Pong table while I was growing up and I spent hours playing with my brother and with my dad. Those are sweet memories for me, times of real connection with my family. The present of a Ping- Pong table was an invitation to connect. Now I am playing with my sons and my husband. Team games. Single games. It doesn’t matter games, because we are spending time together doing something we all enjoy. Big sigh. Yay!
I also love water. I love being near it, on it, and in it. Pools, ponds, lakes, rivers, streams, oceans, and even bathtubs! All of it. Diving in, putting my head under, swimming as deeply as I can breathes life into me. I’m happy sitting next to a beautiful mountain lake; I am happier paddling a canoe on top of it, but happier still diving into it. We have found ways to share our love of water. First, John introduced me to canoes, those wobbly precarious silent crafts that can explore shallow channels and mysterious inlets. How many adventures we have had paddling around lakes, bays, and rivers! He got me into my first kayak; I was so close to the water I was sitting in it but somehow still remained dry. It was while we were kayaking as a family that we came so breathlessly close to a humpback whale; I felt I’d crossed back into Eden.
Over the years we have found other ways to build companionship. We love to travel. We love going out for Chinese food. We share with each other movies that we like, or something from a book that has stirred us. John loves the wilderness; we found a way to enjoy it together using lodges. In this way we can spend a day out on the trail, but at night I get a shower and a bed!
And, we still enjoy many of our loves alone, or with other friends. There is no need to feel jealous that your spouse loves to do things without you. There is simply no way you can be everything to each other; your hearts are too vast and your interests are too diverse or you to “be one in everything.” It would be weird if it were otherwise. And of course you want your spouse to have a “full cup,” to be filled and happy and well; they will be so much easier to live with. And they won’t be looking to you to make them happy. So good grief, do not fight their enjoyment of other things or other people! Sometimes I [Stasi] would feel that I was in competition with John’s close friends and other interests.
How freeing to come to understand that that was not the case. The place I hold in John’s
heart is not up for grabs. (But John had to reassure me this was so, and God needed to move in my heart so I could believe it.) There is an ebb and flow to the companionship of a marriage. During hunting season, I don’t expect to see John much. But afterward, I do expect him to come home and re engage with me! There are seasons when the two of us are “connecting” well and seasons when we aren’t. What you want to do is create an environment where over time and with intentionality, you are nurturing companionship.
Every day is unrealistic; once a month isn’t often enough. Somewhere in between.
This can feel a little awkward if it has been a while since the two of you spent time together. Initiate anyway, and don’t be put off if your first few efforts aren’t warmly received. A friend tried to get her husband to enjoy bubble baths; that was a miss. Watching American Idol might be a miss. Bass fishing might be a miss. But you are going to have to find some meeting place together. Tennis. Beachcombing. Vietnamese food. A favorite TV show. Scrabble. Square dancing. Do you ever read together? (One suggestion: Maybe you two could read “Love and War” together and talk about it chapter by chapter.)
Maybe you should just ask your spouse what they’d like to do. Our suggestion is to explore this together. Find those intersections of life that you each enjoy and both can share.
Excerpted from Love and War by John and Stasi Eldredge Copyright © 2009 by John and Stasi Eldredge. Excerpted by permission of WaterBrook Press, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
The Hold of Hoarding
By Johanna Tooke
Maybe one of God’s greatest gifts to us is misery and suffering. After all, without them we’d continue to walk obliviously through life as though nothing were wrong. Like any normal human being I was doing my best to avoid undue pain. My strategy was a simple one: Do good, make things look good, and life will be good.
At all costs (literally at times) I wanted to avoid repeating pain or remembrance of it from life’s past. What’s more, I was convinced if I saved anything from my life that had represented a good memory or a happy time, somehow the darker times would fade out with the tangible memory of things from happy times. As if that weren’t enough, I had reasoned by having a passel of possessions I could single-handedly create happy memories.
My strategy was foiled by the time it took to not only keep track of, care for and organize the possessions, but create the happy memories in between. My memories- “instead of happy” were becoming prominently miserable. This problem of mine was hoarding or in kinder terms- excessive saving.
Hoarding had never even been a consideration in my litany of life dilemmas. Among the complaints on my exhaustive list were: never enough time to exercise, a lack of money to buy organizing essentials, a lack of time to organize and have a workable system, a husband who lacked a vision to see the potential behind all of my belongings and moreover a vision of what could be done with them to glorify God. Yes, I had wrapped religion into being a justifiable reason to keep whatever I deemed worthy.
I knew I kept a lot, but I also believed I was honoring God by having the items. When in all reality, I was trying to play God by keeping things and hoping I wouldn’t have to depend on Him for the things “I could handle.”
Since hoarding had never even entered into my conscientiousness, all I knew was I was miserable. Each consecutive day seemed harder then the day prior and circumstances seemed dimmer. Waking up in the morning was stifling and meandering through the day felt more like a convoluted maze. I began feverishly reading self help books on organizing and de-cluttering. Several years later and heaps mounting higher than ever before, I felt hopeless. As I swirled in the abyss of confusion, I called a professional organizer as a final effort.
Without mincing words she told me what my husband had all along, “Whoa you have a lot of stuff.” Okay, so she couldn’t stop exclaiming in between breaths how much I had. Her reaction to my basement sent me reeling. We made a plan to help me stop the influx of stuff and begin the outtake. Once we parted ways, I spent every spare moment doing my best to clean and cull. Bravely I’d pack another box full of things we weren’t using, ready to be hauled off. My efforts seemed to be paying off. Except I noticed instead of experiencing freedom, I was feeling suffocated and smothered by this new lifestyle.
Still determined, I continued to zealously makeover our home. That was until one day I had a stomach ache I couldn’t shake. When the pain was intolerable a visit to the emergency room was in order. A couple of days later in the hospital, I felt as though there was more than a bug that had paid me a visit. I was reminded of Psalm 23:2, “He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside still waters.” While I didn’t have angels hovering over my hospital bed delivering a message, I encountered a stillness I hadn’t known for some time. Moreover, I had gotten to spend time praying and reading my Bible, disciplines I had abandoned until the house was placed in proper order.
Before I headed home I recommitted myself to be faithful in reading my Bible, journaling and giving God my day before it took off without me. The next morning I flipped open my Bible to the ribbon that held its place in the New Testament. That day’s reading was in Matthew 23. I was caught by the words in verse 26: “Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.”
“Wait,” I thought, “the Bible does have a thing or two to say about cleaning house.” After calling upon a wiser friend in Christ, I confirmed what I had suspected: I had been cleaning house in precisely the opposite order Jesus had intended. I had been so immersed in scouring, decorating, organizing, and saving ALL for the outside- I had given hardly any thought to the inside. At once I felt relief wash over me with a healthy dose of insufficiency to humbly level me; leveling me to the foot of the cross where my real help could be found.
Three years have passed since my hospital visit. Since then trailer loads of things have backed out of our driveway. As a family we are still vigilantly attempting to live with less. Now, instead of turning only to man’s wisdom to weave my way out of the colossal messes, I turn to God’s Word. Regardless of the battle, we fight with the same weapons. “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.” (2 Corinthians 10:4)
Johanna Tooke lives in Forsyth, Montana with her husband Ryan, and three children: Gracie (10); and twins Royce and Katie (7). In between family, friends and country living, Johanna leads Bible Studies for girls and women. Her hope is to encourage women of all ages in their walk of faith with Jesus Christ. For more on Johanna’s journey, go to www.johannatooke.com.
Editor’s Note: Hoarding can be a sign that an individual needs more help than a book or a friend can provide. If you know someone who hoards, please visit The Institute for Challenging Disorganization (www.challengingdisorganization.org) for resources.
If you need a little extra push to get organized, please consider purchasing one of these two resources by our own Proverbs 31 Ministries writers: “I Used to Be So Organized”
by Glynnis Whitwer and “The Complete Guide to Getting and Staying Organized” by Karen Ehman.
Maybe one of God’s greatest gifts to us is misery and suffering. After all, without them we’d continue to walk obliviously through life as though nothing were wrong. Like any normal human being I was doing my best to avoid undue pain. My strategy was a simple one: Do good, make things look good, and life will be good.
At all costs (literally at times) I wanted to avoid repeating pain or remembrance of it from life’s past. What’s more, I was convinced if I saved anything from my life that had represented a good memory or a happy time, somehow the darker times would fade out with the tangible memory of things from happy times. As if that weren’t enough, I had reasoned by having a passel of possessions I could single-handedly create happy memories.
My strategy was foiled by the time it took to not only keep track of, care for and organize the possessions, but create the happy memories in between. My memories- “instead of happy” were becoming prominently miserable. This problem of mine was hoarding or in kinder terms- excessive saving.
Hoarding had never even been a consideration in my litany of life dilemmas. Among the complaints on my exhaustive list were: never enough time to exercise, a lack of money to buy organizing essentials, a lack of time to organize and have a workable system, a husband who lacked a vision to see the potential behind all of my belongings and moreover a vision of what could be done with them to glorify God. Yes, I had wrapped religion into being a justifiable reason to keep whatever I deemed worthy.
I knew I kept a lot, but I also believed I was honoring God by having the items. When in all reality, I was trying to play God by keeping things and hoping I wouldn’t have to depend on Him for the things “I could handle.”
Since hoarding had never even entered into my conscientiousness, all I knew was I was miserable. Each consecutive day seemed harder then the day prior and circumstances seemed dimmer. Waking up in the morning was stifling and meandering through the day felt more like a convoluted maze. I began feverishly reading self help books on organizing and de-cluttering. Several years later and heaps mounting higher than ever before, I felt hopeless. As I swirled in the abyss of confusion, I called a professional organizer as a final effort.
Without mincing words she told me what my husband had all along, “Whoa you have a lot of stuff.” Okay, so she couldn’t stop exclaiming in between breaths how much I had. Her reaction to my basement sent me reeling. We made a plan to help me stop the influx of stuff and begin the outtake. Once we parted ways, I spent every spare moment doing my best to clean and cull. Bravely I’d pack another box full of things we weren’t using, ready to be hauled off. My efforts seemed to be paying off. Except I noticed instead of experiencing freedom, I was feeling suffocated and smothered by this new lifestyle.
Still determined, I continued to zealously makeover our home. That was until one day I had a stomach ache I couldn’t shake. When the pain was intolerable a visit to the emergency room was in order. A couple of days later in the hospital, I felt as though there was more than a bug that had paid me a visit. I was reminded of Psalm 23:2, “He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside still waters.” While I didn’t have angels hovering over my hospital bed delivering a message, I encountered a stillness I hadn’t known for some time. Moreover, I had gotten to spend time praying and reading my Bible, disciplines I had abandoned until the house was placed in proper order.
Before I headed home I recommitted myself to be faithful in reading my Bible, journaling and giving God my day before it took off without me. The next morning I flipped open my Bible to the ribbon that held its place in the New Testament. That day’s reading was in Matthew 23. I was caught by the words in verse 26: “Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.”
“Wait,” I thought, “the Bible does have a thing or two to say about cleaning house.” After calling upon a wiser friend in Christ, I confirmed what I had suspected: I had been cleaning house in precisely the opposite order Jesus had intended. I had been so immersed in scouring, decorating, organizing, and saving ALL for the outside- I had given hardly any thought to the inside. At once I felt relief wash over me with a healthy dose of insufficiency to humbly level me; leveling me to the foot of the cross where my real help could be found.
Three years have passed since my hospital visit. Since then trailer loads of things have backed out of our driveway. As a family we are still vigilantly attempting to live with less. Now, instead of turning only to man’s wisdom to weave my way out of the colossal messes, I turn to God’s Word. Regardless of the battle, we fight with the same weapons. “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.” (2 Corinthians 10:4)
Johanna Tooke lives in Forsyth, Montana with her husband Ryan, and three children: Gracie (10); and twins Royce and Katie (7). In between family, friends and country living, Johanna leads Bible Studies for girls and women. Her hope is to encourage women of all ages in their walk of faith with Jesus Christ. For more on Johanna’s journey, go to www.johannatooke.com.
Editor’s Note: Hoarding can be a sign that an individual needs more help than a book or a friend can provide. If you know someone who hoards, please visit The Institute for Challenging Disorganization (www.challengingdisorganization.org) for resources.
If you need a little extra push to get organized, please consider purchasing one of these two resources by our own Proverbs 31 Ministries writers: “I Used to Be So Organized”
by Glynnis Whitwer and “The Complete Guide to Getting and Staying Organized” by Karen Ehman.
Count Your Blessings
By LeAnn Rice
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his steadfast love endures forever!
(Psalm 118:1)
His steadfast love endures forever! Reason number one to be thankful!
All of us have good days and bad days. It’s part of life. But no matter how bad the bad days are, we can always hold on to this truth: The King is still on the throne and His love is steadfast and true and always. You simply can’t escape it!
As a young widow with a child, I experienced many “bad days” in the past 14 years (especially during the toddler years). There were days when I thought I wouldn’t make it another 24 hours without some help. But God never left my side and, over the years I started to notice the little blessings that each day held.
Whether you are experiencing the loss of a loved one, chronic illness, financial hardship, addiction, marital stress or other painful situations, you can find something to be grateful for each day. Looking for these blessings will refocus your thoughts toward Him, instead of your situation.
Honestly, this hasn’t always been easy. I have had days when all I could find to be grateful for was that the sun was shining or that I could actually get myself out of bed that morning. But, day by day I forced myself to count my blessings and eventually, I started to notice them all around me.
You may not be experiencing a rough patch. You may just be in the midst of a “normal” but hectic life and have a desire to develop an attitude of gratitude. Thanksgiving is a great time to focus on the things we are thankful for and get into the habit of thankfulness! Isn’t it easy to complain about the things that are inconvenient, frustrating, not going our way, etc? Just this week I found myself complaining about my piles of laundry. I should have been grateful that I have running water and a working washer and dryer when so many in our world do not have these items that I take for granted.
What about you? Do you struggle to notice the simple blessings in the midst of your hectic days? Are you experiencing a challenging time and really need to see some “good” right about now?
Here are a few practical ways to count your blessings that may become a new Thanksgiving tradition in your home.
Create a Blessing Box- Make or purchase a simple or ornate box (if you have kids, perhaps they can make and decorate one). Place cute notes or strips of paper, along with a pen, beside the box. Display the box, paper and pen in a location where everyone will see it several times a day. I like to place mine in the center of my kitchen table. At least once each day have everyone in the family write something they have to be grateful for on a strip of paper and place it inside the box. Do this throughout the year and then read the strips together in the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving.
