By LeAnn Rice
Looking for some easy recipes for your next get together? Here are two of my favorites.
Honey Ham Biscuits
1 package Bisquick honey-butter biscuit mix
1 container honey nut or pineapple cream cheese spread
Sliced ham
Prepare the biscuit dough according to package directions. Gently roll out the dough as directed on package. Cut biscuits with 1½-inch biscuit cutter and bake, according to package directions or until golden.
Split the biscuits with a serrated knife and spread both sides with cream cheese. Place ham between layers and sandwich together.
These can be prepared ahead of time and wrapped in foil. Heat in a 350° oven for about 20 minutes or until warmed through.
Icing-In-The-Cake German Chocolate Cake
1 (18.25 oz) German Chocolate Cake Mix
1 (15 oz) Coconut-Pecan Frosting
4 eggs
1/2 cup oil
1 cup water
Preheat oven to 350º. Spray pan with non-stick cooking spray. This can be made in either a 9” x 13” pan or Bundt pan. Baking time is the same on either one.
Mix all ingredients (including the icing), in mixer at medium speed for 2 minutes. Pour into prepared pan and bake 50-60 minutes. Remove from oven to wire rack and allow cooling for 10 minutes. Invert onto serving plate and dust with powdered sugar.
LeAnn Rice shares recipes and menu ideas along with a helping of grace through her food site, www.SheCooks.org. She lives in North Carolina with her teenage son, Nick, who sadly prefers frozen pizza to his mom’s cooking experiments.
Showing posts with label At Home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label At Home. Show all posts
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
From Princess to Pornography: One Woman’s Struggle with Lust
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Pornography, by its very nature, assaults everything beautiful in a woman. It is devoid of beauty, grace, innocence, joy and compassion. So, after becoming hooked at age 13, I constantly found myself questioning how I could have ended up there. I am a woman! How could I be getting some twisted satisfaction from watching the destruction of everything I was created to be? Was I even getting satisfaction if all I felt was guilt, shame and loneliness? What was wrong with me?
Every little girl is born with a certain beauty, grace and innocence that fills her heart. There’s just something beautiful about the joy and compassion that comes with being a woman. For some, though, the fairy tales are squashed before they can ever grow. Hearts are left searching for acceptance, love, compassion, joy and fulfillment. The consequences of that search are dire.
For whatever reason, my heart was searching, and I felt an acceptance in pornography. Grant you, I was being fake. When I wasn’t in a chat room being the blonde-haired blue-eyed “angelface001” I was in my bedroom, isolated, dreaming about my prince Charming. Fantasizing.
Every time, though, I just felt more and more empty—hollow. I was becoming a shell of who I was supposed to be. After being told “women just don’t have this problem,” I gave up hope of ever becoming anything worthwhile. But then, God sent me a rescue.
Seven years after my struggle began, one woman stood in front of 300 young women and said, “We know some of you struggle with pornography and masturbation and we are here to help.” It sent a surge of hope through me, and began my journey to freedom and a restoration to the life God wanted me to have.
In the years since then, I have found that I am not alone. Many Christian women struggle with lust, with masturbation, with fantasy, with pornography. Some are married, some are single, but all are carrying the weight, guilt and shame of their sin. They know what it is to battle alone because they fear rejection at the hand of those closest to them. Fear keeps them from being honest and open, and it keeps them in chains.
Be assured, that if you are a woman struggling with lust, you are not alone. In fact, you are joined by a growing number of fallen princesses, many who probably sit beside you in church. Cling to the promises of God’s word that He will provide a way for you to escape temptation! Pray diligently for an open door to be honest and throw away the mask.
Remember that no matter how far you have fallen and how much you feel you have wasted away, God’s grace is enough to pick up your broken pieces and restore your joy, grace, innocence and compassion. There is freedom for you and hope found in Christ.
Editor’s note: The author’s name has been withheld to protect her privacy.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Why We Homeschool
by Lori Hatcher
Thirty years ago when homeschooling first reappeared on the educational radar screen, it was limited primarily to families who appeared to be, shall I say, unusual. One family that achieved national recognition left their suburban lifestyle and moved to a goat farm in upstate New York to rear and educate their sons. The boys did quite well academically and ultimately secured full tuition scholarships to prestigious Ivy League colleges. The results were great, but what average family wants to go live on a goat farm for the purpose of educating their children?
Today, homeschooling has once again proven itself as a viable educational option. I say "once again," because for 200 years in this country homeschooling the only educational option. All of our founding fathers were quite well educated using the tutorial method. State-sanctioned "public education" did not come into full use until the late 1800's.
As the homeschooling mother of two teenaged girls, I am often asked the question, "So, why DO you homeschool?" While my answers are not the answers of all homeschooling families, I believe they capture the essence of why so many families choose to educate their children at home.
We homeschool because it gives us:
A rich family life-
The nature of homeschooling lends itself to activities that the whole family can do together. Instead of being age- and grade-segregated, all members of the family explore an area of science, history, culture, or the arts together. We've visited the places where the Civil War began and ended, watched loggerhead turtle babies released to the sea, toured the museums in Washington, D.C., and lay on our backs in the grass to track the stars in the summer sky. In addition to the educational lessons my children have learned, we have had the opportunity to build relationships with each other as we built family memories.
The chance for our children to pursue their interests- Because homeschooling is more time efficient, our children have more time to pursue their areas of interest once the academic portion of their school day is complete. One daughter is fascinated by the political process. The flexibility of the homeschool setting allowed her to travel to Florida in 2004 to campaign for former President George W. Bush in the I-40 corridor of Orlando with a group of 100 homeschooled students. Another daughter loves children and swimming. One day she hopes to be a physical therapist. Our homeschooling schedule allowed her to work with a USC grant project teaching autistic and mentally retarded children to feel comfortable in the water.
The freedom to be children-
When other children ask my girls if they have homework, they reply, "ALL our work is homework!" It is a funny way to comment on the fact that their homework is built into their school day. Because they have the benefit of someone working one-on-one with them in challenging subject areas, extra remedial work and practice is not necessary once they have completed their assignments. This allows them time to play outside with their friends, read for fun, daydream, and generally just be a kid.
The chance to disciple our children-
We have the freedom to open our school day with prayer and Bible reading, stop during the day to address an area of sin or disobedience, or deal with an area of character development using the principles found in God's Word. We take time in our school day to cook a meal for a sick friend, visit a neighbor in the hospital, and serve our church. We memorize Bible verses as a part of our school work, not in addition to it. I learned the Ten Commandments for the first time as I helped the girls learn them for AWANA. Now that they're teenagers, we work our way through devotionals that teach them how to keep themselves pure, be a witness to their friends, and impact the world for Christ. Our daughters see us living out our faith day in and day out because they are with us.
The chance to live life at a slower pace-
One friend shared with me that her family life was so busy that between school, homework, extracurricular activities, church activities, and the rarely shared family meal, that she didn't even have time to bathe her children during the week. Our lifestyle, while still busy, makes time for home-cooked meals with friends, sleeping in after a late night, and read-alouds after dinner.
A chance to be well socialized-
Because they have been taught in a learning environment that regularly reaches beyond a classroom, my children can communicate and interact well with people of all ages, not just their peers. They learned to talk with the elderly as we visited a nursing home every week for a year and a half. They learned to enjoy young children as they volunteered at summer camp and Vacation Bible School. They learned to relate well to adults as they worked alongside them and learned from them in various campaign events and ministry opportunities. Imagine my surprise to hear my daughter interact in an informed and articulate way with her Senator regarding a recent education bill he had introduced! The world is not age-segregated, so my children need to be able to relate to people of all ages and walks of life. Homeschooling has given them that opportunity.
I am the first to say that homeschooling, like any other educational alternative, is not for every family. It is right for mine, and it might be right for yours. I encourage you to evaluate your current situation, pray with your spouse, and ask God to show you what is best for your family. If you feel led to consider homeschooling, I encourage you to do some research. Check out some books from the library, talk to a homeschooling friend, do a web search on it. "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all men liberally, without finding fault, and it shall be given to him." (James 1:5) NKJV God bless you as you seek His will for your family!
A 17-year veteran homeschooler of two daughters, Lori Hatcher shares life with her youth pastor husband David. She is the author of the book Joy in the Journey -- Words of Encouragement for Homeschooling Moms, available in early 2012 from Mardel.Com. Visit her blog, Be Not Weary at www.lori-benotweary.blogspot.com for more encouragement.
Thirty years ago when homeschooling first reappeared on the educational radar screen, it was limited primarily to families who appeared to be, shall I say, unusual. One family that achieved national recognition left their suburban lifestyle and moved to a goat farm in upstate New York to rear and educate their sons. The boys did quite well academically and ultimately secured full tuition scholarships to prestigious Ivy League colleges. The results were great, but what average family wants to go live on a goat farm for the purpose of educating their children?
Today, homeschooling has once again proven itself as a viable educational option. I say "once again," because for 200 years in this country homeschooling the only educational option. All of our founding fathers were quite well educated using the tutorial method. State-sanctioned "public education" did not come into full use until the late 1800's.
As the homeschooling mother of two teenaged girls, I am often asked the question, "So, why DO you homeschool?" While my answers are not the answers of all homeschooling families, I believe they capture the essence of why so many families choose to educate their children at home.