* Keep a Blessing Journal
Keep a journal beside your bed. Before you go to bed each night, write down at least three things that happened to you that day that you are grateful for. It could be as simple and wonderful as a child’s smile or laughter. It could be that you had enough money to fill your gas tank. Maybe a long soaking rain started right after you did some planting. Write down anything that you were grateful for that day. When you are having a rough day, pull out your journal and read through your blessings as a reminder that there is much to be grateful for, even in the midst of life’s challenging circumstances.
* Give a Good Night Blessing
* Give a Good Night Blessing
When you tuck your kids in at night, ask them to tell you one good thing about their day. This ends their day on a positive note and gets them in the habit of noticing the blessings. Perhaps, keep a journal beside their beds as well!
* Create a Blessing Chain
You know those paper chains kids make in school? Make one out of blessings! Cut up strips of red and green paper a few weeks before Thanksgiving. Have your kids write down blessings on the strips and then staple together to form a chain. When you decorate your Christmas tree, place your blessing chain on the tree, around the bottom of the tree or on the mantle. Your decorations will be covered in blessings! This makes a great conversation piece, and provides the opportunity to share the Gospel with visitors!
* Make a Blessing Tree
* Make a Blessing Tree
Instead of making a chain out of the strips of paper, punch holes in the strips, tie a pretty ribbon through the hole, and then hang strips of blessings on a tree. You can do this for Thanksgiving or Christmas, just select the color of paper and ribbons to match the occasion! You can even use a large twig with lots of branches as your tree, or a houseplant, or make one on poster paper and tape on your blessings.
* Give a Treasury of God’s Promises
* Give a Treasury of God’s Promises
If you know someone who’s going through a difficult time, consider creating a box for them and fill it with God’s promises personalized just for them. Imagine opening the box and reading, “My plan for your future, Gabriel, is filled with hope.” I have created a free template with 100 of God’s promises ready for you to customize. Simply purchase or create a box, personalize the promises, print and cut them into strips, fold the strips and place in the box, and then tie the box with a beautiful ribbon. Perfect gift for any occasion! You can find the free template by visiting www.SheCooks.org and clicking on “Resources.” Scroll down to the middle of the page and you will see the template.
Sweet friends, I pray that your blessings will be too numerous to count and that God will reveal Himself to you in the most unexpected ways.
LeAnn Rice is the Executive Director of Proverbs 31 Ministries. She lives with her 17-year-old son, Nick, and their ornery cat, Angel, in a small town just outside of Charlotte, NC. LeAnn is co-author of the book “Untangling Christmas: Your Go-To Guide for a Hassle-Free Holiday,” an e-book filled with recipes, organization and gift suggestions, as well as tangible outreach ideas and ways to seek our Savior during the holiday. LeAnn shares recipes, grace, and southern hospitality on www.SheCooks.org and hope and inspiration on her site www.AWidowsMight.org.
Sweet friends, I pray that your blessings will be too numerous to count and that God will reveal Himself to you in the most unexpected ways.
LeAnn Rice is the Executive Director of Proverbs 31 Ministries. She lives with her 17-year-old son, Nick, and their ornery cat, Angel, in a small town just outside of Charlotte, NC. LeAnn is co-author of the book “Untangling Christmas: Your Go-To Guide for a Hassle-Free Holiday,” an e-book filled with recipes, organization and gift suggestions, as well as tangible outreach ideas and ways to seek our Savior during the holiday. LeAnn shares recipes, grace, and southern hospitality on www.SheCooks.org and hope and inspiration on her site www.AWidowsMight.org.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
My Lips are Concealed
By Cynthia Brown Cooksey
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, But only what is helpful for building others up, According to their needs,That it may benefit those who listen”(Ephesians 4:29)NIV.
I rummaged through my purse in the seat next to me as I sat waiting for the traffic light to turn green. My lips were dry and cracking from the bitter cold conditions, and I was trying to find my Chap Stick for quick relief. The light turned green, and traffic began to move. With my eyes now on the road, I kept blindly feeling for the tiny tube as I accelerated with the flow of cars.
Instead of the Chap Stick, I came upon what I thought was my lip gloss. Thankful for anything that could provide relief to my irritated lips, I grabbed the tube from the bottom of my purse. Still watching the road ahead, I unscrewed the cap and used the sponge applicator to rub the moist balm onto my lips.
At the next traffic light, I looked in the rear view mirror to check my application of lip gloss. Something did not feel quite right, and I wondered what was wrong. To my surprise, when I looked in the mirror I realized that I had applied ivory toned concealer instead of lip gloss. My lips were now the same color as the skin surrounding them!
As I looked for a tissue to wipe away my mistake, I thought about the fact that sometimes it would be best if my lips really were concealed. I recalled many times when being silent would have been a much better choice than speaking my mind. The reflection in my mirror reminded me that I frequently speak harshly to my husband or children and say things to them that I would never say to others outside my home. When stressed or frustrated, I submit to the urge to "say the last word" during an argument. More often than not, the "last word" should be eliminated from my vocabulary. There are other times when the problem might be the tone I use to speak to my loved ones; in other words, it's not what I say, but rather how I say it.
The Bible has many lessons on how we should talk to others and the types of conversations we should be having with them. Here are a few verses to meditate upon concerning our speech:
• “Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning” (Proverbs 10:13).
• “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise” (Proverbs 10:19).
• “The lips of the righteous nourish many” (Proverbs 10:21).
• “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger”
(Proverbs 15:1).
• “He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity” (Proverbs 21:23).
• “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Proverbs 25:11).
• “But I tell you that men will have to give account on the Day of Judgment for every careless word they have spoken” (Matthew 12:36).
If we hit the pause button on our lips and think about these instructions, we can live more harmoniously with our families, friends, co-workers, acquaintances…even strangers who cross our paths. More importantly, our testimony will not be tarnished by the use of careless words. Stop and think about the visual of "concealed lips" before you snap back with a quick response to someone in your "line of fire." Use words that build up, rather than tear down. You never know when your kind words may be life-changing for someone. Choose to sow peace with your words, rather than anger…my lips are concealed.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, But only what is helpful for building others up, According to their needs,That it may benefit those who listen”(Ephesians 4:29)NIV.
I rummaged through my purse in the seat next to me as I sat waiting for the traffic light to turn green. My lips were dry and cracking from the bitter cold conditions, and I was trying to find my Chap Stick for quick relief. The light turned green, and traffic began to move. With my eyes now on the road, I kept blindly feeling for the tiny tube as I accelerated with the flow of cars.
Instead of the Chap Stick, I came upon what I thought was my lip gloss. Thankful for anything that could provide relief to my irritated lips, I grabbed the tube from the bottom of my purse. Still watching the road ahead, I unscrewed the cap and used the sponge applicator to rub the moist balm onto my lips.
At the next traffic light, I looked in the rear view mirror to check my application of lip gloss. Something did not feel quite right, and I wondered what was wrong. To my surprise, when I looked in the mirror I realized that I had applied ivory toned concealer instead of lip gloss. My lips were now the same color as the skin surrounding them!
As I looked for a tissue to wipe away my mistake, I thought about the fact that sometimes it would be best if my lips really were concealed. I recalled many times when being silent would have been a much better choice than speaking my mind. The reflection in my mirror reminded me that I frequently speak harshly to my husband or children and say things to them that I would never say to others outside my home. When stressed or frustrated, I submit to the urge to "say the last word" during an argument. More often than not, the "last word" should be eliminated from my vocabulary. There are other times when the problem might be the tone I use to speak to my loved ones; in other words, it's not what I say, but rather how I say it.
The Bible has many lessons on how we should talk to others and the types of conversations we should be having with them. Here are a few verses to meditate upon concerning our speech:
• “Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning” (Proverbs 10:13).
• “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise” (Proverbs 10:19).
• “The lips of the righteous nourish many” (Proverbs 10:21).
• “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger”
(Proverbs 15:1).
• “He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity” (Proverbs 21:23).
• “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Proverbs 25:11).
• “But I tell you that men will have to give account on the Day of Judgment for every careless word they have spoken” (Matthew 12:36).
If we hit the pause button on our lips and think about these instructions, we can live more harmoniously with our families, friends, co-workers, acquaintances…even strangers who cross our paths. More importantly, our testimony will not be tarnished by the use of careless words. Stop and think about the visual of "concealed lips" before you snap back with a quick response to someone in your "line of fire." Use words that build up, rather than tear down. You never know when your kind words may be life-changing for someone. Choose to sow peace with your words, rather than anger…my lips are concealed.
The Sandwich Generation: Make the Most of the Meal
By Heather Gearhart
Every day, at the retirement community where I work, I see women speeding around in a frenzy. Cell phones are glued to their ears and organized chaos reigns. One is organizing a bake sale for her child’s school. Another is putting the final touches on a marketing proposal for her job. All are coming to visit a loved one who is ill or disabled. These frenzied individuals are part of the sandwich generation where multi-tasking is taken to a whole new level.
The term “sandwich generation” is the name given to those individuals who are caretakers for both the younger and the older generations. The notion of caring for our children comes naturally. However, the thought of caring for our parents or another elderly loved one may not have occurred to us. When you find yourself in this situation know that the Bible gives unmistakable directive. Psalms 71:9 says, “Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth.”
Given the responsibility of caring for two generations of loved ones isn’t an easy task. The “sandwich generation” comes in many different varieties. The elderly person can be cared for at home, in a facility, locally, or even hundreds of miles away. Most care givers are women, over 40, married, employed, raising children or helping with grandchildren, and stressed to the max.
Take a look at what’s on the menu. It’s a lot to swallow.
The bread. The kids are pulling from the top for gas money, tuition and new clothes. The adults are pulling from the bottom. They need supplies, caregivers, products, and equipment.
The cheese and the meat. The care giver is the sustenance. You are now caring for two generations of loved ones. The children need you to shape their lives. They need your guidance and boundaries. The elders need support. They need independence and dignity.
The condiments: ketchup, mustard and pickle. These are the spices of life. Of course there will be ups and downs. Just think about what you will have to look back on in the years to come. When the children are gone and raising kids of their own they will have so many memories to share.
The knife, fork, and napkin. Now, you have the whole meal set in front of you. It seems like a lot to chew on, right?
Here are a few tips to make the most of your sandwich:
* Have those uncomfortable conversations sooner than later. Ask about living wills, advanced directives, do not resuscitate (DNR) orders and funeral arrangements. Chances are your loved one has already made these plans or has ideas about them.
• If you need to draft any of the above documents, know that each state has different rules and some documents are not honored if your loved one moves or even travels across state lines. Be sure to consult with a professional.
• Find out if your elderly loved one is making the most of benefits they are entitled to. A good place to start is www.medicare.gov. Also, obtaining a durable power of attorney will allow you to be able to act on their behalf when and if the time comes.
• Check out support services. If you provide in-home care you need to plan for relief. Most assisted living facilities offer respite services for short-term stays. There are adult day care programs that will care for your loved one while you work. PACE (Program for All-inclusive Care for the Elderly) is a new hybrid that combines in-home care with an adult day program. More information on PACE can be found at www.PACE4you.org.
• If you live far from your loved ones, you could enlist the services of a care manager. They are available to coordinate services locally. You can find additional information on care managers at www.caremanager.org.
• Don’t forget about other informal support. Your friends, family and church are there to offer you physical, emotional and spiritual support. Be sure to ask for help. Many times your friends and family are willing. They just don’t know what you need. Tell them.
Do you want fries with that? Don’t forget to save room for rest of the meal. Life can not and should not be a singular event. Life must be enjoyed and appreciated. Be sure to fill your life with side dishes. Take time to take care of you. So, if you need to eat dessert first go ahead. Wash it down with a healthy does of reality. Don’t expect perfection.
Just remember to go slow. Savor it. Enjoy every last bit of it. The sandwich generation portion of your life won’t last forever. Just like that meal eaten too quickly, you will wonder where it went. Chew on each new situation a while. Don’t let problems overwhelm you. Reach out for some assistance. And most of all, remember you are neither a piece of meat caught in the middle, nor are you the sole substance for your family. You are the chef making the whole meal work well together.
Heather Gearhart has a master’s degree in long-term care administration and works for a non-profit retirement community in Blacksburg, Virginia. She enjoys spending time with her husband and daughter, extended family and family of friends.
Every day, at the retirement community where I work, I see women speeding around in a frenzy. Cell phones are glued to their ears and organized chaos reigns. One is organizing a bake sale for her child’s school. Another is putting the final touches on a marketing proposal for her job. All are coming to visit a loved one who is ill or disabled. These frenzied individuals are part of the sandwich generation where multi-tasking is taken to a whole new level.
The term “sandwich generation” is the name given to those individuals who are caretakers for both the younger and the older generations. The notion of caring for our children comes naturally. However, the thought of caring for our parents or another elderly loved one may not have occurred to us. When you find yourself in this situation know that the Bible gives unmistakable directive. Psalms 71:9 says, “Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth.”
Given the responsibility of caring for two generations of loved ones isn’t an easy task. The “sandwich generation” comes in many different varieties. The elderly person can be cared for at home, in a facility, locally, or even hundreds of miles away. Most care givers are women, over 40, married, employed, raising children or helping with grandchildren, and stressed to the max.
Take a look at what’s on the menu. It’s a lot to swallow.
The bread. The kids are pulling from the top for gas money, tuition and new clothes. The adults are pulling from the bottom. They need supplies, caregivers, products, and equipment.
The cheese and the meat. The care giver is the sustenance. You are now caring for two generations of loved ones. The children need you to shape their lives. They need your guidance and boundaries. The elders need support. They need independence and dignity.
The condiments: ketchup, mustard and pickle. These are the spices of life. Of course there will be ups and downs. Just think about what you will have to look back on in the years to come. When the children are gone and raising kids of their own they will have so many memories to share.
The knife, fork, and napkin. Now, you have the whole meal set in front of you. It seems like a lot to chew on, right?
Here are a few tips to make the most of your sandwich:
* Have those uncomfortable conversations sooner than later. Ask about living wills, advanced directives, do not resuscitate (DNR) orders and funeral arrangements. Chances are your loved one has already made these plans or has ideas about them.
• If you need to draft any of the above documents, know that each state has different rules and some documents are not honored if your loved one moves or even travels across state lines. Be sure to consult with a professional.
• Find out if your elderly loved one is making the most of benefits they are entitled to. A good place to start is www.medicare.gov. Also, obtaining a durable power of attorney will allow you to be able to act on their behalf when and if the time comes.
• Check out support services. If you provide in-home care you need to plan for relief. Most assisted living facilities offer respite services for short-term stays. There are adult day care programs that will care for your loved one while you work. PACE (Program for All-inclusive Care for the Elderly) is a new hybrid that combines in-home care with an adult day program. More information on PACE can be found at www.PACE4you.org.
• If you live far from your loved ones, you could enlist the services of a care manager. They are available to coordinate services locally. You can find additional information on care managers at www.caremanager.org.
• Don’t forget about other informal support. Your friends, family and church are there to offer you physical, emotional and spiritual support. Be sure to ask for help. Many times your friends and family are willing. They just don’t know what you need. Tell them.
Do you want fries with that? Don’t forget to save room for rest of the meal. Life can not and should not be a singular event. Life must be enjoyed and appreciated. Be sure to fill your life with side dishes. Take time to take care of you. So, if you need to eat dessert first go ahead. Wash it down with a healthy does of reality. Don’t expect perfection.
Just remember to go slow. Savor it. Enjoy every last bit of it. The sandwich generation portion of your life won’t last forever. Just like that meal eaten too quickly, you will wonder where it went. Chew on each new situation a while. Don’t let problems overwhelm you. Reach out for some assistance. And most of all, remember you are neither a piece of meat caught in the middle, nor are you the sole substance for your family. You are the chef making the whole meal work well together.
Heather Gearhart has a master’s degree in long-term care administration and works for a non-profit retirement community in Blacksburg, Virginia. She enjoys spending time with her husband and daughter, extended family and family of friends.
Choosing to Do Good
By Amanda Berry
I’ll never forget the first time I made tuna noodle casserole. It turned out to be quite an ordeal. First, I started on dinner much later than I had hoped and was pretty hungry. Next, my can opener broke and I had to borrow one from a neighbor. But I persevered and the recipe made a gigantic casserole, more than enough for dinner and plenty of leftovers for the next few days.
At the time, my husband and I had a general rule in our house: whoever didn’t cook the meal had to do the dishes. Since I had been the chef for the night, my husband handled the cleanup. Or so I thought . . .
The next morning I awoke and found my 15 x 10 tuna casserole sitting out on the kitchen counter from the night before! All of my hard work had been ruined; it all had to be dumped out. Anger boiled within me. I honestly wanted to take the leftovers and rub his nose in them (both literally and figuratively). But mercy won out. As mad as I was, I didn’t respond as my flesh had craved. I threw my masterpiece in the trash and told him about it later.
As with the tuna casserole, the thought of retribution tempted me after I learned of my husband’s pornography addiction. After the reality of it all set in, I wanted him to pay for his mistake and I wanted him to feel as bad as I did.
But thankfully, God allowed me to play out the scenario and visualize the reality of my thoughts. How would repaying my husband for the betrayal bring any good to our marriage or to our family? I acknowledged that further damage would be done if I responded in my flesh.
When I’m looking for encouragement to persevere in my quest to be a godly wife and mother, I often read Proverbs 31. I often wonder how the Proverbs 31 woman had it all together. Recently, I read the following verses and received fresh insight:
“Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:12, emphasis added).
Wow, all days mean every single day. Nowhere in this passage does it say that her husband deserved good all the time, I’m sure they had their moments. They likely had disagreements about finances, frustration from the children and just got on each other’s nerves once in awhile. And like us, she probably felt tempted to repay evil for evil when things got heated or when he hurt her in some way. But she chose to do good. She acted with grace and mercy, even when it may not have been merited.
The more I think about it, I think I may understand how she responded in this way. It all depends on focus. When I’m focused on the misdeed that’s been done to me, it’s hard to act with goodness. But when I’m focused on God and how He forgives me when I sin against Him, I can then act with mercy and do good to my husband instead of harm.
I’m thankful that God doesn’t rub my nose in the mistakes that I make. He forgives me and He desires that I extend that same forgiveness to my husband and to others — even when my casserole has been ruined or a relationship has been damaged.
Jesus says in Matthew 5:7 “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.”
In reading Proverbs 31:12, I see that it’s a deliberate choice I must make to bring my husband good and not harm. There’s a variety of ways that I can do this:
•When my husband does or says something hurtful, I will stop and pray for the Holy Spirit to guide my response instead of acting in my flesh.
•I will choose my words carefully and remember that once I speak them, they cannot be retrieved.
•I will communicate to my husband, instead of expecting him to read my mind and becoming angry when he doesn’t.
•I will remember that God calls me to forgive, even if my husband doesn’t ask for it or deserve it. I will be grateful that Jesus died for my sins and those of my husband. I acknowledge that I am not worthy or deserving of the forgiveness that God extends to me.
•I will pray for my husband and his struggle with pornography. I acknowledge that doing him good and not harm will help to restore our marriage and encourage him in his daily battle of purity.
Even years after my husband confessed his addiction, I still experience painful reminders of the betrayal. They often spring up out of the blue and send my emotions whirling. But lately when I find myself in this place, I recite Proverbs 31:12 in my head, “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”
Writing under a pen name, Amanda Berry desires to see women and their marriages restored from the devastation of pornography. Connect with her at www.healingforyourheart.com.
I’ll never forget the first time I made tuna noodle casserole. It turned out to be quite an ordeal. First, I started on dinner much later than I had hoped and was pretty hungry. Next, my can opener broke and I had to borrow one from a neighbor. But I persevered and the recipe made a gigantic casserole, more than enough for dinner and plenty of leftovers for the next few days.
At the time, my husband and I had a general rule in our house: whoever didn’t cook the meal had to do the dishes. Since I had been the chef for the night, my husband handled the cleanup. Or so I thought . . .
The next morning I awoke and found my 15 x 10 tuna casserole sitting out on the kitchen counter from the night before! All of my hard work had been ruined; it all had to be dumped out. Anger boiled within me. I honestly wanted to take the leftovers and rub his nose in them (both literally and figuratively). But mercy won out. As mad as I was, I didn’t respond as my flesh had craved. I threw my masterpiece in the trash and told him about it later.
As with the tuna casserole, the thought of retribution tempted me after I learned of my husband’s pornography addiction. After the reality of it all set in, I wanted him to pay for his mistake and I wanted him to feel as bad as I did.
But thankfully, God allowed me to play out the scenario and visualize the reality of my thoughts. How would repaying my husband for the betrayal bring any good to our marriage or to our family? I acknowledged that further damage would be done if I responded in my flesh.
When I’m looking for encouragement to persevere in my quest to be a godly wife and mother, I often read Proverbs 31. I often wonder how the Proverbs 31 woman had it all together. Recently, I read the following verses and received fresh insight:
“Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:12, emphasis added).
Wow, all days mean every single day. Nowhere in this passage does it say that her husband deserved good all the time, I’m sure they had their moments. They likely had disagreements about finances, frustration from the children and just got on each other’s nerves once in awhile. And like us, she probably felt tempted to repay evil for evil when things got heated or when he hurt her in some way. But she chose to do good. She acted with grace and mercy, even when it may not have been merited.
The more I think about it, I think I may understand how she responded in this way. It all depends on focus. When I’m focused on the misdeed that’s been done to me, it’s hard to act with goodness. But when I’m focused on God and how He forgives me when I sin against Him, I can then act with mercy and do good to my husband instead of harm.
I’m thankful that God doesn’t rub my nose in the mistakes that I make. He forgives me and He desires that I extend that same forgiveness to my husband and to others — even when my casserole has been ruined or a relationship has been damaged.
Jesus says in Matthew 5:7 “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.”
In reading Proverbs 31:12, I see that it’s a deliberate choice I must make to bring my husband good and not harm. There’s a variety of ways that I can do this:
•When my husband does or says something hurtful, I will stop and pray for the Holy Spirit to guide my response instead of acting in my flesh.
•I will choose my words carefully and remember that once I speak them, they cannot be retrieved.
•I will communicate to my husband, instead of expecting him to read my mind and becoming angry when he doesn’t.
•I will remember that God calls me to forgive, even if my husband doesn’t ask for it or deserve it. I will be grateful that Jesus died for my sins and those of my husband. I acknowledge that I am not worthy or deserving of the forgiveness that God extends to me.
•I will pray for my husband and his struggle with pornography. I acknowledge that doing him good and not harm will help to restore our marriage and encourage him in his daily battle of purity.
Even years after my husband confessed his addiction, I still experience painful reminders of the betrayal. They often spring up out of the blue and send my emotions whirling. But lately when I find myself in this place, I recite Proverbs 31:12 in my head, “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”
Writing under a pen name, Amanda Berry desires to see women and their marriages restored from the devastation of pornography. Connect with her at www.healingforyourheart.com.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Lessons from a Momma Raccoon
By Kelli Combs
“Maybe one day you will have a daughter and will get a taste of your own medicine.” These words from my mom, from many years ago, have echoed in my head recently. This is one of those times when I wish she had not been right. But, as it turns out, my mom was right most of the time.
Let’s just say I am now “there,” and one of my three children, who will remain unnamed, seems to be on a mission to challenge me daily. There is always that “one” who God uses to grow and stretch us. And my “one” just happens to be the most like me.
Yes, Lord, I get the picture.
It had not been a good week. One afternoon, I was on my way home from work and was consumed with prayer, begging God to show me how to protect my daughter. I’m so thankful He knows our kids even better than we do.
On this particular day I was specifically asking the Lord for wisdom as to how to love her through the struggles we currently found ourselves in. As I was driving, I noticed a small animal crossing the road ahead, so I began to slow my car down. As I eased closer, I was able to make out what the small, fuzzy figure was. It was the cutest little baby raccoon I have ever seen.
As I inched a little closer, the baby’s momma came out of nowhere and it was obvious that she was aware of my presence, which, for her baby, equaled danger. As she frantically looked from me to her little one, I could see the desperation in her eyes. What came next was so precious that I will never forget it.
This sweet little momma ran over and placed her body on top of her baby’s and gently tried to guide him off of the street and away from danger. Everywhere her baby went, she went. This went on for about a minute, until it became apparent that her offspring had no intention of leaving the road. It was then that our momma raccoon decided it was time for a little more aggressive “Plan B.”
Glancing nervously in my direction one last time, she picked her unassuming little rebel up by the neck and proceeded to carry him off the street and out of harm’s way. I think I laughed out loud as I watched this little one flailing and fighting to break free. I could tell it was a waste of energy because this resolved little momma wasn’t letting go until her child was a safe distance from danger. I had to wonder what was going through his little raccoon mind as momma literally dragged him off the road.
As I watched the spectacle, it occurred to me that this was a beautiful and loving answer to my prayer. I had prayed and asked the Lord if I was being too hard on my daughter. He faithfully gave me a real-life illustration in His response to my question.
What did I learn that day? There are times when we, as mothers, can gently lead our kids away from danger. Then there are those times when we have to yank them up by the nape of the neck and literally drag them to safety. Will there be times when they don’t understand and maybe even accuse us of not loving them? Will they often resist and accuse us of being mean? Yes, but it’s all worth it and it’s our job to make sure they don’t end up as road kill on the road of life.
Tears began to flow as I started to see myself as the baby raccoon, looking back on all the times that, just like that sweet momma raccoon, the Lord had to drag me, kicking and screaming, away from danger, all while I resisted and accused Him of being unfair. I now see that He was showing me love as much then as He ever had in my life. Sometimes a little tough love is in order, especially with us particularly stubborn children.
I drove away from that scene knowing I had been with Jesus. I was fully aware that these raccoons had been sent on a mission by their Creator just for me. All I could do the rest of the way home was thank the Lord for being such a personal God. I guess if He can speak through a donkey, He can surely speak through a raccoon. It’s one of the things I love most about Him.
Psalm 91:4
He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.
Kelli Combs is married to her pastor, Michael, and they are the parents of three teenagers. She is the director of a ministry that helps women in the aftermath of abortion. Her greatest passion is studying and teaching the Word of God and helping women to overcome the lies of the enemy regarding their pasts.
Coping with Alcoholism: A Mother's Perspective
By: Debbie Karis Graham
Dealing with my 25-year-old alcoholic son, Will, is a bit like a game of Candy Land. Sometimes I feel like I am coping with his disease fine, and am close to reaching the Candy Castle. Other times I feel like I am stuck in the Molasses Swamp.
The drinking hasn’t changed, but my reaction changes frequently. God has been the one constant in my life.
Alcoholism, like any other disease, has its ebbs and flows. On days when Will is not drinking, he is my fun-loving son, always armed with a joke. Usually, they are directed toward 1960’s rock icons, as that seems to be the era of music on my radio dial. We banter back and forth about Keith Richards and his latest death defying incident and laugh until we are both in tears. At that moment, I feel as I have just picked the card that will take me up the Gum Drop Mountain Pass.
Then, there are those days when Will comes home from work bathed in the stench of beer, flops in a chair, and blankly stares at the television. He usually watches the History Channel and marvels at the lives of others, while his slowly slips away into the abyss of alcoholism. These nights, I reach for my Bible, and cry.
Sometimes I can’t even open it because I am in such emotional pain. I don’t believe there are words in there to help me through the night or even the next five minutes. I hold the thick black book tightly to my chest and run my fingers along the indentation of the gold cross on the cover. Then a sense of peace comes over me. God is there waiting.
We have traveled this road for three years and his drinking has taken its toll on every aspect of life, including my faith, my marriage, my job and my health. Many sleepless nights have left me terribly unproductive at work and not the wife described in Proverbs. I don’t “laugh at the days to come (Proverbs 31:25).” Instead, I fear them. When is the next call from the police saying, “We have your son in custody for drunken driving?” Or, I wait for an officer to knock on my door with the sad news, “I am sorry to tell you ma’am, but…”
I have come to the harsh realization that I can not do anything about his drinking. A shopping trip to the mall, a favorite dinner, bribes (although I like to call it the incentive program), and even now AA has not and will not stop him until he chooses to change. But, I can do something about the way I respond to it.
I have decided to get serious about taking control over my own life and doing a spiritual inventory. I have often read, “If you can worry, you can pray.” Sometimes my prayers are scarcely nothing more than, “God, please help us.” But, that is a start.
Lately, Psalm 91 comes to mind: “He who dwells in the shelter of the Lord most high will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” Rest. I like the sound of that word. It evokes many good feelings. Then a sense of peace comes over me. God is there waiting. All I have to do is draw the right card to get unstuck and I can proceed on my journey. Maybe one day I’ll make it to the Candy Castle.
Debbie Karis Graham is both a secular and Christian writer of personal essays, mainly for and about women. She has been published in newspapers throughout New Hampshire and also in the Washington Post. Her goal is to raise awareness on personal topics that are sometimes otherwise not discussed and empower women who might be struggling with these issues.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Simplify Christmas
Looking for ways to simplify your Christmas? Try these ideas from the P31 staff and start making more of the Christmas season--with less.
One way our family simplifies holiday gatherings is to take the potluck approach to dinner. The host family prepares a turkey and/or ham and other family members bring side dishes, desserts and disposable tableware. We organize who is bringing what via email. This takes a lot of pressure off of the host family and spreads the cost and responsibility among everyone.