We homeschool because it gives us:
A rich family life-
The nature of homeschooling lends itself to activities that the whole family can do together. Instead of being age- and grade-segregated, all members of the family explore an area of science, history, culture, or the arts together. We've visited the places where the Civil War began and ended, watched loggerhead turtle babies released to the sea, toured the museums in Washington, D.C., and lay on our backs in the grass to track the stars in the summer sky. In addition to the educational lessons my children have learned, we have had the opportunity to build relationships with each other as we built family memories.
The chance for our children to pursue their interests- Because homeschooling is more time efficient, our children have more time to pursue their areas of interest once the academic portion of their school day is complete. One daughter is fascinated by the political process. The flexibility of the homeschool setting allowed her to travel to Florida in 2004 to campaign for former President George W. Bush in the I-40 corridor of Orlando with a group of 100 homeschooled students. Another daughter loves children and swimming. One day she hopes to be a physical therapist. Our homeschooling schedule allowed her to work with a USC grant project teaching autistic and mentally retarded children to feel comfortable in the water.
The freedom to be children-
When other children ask my girls if they have homework, they reply, "ALL our work is homework!" It is a funny way to comment on the fact that their homework is built into their school day. Because they have the benefit of someone working one-on-one with them in challenging subject areas, extra remedial work and practice is not necessary once they have completed their assignments. This allows them time to play outside with their friends, read for fun, daydream, and generally just be a kid.
The chance to disciple our children-
We have the freedom to open our school day with prayer and Bible reading, stop during the day to address an area of sin or disobedience, or deal with an area of character development using the principles found in God's Word. We take time in our school day to cook a meal for a sick friend, visit a neighbor in the hospital, and serve our church. We memorize Bible verses as a part of our school work, not in addition to it. I learned the Ten Commandments for the first time as I helped the girls learn them for AWANA. Now that they're teenagers, we work our way through devotionals that teach them how to keep themselves pure, be a witness to their friends, and impact the world for Christ. Our daughters see us living out our faith day in and day out because they are with us.
The chance to live life at a slower pace-
One friend shared with me that her family life was so busy that between school, homework, extracurricular activities, church activities, and the rarely shared family meal, that she didn't even have time to bathe her children during the week. Our lifestyle, while still busy, makes time for home-cooked meals with friends, sleeping in after a late night, and read-alouds after dinner.
A chance to be well socialized-
Because they have been taught in a learning environment that regularly reaches beyond a classroom, my children can communicate and interact well with people of all ages, not just their peers. They learned to talk with the elderly as we visited a nursing home every week for a year and a half. They learned to enjoy young children as they volunteered at summer camp and Vacation Bible School. They learned to relate well to adults as they worked alongside them and learned from them in various campaign events and ministry opportunities. Imagine my surprise to hear my daughter interact in an informed and articulate way with her Senator regarding a recent education bill he had introduced! The world is not age-segregated, so my children need to be able to relate to people of all ages and walks of life. Homeschooling has given them that opportunity.
I am the first to say that homeschooling, like any other educational alternative, is not for every family. It is right for mine, and it might be right for yours. I encourage you to evaluate your current situation, pray with your spouse, and ask God to show you what is best for your family. If you feel led to consider homeschooling, I encourage you to do some research. Check out some books from the library, talk to a homeschooling friend, do a web search on it. "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all men liberally, without finding fault, and it shall be given to him." (James 1:5) NKJV God bless you as you seek His will for your family!
A 17-year veteran homeschooler of two daughters, Lori Hatcher shares life with her youth pastor husband David. She is the author of the book Joy in the Journey -- Words of Encouragement for Homeschooling Moms, available in early 2012 from Mardel.Com. Visit her blog, Be Not Weary at www.lori-benotweary.blogspot.com for more encouragement.
I Stopped Giving It All at Christmas
By Lara Krupicka
“Please let me give flowers to my teacher,” my daughter begged that first year we were introduced to Teacher Appreciation Week. But out in my yard the only blooms visible were rows of wilting daffodils.
“Can it wait a few weeks?” I asked. My daughter cried. Within a few minutes, however, I had her excited at the prospect of the bright pink peonies and deep purple irises yet to bloom. More tears were shed that week as she daily recounted the flowers and gifts other children brought for the teacher. But, two weeks later she returned from school bursting to share how her flowers brightened the teacher’s day and her empty vase. That day I learned the value of bucking tradition when it comes to gifts.
If you’re like me, sometime in late October the anxiety begins to build. By Thanksgiving it’s a palpable knot in your stomach, and by mid-December it has become full-out panic. In the name of tradition and expectation we push ourselves to stressful heights during the annual holiday season. And chances are, at the end of each one we vow not to do it again. Yet October rolls around and… stress again. What to do? Change it up! Stop the old, stressful tradition and start a new one. Stop giving gifts to everyone on your list at Christmas. Instead, give your gifts of appreciation to people like your hairdresser, the mailman and yes, the school teacher, at other times of the year. You’ll find that spreading out your gratitude will result in benefits for both your recipients and for you.
Thoughtfulness
You’ll benefit by having the ability to be more thoughtful in choosing your gifts. With a self-imposed, flexible deadline, rather than one dictated by the calendar, you can find space to be creative and considerate. There will be no more last-minute dashes to the store to grab some old something for the doctor or babysitter.
Not only that, but the thoughtfulness becomes more apparent when the gift does not arrive at the traditionally appointed time. A few years ago I started giving teacher gifts during October and November. Having seen the mounds of gifts some teachers receive in December and the less-than-enthusiastic reception they induce behind closed doors, there is no doubt tradition equates with obligation for some people. And that defeats the purpose. My October gifts are separated from the season of obligation, and as such, stand a better chance of being appreciated for their sincerity. Rather than showing up in obligatory fashion, my gifts arrive unannounced, unexpected.
One year, my youngest daughter particularly enjoyed giving her teacher a fall gift. She giggled as we created the padded pumpkin, wrapping a roll of toilet paper (more giggles) in cushy batting and patterned fabric. And she proudly inserted the stick she’d found in our yard in the pumpkin’s top as a “stem”. The next day she stood erect in the line at school, clasping the gift bag to her chest. Later that afternoon, she leaned into my arm as I read the note from the teacher. “Thank you for the adorable pumpkin. It’s the only fall decoration I have for my desk. How thoughtful of you.” It made not only the teacher’s day, but my daughter’s as well.
Focus on the Recipient
Taking the time to think through and act on what would be most meaningful to our beneficiaries can greatly enhance the value of a simple gift. When during the year could they use the appreciation and encouragement the most? What gift or gesture would speak to them personally? Putting the focus on our recipient means watching, listening and learning about them in an effort to truly appreciate them individually. Instead of following our timeline or our “to do” list in a mechanical fashion, we act on a timeframe more suited to those we seek to bless. That speaks volumes. It elevates the value of the gift by virtue of being other-focused.
As church nursery coordinator I saw the need for this in my gifts to the nursery volunteers. I baked them cinnamon rolls in December in a nod to tradition. But then in February, when cabin fever reached its height and the end of the term seemed far away, I gave each of them a gift: an encouraging book I’d selected for specifically for each of them, along with a hand-written note expressing my gratitude. The impact of my timing led one of my volunteers to come thank me for my encouragement to her.
Freedom and Peace
Other rewards for bestowing appreciation gifts outside the frenzy of the winter holidays include freedom and peace. My holiday gift-buying list shrinks by at least a dozen when I shift the timing of my gifts of gratitude. This frees up space for baking, or entertaining, or even shopping for gifts for family members. It reduces the load of holiday preparations to a manageable size. I’m less stressed and it shows in everything I do during December.
We need to rethink giving our gifts of appreciation at Christmas. It may mean explaining to people our intentions, to counter any expectations related Christmas gift-giving traditions. But in doing so, we’ll lighten our own load and open the door to a season of peace and joy. We’ll bring our gifts into an open time frame; one better suited to the needs of those we’re giving to. And we’ll have more time, both for considering the gifts we give to those we appreciate and for those gifts remaining on our list for the holidays.
Why not give yourself a break this year and take appreciation gifts off your holiday “to do” list? You might come off as the best giver ever when you spread out the blessings over the entire year.
Lara Krupicka is a wife and mother to three tween girls. She writes and speaks regularly about gift giving, hospitality, and finding simple ways to live the abundant life Jesus promises us. Lara is also the author of Pampering Gifts: Crafting a Ministry of Treating People Well for Less.
“Please let me give flowers to my teacher,” my daughter begged that first year we were introduced to Teacher Appreciation Week. But out in my yard the only blooms visible were rows of wilting daffodils.
“Can it wait a few weeks?” I asked. My daughter cried. Within a few minutes, however, I had her excited at the prospect of the bright pink peonies and deep purple irises yet to bloom. More tears were shed that week as she daily recounted the flowers and gifts other children brought for the teacher. But, two weeks later she returned from school bursting to share how her flowers brightened the teacher’s day and her empty vase. That day I learned the value of bucking tradition when it comes to gifts.
If you’re like me, sometime in late October the anxiety begins to build. By Thanksgiving it’s a palpable knot in your stomach, and by mid-December it has become full-out panic. In the name of tradition and expectation we push ourselves to stressful heights during the annual holiday season. And chances are, at the end of each one we vow not to do it again. Yet October rolls around and… stress again. What to do? Change it up! Stop the old, stressful tradition and start a new one. Stop giving gifts to everyone on your list at Christmas. Instead, give your gifts of appreciation to people like your hairdresser, the mailman and yes, the school teacher, at other times of the year. You’ll find that spreading out your gratitude will result in benefits for both your recipients and for you.