Janet Burke, Assistant Editor, P31 Woman
My family is very simple in our Christmas outdoor decorating. We might have a wreath and a strand of lights around the door. On Christmas Eve, our home takes on a more traditional decoration: Luminarias. I grew up, and still live, in Arizona. This is a traditional Southwestern tradition that has spread across the country. Here, on Christmas Eve, we line our walkways with paper bags, lit from within by candles sitting in a bit of sand. It’s very simple, but it’s a way to welcome Jesus to our world.
Glynnis Whitwer, Editor, P31 Woman
Until Christmas Eve, nothing goes under the tree except the nativity scene. That way we focus on the true gift of Christmas and… everyone that comes over asks us why there is only a nativity scene under our tree, so it provides an opportunity to share our hearts.
We hang a stocking for Jesus. I ask visitors not to bring gifts but, instead, bring a gift card to a local grocery store. We give the cards to our pastor so he can distribute to needy families during the holidays.
LeAnn Rice, Executive Director
Give the gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Instead of flooding your family members with gifts in large numbers, focus on quality instead. Narrow your choices down to a few significant items that communicate love, inspire creativity, and encourage growth in Christ.
Adopt the advent calendar. Lengthen your season of celebration by following an advent calendar. Try spreading your special traditions and events over the weeks leading up to and following Christ’s birth, instead of cramming everything into a couple of whirlwind days.
Make it personal. Instead of buying into the commercialization of Christmas, consider which decorations, foods, or gifts you and your family members can make. Discover the joy and satisfaction of being creative together.
Carve out quiet times. Gather your favorite Christmas books and your Bible, and commit to a time of quiet each day. Read a short selection, sip some tea, and slow down long enough to take it all in.
Reach out. What do you do best during the holidays? And what do those close to you do best? Offer to exchange skills to maximize your time and abilities. Allow others to help with things that burden you—and offer your help in areas that light you up.
Don’t overdo it. Make a list of the most cherished parts of your holiday celebration—making sure to get your family’s input. Stick to those things that are truly meaningful and keep you focused on Christ. Allow these to take deeper root in your family’s traditions and let the less significant, distracting things go.
Janine Petry, P31 Woman Editing Team
Last Christmas my husband and I committed to spending less money on the “stuff” of Christmas and spending more time on the “spirit” of it. That meant we needed to get creative about gift giving. Instead of traditional presents, we gave the gift of our presence. We looked at our relationships and decided how we could invest time in each of them. Then we got busy making coupons. I gave my husband coupons for coffee dates, dinner and movie dates, long walks and even some to “get off the computer now!” We made coupons for things like weekly phone calls to long-distance parents, quarterly lunches with out-of-touch siblings and offers to help with home improvements. Our families loved these presents and best of all our gifts kept giving long after the wrappings of Christmas were thrown away. It’s a tradition we plan to continue.
Kelli Regan, P31 Woman Editing Team
One way our family simplifies holiday gatherings is to take the potluck approach to dinner. The host family prepares a turkey and/or ham and other family members bring side dishes, desserts and disposable tableware. We organize who is bringing what via email. This takes a lot of pressure off of the host family and spreads the cost and responsibility among everyone.
Janet Burke, Assistant Editor, P31 Woman
My family is very simple in our Christmas outdoor decorating. We might have a wreath and a strand of lights around the door. On Christmas Eve, our home takes on a more traditional decoration: Luminarias. I grew up, and still live, in Arizona. This is a traditional Southwestern tradition that has spread across the country. Here, on Christmas Eve, we line our walkways with paper bags, lit from within by candles sitting in a bit of sand. It’s very simple, but it’s a way to welcome Jesus to our world.
Glynnis Whitwer, Editor, P31 Woman
Until Christmas Eve, nothing goes under the tree except the nativity scene. That way we focus on the true gift of Christmas and… everyone that comes over asks us why there is only a nativity scene under our tree, so it provides an opportunity to share our hearts.
We hang a stocking for Jesus. I ask visitors not to bring gifts but, instead, bring a gift card to a local grocery store. We give the cards to our pastor so he can distribute to needy families during the holidays.
LeAnn Rice, Executive Director
Give the gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Instead of flooding your family members with gifts in large numbers, focus on quality instead. Narrow your choices down to a few significant items that communicate love, inspire creativity, and encourage growth in Christ.
Adopt the advent calendar. Lengthen your season of celebration by following an advent calendar. Try spreading your special traditions and events over the weeks leading up to and following Christ’s birth, instead of cramming everything into a couple of whirlwind days.
Make it personal. Instead of buying into the commercialization of Christmas, consider which decorations, foods, or gifts you and your family members can make. Discover the joy and satisfaction of being creative together.
Carve out quiet times. Gather your favorite Christmas books and your Bible, and commit to a time of quiet each day. Read a short selection, sip some tea, and slow down long enough to take it all in.
Reach out. What do you do best during the holidays? And what do those close to you do best? Offer to exchange skills to maximize your time and abilities. Allow others to help with things that burden you—and offer your help in areas that light you up.
Don’t overdo it. Make a list of the most cherished parts of your holiday celebration—making sure to get your family’s input. Stick to those things that are truly meaningful and keep you focused on Christ. Allow these to take deeper root in your family’s traditions and let the less significant, distracting things go.
Janine Petry, P31 Woman Editing Team
Last Christmas my husband and I committed to spending less money on the “stuff” of Christmas and spending more time on the “spirit” of it. That meant we needed to get creative about gift giving. Instead of traditional presents, we gave the gift of our presence. We looked at our relationships and decided how we could invest time in each of them. Then we got busy making coupons. I gave my husband coupons for coffee dates, dinner and movie dates, long walks and even some to “get off the computer now!” We made coupons for things like weekly phone calls to long-distance parents, quarterly lunches with out-of-touch siblings and offers to help with home improvements. Our families loved these presents and best of all our gifts kept giving long after the wrappings of Christmas were thrown away. It’s a tradition we plan to continue.
Kelli Regan, P31 Woman Editing Team
It Came Upon a Twilight Clear
By Patsy O’Shea
I have always admired and coveted those beautifully decorated Christmas trees that are in department stores and magazines. The decorations on them are so in sync with their individualized colors and themes. If there are classes on tree decorating or a how-to manual, I haven’t attended the class or read the book.
You see, if I were to describe to you the decorations on my annual Christmas tree, in comparison to those in a department stores, it would be called “Hand-Me Down” There’s no particular color or theme carried throughout my tree.
Most ornaments placed on our tree were given to us as an expression of love. Baby’s First Christmas ornaments, those from cherished girl friends, and ornaments our children made in school as gifts to mom and dad. Then, there are ornaments from friends who have moved far away, but left lasting impressions on our hearts and lives. Each year when I bring out the box of decorations, I sit and reminisce over each ornament and the one who gave it.
But there is one particular ornament that brings tears to my eyes every year. It too has become a part of my special tree ornament collection. It arrived one snowy evening many years ago.
With only one week away until Christmas, my two elementary aged children and I were working furiously in the kitchen making our Christmas cookies. The room could only be described, and remembered by a mother, as a Norman Rockwell moment.
My young children’s faces and hair were dusted with flour. Their little hands and lips showed signs of licks from colored frosting and stuck on sprinkles. Our counters and table held a variety of bowls of cookie dough, and plastic Christmas cutters. Cups of hot chocolate overflowed with mounds of marshmallows. The room itself was filled with Christmas music and the aroma of fresh baked cookies.
During these very nostalgic moments, my door bell rang. I quickly wiped my hands on my apron and I rushed to answer it. As the light went on, I looked down, and to my surprise stood a small little boy. He was holding a flat white box.
The light revealed a worn coat and hat that wouldn’t have been warm enough on that cold, snowy night. As I opened the outer storm door, my eye caught a glimpse of an older model station wagon parked next to our street curb, with its lights dimmed and motor running.
We greeted each other, but before telling me his reason for being there he opened the lid of his box. Inside, on top of white tissue paper, laid neatly placed handmade clear plastic beaded ornaments. They were in the shape of Christmas wreaths. Each one had a red velvet ribbon tied at the bottom. Some were larger than others. Some were all green, while others were crystal clear. Each had a small price tag stuck on it. The smaller ones were $1, the medium were $3, and there was one in the middle. It was the largest and it was $5.
When the boy spoke, he told me that his mother had made each one, and they were selling them to make money to buy Christmas presents. He then pointed to the big one in the middle and said, “This one is the prettiest.”
I was flooded with mixed emotions. I wanted to pick him up and hug him. I wanted to invite him in for cookies and hot chocolate. But, I thought what I really needed to do at that very moment was to show respect that was due and treat his visit to my home as a normal business transaction. For all I knew, this may have been their only means of buying gifts that year.
I agreed to make a purchase. While leaving the door to get money, I noticed the boy turning back to look at the car. Perhaps it was a gesture to say a sale had been made.
Unfortunately, the only cash on hand was a $10 bill. I wanted to buy every one of the ornaments; however I knew a check wouldn’t do. Returning to the door, I made my selections very carefully to equal the money I had. To his delight, I included the prettiest one in the middle.
Each year as I put my tree up and place all my love ornaments, I proudly display the hand made beaded wreaths. I make sure the prettiest one from the middle has a special spot on the tree. All the while, I remember with tears the little boy at the door who came proudly to my home selling his mother’s very special ornaments. This little family brought the true gift of love to my home.
I have always admired and coveted those beautifully decorated Christmas trees that are in department stores and magazines. The decorations on them are so in sync with their individualized colors and themes. If there are classes on tree decorating or a how-to manual, I haven’t attended the class or read the book.
You see, if I were to describe to you the decorations on my annual Christmas tree, in comparison to those in a department stores, it would be called “Hand-Me Down” There’s no particular color or theme carried throughout my tree.
Most ornaments placed on our tree were given to us as an expression of love. Baby’s First Christmas ornaments, those from cherished girl friends, and ornaments our children made in school as gifts to mom and dad. Then, there are ornaments from friends who have moved far away, but left lasting impressions on our hearts and lives. Each year when I bring out the box of decorations, I sit and reminisce over each ornament and the one who gave it.
But there is one particular ornament that brings tears to my eyes every year. It too has become a part of my special tree ornament collection. It arrived one snowy evening many years ago.
With only one week away until Christmas, my two elementary aged children and I were working furiously in the kitchen making our Christmas cookies. The room could only be described, and remembered by a mother, as a Norman Rockwell moment.
My young children’s faces and hair were dusted with flour. Their little hands and lips showed signs of licks from colored frosting and stuck on sprinkles. Our counters and table held a variety of bowls of cookie dough, and plastic Christmas cutters. Cups of hot chocolate overflowed with mounds of marshmallows. The room itself was filled with Christmas music and the aroma of fresh baked cookies.
During these very nostalgic moments, my door bell rang. I quickly wiped my hands on my apron and I rushed to answer it. As the light went on, I looked down, and to my surprise stood a small little boy. He was holding a flat white box.
The light revealed a worn coat and hat that wouldn’t have been warm enough on that cold, snowy night. As I opened the outer storm door, my eye caught a glimpse of an older model station wagon parked next to our street curb, with its lights dimmed and motor running.
We greeted each other, but before telling me his reason for being there he opened the lid of his box. Inside, on top of white tissue paper, laid neatly placed handmade clear plastic beaded ornaments. They were in the shape of Christmas wreaths. Each one had a red velvet ribbon tied at the bottom. Some were larger than others. Some were all green, while others were crystal clear. Each had a small price tag stuck on it. The smaller ones were $1, the medium were $3, and there was one in the middle. It was the largest and it was $5.
When the boy spoke, he told me that his mother had made each one, and they were selling them to make money to buy Christmas presents. He then pointed to the big one in the middle and said, “This one is the prettiest.”
I was flooded with mixed emotions. I wanted to pick him up and hug him. I wanted to invite him in for cookies and hot chocolate. But, I thought what I really needed to do at that very moment was to show respect that was due and treat his visit to my home as a normal business transaction. For all I knew, this may have been their only means of buying gifts that year.
I agreed to make a purchase. While leaving the door to get money, I noticed the boy turning back to look at the car. Perhaps it was a gesture to say a sale had been made.
Unfortunately, the only cash on hand was a $10 bill. I wanted to buy every one of the ornaments; however I knew a check wouldn’t do. Returning to the door, I made my selections very carefully to equal the money I had. To his delight, I included the prettiest one in the middle.
Each year as I put my tree up and place all my love ornaments, I proudly display the hand made beaded wreaths. I make sure the prettiest one from the middle has a special spot on the tree. All the while, I remember with tears the little boy at the door who came proudly to my home selling his mother’s very special ornaments. This little family brought the true gift of love to my home.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Practical Tips for Caregivers
by Angela Pisel
Most women at one time in their life will be called upon to be a caregiver. Whether it is for a chronically ill child or an aging parent, here are some tips to help you keep the added responsibility in perspective.
· Remember that even Jesus rested. Prioritize time for yourself to rejuvenate. Consider “me” time a necessity, not a luxury.
· Ask God to reveal what He is trying to teach you through this situation. Thank God (whether you feel like it or not) for giving you the opportunity to be a servant to others.
· Think about the emotional and spiritual needs of the person you are helping. These needs, although often unspoken, are critical to the healing process.
· Don’t feel guilty about asking for help. No one can do this alone. Find one person you can vent to when the situation seems overwhelming.
· Care giving is for a season. Other responsibilities on your to-do list may need to slide.
· Go online and search for “resources for caregivers.” You will find links for valuable information on various topics such as governmental assistance and tips on ways to avoid burnout.
Angela Pisel is a freelance writer, speaker and Christian life coach who lives in Hickory, North Carolina. She is the author of the book “Praying for Your Kids Character – 31 Ways in 31 Days.” She and her husband, Greg are the proud parents of four children. She can be contacted at angelapisel@gmail.com.
Most women at one time in their life will be called upon to be a caregiver. Whether it is for a chronically ill child or an aging parent, here are some tips to help you keep the added responsibility in perspective.
· Remember that even Jesus rested. Prioritize time for yourself to rejuvenate. Consider “me” time a necessity, not a luxury.
· Ask God to reveal what He is trying to teach you through this situation. Thank God (whether you feel like it or not) for giving you the opportunity to be a servant to others.
· Think about the emotional and spiritual needs of the person you are helping. These needs, although often unspoken, are critical to the healing process.
· Don’t feel guilty about asking for help. No one can do this alone. Find one person you can vent to when the situation seems overwhelming.
· Care giving is for a season. Other responsibilities on your to-do list may need to slide.
· Go online and search for “resources for caregivers.” You will find links for valuable information on various topics such as governmental assistance and tips on ways to avoid burnout.