Thoughtfulness
You’ll benefit by having the ability to be more thoughtful in choosing your gifts. With a self-imposed, flexible deadline, rather than one dictated by the calendar, you can find space to be creative and considerate. There will be no more last-minute dashes to the store to grab some old something for the doctor or babysitter.
Not only that, but the thoughtfulness becomes more apparent when the gift does not arrive at the traditionally appointed time. A few years ago I started giving teacher gifts during October and November. Having seen the mounds of gifts some teachers receive in December and the less-than-enthusiastic reception they induce behind closed doors, there is no doubt tradition equates with obligation for some people. And that defeats the purpose. My October gifts are separated from the season of obligation, and as such, stand a better chance of being appreciated for their sincerity. Rather than showing up in obligatory fashion, my gifts arrive unannounced, unexpected.
One year, my youngest daughter particularly enjoyed giving her teacher a fall gift. She giggled as we created the padded pumpkin, wrapping a roll of toilet paper (more giggles) in cushy batting and patterned fabric. And she proudly inserted the stick she’d found in our yard in the pumpkin’s top as a “stem”. The next day she stood erect in the line at school, clasping the gift bag to her chest. Later that afternoon, she leaned into my arm as I read the note from the teacher. “Thank you for the adorable pumpkin. It’s the only fall decoration I have for my desk. How thoughtful of you.” It made not only the teacher’s day, but my daughter’s as well.
Focus on the Recipient
Taking the time to think through and act on what would be most meaningful to our beneficiaries can greatly enhance the value of a simple gift. When during the year could they use the appreciation and encouragement the most? What gift or gesture would speak to them personally? Putting the focus on our recipient means watching, listening and learning about them in an effort to truly appreciate them individually. Instead of following our timeline or our “to do” list in a mechanical fashion, we act on a timeframe more suited to those we seek to bless. That speaks volumes. It elevates the value of the gift by virtue of being other-focused.
As church nursery coordinator I saw the need for this in my gifts to the nursery volunteers. I baked them cinnamon rolls in December in a nod to tradition. But then in February, when cabin fever reached its height and the end of the term seemed far away, I gave each of them a gift: an encouraging book I’d selected for specifically for each of them, along with a hand-written note expressing my gratitude. The impact of my timing led one of my volunteers to come thank me for my encouragement to her.
Freedom and Peace
Other rewards for bestowing appreciation gifts outside the frenzy of the winter holidays include freedom and peace. My holiday gift-buying list shrinks by at least a dozen when I shift the timing of my gifts of gratitude. This frees up space for baking, or entertaining, or even shopping for gifts for family members. It reduces the load of holiday preparations to a manageable size. I’m less stressed and it shows in everything I do during December.
We need to rethink giving our gifts of appreciation at Christmas. It may mean explaining to people our intentions, to counter any expectations related Christmas gift-giving traditions. But in doing so, we’ll lighten our own load and open the door to a season of peace and joy. We’ll bring our gifts into an open time frame; one better suited to the needs of those we’re giving to. And we’ll have more time, both for considering the gifts we give to those we appreciate and for those gifts remaining on our list for the holidays.
Why not give yourself a break this year and take appreciation gifts off your holiday “to do” list? You might come off as the best giver ever when you spread out the blessings over the entire year.
Lara Krupicka is a wife and mother to three tween girls. She writes and speaks regularly about gift giving, hospitality, and finding simple ways to live the abundant life Jesus promises us. Lara is also the author of Pampering Gifts: Crafting a Ministry of Treating People Well for Less.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Recovering Genuine Companionship
by John and Stasi Eldredge
John has a circle of things he loves to do. It includes fly- fishing, rock climbing, working on cars, hunting, reading, smoking cigars, and just about anything with adventure in it. I have a circle of things I love to do. It encompasses going to movies, working in and enjoying my garden, talking, taking walks, worshipping, and reading novels.
Oh, dear. Hopefully, somewhere, we can find some overlap. I am also the mother of three sons. I live in a house hold of men. I love them passionately but it can be lonely at times being the only woman around. Do some of you feel that way too? It isn’t easy to find places to connect with them and to share in their lives. I don’t play Xbox. I’m not a hunter. I’m not a rock climbing, mountain biking, backpacking, snowboarding teenager. Often I don’t even understand them. I long for real relationships with them and have been praying for ways to connect.
And John just gave me a Ping- Pong table for Christmas. Ladies, I know what you are thinking—doghouse gift; what a miss! But John knew what he was doing. My family had a Ping-Pong table while I was growing up and I spent hours playing with my brother and with my dad. Those are sweet memories for me, times of real connection with my family. The present of a Ping- Pong table was an invitation to connect. Now I am playing with my sons and my husband. Team games. Single games. It doesn’t matter games, because we are spending time together doing something we all enjoy. Big sigh. Yay!
I also love water. I love being near it, on it, and in it. Pools, ponds, lakes, rivers, streams, oceans, and even bathtubs! All of it. Diving in, putting my head under, swimming as deeply as I can breathes life into me. I’m happy sitting next to a beautiful mountain lake; I am happier paddling a canoe on top of it, but happier still diving into it. We have found ways to share our love of water. First, John introduced me to canoes, those wobbly precarious silent crafts that can explore shallow channels and mysterious inlets. How many adventures we have had paddling around lakes, bays, and rivers! He got me into my first kayak; I was so close to the water I was sitting in it but somehow still remained dry. It was while we were kayaking as a family that we came so breathlessly close to a humpback whale; I felt I’d crossed back into Eden.
Over the years we have found other ways to build companionship. We love to travel. We love going out for Chinese food. We share with each other movies that we like, or something from a book that has stirred us. John loves the wilderness; we found a way to enjoy it together using lodges. In this way we can spend a day out on the trail, but at night I get a shower and a bed!
And, we still enjoy many of our loves alone, or with other friends. There is no need to feel jealous that your spouse loves to do things without you. There is simply no way you can be everything to each other; your hearts are too vast and your interests are too diverse or you to “be one in everything.” It would be weird if it were otherwise. And of course you want your spouse to have a “full cup,” to be filled and happy and well; they will be so much easier to live with. And they won’t be looking to you to make them happy. So good grief, do not fight their enjoyment of other things or other people! Sometimes I [Stasi] would feel that I was in competition with John’s close friends and other interests.
How freeing to come to understand that that was not the case. The place I hold in John’s
heart is not up for grabs. (But John had to reassure me this was so, and God needed to move in my heart so I could believe it.) There is an ebb and flow to the companionship of a marriage. During hunting season, I don’t expect to see John much. But afterward, I do expect him to come home and re engage with me! There are seasons when the two of us are “connecting” well and seasons when we aren’t. What you want to do is create an environment where over time and with intentionality, you are nurturing companionship.
Every day is unrealistic; once a month isn’t often enough. Somewhere in between.
This can feel a little awkward if it has been a while since the two of you spent time together. Initiate anyway, and don’t be put off if your first few efforts aren’t warmly received. A friend tried to get her husband to enjoy bubble baths; that was a miss. Watching American Idol might be a miss. Bass fishing might be a miss. But you are going to have to find some meeting place together. Tennis. Beachcombing. Vietnamese food. A favorite TV show. Scrabble. Square dancing. Do you ever read together? (One suggestion: Maybe you two could read “Love and War” together and talk about it chapter by chapter.)
Maybe you should just ask your spouse what they’d like to do. Our suggestion is to explore this together. Find those intersections of life that you each enjoy and both can share.
Excerpted from Love and War by John and Stasi Eldredge Copyright © 2009 by John and Stasi Eldredge. Excerpted by permission of WaterBrook Press, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
John has a circle of things he loves to do. It includes fly- fishing, rock climbing, working on cars, hunting, reading, smoking cigars, and just about anything with adventure in it. I have a circle of things I love to do. It encompasses going to movies, working in and enjoying my garden, talking, taking walks, worshipping, and reading novels.
Oh, dear. Hopefully, somewhere, we can find some overlap. I am also the mother of three sons. I live in a house hold of men. I love them passionately but it can be lonely at times being the only woman around. Do some of you feel that way too? It isn’t easy to find places to connect with them and to share in their lives. I don’t play Xbox. I’m not a hunter. I’m not a rock climbing, mountain biking, backpacking, snowboarding teenager. Often I don’t even understand them. I long for real relationships with them and have been praying for ways to connect.
And John just gave me a Ping- Pong table for Christmas. Ladies, I know what you are thinking—doghouse gift; what a miss! But John knew what he was doing. My family had a Ping-Pong table while I was growing up and I spent hours playing with my brother and with my dad. Those are sweet memories for me, times of real connection with my family. The present of a Ping- Pong table was an invitation to connect. Now I am playing with my sons and my husband. Team games. Single games. It doesn’t matter games, because we are spending time together doing something we all enjoy. Big sigh. Yay!
I also love water. I love being near it, on it, and in it. Pools, ponds, lakes, rivers, streams, oceans, and even bathtubs! All of it. Diving in, putting my head under, swimming as deeply as I can breathes life into me. I’m happy sitting next to a beautiful mountain lake; I am happier paddling a canoe on top of it, but happier still diving into it. We have found ways to share our love of water. First, John introduced me to canoes, those wobbly precarious silent crafts that can explore shallow channels and mysterious inlets. How many adventures we have had paddling around lakes, bays, and rivers! He got me into my first kayak; I was so close to the water I was sitting in it but somehow still remained dry. It was while we were kayaking as a family that we came so breathlessly close to a humpback whale; I felt I’d crossed back into Eden.
Over the years we have found other ways to build companionship. We love to travel. We love going out for Chinese food. We share with each other movies that we like, or something from a book that has stirred us. John loves the wilderness; we found a way to enjoy it together using lodges. In this way we can spend a day out on the trail, but at night I get a shower and a bed!
And, we still enjoy many of our loves alone, or with other friends. There is no need to feel jealous that your spouse loves to do things without you. There is simply no way you can be everything to each other; your hearts are too vast and your interests are too diverse or you to “be one in everything.” It would be weird if it were otherwise. And of course you want your spouse to have a “full cup,” to be filled and happy and well; they will be so much easier to live with. And they won’t be looking to you to make them happy. So good grief, do not fight their enjoyment of other things or other people! Sometimes I [Stasi] would feel that I was in competition with John’s close friends and other interests.
How freeing to come to understand that that was not the case. The place I hold in John’s
heart is not up for grabs. (But John had to reassure me this was so, and God needed to move in my heart so I could believe it.) There is an ebb and flow to the companionship of a marriage. During hunting season, I don’t expect to see John much. But afterward, I do expect him to come home and re engage with me! There are seasons when the two of us are “connecting” well and seasons when we aren’t. What you want to do is create an environment where over time and with intentionality, you are nurturing companionship.
Every day is unrealistic; once a month isn’t often enough. Somewhere in between.
This can feel a little awkward if it has been a while since the two of you spent time together. Initiate anyway, and don’t be put off if your first few efforts aren’t warmly received. A friend tried to get her husband to enjoy bubble baths; that was a miss. Watching American Idol might be a miss. Bass fishing might be a miss. But you are going to have to find some meeting place together. Tennis. Beachcombing. Vietnamese food. A favorite TV show. Scrabble. Square dancing. Do you ever read together? (One suggestion: Maybe you two could read “Love and War” together and talk about it chapter by chapter.)
Maybe you should just ask your spouse what they’d like to do. Our suggestion is to explore this together. Find those intersections of life that you each enjoy and both can share.
Excerpted from Love and War by John and Stasi Eldredge Copyright © 2009 by John and Stasi Eldredge. Excerpted by permission of WaterBrook Press, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
The Hold of Hoarding
By Johanna Tooke
Maybe one of God’s greatest gifts to us is misery and suffering. After all, without them we’d continue to walk obliviously through life as though nothing were wrong. Like any normal human being I was doing my best to avoid undue pain. My strategy was a simple one: Do good, make things look good, and life will be good.
At all costs (literally at times) I wanted to avoid repeating pain or remembrance of it from life’s past. What’s more, I was convinced if I saved anything from my life that had represented a good memory or a happy time, somehow the darker times would fade out with the tangible memory of things from happy times. As if that weren’t enough, I had reasoned by having a passel of possessions I could single-handedly create happy memories.
My strategy was foiled by the time it took to not only keep track of, care for and organize the possessions, but create the happy memories in between. My memories- “instead of happy” were becoming prominently miserable. This problem of mine was hoarding or in kinder terms- excessive saving.
Hoarding had never even been a consideration in my litany of life dilemmas. Among the complaints on my exhaustive list were: never enough time to exercise, a lack of money to buy organizing essentials, a lack of time to organize and have a workable system, a husband who lacked a vision to see the potential behind all of my belongings and moreover a vision of what could be done with them to glorify God. Yes, I had wrapped religion into being a justifiable reason to keep whatever I deemed worthy.
I knew I kept a lot, but I also believed I was honoring God by having the items. When in all reality, I was trying to play God by keeping things and hoping I wouldn’t have to depend on Him for the things “I could handle.”
Since hoarding had never even entered into my conscientiousness, all I knew was I was miserable. Each consecutive day seemed harder then the day prior and circumstances seemed dimmer. Waking up in the morning was stifling and meandering through the day felt more like a convoluted maze. I began feverishly reading self help books on organizing and de-cluttering. Several years later and heaps mounting higher than ever before, I felt hopeless. As I swirled in the abyss of confusion, I called a professional organizer as a final effort.
Without mincing words she told me what my husband had all along, “Whoa you have a lot of stuff.” Okay, so she couldn’t stop exclaiming in between breaths how much I had. Her reaction to my basement sent me reeling. We made a plan to help me stop the influx of stuff and begin the outtake. Once we parted ways, I spent every spare moment doing my best to clean and cull. Bravely I’d pack another box full of things we weren’t using, ready to be hauled off. My efforts seemed to be paying off. Except I noticed instead of experiencing freedom, I was feeling suffocated and smothered by this new lifestyle.
Still determined, I continued to zealously makeover our home. That was until one day I had a stomach ache I couldn’t shake. When the pain was intolerable a visit to the emergency room was in order. A couple of days later in the hospital, I felt as though there was more than a bug that had paid me a visit. I was reminded of Psalm 23:2, “He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside still waters.” While I didn’t have angels hovering over my hospital bed delivering a message, I encountered a stillness I hadn’t known for some time. Moreover, I had gotten to spend time praying and reading my Bible, disciplines I had abandoned until the house was placed in proper order.
Before I headed home I recommitted myself to be faithful in reading my Bible, journaling and giving God my day before it took off without me. The next morning I flipped open my Bible to the ribbon that held its place in the New Testament. That day’s reading was in Matthew 23. I was caught by the words in verse 26: “Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.”
“Wait,” I thought, “the Bible does have a thing or two to say about cleaning house.” After calling upon a wiser friend in Christ, I confirmed what I had suspected: I had been cleaning house in precisely the opposite order Jesus had intended. I had been so immersed in scouring, decorating, organizing, and saving ALL for the outside- I had given hardly any thought to the inside. At once I felt relief wash over me with a healthy dose of insufficiency to humbly level me; leveling me to the foot of the cross where my real help could be found.
Three years have passed since my hospital visit. Since then trailer loads of things have backed out of our driveway. As a family we are still vigilantly attempting to live with less. Now, instead of turning only to man’s wisdom to weave my way out of the colossal messes, I turn to God’s Word. Regardless of the battle, we fight with the same weapons. “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.” (2 Corinthians 10:4)
Johanna Tooke lives in Forsyth, Montana with her husband Ryan, and three children: Gracie (10); and twins Royce and Katie (7). In between family, friends and country living, Johanna leads Bible Studies for girls and women. Her hope is to encourage women of all ages in their walk of faith with Jesus Christ. For more on Johanna’s journey, go to www.johannatooke.com.
Editor’s Note: Hoarding can be a sign that an individual needs more help than a book or a friend can provide. If you know someone who hoards, please visit The Institute for Challenging Disorganization (www.challengingdisorganization.org) for resources.
If you need a little extra push to get organized, please consider purchasing one of these two resources by our own Proverbs 31 Ministries writers: “I Used to Be So Organized”
by Glynnis Whitwer and “The Complete Guide to Getting and Staying Organized” by Karen Ehman.
Maybe one of God’s greatest gifts to us is misery and suffering. After all, without them we’d continue to walk obliviously through life as though nothing were wrong. Like any normal human being I was doing my best to avoid undue pain. My strategy was a simple one: Do good, make things look good, and life will be good.
At all costs (literally at times) I wanted to avoid repeating pain or remembrance of it from life’s past. What’s more, I was convinced if I saved anything from my life that had represented a good memory or a happy time, somehow the darker times would fade out with the tangible memory of things from happy times. As if that weren’t enough, I had reasoned by having a passel of possessions I could single-handedly create happy memories.
My strategy was foiled by the time it took to not only keep track of, care for and organize the possessions, but create the happy memories in between. My memories- “instead of happy” were becoming prominently miserable. This problem of mine was hoarding or in kinder terms- excessive saving.
Hoarding had never even been a consideration in my litany of life dilemmas. Among the complaints on my exhaustive list were: never enough time to exercise, a lack of money to buy organizing essentials, a lack of time to organize and have a workable system, a husband who lacked a vision to see the potential behind all of my belongings and moreover a vision of what could be done with them to glorify God. Yes, I had wrapped religion into being a justifiable reason to keep whatever I deemed worthy.
I knew I kept a lot, but I also believed I was honoring God by having the items. When in all reality, I was trying to play God by keeping things and hoping I wouldn’t have to depend on Him for the things “I could handle.”
Since hoarding had never even entered into my conscientiousness, all I knew was I was miserable. Each consecutive day seemed harder then the day prior and circumstances seemed dimmer. Waking up in the morning was stifling and meandering through the day felt more like a convoluted maze. I began feverishly reading self help books on organizing and de-cluttering. Several years later and heaps mounting higher than ever before, I felt hopeless. As I swirled in the abyss of confusion, I called a professional organizer as a final effort.
Without mincing words she told me what my husband had all along, “Whoa you have a lot of stuff.” Okay, so she couldn’t stop exclaiming in between breaths how much I had. Her reaction to my basement sent me reeling. We made a plan to help me stop the influx of stuff and begin the outtake. Once we parted ways, I spent every spare moment doing my best to clean and cull. Bravely I’d pack another box full of things we weren’t using, ready to be hauled off. My efforts seemed to be paying off. Except I noticed instead of experiencing freedom, I was feeling suffocated and smothered by this new lifestyle.
Still determined, I continued to zealously makeover our home. That was until one day I had a stomach ache I couldn’t shake. When the pain was intolerable a visit to the emergency room was in order. A couple of days later in the hospital, I felt as though there was more than a bug that had paid me a visit. I was reminded of Psalm 23:2, “He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside still waters.” While I didn’t have angels hovering over my hospital bed delivering a message, I encountered a stillness I hadn’t known for some time. Moreover, I had gotten to spend time praying and reading my Bible, disciplines I had abandoned until the house was placed in proper order.