Angela Pisel is a freelance writer, speaker and Christian life coach who lives in Hickory, North Carolina. She is the author of the book “Praying for Your Kids Character – 31 Ways in 31 Days.” She and her husband, Greg are the proud parents of four children. She can be contacted at angelapisel@gmail.com.
Who Makes a Family?
By LeAnn Rice
Between the loss of my husband, Ron, and living on the opposite coast from my parents and in-laws, holidays felt mighty lonely. Empty chairs around the table, fewer stockings hung, and wrapping presents alone made me keenly aware of the smallness of my family of two. But letting people in is not easy for me. Loss and betrayal have resulted in protective walls around my heart. Big ones. Walls to keep me from being hurt again.
For years, I was so afraid of letting anyone in that I found myself completely alone with my sweet little boy who didn’t understand why our home wasn’t filled with family on special occasions and why there were so many empty chairs at our dinner table. I knew I desired our home to be filled with people, laughter and memories, but how could I make that happen?
I didn’t know, but God did. Over the years, God put little cracks in my walls and brought a handful of treasured friends to fill the empty chairs around our table and the voids in our lives.
~ Friends who fill in the gaps when I am unable to pick Nick up from school.
~ Friends who include us in family celebrations.
~ Friends who take care of home repairs that are beyond my capabilities.
~ Friends who let me be “Aunt LeLe” to their children.
~ Friends who notice that Nick needs a positive male role model in his life and someone to hit a tennis ball with.
~ Friends who help with the yard work in our overgrown forest of weeds and leaves.
~ Friends who notice that I don’t always fit in, so they find ways to fit me into their lives.
~ Friends who continue to eat my kitchen experiments no matter how many times I set
off the smoke alarm.
I may not have the life I imagined or hoped for, but it is my life and I am grateful for the blessings of family and friends who love Nick and me and fill in some of the empty spaces in our hearts.
I have to be honest though…I miss the holidays I used to have. Yes, I feel loved when my new “family” gathers for a big Thanksgiving dinner or a Christmas celebration. But, they have families of their own: parents, siblings, or in-laws to visit on Christmas, so our celebration takes place on a different day. Christmas morning comes around and it is still just Nick and me sitting by the tree. Well… except for that spoiled rotten cat of ours.
If you find yourself in the same situation here are a few ideas that I hope will help get you through the holidays:
• Find a family or organization that needs something you can offer. It may be bringing ingredients for Thanksgiving dinner to a family that can’t afford a turkey and fixings. Maybe a family needs help purchasing and wrapping presents for their children who would otherwise have no gifts under their Christmas tree. Collect warm coats, blankets and socks for a homeless shelter. Help a shut-in write and send Christmas cards to friends and family. Simply find a need (and there is always a need) that you are gifted and have a heart for, and fill it.
• See if there are others who will be alone on a holiday and celebrate together. Prepare and serve a “family” meal or have everyone bring a dish to share. Maybe include a silly game to keep the mood lively.
• Volunteer to serve a holiday meal at a local soup kitchen.
I have found that doing for others makes me feel so much better. It takes the focus off of me, and I am blessed to be a blessing to someone else.
Maybe your situation is different. Maybe your home will be filled with family and friends this holiday season. Do you know someone who will be alone? Consider opening your home and heart to include them in your celebration. But please do not be offended if they say “no.” Sometimes it is actually harder to be a part of someone else’s celebration because it brings back memories of what you once had. But, even when I say “no,” it means so much to have been invited…to feel like I matter to someone.
Whether you are alone this holiday season, or you have a house brimming with family, I pray that God reveals Himself to you in a very real and tangible way. May He be all that you need. May He fill every empty space. May He draw you nearer to His heart.
Sweet Blessings,
LeAnn
LeAnn Rice is the Executive Director of Proverbs 31 Ministries. She lives with her 17-year-old son, Nick, and their ornery cat, Angel, in a small town just outside of Charlotte, NC. LeAnn shares hope and inspiration on her site www.AWidowsMight.org and recipes, grace, and southern hospitality on www.SheCooks.org.
Between the loss of my husband, Ron, and living on the opposite coast from my parents and in-laws, holidays felt mighty lonely. Empty chairs around the table, fewer stockings hung, and wrapping presents alone made me keenly aware of the smallness of my family of two. But letting people in is not easy for me. Loss and betrayal have resulted in protective walls around my heart. Big ones. Walls to keep me from being hurt again.
For years, I was so afraid of letting anyone in that I found myself completely alone with my sweet little boy who didn’t understand why our home wasn’t filled with family on special occasions and why there were so many empty chairs at our dinner table. I knew I desired our home to be filled with people, laughter and memories, but how could I make that happen?
I didn’t know, but God did. Over the years, God put little cracks in my walls and brought a handful of treasured friends to fill the empty chairs around our table and the voids in our lives.
~ Friends who fill in the gaps when I am unable to pick Nick up from school.
~ Friends who include us in family celebrations.
~ Friends who take care of home repairs that are beyond my capabilities.
~ Friends who let me be “Aunt LeLe” to their children.
~ Friends who notice that Nick needs a positive male role model in his life and someone to hit a tennis ball with.
~ Friends who help with the yard work in our overgrown forest of weeds and leaves.
~ Friends who notice that I don’t always fit in, so they find ways to fit me into their lives.
~ Friends who continue to eat my kitchen experiments no matter how many times I set
off the smoke alarm.
I may not have the life I imagined or hoped for, but it is my life and I am grateful for the blessings of family and friends who love Nick and me and fill in some of the empty spaces in our hearts.
I have to be honest though…I miss the holidays I used to have. Yes, I feel loved when my new “family” gathers for a big Thanksgiving dinner or a Christmas celebration. But, they have families of their own: parents, siblings, or in-laws to visit on Christmas, so our celebration takes place on a different day. Christmas morning comes around and it is still just Nick and me sitting by the tree. Well… except for that spoiled rotten cat of ours.
If you find yourself in the same situation here are a few ideas that I hope will help get you through the holidays:
• Find a family or organization that needs something you can offer. It may be bringing ingredients for Thanksgiving dinner to a family that can’t afford a turkey and fixings. Maybe a family needs help purchasing and wrapping presents for their children who would otherwise have no gifts under their Christmas tree. Collect warm coats, blankets and socks for a homeless shelter. Help a shut-in write and send Christmas cards to friends and family. Simply find a need (and there is always a need) that you are gifted and have a heart for, and fill it.
• See if there are others who will be alone on a holiday and celebrate together. Prepare and serve a “family” meal or have everyone bring a dish to share. Maybe include a silly game to keep the mood lively.
• Volunteer to serve a holiday meal at a local soup kitchen.
I have found that doing for others makes me feel so much better. It takes the focus off of me, and I am blessed to be a blessing to someone else.
Maybe your situation is different. Maybe your home will be filled with family and friends this holiday season. Do you know someone who will be alone? Consider opening your home and heart to include them in your celebration. But please do not be offended if they say “no.” Sometimes it is actually harder to be a part of someone else’s celebration because it brings back memories of what you once had. But, even when I say “no,” it means so much to have been invited…to feel like I matter to someone.
Whether you are alone this holiday season, or you have a house brimming with family, I pray that God reveals Himself to you in a very real and tangible way. May He be all that you need. May He fill every empty space. May He draw you nearer to His heart.
Sweet Blessings,
LeAnn
LeAnn Rice is the Executive Director of Proverbs 31 Ministries. She lives with her 17-year-old son, Nick, and their ornery cat, Angel, in a small town just outside of Charlotte, NC. LeAnn shares hope and inspiration on her site www.AWidowsMight.org and recipes, grace, and southern hospitality on www.SheCooks.org.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Overcoming Perfectionism
by Rachel Olsen
Do you feel most of what you do is never quite good enough?
Do you avoid starting tasks for worry you’ll fail?
Do you think “average” is an ugly word?
If so, rather than working toward success, you are probably trying to be flawless from start to finish. It’s likely you are plagued by perfectionism.
I know; I’ve been there.
Perfectionism refers to a set of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching excessively high or unrealistic goals. Mistakenly believed necessary for success, perfectionism is often detrimental. It can rob us of a sense of personal satisfaction or achievement, damage our relationships, and prevent us from reaching our potential.
In fact, research shows women who demand perfection from themselves often achieve less than women with more realistic strivings. Surprised?
Causes of Perfectionism
A number of negative thoughts, feelings, and beliefs can drive our perfectionistic tendencies:
• Fear of failure. Perfectionists often equate failure to achieve with a lack of personal worth or value. (God tells us we have value because we are made by Him, in His image, for His plans and pleasure.)
• Fear of making mistakes. Perfectionists often equate mistakes with failure – and therefore, with a lack of personal worth. In orienting their lives around avoiding mistakes, perfectionists miss opportunities to learn and grow.
• Fear of disapproval. Perfectionists often believe if they let others see their flaws, they will no longer be accepted. Trying to be perfect is a way of trying to avoid criticism, disapproval, and rejection. (Christ was criticized, disapproved of, and rejected – and He was truly perfect.)
• All-or-none thinking. Perfectionists frequently believe they are failures if their accomplishments are not perfect from start to finish. Every part must be flawless. They deny the learning curve and discount the process of “failing forward.”
• Belief that others are easily successful. Perfectionists tend to perceive others as achieving success with a minimum of effort, few or no errors, little emotional stress, and maximum self-confidence. This of course is inaccurate. At the same time, perfectionists view their own efforts and confidence as uncommonly inadequate.
A Harmful Cycle
Perfectionistic attitudes start a frustrating cycle in motion. First, perfectionists set unreachable goals based on unrealistic expectations. Second, they fail to meet their often well-out-of-reach goals. Third, they become anxious and self-critical over their failure. Finally, rather than realizing the true problem, they demand a perfect performance next time or avoid the pursuit entirely.
Also, without realizing it, perfectionists can apply their unrealistically high standards to others, becoming critical and demanding. Their frequent lack of grace damages their relationships. Furthermore, perfectionists may avoid letting people see their mistakes, not realizing that self-disclosure allows others to perceive them as more human and thus more likeable. Because of this, perfectionists often have difficulty being close to people and they create unsatisfying relationships – which only confirms in their mind their lack of value or their need to strive harder.
What to do About Perfectionism
The first step in moving from a performance-based attitude of perfectionism to a grace-based attitude of healthy striving and dependence on Christ is to realize that perfection, instantly or in everything, is simply unattainable. And the pursuit of it is counterproductive.
The next step is to challenge the self-defeating thoughts and behaviors that fuel your perfectionism. Some of the following strategies - many outlined by the counseling center at the University of Illinois - may help:
• Set realistic, reachable goals based on what you have accomplished in the past. This will enable you to rein in unrealistic expectations and experience the satisfaction of achievement.
• Set subsequent goals in a sequential manner. As you reach a goal, set your next goal one step beyond your present level of accomplishment.
• Relax your standards for success. Choose any activity and instead of aiming for 100 percent, try for 90 percent, 80 percent, or even 70 percent success. This will help you to realize that the world does not end when you are less than perfect.
• Learn to discriminate the tasks you want to give high priority to from those tasks that are less important to you. On less important tasks, choose to put forth less effort in favor of increased rest and emotional stability.
• Focus on the process of doing an activity, not just on the end result. Evaluate your success not only in terms of what you accomplished but also in terms of how you accomplished it. Did you remain calm? Did you learn something new along the way? Did you enjoy the process?
• Use feelings of anxiety and depression as opportunities to ask yourself, “Have I set impossible expectations for myself in this situation?”
• Confront the fears that may be behind your perfectionism by asking yourself, “What am I afraid of? What is the worst thing that could happen?”
• Recall a recent mistake you made and list all the things you can learn from it. Mistakes are powerful learning tools.
• Pray daily, giving your stresses and to-do list to Christ to oversee. Remember that His priority is your character and relationships over your accomplishments.
As perfectionists, we’ve come to believe our value – in God’s or other people’s eyes – is irrevocably linked to our performance. In a quest to be accepted and loved, we set out to be flawless. This is both unnecessary and unproductive.
So pull out a sheet of paper and write out in your own words the reasons why your perfection is unnecessary and unproductive. Don’t worry if it is well-worded or commas are in the right place. And in the process, you’ll begin to overcome the plague of perfectionism.
Rachel Olsen is a woman who seeks to savor life with Christ and help others find that sweet spot as well. A writer, speaker and editor with Proverbs 31 Ministries, Rachel communicates biblical truths modern women need to know. To learn more, read her recent release “It’s No Secret: Revealing Divine Truths Every Woman Should Know.”
Do you feel most of what you do is never quite good enough?
Do you avoid starting tasks for worry you’ll fail?
Do you think “average” is an ugly word?
If so, rather than working toward success, you are probably trying to be flawless from start to finish. It’s likely you are plagued by perfectionism.
I know; I’ve been there.
Perfectionism refers to a set of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching excessively high or unrealistic goals. Mistakenly believed necessary for success, perfectionism is often detrimental. It can rob us of a sense of personal satisfaction or achievement, damage our relationships, and prevent us from reaching our potential.
In fact, research shows women who demand perfection from themselves often achieve less than women with more realistic strivings. Surprised?
Causes of Perfectionism
A number of negative thoughts, feelings, and beliefs can drive our perfectionistic tendencies:
• Fear of failure. Perfectionists often equate failure to achieve with a lack of personal worth or value. (God tells us we have value because we are made by Him, in His image, for His plans and pleasure.)
• Fear of making mistakes. Perfectionists often equate mistakes with failure – and therefore, with a lack of personal worth. In orienting their lives around avoiding mistakes, perfectionists miss opportunities to learn and grow.
• Fear of disapproval. Perfectionists often believe if they let others see their flaws, they will no longer be accepted. Trying to be perfect is a way of trying to avoid criticism, disapproval, and rejection. (Christ was criticized, disapproved of, and rejected – and He was truly perfect.)
• All-or-none thinking. Perfectionists frequently believe they are failures if their accomplishments are not perfect from start to finish. Every part must be flawless. They deny the learning curve and discount the process of “failing forward.”
• Belief that others are easily successful. Perfectionists tend to perceive others as achieving success with a minimum of effort, few or no errors, little emotional stress, and maximum self-confidence. This of course is inaccurate. At the same time, perfectionists view their own efforts and confidence as uncommonly inadequate.
A Harmful Cycle
Perfectionistic attitudes start a frustrating cycle in motion. First, perfectionists set unreachable goals based on unrealistic expectations. Second, they fail to meet their often well-out-of-reach goals. Third, they become anxious and self-critical over their failure. Finally, rather than realizing the true problem, they demand a perfect performance next time or avoid the pursuit entirely.