Before I headed home I recommitted myself to be faithful in reading my Bible, journaling and giving God my day before it took off without me. The next morning I flipped open my Bible to the ribbon that held its place in the New Testament. That day’s reading was in Matthew 23. I was caught by the words in verse 26: “Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.”
“Wait,” I thought, “the Bible does have a thing or two to say about cleaning house.” After calling upon a wiser friend in Christ, I confirmed what I had suspected: I had been cleaning house in precisely the opposite order Jesus had intended. I had been so immersed in scouring, decorating, organizing, and saving ALL for the outside- I had given hardly any thought to the inside. At once I felt relief wash over me with a healthy dose of insufficiency to humbly level me; leveling me to the foot of the cross where my real help could be found.
Three years have passed since my hospital visit. Since then trailer loads of things have backed out of our driveway. As a family we are still vigilantly attempting to live with less. Now, instead of turning only to man’s wisdom to weave my way out of the colossal messes, I turn to God’s Word. Regardless of the battle, we fight with the same weapons. “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.” (2 Corinthians 10:4)
Johanna Tooke lives in Forsyth, Montana with her husband Ryan, and three children: Gracie (10); and twins Royce and Katie (7). In between family, friends and country living, Johanna leads Bible Studies for girls and women. Her hope is to encourage women of all ages in their walk of faith with Jesus Christ. For more on Johanna’s journey, go to www.johannatooke.com.
Editor’s Note: Hoarding can be a sign that an individual needs more help than a book or a friend can provide. If you know someone who hoards, please visit The Institute for Challenging Disorganization (www.challengingdisorganization.org) for resources.
If you need a little extra push to get organized, please consider purchasing one of these two resources by our own Proverbs 31 Ministries writers: “I Used to Be So Organized”
by Glynnis Whitwer and “The Complete Guide to Getting and Staying Organized” by Karen Ehman.
Count Your Blessings
By LeAnn Rice
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his steadfast love endures forever!
(Psalm 118:1)
His steadfast love endures forever! Reason number one to be thankful!
All of us have good days and bad days. It’s part of life. But no matter how bad the bad days are, we can always hold on to this truth: The King is still on the throne and His love is steadfast and true and always. You simply can’t escape it!
As a young widow with a child, I experienced many “bad days” in the past 14 years (especially during the toddler years). There were days when I thought I wouldn’t make it another 24 hours without some help. But God never left my side and, over the years I started to notice the little blessings that each day held.
Whether you are experiencing the loss of a loved one, chronic illness, financial hardship, addiction, marital stress or other painful situations, you can find something to be grateful for each day. Looking for these blessings will refocus your thoughts toward Him, instead of your situation.
Honestly, this hasn’t always been easy. I have had days when all I could find to be grateful for was that the sun was shining or that I could actually get myself out of bed that morning. But, day by day I forced myself to count my blessings and eventually, I started to notice them all around me.
You may not be experiencing a rough patch. You may just be in the midst of a “normal” but hectic life and have a desire to develop an attitude of gratitude. Thanksgiving is a great time to focus on the things we are thankful for and get into the habit of thankfulness! Isn’t it easy to complain about the things that are inconvenient, frustrating, not going our way, etc? Just this week I found myself complaining about my piles of laundry. I should have been grateful that I have running water and a working washer and dryer when so many in our world do not have these items that I take for granted.
What about you? Do you struggle to notice the simple blessings in the midst of your hectic days? Are you experiencing a challenging time and really need to see some “good” right about now?
Here are a few practical ways to count your blessings that may become a new Thanksgiving tradition in your home.
Create a Blessing Box- Make or purchase a simple or ornate box (if you have kids, perhaps they can make and decorate one). Place cute notes or strips of paper, along with a pen, beside the box. Display the box, paper and pen in a location where everyone will see it several times a day. I like to place mine in the center of my kitchen table. At least once each day have everyone in the family write something they have to be grateful for on a strip of paper and place it inside the box. Do this throughout the year and then read the strips together in the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving.
* Keep a Blessing Journal
Keep a journal beside your bed. Before you go to bed each night, write down at least three things that happened to you that day that you are grateful for. It could be as simple and wonderful as a child’s smile or laughter. It could be that you had enough money to fill your gas tank. Maybe a long soaking rain started right after you did some planting. Write down anything that you were grateful for that day. When you are having a rough day, pull out your journal and read through your blessings as a reminder that there is much to be grateful for, even in the midst of life’s challenging circumstances.
* Give a Good Night Blessing
* Give a Good Night Blessing
When you tuck your kids in at night, ask them to tell you one good thing about their day. This ends their day on a positive note and gets them in the habit of noticing the blessings. Perhaps, keep a journal beside their beds as well!
* Create a Blessing Chain
You know those paper chains kids make in school? Make one out of blessings! Cut up strips of red and green paper a few weeks before Thanksgiving. Have your kids write down blessings on the strips and then staple together to form a chain. When you decorate your Christmas tree, place your blessing chain on the tree, around the bottom of the tree or on the mantle. Your decorations will be covered in blessings! This makes a great conversation piece, and provides the opportunity to share the Gospel with visitors!
* Make a Blessing Tree
* Make a Blessing Tree
Instead of making a chain out of the strips of paper, punch holes in the strips, tie a pretty ribbon through the hole, and then hang strips of blessings on a tree. You can do this for Thanksgiving or Christmas, just select the color of paper and ribbons to match the occasion! You can even use a large twig with lots of branches as your tree, or a houseplant, or make one on poster paper and tape on your blessings.
* Give a Treasury of God’s Promises
* Give a Treasury of God’s Promises
If you know someone who’s going through a difficult time, consider creating a box for them and fill it with God’s promises personalized just for them. Imagine opening the box and reading, “My plan for your future, Gabriel, is filled with hope.” I have created a free template with 100 of God’s promises ready for you to customize. Simply purchase or create a box, personalize the promises, print and cut them into strips, fold the strips and place in the box, and then tie the box with a beautiful ribbon. Perfect gift for any occasion! You can find the free template by visiting www.SheCooks.org and clicking on “Resources.” Scroll down to the middle of the page and you will see the template.
Sweet friends, I pray that your blessings will be too numerous to count and that God will reveal Himself to you in the most unexpected ways.
LeAnn Rice is the Executive Director of Proverbs 31 Ministries. She lives with her 17-year-old son, Nick, and their ornery cat, Angel, in a small town just outside of Charlotte, NC. LeAnn is co-author of the book “Untangling Christmas: Your Go-To Guide for a Hassle-Free Holiday,” an e-book filled with recipes, organization and gift suggestions, as well as tangible outreach ideas and ways to seek our Savior during the holiday. LeAnn shares recipes, grace, and southern hospitality on www.SheCooks.org and hope and inspiration on her site www.AWidowsMight.org.
Sweet friends, I pray that your blessings will be too numerous to count and that God will reveal Himself to you in the most unexpected ways.
LeAnn Rice is the Executive Director of Proverbs 31 Ministries. She lives with her 17-year-old son, Nick, and their ornery cat, Angel, in a small town just outside of Charlotte, NC. LeAnn is co-author of the book “Untangling Christmas: Your Go-To Guide for a Hassle-Free Holiday,” an e-book filled with recipes, organization and gift suggestions, as well as tangible outreach ideas and ways to seek our Savior during the holiday. LeAnn shares recipes, grace, and southern hospitality on www.SheCooks.org and hope and inspiration on her site www.AWidowsMight.org.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
The Sandwich Generation: Make the Most of the Meal
By Heather Gearhart
Every day, at the retirement community where I work, I see women speeding around in a frenzy. Cell phones are glued to their ears and organized chaos reigns. One is organizing a bake sale for her child’s school. Another is putting the final touches on a marketing proposal for her job. All are coming to visit a loved one who is ill or disabled. These frenzied individuals are part of the sandwich generation where multi-tasking is taken to a whole new level.
The term “sandwich generation” is the name given to those individuals who are caretakers for both the younger and the older generations. The notion of caring for our children comes naturally. However, the thought of caring for our parents or another elderly loved one may not have occurred to us. When you find yourself in this situation know that the Bible gives unmistakable directive. Psalms 71:9 says, “Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth.”
Given the responsibility of caring for two generations of loved ones isn’t an easy task. The “sandwich generation” comes in many different varieties. The elderly person can be cared for at home, in a facility, locally, or even hundreds of miles away. Most care givers are women, over 40, married, employed, raising children or helping with grandchildren, and stressed to the max.
Take a look at what’s on the menu. It’s a lot to swallow.
The bread. The kids are pulling from the top for gas money, tuition and new clothes. The adults are pulling from the bottom. They need supplies, caregivers, products, and equipment.
The cheese and the meat. The care giver is the sustenance. You are now caring for two generations of loved ones. The children need you to shape their lives. They need your guidance and boundaries. The elders need support. They need independence and dignity.
The condiments: ketchup, mustard and pickle. These are the spices of life. Of course there will be ups and downs. Just think about what you will have to look back on in the years to come. When the children are gone and raising kids of their own they will have so many memories to share.
The knife, fork, and napkin. Now, you have the whole meal set in front of you. It seems like a lot to chew on, right?