Also, without realizing it, perfectionists can apply their unrealistically high standards to others, becoming critical and demanding. Their frequent lack of grace damages their relationships. Furthermore, perfectionists may avoid letting people see their mistakes, not realizing that self-disclosure allows others to perceive them as more human and thus more likeable. Because of this, perfectionists often have difficulty being close to people and they create unsatisfying relationships – which only confirms in their mind their lack of value or their need to strive harder.
What to do About Perfectionism
The first step in moving from a performance-based attitude of perfectionism to a grace-based attitude of healthy striving and dependence on Christ is to realize that perfection, instantly or in everything, is simply unattainable. And the pursuit of it is counterproductive.
The next step is to challenge the self-defeating thoughts and behaviors that fuel your perfectionism. Some of the following strategies - many outlined by the counseling center at the University of Illinois - may help:
• Set realistic, reachable goals based on what you have accomplished in the past. This will enable you to rein in unrealistic expectations and experience the satisfaction of achievement.
• Set subsequent goals in a sequential manner. As you reach a goal, set your next goal one step beyond your present level of accomplishment.
• Relax your standards for success. Choose any activity and instead of aiming for 100 percent, try for 90 percent, 80 percent, or even 70 percent success. This will help you to realize that the world does not end when you are less than perfect.
• Learn to discriminate the tasks you want to give high priority to from those tasks that are less important to you. On less important tasks, choose to put forth less effort in favor of increased rest and emotional stability.
• Focus on the process of doing an activity, not just on the end result. Evaluate your success not only in terms of what you accomplished but also in terms of how you accomplished it. Did you remain calm? Did you learn something new along the way? Did you enjoy the process?
• Use feelings of anxiety and depression as opportunities to ask yourself, “Have I set impossible expectations for myself in this situation?”
• Confront the fears that may be behind your perfectionism by asking yourself, “What am I afraid of? What is the worst thing that could happen?”
• Recall a recent mistake you made and list all the things you can learn from it. Mistakes are powerful learning tools.
• Pray daily, giving your stresses and to-do list to Christ to oversee. Remember that His priority is your character and relationships over your accomplishments.
As perfectionists, we’ve come to believe our value – in God’s or other people’s eyes – is irrevocably linked to our performance. In a quest to be accepted and loved, we set out to be flawless. This is both unnecessary and unproductive.
So pull out a sheet of paper and write out in your own words the reasons why your perfection is unnecessary and unproductive. Don’t worry if it is well-worded or commas are in the right place. And in the process, you’ll begin to overcome the plague of perfectionism.
Rachel Olsen is a woman who seeks to savor life with Christ and help others find that sweet spot as well. A writer, speaker and editor with Proverbs 31 Ministries, Rachel communicates biblical truths modern women need to know. To learn more, read her recent release “It’s No Secret: Revealing Divine Truths Every Woman Should Know.”
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Tips for Preparing Your Child for Challenges
By Glynnis Whitwer
The promise of a new school year burns bright this time of year. Crisp white paper and sharpened pencils are at the ready, as excited children (and moms) fill clean, new backpacks with supplies. Back-to-school shopping has restocked the closets with shoes that fit, jeans that are long enough and jackets to replace the ones that were left on the playground in March.
By the first day of school, parents will have prepared their children well. But, have they thought of everything? Have parents prepared their children to deal with the anxiety of change, the fear of harder tests and the possible bullying from a new classmate?
Sadly, most of us don’t know how to prepare our children for the emotional challenges of school. We tend to find out about issues when they have escalated into problems. This year, I’d like to share a few tips for preparing children to deal with some of the most common problems they might face in the coming months.
Stress
People get stressed when pressures accumulate faster than our ability to adapt, last longer than our ability to maintain control, or our internal makeup is unable to deal with problems. Given that children have very little control over their circumstances, they are at a great risk of facing stress. Here are a few things parents can do:
· Create a stress-free environment at home. Establishing calming routines in the mornings, afternoons and evenings give your children a chance to regroup.
· Limit extra-curricular activities for all family members. Parents can model healthy activity loads when children are very young. Lots of time at home enables you to finish homework, study for test and work on projects without stress.
· Honor the Sabbath. This is difficult for most families, but it was God’s design for a day of well-needed rest. Try and build in a day where everyone is free to celebrate life together.
Fear
Many children will deal with fear at school. Fear often manifests itself with physical symptoms before your child will be able to communicate his emotions. Be attuned to slight hesitancy, upset stomachs or difficulty sleeping. What you can do:
· Establish a culture of openness at home. Always take your child’s fear seriously and investigate a concern. Your child will grow to trust that you will take her seriously.
· Desensitize your child. If your child is naturally hesitant and fearful, introduce new situations gradually. If the start of school is fearful, then practice walking to school the week before. Talk through possible situations. If you’ve never be separated before, then have some practice runs where you leave your child at a friend’s house for a short time and then return.
· Have an action plan. Play the “What If?” game. What if mom isn’t there to pick you up? What if you forget your lunch? What if you get picked on at recess? Talk though the potentially fearful situations and have a plan.
Bullying
Sadly, bullies are a part of life. Statistics say that up to 90% of schoolchildren will be bullied. Unfortunately, shame and a code of silence often keeps parents from knowing about it until it’s too late. Thankfully, there are things you can do to bully-proof your child.
· Don’t over-protect. Teach your children early on to deal with problems themselves. Children who run to adults over every small problem tend to be bullied more than children who are calmly assertive in meeting their own needs.
· Invest in your children’s friendships. Good friends are protection against bullies. Make an effort to invite other children to your home, or to join your family on outings. Create situations where your child can interact with others and develop good friendships.
· Teach your children to stand up for others. This might be controversial to you, but children need to know their parents would support them if they had to defend someone. We need to raise a generation who will defend the weak. It’s called moral courage and we need more young men and women who won’t tolerate injustice. That means getting involved and not walking away when someone is getting bullied. Another mom will thank you for it.
Problems are a part of life. We will always have them. Perhaps one of the best gifts we can give our children is to equip them with practical ways to deal with the everyday issues of life. I believe they’ll thank you for it when they’ve become adults who persevere through pain, and come out victorious.
Glynnis has written a book on this subject titled “When Your Child is Hurting.” In the book, she explores these three topics, plus 11 other common, everyday issues children face. Each chapter contains Scripture verses, inspiring quotes and discussion questions to be used in a small group setting or individually. It’s filled with practical parenting tips and encouraging stories. Click here to purchase or read more.
The promise of a new school year burns bright this time of year. Crisp white paper and sharpened pencils are at the ready, as excited children (and moms) fill clean, new backpacks with supplies. Back-to-school shopping has restocked the closets with shoes that fit, jeans that are long enough and jackets to replace the ones that were left on the playground in March.
By the first day of school, parents will have prepared their children well. But, have they thought of everything? Have parents prepared their children to deal with the anxiety of change, the fear of harder tests and the possible bullying from a new classmate?
Sadly, most of us don’t know how to prepare our children for the emotional challenges of school. We tend to find out about issues when they have escalated into problems. This year, I’d like to share a few tips for preparing children to deal with some of the most common problems they might face in the coming months.
Stress
People get stressed when pressures accumulate faster than our ability to adapt, last longer than our ability to maintain control, or our internal makeup is unable to deal with problems. Given that children have very little control over their circumstances, they are at a great risk of facing stress. Here are a few things parents can do:
· Create a stress-free environment at home. Establishing calming routines in the mornings, afternoons and evenings give your children a chance to regroup.
· Limit extra-curricular activities for all family members. Parents can model healthy activity loads when children are very young. Lots of time at home enables you to finish homework, study for test and work on projects without stress.
· Honor the Sabbath. This is difficult for most families, but it was God’s design for a day of well-needed rest. Try and build in a day where everyone is free to celebrate life together.
Fear
Many children will deal with fear at school. Fear often manifests itself with physical symptoms before your child will be able to communicate his emotions. Be attuned to slight hesitancy, upset stomachs or difficulty sleeping. What you can do:
· Establish a culture of openness at home. Always take your child’s fear seriously and investigate a concern. Your child will grow to trust that you will take her seriously.
· Desensitize your child. If your child is naturally hesitant and fearful, introduce new situations gradually. If the start of school is fearful, then practice walking to school the week before. Talk through possible situations. If you’ve never be separated before, then have some practice runs where you leave your child at a friend’s house for a short time and then return.
· Have an action plan. Play the “What If?” game. What if mom isn’t there to pick you up? What if you forget your lunch? What if you get picked on at recess? Talk though the potentially fearful situations and have a plan.
Bullying
Sadly, bullies are a part of life. Statistics say that up to 90% of schoolchildren will be bullied. Unfortunately, shame and a code of silence often keeps parents from knowing about it until it’s too late. Thankfully, there are things you can do to bully-proof your child.
· Don’t over-protect. Teach your children early on to deal with problems themselves. Children who run to adults over every small problem tend to be bullied more than children who are calmly assertive in meeting their own needs.
· Invest in your children’s friendships. Good friends are protection against bullies. Make an effort to invite other children to your home, or to join your family on outings. Create situations where your child can interact with others and develop good friendships.
· Teach your children to stand up for others. This might be controversial to you, but children need to know their parents would support them if they had to defend someone. We need to raise a generation who will defend the weak. It’s called moral courage and we need more young men and women who won’t tolerate injustice. That means getting involved and not walking away when someone is getting bullied. Another mom will thank you for it.
Problems are a part of life. We will always have them. Perhaps one of the best gifts we can give our children is to equip them with practical ways to deal with the everyday issues of life. I believe they’ll thank you for it when they’ve become adults who persevere through pain, and come out victorious.
Glynnis has written a book on this subject titled “When Your Child is Hurting.” In the book, she explores these three topics, plus 11 other common, everyday issues children face. Each chapter contains Scripture verses, inspiring quotes and discussion questions to be used in a small group setting or individually. It’s filled with practical parenting tips and encouraging stories. Click here to purchase or read more.
Christ-Like in the Bleachers
By Sara Jo Poff
The roar of the parents’ voices filled the gym. Admittedly, the game was getting tense, but the situation was worsening. It was the last quarter and the teams were tied for the championship. Parents were beginning to scream over the sound of the coach and the kids on the basketball court were becoming confused. When I loudly but politely asked the parents to calm down, the roar quickly shifted to whispers. One mom, however, turned to me excitedly and said, “Sorry; it’s just that we’ve never won a championship!” The coaches looked grateful for the silence and the elementary players no longer tripped over their own feet in perplexity.
Currently, 41 million children in the U.S. participate in team sports. Sadly, 70 percent of them will drop out before turning 13. Sadder even still is the reason they drop out: parental pressure. According to a Michigan State Youth Institute survey, the majority of these 28.7 million children cited “adults, particularly parents” as their reason for dropping out and the main reason for the game becoming a “joyless, negative experience.” According to these numbers, seven out of ten children on your child’s team are feeling an overload of pressure to play. Consider the following plays to make sure your child isn’t one of them:
Examine Your Intentions
Whether it’s for the chance of becoming pro or the opportunity to learn good sports skills and conduct, parents are doing everything they can to put their children in extracurricular activities, and for good reason. Team sports are respectable opportunities for children to learn things like competition, new skills, good sportsmanship, and parental encouragement. Many of these children, at least at first, are having FUN! It’s only when the interest of winning supersedes these goals that the pressure starts emerging. In some cases, parents live vicariously through their child and develop an over-identified zeal for the game.
In response to the growing number of incidences of abusive behavior from parents towards coaches, athletes, and officials, many organizations offer training programs for parents on good sportsmanship. One of these organizations, the American Youth Soccer Organization, requires parents of players younger than 8 years old to participate in sportsmanship and behavioral conduct classes. Others, like the Michigan High School Athletic Association, have put together a video for parents on appropriate behavior at sporting events that can be viewed at www.mhsaa.com/services.
Rewind and Replay
It is important to take a good look at which kind of sideline parent we are, especially as Christians. Whether our children are in sports or not, it is crucial for them to feel unconditionally loved, emotionally supported, and encouraged to pursue their interests.
In order to provide the encouragement and support children need, parents must first get back to the main reasons for putting them in sports. Foremost, focus on skill building, good sportsmanship, and physical movement.
Secondly, trust your child’s coach to do the coaching. This doesn’t, of course, mean you should have a naïve sense of faith in the coach, because they’re parents just like us. But, if you haven’t observed any verbal, emotional, or especially physical abuse from them and see the coach teaching good skills to the children, let them give the directions at games. All too often, children have voices hollering at them from so many directions that they are unable to hear their coach or know who to listen to. Be “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because our anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” (James 1:19 NIV)
At the same time, make sure your child can hear encouragement from you during the game. “Good pass,” “nice shot,” or “you’ll get it next time” are good things for them to hear and aren’t distracting. Try to avoid comments like “nice try” or “almost.” [Parents], do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart.” (Colossians 3:23 NASB)
Just as parents make mistakes, so, too, do officials. Instead of making sure these mistakes are corrected, think of it this way: it all evens out by the end of the season! If a foul wasn’t called and you know that your child was fouled (or even another child for that matter), don’t holler at the referee. Later on, a foul might be called for a clearly invalid foul. Use it as an opportunity to exemplify God’s commands to respect the authorities He has placed over you.
After holding back all “suggestions” during the game, don’t spend the car ride home telling your child how they could have done something differently. That behavior once again instills a winning-is-the-most-important-thing mentality. Tell them what they did well, and make sure they know that they have your support and encouragement no matter how they played.
Reach the Goal
If your child suddenly announces a decision to no longer play a particular sport, especially one they have greatly enjoyed in the past, gently inquire their reasons. Be supportive of those reasons and encourage them in other areas. Letting a child retire from a particular sport will not, as some parents think, turn them into “dropouts” or “quitters.” As long as that free time isn’t replaced with video games or television, your child can benefit immensely from making their own choices about things such as this.
If your child has other things they are not allowed to falter on, such as God’s commands, academics, and parental rules, they will know the importance of devotion and perseverance for the things that matter most in life.
The qualities that teach children good sportsmanship start at home, not on the field. Make sure your family strongly promotes good sports conduct in everything at home, from board games to yard games.
Use these ideas to help your children enjoy participation in sports. Get excited about opportunities to play. Treat them to ice cream after games no matter how well they played. and encourage good effort and self-reliance in their participation. Most importantly, make sure sports maintain their position as a hobby so they don’t turn into idols.
Sara Jo Poff, her husband Pete, and their five kids, enjoy playing basketball together from their home in Claremore, Oklahoma. As a freelance writer, Sara Jo specializes on topics related to natural family health, home education, and living for Christ. You can visit her at
www.healthyfamiliesforGod.com.
The roar of the parents’ voices filled the gym. Admittedly, the game was getting tense, but the situation was worsening. It was the last quarter and the teams were tied for the championship. Parents were beginning to scream over the sound of the coach and the kids on the basketball court were becoming confused. When I loudly but politely asked the parents to calm down, the roar quickly shifted to whispers. One mom, however, turned to me excitedly and said, “Sorry; it’s just that we’ve never won a championship!” The coaches looked grateful for the silence and the elementary players no longer tripped over their own feet in perplexity.
Currently, 41 million children in the U.S. participate in team sports. Sadly, 70 percent of them will drop out before turning 13. Sadder even still is the reason they drop out: parental pressure. According to a Michigan State Youth Institute survey, the majority of these 28.7 million children cited “adults, particularly parents” as their reason for dropping out and the main reason for the game becoming a “joyless, negative experience.” According to these numbers, seven out of ten children on your child’s team are feeling an overload of pressure to play. Consider the following plays to make sure your child isn’t one of them:
Examine Your Intentions
Whether it’s for the chance of becoming pro or the opportunity to learn good sports skills and conduct, parents are doing everything they can to put their children in extracurricular activities, and for good reason. Team sports are respectable opportunities for children to learn things like competition, new skills, good sportsmanship, and parental encouragement. Many of these children, at least at first, are having FUN! It’s only when the interest of winning supersedes these goals that the pressure starts emerging. In some cases, parents live vicariously through their child and develop an over-identified zeal for the game.
In response to the growing number of incidences of abusive behavior from parents towards coaches, athletes, and officials, many organizations offer training programs for parents on good sportsmanship. One of these organizations, the American Youth Soccer Organization, requires parents of players younger than 8 years old to participate in sportsmanship and behavioral conduct classes. Others, like the Michigan High School Athletic Association, have put together a video for parents on appropriate behavior at sporting events that can be viewed at www.mhsaa.com/services.
Rewind and Replay
It is important to take a good look at which kind of sideline parent we are, especially as Christians. Whether our children are in sports or not, it is crucial for them to feel unconditionally loved, emotionally supported, and encouraged to pursue their interests.
In order to provide the encouragement and support children need, parents must first get back to the main reasons for putting them in sports. Foremost, focus on skill building, good sportsmanship, and physical movement.
Secondly, trust your child’s coach to do the coaching. This doesn’t, of course, mean you should have a naïve sense of faith in the coach, because they’re parents just like us. But, if you haven’t observed any verbal, emotional, or especially physical abuse from them and see the coach teaching good skills to the children, let them give the directions at games. All too often, children have voices hollering at them from so many directions that they are unable to hear their coach or know who to listen to. Be “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because our anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” (James 1:19 NIV)
At the same time, make sure your child can hear encouragement from you during the game. “Good pass,” “nice shot,” or “you’ll get it next time” are good things for them to hear and aren’t distracting. Try to avoid comments like “nice try” or “almost.” [Parents], do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart.” (Colossians 3:23 NASB)
Just as parents make mistakes, so, too, do officials. Instead of making sure these mistakes are corrected, think of it this way: it all evens out by the end of the season! If a foul wasn’t called and you know that your child was fouled (or even another child for that matter), don’t holler at the referee. Later on, a foul might be called for a clearly invalid foul. Use it as an opportunity to exemplify God’s commands to respect the authorities He has placed over you.
After holding back all “suggestions” during the game, don’t spend the car ride home telling your child how they could have done something differently. That behavior once again instills a winning-is-the-most-important-thing mentality. Tell them what they did well, and make sure they know that they have your support and encouragement no matter how they played.
Reach the Goal
If your child suddenly announces a decision to no longer play a particular sport, especially one they have greatly enjoyed in the past, gently inquire their reasons. Be supportive of those reasons and encourage them in other areas. Letting a child retire from a particular sport will not, as some parents think, turn them into “dropouts” or “quitters.” As long as that free time isn’t replaced with video games or television, your child can benefit immensely from making their own choices about things such as this.
If your child has other things they are not allowed to falter on, such as God’s commands, academics, and parental rules, they will know the importance of devotion and perseverance for the things that matter most in life.
The qualities that teach children good sportsmanship start at home, not on the field. Make sure your family strongly promotes good sports conduct in everything at home, from board games to yard games.
Use these ideas to help your children enjoy participation in sports. Get excited about opportunities to play. Treat them to ice cream after games no matter how well they played. and encourage good effort and self-reliance in their participation. Most importantly, make sure sports maintain their position as a hobby so they don’t turn into idols.
Sara Jo Poff, her husband Pete, and their five kids, enjoy playing basketball together from their home in Claremore, Oklahoma. As a freelance writer, Sara Jo specializes on topics related to natural family health, home education, and living for Christ. You can visit her at
www.healthyfamiliesforGod.com.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Mission Impossible? Tips for Planning Your Family Reunion
By MaryBeth Seal
I am so jazzed because our family reunion is in 6 weeks and I’m in charge. Call me crazy, call me scary, but I love family reunions and making plans for food, folks and fun!
I like to think of putting the fun back in “dysfunctional!” My relatives aren’t perfect and neither are yours, but love covers a multitude of sins. You’ve heard the saying, “You can pick your friends, but you’re stuck with your relatives.” It’s all a matter of perspective.
Our reunion in Michigan actually begins on a Friday night, continues all day Saturday and concludes on Sunday morning. We enjoy our visits that much. Family members are coming from Colorado, Florida, Arizona, Illinois, Maryland, and Wisconsin. We’ve had this event ever since I was a young girl, and the experience becomes more dear to me personally as the years go by. This year, all of my siblings will be in the same place at the same time- 6 of us all together- and all of our children, along with our mother.
With about 50 people attending, this is not an easy or annual happening for a large family, so needless to say it will be valuable to each of us.
How can having a family reunion be a mission? As ambassadors for Christ, we can show the love of God in practical ways such as serving, offering hospitality, and building relationships. It may also provide a great opportunity to share your faith with family members.
Here are Some Ideas for a Fun and Memorable Family Reunion:
* Delegate jobs to relatives. Make sign up sheets for set up crews, clean up crews, cooks, beverages servers and corn shuckers
* Plan fun activities. Designate a “Director of Fun.” I personally love this position, because I can be crazy and creative and get family members of all ages playing zany games together.
* Speaking of games, here is an idea for all ages: Water-balloon toss- partners stand back to back a few feet apart then one throws the water balloon backwards over his head and his partner has to catch it in a pillow case. Seventy and seven year olds can partner up!
* How about a hole in one? One golf club, one ball and one hole. Form 2 teams and each team has a player putt 2 times and try to sink the ball in the same hole at the same distance. Again, seventy and seven year olds can play this.
* You can create relay races of all kinds, bean bag toss, and more.
(The Internet is a great resource for activity ideas.)
* Have some table games available.
* Karaoke is always fun to do and watch.
* Have prizes and gifts just for fun. Give a gift to the oldest member of the family to honor them. Recognize the newest member by marriage or by birth with a gift as well.
* Pass out whoopi cushions or goofy plastic teeth. Remember, to have fun you must make fun, it doesn’t happen by itself!
* Plan a food menu. This is always a challenge for large groups. If you need help, ask someone for ideas, look at magazines and allow plenty of time for planning and preparation. Food in our family is always a biggggggg deal. We always look forward to Pat’s hot potato salad, and Vite’s sweet corn!
* Purchase supplies ahead of time. Look for sales and don’t wait until the last minute. You need to be ready and relaxed to enjoy the family; not stressed out to the max.
* Let others help. Even children want jobs and to be involved, so delegate, delegate and delegate some more.
* Make traditions. We wear special t-shirts with our family logo on them and patches on our hats or shirts. Because of our heritage, we have an Irish theme with lots of green, and we display a large poster of my grandmother Emma O’Brien who is the matriarch of our family to help us remember our roots.
Things to Avoid at a Family Reunion:
•Don’t Bible thump your relatives; it’s really not the place or time. In fact, don’t ever Bible thump your relatives, it just is not an effective evangelizing tool. Better to be a living epistle that people can read.
•Avoid being critical and self righteous when Uncle ______ uses his rough language or has a few brews. Look beyond what you perceive as sin and love the sinner. “If you judge people; you have no time to love them.”(Mother Teresa)
•Stay away from gossip. Reunions are a time for building up and loving your family.
•Be an active participant, not a spectator. Get in the games and be a part of the family. I agree with Tommy Lasorda who said “I believe in laughter. I think it’s food for the soul.”
•Don’t hold a grudges against family members. Instead, forgive as Jesus has forgiven you. Remember that “kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not.” (Samuel Johnson.)
Well, I have more planning to do. We’re having a “Tiki Party” on the Friday night before our reunion. We’re going to get our “kahunas” on and have a good time! This summer, lighten up with your family and enjoy them while you can.
MaryBeth Seal is a nurse and a She Speaks graduate. She has written many articles for publication including: The Michiana Christian News in South Bend, The Active Christian News in Phoenix, and Mission Eyes Network, an online missions hub for eye health care missionaries.
Valley Girl….the Valley of Trouble Leads to a Door of Hope is her first published book and it can be purchased on line at any bookstore and Amazon.com. It’s the true story of how a violent crime investigation led her to brokenness and dependency on God as she discovered the kindness of the Lord in the midst of tragedy.
Speaking to women’s groups and Bible studies has been part of her ministry as well. “A Life to Overcome” is one her favorite presentations.
MaryBeth can be contacted at 269-683-4613 or mbseal2000@yahoo.com if you would like to schedule an event with her.
I am so jazzed because our family reunion is in 6 weeks and I’m in charge. Call me crazy, call me scary, but I love family reunions and making plans for food, folks and fun!
I like to think of putting the fun back in “dysfunctional!” My relatives aren’t perfect and neither are yours, but love covers a multitude of sins. You’ve heard the saying, “You can pick your friends, but you’re stuck with your relatives.” It’s all a matter of perspective.
Our reunion in Michigan actually begins on a Friday night, continues all day Saturday and concludes on Sunday morning. We enjoy our visits that much. Family members are coming from Colorado, Florida, Arizona, Illinois, Maryland, and Wisconsin. We’ve had this event ever since I was a young girl, and the experience becomes more dear to me personally as the years go by. This year, all of my siblings will be in the same place at the same time- 6 of us all together- and all of our children, along with our mother.
With about 50 people attending, this is not an easy or annual happening for a large family, so needless to say it will be valuable to each of us.
How can having a family reunion be a mission? As ambassadors for Christ, we can show the love of God in practical ways such as serving, offering hospitality, and building relationships. It may also provide a great opportunity to share your faith with family members.
Here are Some Ideas for a Fun and Memorable Family Reunion:
* Delegate jobs to relatives. Make sign up sheets for set up crews, clean up crews, cooks, beverages servers and corn shuckers
* Plan fun activities. Designate a “Director of Fun.” I personally love this position, because I can be crazy and creative and get family members of all ages playing zany games together.
* Speaking of games, here is an idea for all ages: Water-balloon toss- partners stand back to back a few feet apart then one throws the water balloon backwards over his head and his partner has to catch it in a pillow case. Seventy and seven year olds can partner up!
* How about a hole in one? One golf club, one ball and one hole. Form 2 teams and each team has a player putt 2 times and try to sink the ball in the same hole at the same distance. Again, seventy and seven year olds can play this.
* You can create relay races of all kinds, bean bag toss, and more.
(The Internet is a great resource for activity ideas.)
* Have some table games available.
* Karaoke is always fun to do and watch.
* Have prizes and gifts just for fun. Give a gift to the oldest member of the family to honor them. Recognize the newest member by marriage or by birth with a gift as well.
* Pass out whoopi cushions or goofy plastic teeth. Remember, to have fun you must make fun, it doesn’t happen by itself!
* Plan a food menu. This is always a challenge for large groups. If you need help, ask someone for ideas, look at magazines and allow plenty of time for planning and preparation. Food in our family is always a biggggggg deal. We always look forward to Pat’s hot potato salad, and Vite’s sweet corn!
* Purchase supplies ahead of time. Look for sales and don’t wait until the last minute. You need to be ready and relaxed to enjoy the family; not stressed out to the max.
* Let others help. Even children want jobs and to be involved, so delegate, delegate and delegate some more.
* Make traditions. We wear special t-shirts with our family logo on them and patches on our hats or shirts. Because of our heritage, we have an Irish theme with lots of green, and we display a large poster of my grandmother Emma O’Brien who is the matriarch of our family to help us remember our roots.
Things to Avoid at a Family Reunion:
•Don’t Bible thump your relatives; it’s really not the place or time. In fact, don’t ever Bible thump your relatives, it just is not an effective evangelizing tool. Better to be a living epistle that people can read.
•Avoid being critical and self righteous when Uncle ______ uses his rough language or has a few brews. Look beyond what you perceive as sin and love the sinner. “If you judge people; you have no time to love them.”(Mother Teresa)
•Stay away from gossip. Reunions are a time for building up and loving your family.
•Be an active participant, not a spectator. Get in the games and be a part of the family. I agree with Tommy Lasorda who said “I believe in laughter. I think it’s food for the soul.”
•Don’t hold a grudges against family members. Instead, forgive as Jesus has forgiven you. Remember that “kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not.” (Samuel Johnson.)
Well, I have more planning to do. We’re having a “Tiki Party” on the Friday night before our reunion. We’re going to get our “kahunas” on and have a good time! This summer, lighten up with your family and enjoy them while you can.
MaryBeth Seal is a nurse and a She Speaks graduate. She has written many articles for publication including: The Michiana Christian News in South Bend, The Active Christian News in Phoenix, and Mission Eyes Network, an online missions hub for eye health care missionaries.
Valley Girl….the Valley of Trouble Leads to a Door of Hope is her first published book and it can be purchased on line at any bookstore and Amazon.com. It’s the true story of how a violent crime investigation led her to brokenness and dependency on God as she discovered the kindness of the Lord in the midst of tragedy.
Speaking to women’s groups and Bible studies has been part of her ministry as well. “A Life to Overcome” is one her favorite presentations.
MaryBeth can be contacted at 269-683-4613 or mbseal2000@yahoo.com if you would like to schedule an event with her.
Why Don’t We Pray Together?
by Holly Good
In recent years I have come to learn the importance of praying not only for my family, but also with my family.
When my kids were toddlers, I would faithfully pray with them every night before bed.
But as they grew older and went to bed themselves, this routine eventually stopped.
Several years ago, I felt convicted about praying with my family.
Why was it that I could pray so easily with the youth in our church, with women at conferences all over the country, and with friends at Bible study, but not with my own family? Those precious people I live and do life with every day? Why did we not pray together?
There are many excuses and reasons I could drum up. But I won’t go there.