Here are a few tips to make the most of your sandwich:
* Have those uncomfortable conversations sooner than later. Ask about living wills, advanced directives, do not resuscitate (DNR) orders and funeral arrangements. Chances are your loved one has already made these plans or has ideas about them.
• If you need to draft any of the above documents, know that each state has different rules and some documents are not honored if your loved one moves or even travels across state lines. Be sure to consult with a professional.
• Find out if your elderly loved one is making the most of benefits they are entitled to. A good place to start is www.medicare.gov. Also, obtaining a durable power of attorney will allow you to be able to act on their behalf when and if the time comes.
• Check out support services. If you provide in-home care you need to plan for relief. Most assisted living facilities offer respite services for short-term stays. There are adult day care programs that will care for your loved one while you work. PACE (Program for All-inclusive Care for the Elderly) is a new hybrid that combines in-home care with an adult day program. More information on PACE can be found at www.PACE4you.org.
• If you live far from your loved ones, you could enlist the services of a care manager. They are available to coordinate services locally. You can find additional information on care managers at www.caremanager.org.
• Don’t forget about other informal support. Your friends, family and church are there to offer you physical, emotional and spiritual support. Be sure to ask for help. Many times your friends and family are willing. They just don’t know what you need. Tell them.
Do you want fries with that? Don’t forget to save room for rest of the meal. Life can not and should not be a singular event. Life must be enjoyed and appreciated. Be sure to fill your life with side dishes. Take time to take care of you. So, if you need to eat dessert first go ahead. Wash it down with a healthy does of reality. Don’t expect perfection.
Just remember to go slow. Savor it. Enjoy every last bit of it. The sandwich generation portion of your life won’t last forever. Just like that meal eaten too quickly, you will wonder where it went. Chew on each new situation a while. Don’t let problems overwhelm you. Reach out for some assistance. And most of all, remember you are neither a piece of meat caught in the middle, nor are you the sole substance for your family. You are the chef making the whole meal work well together.
Heather Gearhart has a master’s degree in long-term care administration and works for a non-profit retirement community in Blacksburg, Virginia. She enjoys spending time with her husband and daughter, extended family and family of friends.
Every day, at the retirement community where I work, I see women speeding around in a frenzy. Cell phones are glued to their ears and organized chaos reigns. One is organizing a bake sale for her child’s school. Another is putting the final touches on a marketing proposal for her job. All are coming to visit a loved one who is ill or disabled. These frenzied individuals are part of the sandwich generation where multi-tasking is taken to a whole new level.
The term “sandwich generation” is the name given to those individuals who are caretakers for both the younger and the older generations. The notion of caring for our children comes naturally. However, the thought of caring for our parents or another elderly loved one may not have occurred to us. When you find yourself in this situation know that the Bible gives unmistakable directive. Psalms 71:9 says, “Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth.”
Given the responsibility of caring for two generations of loved ones isn’t an easy task. The “sandwich generation” comes in many different varieties. The elderly person can be cared for at home, in a facility, locally, or even hundreds of miles away. Most care givers are women, over 40, married, employed, raising children or helping with grandchildren, and stressed to the max.
Take a look at what’s on the menu. It’s a lot to swallow.
The bread. The kids are pulling from the top for gas money, tuition and new clothes. The adults are pulling from the bottom. They need supplies, caregivers, products, and equipment.
The cheese and the meat. The care giver is the sustenance. You are now caring for two generations of loved ones. The children need you to shape their lives. They need your guidance and boundaries. The elders need support. They need independence and dignity.
The condiments: ketchup, mustard and pickle. These are the spices of life. Of course there will be ups and downs. Just think about what you will have to look back on in the years to come. When the children are gone and raising kids of their own they will have so many memories to share.
The knife, fork, and napkin. Now, you have the whole meal set in front of you. It seems like a lot to chew on, right?
Here are a few tips to make the most of your sandwich:
* Have those uncomfortable conversations sooner than later. Ask about living wills, advanced directives, do not resuscitate (DNR) orders and funeral arrangements. Chances are your loved one has already made these plans or has ideas about them.
• If you need to draft any of the above documents, know that each state has different rules and some documents are not honored if your loved one moves or even travels across state lines. Be sure to consult with a professional.
• Find out if your elderly loved one is making the most of benefits they are entitled to. A good place to start is www.medicare.gov. Also, obtaining a durable power of attorney will allow you to be able to act on their behalf when and if the time comes.
• Check out support services. If you provide in-home care you need to plan for relief. Most assisted living facilities offer respite services for short-term stays. There are adult day care programs that will care for your loved one while you work. PACE (Program for All-inclusive Care for the Elderly) is a new hybrid that combines in-home care with an adult day program. More information on PACE can be found at www.PACE4you.org.
• If you live far from your loved ones, you could enlist the services of a care manager. They are available to coordinate services locally. You can find additional information on care managers at www.caremanager.org.
• Don’t forget about other informal support. Your friends, family and church are there to offer you physical, emotional and spiritual support. Be sure to ask for help. Many times your friends and family are willing. They just don’t know what you need. Tell them.
Do you want fries with that? Don’t forget to save room for rest of the meal. Life can not and should not be a singular event. Life must be enjoyed and appreciated. Be sure to fill your life with side dishes. Take time to take care of you. So, if you need to eat dessert first go ahead. Wash it down with a healthy does of reality. Don’t expect perfection.
Just remember to go slow. Savor it. Enjoy every last bit of it. The sandwich generation portion of your life won’t last forever. Just like that meal eaten too quickly, you will wonder where it went. Chew on each new situation a while. Don’t let problems overwhelm you. Reach out for some assistance. And most of all, remember you are neither a piece of meat caught in the middle, nor are you the sole substance for your family. You are the chef making the whole meal work well together.
Heather Gearhart has a master’s degree in long-term care administration and works for a non-profit retirement community in Blacksburg, Virginia. She enjoys spending time with her husband and daughter, extended family and family of friends.
Choosing to Do Good
By Amanda Berry
I’ll never forget the first time I made tuna noodle casserole. It turned out to be quite an ordeal. First, I started on dinner much later than I had hoped and was pretty hungry. Next, my can opener broke and I had to borrow one from a neighbor. But I persevered and the recipe made a gigantic casserole, more than enough for dinner and plenty of leftovers for the next few days.
At the time, my husband and I had a general rule in our house: whoever didn’t cook the meal had to do the dishes. Since I had been the chef for the night, my husband handled the cleanup. Or so I thought . . .
The next morning I awoke and found my 15 x 10 tuna casserole sitting out on the kitchen counter from the night before! All of my hard work had been ruined; it all had to be dumped out. Anger boiled within me. I honestly wanted to take the leftovers and rub his nose in them (both literally and figuratively). But mercy won out. As mad as I was, I didn’t respond as my flesh had craved. I threw my masterpiece in the trash and told him about it later.
As with the tuna casserole, the thought of retribution tempted me after I learned of my husband’s pornography addiction. After the reality of it all set in, I wanted him to pay for his mistake and I wanted him to feel as bad as I did.
But thankfully, God allowed me to play out the scenario and visualize the reality of my thoughts. How would repaying my husband for the betrayal bring any good to our marriage or to our family? I acknowledged that further damage would be done if I responded in my flesh.
When I’m looking for encouragement to persevere in my quest to be a godly wife and mother, I often read Proverbs 31. I often wonder how the Proverbs 31 woman had it all together. Recently, I read the following verses and received fresh insight:
“Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:12, emphasis added).
Wow, all days mean every single day. Nowhere in this passage does it say that her husband deserved good all the time, I’m sure they had their moments. They likely had disagreements about finances, frustration from the children and just got on each other’s nerves once in awhile. And like us, she probably felt tempted to repay evil for evil when things got heated or when he hurt her in some way. But she chose to do good. She acted with grace and mercy, even when it may not have been merited.
The more I think about it, I think I may understand how she responded in this way. It all depends on focus. When I’m focused on the misdeed that’s been done to me, it’s hard to act with goodness. But when I’m focused on God and how He forgives me when I sin against Him, I can then act with mercy and do good to my husband instead of harm.
I’m thankful that God doesn’t rub my nose in the mistakes that I make. He forgives me and He desires that I extend that same forgiveness to my husband and to others — even when my casserole has been ruined or a relationship has been damaged.
Jesus says in Matthew 5:7 “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.”
In reading Proverbs 31:12, I see that it’s a deliberate choice I must make to bring my husband good and not harm. There’s a variety of ways that I can do this:
•When my husband does or says something hurtful, I will stop and pray for the Holy Spirit to guide my response instead of acting in my flesh.
•I will choose my words carefully and remember that once I speak them, they cannot be retrieved.
•I will communicate to my husband, instead of expecting him to read my mind and becoming angry when he doesn’t.
•I will remember that God calls me to forgive, even if my husband doesn’t ask for it or deserve it. I will be grateful that Jesus died for my sins and those of my husband. I acknowledge that I am not worthy or deserving of the forgiveness that God extends to me.
•I will pray for my husband and his struggle with pornography. I acknowledge that doing him good and not harm will help to restore our marriage and encourage him in his daily battle of purity.
Even years after my husband confessed his addiction, I still experience painful reminders of the betrayal. They often spring up out of the blue and send my emotions whirling. But lately when I find myself in this place, I recite Proverbs 31:12 in my head, “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”
Writing under a pen name, Amanda Berry desires to see women and their marriages restored from the devastation of pornography. Connect with her at www.healingforyourheart.com.