I will just happily report that we now freely periodically pray together. It’s a part of the DNA of our family. But don’t misunderstand me. We still squabble, have many typical family frustrations and have to punish our kids for making wrong choices. But we are also quick to pray for guidance, help and thanks together.
For example, it warms my heart when my 14 year old son will come to me and ask, ‘Mom, will you pray for my game today?’ I drop everything and pray right there with him. Just last night as we were dropping him off at the movies with some friends, he asked us to pray for him as he was getting out of the car. He has come to rely on our prayers for strength, encouragement and hope in numerous situations.
Several weeks ago, my husband noticed that a pipe in our home had sprung a leak for the second time in four months. We were extremely stressed and quite disturbed at this find. The flashbacks immediately poured in, reminding us of the probability of more bills, new carpet and drywall. It had been quite the ordeal the first time around.
But as the plumber was fixing what turned about to be a very minor pipe leak, he smelled gas while he was up in our attic. So without hesitation he switched gears and worked quickly to replace the faulty gas valve.
I couldn’t help but sigh, sit down and give thanks. The annoying second- time-around water leak lead us to the could-be-dangerous gas leak situation.
Thank you, Lord. Your ways are much higher than our ways. Thank you for that pesky pipe leak. Thank you for that sharp plumber. Thank you that my husband noticed the pipe leak early before any significant water damage occurred. Thank you for keeping us safe.
So that very night, after the plumber had gone and we were finally able to turn our water back on, we sat in our family room and acknowledged the events which had taken place over the previous 36 hours. Then we prayed together, giving thanks for things that appear like annoying mishaps and unwanted expenses, but have a much bigger purpose.
Every time we gather and pray, He faithfully protects, loves, forgives, strengthens, heals, and binds our hearts closer.
I’ve learned that it’s one thing to tell my kids to pray. It’s something altogether different to join them in that adventure.
Tips for Praying with Your Family
* Keep it brief at first. You as the parent might be the only one to pray initially. Then after doing this several times, ask your children to pray. You might want to offer them a guideline, such as to pray at least three sentences.
* Use every day language in your prayers. This shows your kids that God wants to hear from them just as they are. This also helps to put them at ease when praying.
* Pray words of blessings over each child. This includes specific words of praise and encouragement. For example, Thank you, Lord, for Hillary’s sense of responsibility and hard work at her job.
* Help kids see where God is working. One way to acknowledge this is to keep a prayer journal and celebrate God’s goodness together.
* Encourage them to include prayer beyond the family time. Ask them how you can be praying for them and tell them how they can pray for you.
Holly Good is a wife, mother, and sold out servant of Christ. On staff with Proverbs 31 Ministries, her executive assistant position to Lysa TerKeurst finds her ministering to women all over the country at conferences, writing radio shows and authoring heart-stirring devotions sent to more than 300,000 subscribers. She is also the author of "Holly-Days" a much loved part of Lysa's daily blog. She enjoys her early morning runs with Lysa and is overwhelmingly humbled and honored to have the opportunity to serve Him in this ministry in such an incredible way. Holly lives with her husband and two teenage children in North Carolina. You can e-mail Holly@Proverbs31.org to connect with her.
In recent years I have come to learn the importance of praying not only for my family, but also with my family.
When my kids were toddlers, I would faithfully pray with them every night before bed.
But as they grew older and went to bed themselves, this routine eventually stopped.
Several years ago, I felt convicted about praying with my family.
Why was it that I could pray so easily with the youth in our church, with women at conferences all over the country, and with friends at Bible study, but not with my own family? Those precious people I live and do life with every day? Why did we not pray together?
There are many excuses and reasons I could drum up. But I won’t go there.
I will just happily report that we now freely periodically pray together. It’s a part of the DNA of our family. But don’t misunderstand me. We still squabble, have many typical family frustrations and have to punish our kids for making wrong choices. But we are also quick to pray for guidance, help and thanks together.
For example, it warms my heart when my 14 year old son will come to me and ask, ‘Mom, will you pray for my game today?’ I drop everything and pray right there with him. Just last night as we were dropping him off at the movies with some friends, he asked us to pray for him as he was getting out of the car. He has come to rely on our prayers for strength, encouragement and hope in numerous situations.
Several weeks ago, my husband noticed that a pipe in our home had sprung a leak for the second time in four months. We were extremely stressed and quite disturbed at this find. The flashbacks immediately poured in, reminding us of the probability of more bills, new carpet and drywall. It had been quite the ordeal the first time around.
But as the plumber was fixing what turned about to be a very minor pipe leak, he smelled gas while he was up in our attic. So without hesitation he switched gears and worked quickly to replace the faulty gas valve.
I couldn’t help but sigh, sit down and give thanks. The annoying second- time-around water leak lead us to the could-be-dangerous gas leak situation.
Thank you, Lord. Your ways are much higher than our ways. Thank you for that pesky pipe leak. Thank you for that sharp plumber. Thank you that my husband noticed the pipe leak early before any significant water damage occurred. Thank you for keeping us safe.
So that very night, after the plumber had gone and we were finally able to turn our water back on, we sat in our family room and acknowledged the events which had taken place over the previous 36 hours. Then we prayed together, giving thanks for things that appear like annoying mishaps and unwanted expenses, but have a much bigger purpose.
Every time we gather and pray, He faithfully protects, loves, forgives, strengthens, heals, and binds our hearts closer.
I’ve learned that it’s one thing to tell my kids to pray. It’s something altogether different to join them in that adventure.
Tips for Praying with Your Family
* Keep it brief at first. You as the parent might be the only one to pray initially. Then after doing this several times, ask your children to pray. You might want to offer them a guideline, such as to pray at least three sentences.
* Use every day language in your prayers. This shows your kids that God wants to hear from them just as they are. This also helps to put them at ease when praying.
* Pray words of blessings over each child. This includes specific words of praise and encouragement. For example, Thank you, Lord, for Hillary’s sense of responsibility and hard work at her job.
* Help kids see where God is working. One way to acknowledge this is to keep a prayer journal and celebrate God’s goodness together.
* Encourage them to include prayer beyond the family time. Ask them how you can be praying for them and tell them how they can pray for you.
Holly Good is a wife, mother, and sold out servant of Christ. On staff with Proverbs 31 Ministries, her executive assistant position to Lysa TerKeurst finds her ministering to women all over the country at conferences, writing radio shows and authoring heart-stirring devotions sent to more than 300,000 subscribers. She is also the author of "Holly-Days" a much loved part of Lysa's daily blog. She enjoys her early morning runs with Lysa and is overwhelmingly humbled and honored to have the opportunity to serve Him in this ministry in such an incredible way. Holly lives with her husband and two teenage children in North Carolina. You can e-mail Holly@Proverbs31.org to connect with her.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Don’t Fight the Mask
by Melissa Nesdahl
“No! No! No, mommy, no!” With hot tears streaming down her red, swollen face, my tiny two year old, Hannah, thrashed her body from side to side in desperate attempt to break my hold. As she sat on my lap inside of the loving but firm embrace of one hand, I struggled to use the other to place the mask that would deliver life-giving albuterol to her sick, RSV stricken body. Desperately wanting the best for Hannah, I encouraged her to quit resisting the doctor’s order because it would restore health to her weak body.
I love being a mother. When God blessed my husband and I with our firstborn, Grace, I welcomed the opportunity to stay home with her, investing all my time and energy into raising this beautiful girl God entrusted to us. Shortly after her first birthday, God surprised us with another pregnancy. Hannah came just two days after Grace turned two.
To care for myself, I rose about two hours before the girls, allowing time to exercise, get myself ready, and enjoy some Bible study. I felt spiritually full and ready for my day when the girls awoke. Life changed, however, when the girls grew into toddlers. Suddenly I heard “mooommy!” just as I would get out of bed. Energetic and anxious for the day’s activities, Grace and Hannah ran out of their room to greet me with their morning hugs and kisses. And my morning routine was gone.
Feeling as though I had no “me time,” I found myself struggling. I so desperately craved the exercise and Bible study squeezed out by the needs of the day, but there didn’t seem to be time. I woke up tired, cared for my girls, spent quality time with my amazing husband, volunteered in the community, was present for my family and friends, and then crashed hard at night. From sun up to sun down my day was jam-packed with activity, and I was running on empty.
Snappy and out of shape, I broke. Something had to change. I couldn’t keep operating this way and still be the person that God created me to be.
In my youth, I learned 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, which reads, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own, you are bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body” (NIV). Although I’d always considered it in relation to modesty, premarital sex, alcohol, and drugs, I unexpectedly found the verse creeping through my mind time and time again.
God was convicting me. When I envision temples, or a place of worship, I picture a pristine structure commanding reverence. But I was doing anything but respecting my body. Life’s busyness had sucked the discipline of exercise completely out of my life.
During Bible study, I requested prayer for wisdom. My husband and I considered purchasing an elliptical machine, but space and the safety of our children were concerns. The other possibility was joining a gym. Not surprisingly, I found challenges with that as well. My girls were never cared for by anyone other than family. Would they do okay with a stranger in a playroom? And, would I honestly have the ambition to leave the comforts of exercising in my own home to get myself and the kids loaded into the car each day, drive to a facility, unload the kids, get sweaty, reload the kids, drive home, unload the kids yet again, and get myself ready?
No! No! No, God, No! And in that moment, I became to God what Hannah was to me. She wanted physical health without the albuterol mask and I wanted physical, emotional, and spiritual health without needing to alter my routine. She flailed around pleading for me not to give her the treatment and I placed an agitated heart before God begging to be released from my situation. I said, “Please Hannah, just do this, I know it will make you well,” and my all-knowing God voiced the same to me.
Eventually Hannah gave up the fight. Trusting my words, she allowed me to place the mask against her face and very quickly her shallow, constricted breathing slowed into relaxed, fulfilling breaths. Likewise, I submitted to God’s voice. Confident that He was calling me to a gym, I pressed forward and purchased a membership.
God surprised me. Although the first few separations were rough, the girls adapted quickly and now they actually desire going to the playroom each day. Meanwhile, I get to bike while reading my Bible study, walk the treadmill as I listen to scripture, and run on the elliptical while enjoying Christian music – not to mention sharing meaningful fellowship with others.
What spiritual discipline has been put on the back burner in your life? What changes do you need to make to better honor your God-given temple? I beg that you don’t fight the mask. Please listen to His voice, because when the Great Physician writes a prescription it will always breathe life into your longing body.
Melissa Nesdahl is a wife, mother, volunteer, and independent Christian writer striving to foster faith development in the life of her readers. Previous publications include the Chicago Tribune, Pam Stenzel’s “Love Lessons: Purity is Possible” CD series’ leaders guide, and “Surviving China” in Kyria. Catch Melissa twittering at http://twitter.com/MelissaNesdahl.
“No! No! No, mommy, no!” With hot tears streaming down her red, swollen face, my tiny two year old, Hannah, thrashed her body from side to side in desperate attempt to break my hold. As she sat on my lap inside of the loving but firm embrace of one hand, I struggled to use the other to place the mask that would deliver life-giving albuterol to her sick, RSV stricken body. Desperately wanting the best for Hannah, I encouraged her to quit resisting the doctor’s order because it would restore health to her weak body.
I love being a mother. When God blessed my husband and I with our firstborn, Grace, I welcomed the opportunity to stay home with her, investing all my time and energy into raising this beautiful girl God entrusted to us. Shortly after her first birthday, God surprised us with another pregnancy. Hannah came just two days after Grace turned two.
To care for myself, I rose about two hours before the girls, allowing time to exercise, get myself ready, and enjoy some Bible study. I felt spiritually full and ready for my day when the girls awoke. Life changed, however, when the girls grew into toddlers. Suddenly I heard “mooommy!” just as I would get out of bed. Energetic and anxious for the day’s activities, Grace and Hannah ran out of their room to greet me with their morning hugs and kisses. And my morning routine was gone.
Feeling as though I had no “me time,” I found myself struggling. I so desperately craved the exercise and Bible study squeezed out by the needs of the day, but there didn’t seem to be time. I woke up tired, cared for my girls, spent quality time with my amazing husband, volunteered in the community, was present for my family and friends, and then crashed hard at night. From sun up to sun down my day was jam-packed with activity, and I was running on empty.
Snappy and out of shape, I broke. Something had to change. I couldn’t keep operating this way and still be the person that God created me to be.
In my youth, I learned 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, which reads, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own, you are bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body” (NIV). Although I’d always considered it in relation to modesty, premarital sex, alcohol, and drugs, I unexpectedly found the verse creeping through my mind time and time again.
God was convicting me. When I envision temples, or a place of worship, I picture a pristine structure commanding reverence. But I was doing anything but respecting my body. Life’s busyness had sucked the discipline of exercise completely out of my life.
During Bible study, I requested prayer for wisdom. My husband and I considered purchasing an elliptical machine, but space and the safety of our children were concerns. The other possibility was joining a gym. Not surprisingly, I found challenges with that as well. My girls were never cared for by anyone other than family. Would they do okay with a stranger in a playroom? And, would I honestly have the ambition to leave the comforts of exercising in my own home to get myself and the kids loaded into the car each day, drive to a facility, unload the kids, get sweaty, reload the kids, drive home, unload the kids yet again, and get myself ready?
No! No! No, God, No! And in that moment, I became to God what Hannah was to me. She wanted physical health without the albuterol mask and I wanted physical, emotional, and spiritual health without needing to alter my routine. She flailed around pleading for me not to give her the treatment and I placed an agitated heart before God begging to be released from my situation. I said, “Please Hannah, just do this, I know it will make you well,” and my all-knowing God voiced the same to me.
Eventually Hannah gave up the fight. Trusting my words, she allowed me to place the mask against her face and very quickly her shallow, constricted breathing slowed into relaxed, fulfilling breaths. Likewise, I submitted to God’s voice. Confident that He was calling me to a gym, I pressed forward and purchased a membership.
God surprised me. Although the first few separations were rough, the girls adapted quickly and now they actually desire going to the playroom each day. Meanwhile, I get to bike while reading my Bible study, walk the treadmill as I listen to scripture, and run on the elliptical while enjoying Christian music – not to mention sharing meaningful fellowship with others.
What spiritual discipline has been put on the back burner in your life? What changes do you need to make to better honor your God-given temple? I beg that you don’t fight the mask. Please listen to His voice, because when the Great Physician writes a prescription it will always breathe life into your longing body.
Melissa Nesdahl is a wife, mother, volunteer, and independent Christian writer striving to foster faith development in the life of her readers. Previous publications include the Chicago Tribune, Pam Stenzel’s “Love Lessons: Purity is Possible” CD series’ leaders guide, and “Surviving China” in Kyria. Catch Melissa twittering at http://twitter.com/MelissaNesdahl.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