I’ll never forget the first time I made tuna noodle casserole. It turned out to be quite an ordeal. First, I started on dinner much later than I had hoped and was pretty hungry. Next, my can opener broke and I had to borrow one from a neighbor. But I persevered and the recipe made a gigantic casserole, more than enough for dinner and plenty of leftovers for the next few days.
At the time, my husband and I had a general rule in our house: whoever didn’t cook the meal had to do the dishes. Since I had been the chef for the night, my husband handled the cleanup. Or so I thought . . .
The next morning I awoke and found my 15 x 10 tuna casserole sitting out on the kitchen counter from the night before! All of my hard work had been ruined; it all had to be dumped out. Anger boiled within me. I honestly wanted to take the leftovers and rub his nose in them (both literally and figuratively). But mercy won out. As mad as I was, I didn’t respond as my flesh had craved. I threw my masterpiece in the trash and told him about it later.
As with the tuna casserole, the thought of retribution tempted me after I learned of my husband’s pornography addiction. After the reality of it all set in, I wanted him to pay for his mistake and I wanted him to feel as bad as I did.
But thankfully, God allowed me to play out the scenario and visualize the reality of my thoughts. How would repaying my husband for the betrayal bring any good to our marriage or to our family? I acknowledged that further damage would be done if I responded in my flesh.
When I’m looking for encouragement to persevere in my quest to be a godly wife and mother, I often read Proverbs 31. I often wonder how the Proverbs 31 woman had it all together. Recently, I read the following verses and received fresh insight:
“Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:12, emphasis added).
Wow, all days mean every single day. Nowhere in this passage does it say that her husband deserved good all the time, I’m sure they had their moments. They likely had disagreements about finances, frustration from the children and just got on each other’s nerves once in awhile. And like us, she probably felt tempted to repay evil for evil when things got heated or when he hurt her in some way. But she chose to do good. She acted with grace and mercy, even when it may not have been merited.
The more I think about it, I think I may understand how she responded in this way. It all depends on focus. When I’m focused on the misdeed that’s been done to me, it’s hard to act with goodness. But when I’m focused on God and how He forgives me when I sin against Him, I can then act with mercy and do good to my husband instead of harm.
I’m thankful that God doesn’t rub my nose in the mistakes that I make. He forgives me and He desires that I extend that same forgiveness to my husband and to others — even when my casserole has been ruined or a relationship has been damaged.
Jesus says in Matthew 5:7 “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.”
In reading Proverbs 31:12, I see that it’s a deliberate choice I must make to bring my husband good and not harm. There’s a variety of ways that I can do this:
•When my husband does or says something hurtful, I will stop and pray for the Holy Spirit to guide my response instead of acting in my flesh.
•I will choose my words carefully and remember that once I speak them, they cannot be retrieved.
•I will communicate to my husband, instead of expecting him to read my mind and becoming angry when he doesn’t.
•I will remember that God calls me to forgive, even if my husband doesn’t ask for it or deserve it. I will be grateful that Jesus died for my sins and those of my husband. I acknowledge that I am not worthy or deserving of the forgiveness that God extends to me.
•I will pray for my husband and his struggle with pornography. I acknowledge that doing him good and not harm will help to restore our marriage and encourage him in his daily battle of purity.
Even years after my husband confessed his addiction, I still experience painful reminders of the betrayal. They often spring up out of the blue and send my emotions whirling. But lately when I find myself in this place, I recite Proverbs 31:12 in my head, “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”
Writing under a pen name, Amanda Berry desires to see women and their marriages restored from the devastation of pornography. Connect with her at www.healingforyourheart.com.
What Can I Afford?
By Rebecca C. Bradshaw
I always knew I was destined to be a business owner, but the only business experience I had was that of selling cosmetics and plastic containers for a few months. This time was going to be different. I was going to be successful. However, my definition of success and God’s definition are different. During my experience at an unsuccessful attempt of trying to own my own business, I learned about something even more valuable. I learned what I cannot afford.
I had noticed a “tugging at my heart” for several months to open my own business as a Guardian ad Litem. My work would focus on providing recommendations to a family court judge for the placement of children in custody cases. I volunteered for 10 years during my career as a paralegal. Because of those experiences and the marketing research I conducted, I knew I was making a sound business decision and would be able to manage every aspect of my new business. I also knew success was definite because, after all, I was being obedient to God.
I gave my two weeks notice at work and started immediately. After intense training at the state level, it was not long before I received my first three cases. Although I experienced fear, I knew my new strength was coming from the Lord. The excitement and heartfelt joy I experienced in helping the children also kept me exponentially inspired.
Things were going well and I was happy to be completely obedient to God for the first time in my life in the area of finances. I knew my paychecks were going to come from the parents of these children I assisted, but I did not realize that two-thirds of them would end up not paying me at all. Unfortunately, in some instances, these parents did not have the money to pay their electric bill, let alone enough money to pay me for the work I provided. After several months of intense work, the funds I expected were nowhere near sufficient to offset my costs.
I asked God all my questions, but no answers came. How can God clearly tell me to start this business and it not thrive? Was I completely wrong in hearing from God? Did I quit my job prematurely? I started to doubt my relationship with God and seriously doubt my faith. With every passing month, I got deeper and deeper into a financial mess. Frustrated and with no answers, I reluctantly took a paralegal job which was unexpectedly offered to me, to temporarily ease the burden.
Despite my efforts to return back to my Guardian ad Litem work, I never got any additional cases. I finished the ones I had started and continued with my paralegal job. Confused and exhausted, I believed God was still with me, but I could not make any sense out of anything. I continued looking to Him for guidance in order to meet my expenses.
One night, while sitting at the dining room table after planning the budget, tithing and paying the bills, I realized I had no money for gas. I had only a quarter of a tank in my car so I knew that by the end of the next day I would need to do something. At that point, I just poured my heart out to God. With tears in my eyes, I explained to Him that I get paid monthly and that meant two more weeks of waiting. “I just give it all to You, God. Here it is. Here’s my budget, my checks, my priorities and my bills. You tell me how I can make it work,” I pleaded between bitter sobs. I went over and over the figures, but I had made no mistakes. I looked upward with empty out-stretched hands and then I put my tear-filled budget calendar away, and went to bed.
The next day I went to work with the same pleading, pondering heart. How long would it be before I would know what to do? I caught myself trying to take it all back as I so often do after giving something to God. That morning, I was asked by my boss to come in for a meeting. When I got there, he apologized and said when I was hired he had forgotten to give me a gas card which he had always given his paralegals after the hiring process. As he handed it to me, my hand and chin trembled simultaneously and with tear-filled eyes all I could say was “thank you.”
My boss was telling me about the parameters in which I must use the card, but all I could do was think about how humbled I was beyond words to be so assured that God was with me and taking care of my every need. How could the God of the universe care about where I get gas money? How could He answer a prayer with such distinction, clarity and creativity for ME?
That day, God’s financial plan for my life started to unfold, which was far better than anything I had ever imagined. Learning to trust Him and resting in His peace has brought me ultimate joy, which goes beyond my human comprehension. Within six months, He moved me into the job I still have today. The last six years have been an incredible journey. I have been able to go back to school and will finish my Bachelor’s degree in three months. Every debt but my mortgage will be paid off within this next year.
Progress has come in small steps, but I have been able to do things and help people in life-changing financial ways that, without God’s guidance, would have been impossible.
Sometimes in our total states of failure, God shows us His plan for success in our lives through Him, and He guides us with a gentle hand and a whispering voice. Looking back, my own direction almost cost me everything. I learned that I cannot afford to overlook God’s priceless guidance in any area of my life. Can you?
Rebecca C. Bradshaw became a Christian during her sophomore year of college. She lives in South Carolina, and will be celebrating her 25th anniversary with her husband David next month. A writer for many years, Rebecca enjoys using the “power of the pen” for God’s glory.
I always knew I was destined to be a business owner, but the only business experience I had was that of selling cosmetics and plastic containers for a few months. This time was going to be different. I was going to be successful. However, my definition of success and God’s definition are different. During my experience at an unsuccessful attempt of trying to own my own business, I learned about something even more valuable. I learned what I cannot afford.
I had noticed a “tugging at my heart” for several months to open my own business as a Guardian ad Litem. My work would focus on providing recommendations to a family court judge for the placement of children in custody cases. I volunteered for 10 years during my career as a paralegal. Because of those experiences and the marketing research I conducted, I knew I was making a sound business decision and would be able to manage every aspect of my new business. I also knew success was definite because, after all, I was being obedient to God.
I gave my two weeks notice at work and started immediately. After intense training at the state level, it was not long before I received my first three cases. Although I experienced fear, I knew my new strength was coming from the Lord. The excitement and heartfelt joy I experienced in helping the children also kept me exponentially inspired.
Things were going well and I was happy to be completely obedient to God for the first time in my life in the area of finances. I knew my paychecks were going to come from the parents of these children I assisted, but I did not realize that two-thirds of them would end up not paying me at all. Unfortunately, in some instances, these parents did not have the money to pay their electric bill, let alone enough money to pay me for the work I provided. After several months of intense work, the funds I expected were nowhere near sufficient to offset my costs.
I asked God all my questions, but no answers came. How can God clearly tell me to start this business and it not thrive? Was I completely wrong in hearing from God? Did I quit my job prematurely? I started to doubt my relationship with God and seriously doubt my faith. With every passing month, I got deeper and deeper into a financial mess. Frustrated and with no answers, I reluctantly took a paralegal job which was unexpectedly offered to me, to temporarily ease the burden.
Despite my efforts to return back to my Guardian ad Litem work, I never got any additional cases. I finished the ones I had started and continued with my paralegal job. Confused and exhausted, I believed God was still with me, but I could not make any sense out of anything. I continued looking to Him for guidance in order to meet my expenses.
One night, while sitting at the dining room table after planning the budget, tithing and paying the bills, I realized I had no money for gas. I had only a quarter of a tank in my car so I knew that by the end of the next day I would need to do something. At that point, I just poured my heart out to God. With tears in my eyes, I explained to Him that I get paid monthly and that meant two more weeks of waiting. “I just give it all to You, God. Here it is. Here’s my budget, my checks, my priorities and my bills. You tell me how I can make it work,” I pleaded between bitter sobs. I went over and over the figures, but I had made no mistakes. I looked upward with empty out-stretched hands and then I put my tear-filled budget calendar away, and went to bed.
The next day I went to work with the same pleading, pondering heart. How long would it be before I would know what to do? I caught myself trying to take it all back as I so often do after giving something to God. That morning, I was asked by my boss to come in for a meeting. When I got there, he apologized and said when I was hired he had forgotten to give me a gas card which he had always given his paralegals after the hiring process. As he handed it to me, my hand and chin trembled simultaneously and with tear-filled eyes all I could say was “thank you.”
My boss was telling me about the parameters in which I must use the card, but all I could do was think about how humbled I was beyond words to be so assured that God was with me and taking care of my every need. How could the God of the universe care about where I get gas money? How could He answer a prayer with such distinction, clarity and creativity for ME?
That day, God’s financial plan for my life started to unfold, which was far better than anything I had ever imagined. Learning to trust Him and resting in His peace has brought me ultimate joy, which goes beyond my human comprehension. Within six months, He moved me into the job I still have today. The last six years have been an incredible journey. I have been able to go back to school and will finish my Bachelor’s degree in three months. Every debt but my mortgage will be paid off within this next year.
Progress has come in small steps, but I have been able to do things and help people in life-changing financial ways that, without God’s guidance, would have been impossible.
Sometimes in our total states of failure, God shows us His plan for success in our lives through Him, and He guides us with a gentle hand and a whispering voice. Looking back, my own direction almost cost me everything. I learned that I cannot afford to overlook God’s priceless guidance in any area of my life. Can you?
Rebecca C. Bradshaw became a Christian during her sophomore year of college. She lives in South Carolina, and will be celebrating her 25th anniversary with her husband David next month. A writer for many years, Rebecca enjoys using the “power of the pen” for God’s glory.
Monday, August 1, 2011
My Last Day
By Kimberly Rae
Small buzzes, clicks, whirring sounds surrounded me. I lay flat on my back, in the flimsy hospital gown. Medical technicians were thinking about the MRI, about the fluid on my brain, about the eclamptic seizures that had brought me back to the hospital. I was thinking about death. Would today be my last day?
I thought of my husband, my little boy, and my new tiny baby daughter. I thought about all my big goals for my life, goals that had been crippled and marred by chronic health problems. Health problems had brought us home from the mission field and removed from me all the activities and ministries that gave me identity. These problems had, as I saw it, taken away my significance.
Over the past year I had struggled with discontent, a restless need to find some way to prove I was still worthwhile. Yet with each attempt, each new ministry or activity, eventually my health (or lack thereof) would hinder it, would require more help from my husband, would leave me exhausted, sick or both. I would end up neglecting my family as I used up my energy trying to keep up with the other things. After all, organizing a missions conference sounds a lot more important than changing diapers. Leading a Bible study feels more significant than reading bedtime stories.
But that day in the hospital, the possibility of it being my last brought a fear more claustrophobic than the MRI machine I was encased in. What if it really was my last day? What if I was dying? What would I want to do with my last day?
All those former seemingly significant priorities I had chased did not come to mind. All the activities that had given me a false sense of identity lost their appeal in the valley of the shadow of death. If it was to be my last day, I wanted to spend it loving my husband, loving my children, loving my God.
That was how I wanted to be remembered. Content. Unafraid. No longer striving, chasing after the wind. I wanted to be remembered as one who loved. And in that moment of light, as the machine whirred and clicked over my head, I had a blazing realization: If that is how I would want to spend my last day, why isn’t that how I am spending every day?
If my God and my family are most important, why am I living as if they aren’t? Why are they taking second place in my day, in my effort, even in my heart sometimes?
The months and years leading up to that day in the hospital, I had struggled with wondering what my life was worth if I could not chase after my dreams, if I could not attain the amazing, biography-worthy life I had always wanted.
However, that day I saw with beautiful certainty that I wanted to stay. I wanted to live, even if life for me meant fewer abilities and possibilities than it might for most others.
Lying in that MRI machine, I prayed, “God, if all I can do with my life is serve my husband and raise my children, I want to stay. Please let me stay.”
God answered that prayer with a yes. Later that afternoon, as a neurologist, an emergency-room doctor, and one other “ologist” stood over me, discussing which of two life-threatening treatments to try, they chose the right one. Eventually I was released from the hospital. Eventually I returned to my state of “normal.” Eventually I even had enough energy to go right back to struggling with my old addiction: the pull toward proving my own significance.
Like an addict, I still find myself longing to commit to activities, drawn toward proving that I am spiritual by outward show. Then another health crisis will knock me down, bringing back with startling force that promise I made that day as death faced me head-on. I made the promise, and I am accountable for that promise before God.
I know that God wants abundant life for each of us (John 10:10). I am learning, however, that His definition of abundant life for me is far different than what I had ever supposed. Abundant life is not an urgent, fast-paced life rushing from one significant thing to the next. Abundant life is having contentment in every season, with whatever role God has assigned for me within that season. It is a place of peace, green pastures and still waters.
Regardless of how small or large my role feels at any given time, God wants me to accept it with joy, to be a shining example of peace—of a gentle and quiet spirit—in a world where women feel they must prove their own worth by their talents, or beauty, or ability to make money.
That day in the hospital did not turn out to be my last day. However, one day will be. When that day comes, I want my restless, discontent spirit to have been replaced by a gentle and quiet one. I want me to have decreased, and Christ to have increased. I want those I love to really know they were loved. Most of all, I want God to be pleased, because I was finally willing to give up my own dreams for His.
Kimberly has rafted the Nile River, seen Mt. Everest, and eaten cow brains in Bangladesh, just to say she'd done it! She now lives in North Carolina with her husband and two young children. Her first novel, Stolen Woman, a Christian suspense story about a woman trying to rescue a trafficked girl, has been released this year on Amazon.com and stolenwoman.org. You can contact Kimberly on her Facebook page under Human Trafficking Stolen Woman.
Trusting in the Storm
Cheryl Fellores
Fears. We all have them. Fears come in different shapes and sizes, but they share something in common: their ability to paralyze us and take our focus off God. The little voice of fear we hear becomes louder than the gentle whisper of our loving Savior.
In August 2007, my biggest fear became a reality. My teenage son, Justin, moved back to Indiana to live with his father. The weeks leading up to his departure, I prayed my most heart-felt prayers for God to stop the madness. God’s response was “Do you trust Me?” My instant answer was “yes, but not enough to give up my son.” That began my journey of truly trusting Him. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5).
“Do you trust Me?” Those four simple words rocked me to my core because I understood what it meant. I’d have to face my biggest fear in life: losing Justin. God didn’t stop the nightmare. Instead, He held me close as I gave up my son.
None of this surprised God. He had been preparing me when He prompted me months prior to get serious about quiet time with Him. During that quiet time, He taught me how to listen for His voice and to dig deeper into His Word. That was paramount to helping me through my dark days.
Over the next few months, I battled hopelessness and depression as I prayed for God to bring my baby back. His answer was “No.” God reminded me that Justin had become more important in my life than my relationship with Him, violating the first commandment of “You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3). As I continued the learning process, God poured into me by surrounding me with women of faith. He also used Christian music to shift my focus from me to Him.
One morning, the light bulb came on while listening to Casting Crown’s “Praise You in This Storm.” Right then and there, I thanked God for my circumstances. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). God had a reason for this storm. He used it to help me completely rely on Him for peace. It was then that I accepted my situation. My heart was filled with gratitude right there in the middle of the biggest storm of my life. My thankfulness was no longer conditional upon Justin coming home. My faith had grown wings. I was soaring with God.
A few months after Justin’s move to Indiana, he came home for a visit. As he shared his desire to live with us again, I had to put my faith into action while fighting every urge in my body that wanted to take control to make it happen. No, this time, I was committed to doing it God’s way. Taking Justin to the airport was gut-wrenching, but I had to trust God, and this time I really did. As we waited, over and over I prayed “Your will, Your way in Your time – not mine.”
Then, it happened. On January 27, 2008, God rewarded my obedience and trust. Justin came home. This time, it was to stay.
In looking back, I realized something. There were a few prodigal experiences running simultaneously. Before this storm, Justin wanted very little to do with God. But now, he’s on fire for Jesus. I also ran back into Jesus’ arms, and that is where I will stay.
The memories of that experience are still painful, but it changed my heart as I learned to completely trust the Lord. God had a plan for this. He used it to transform Justin and our entire family, including me. This became part of our story. The story will be told as each of us reach out to the hurting to help them find hope in the Lord. “He comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God” (2 Corinthians 1:4). God has led me to write a book and to share our story with Christian women’s groups. For Justin, God is calling him to become a youth pastor.
Do we ever learn when the experiences are easy? I rarely do, but I wish I had! This lesson stuck and has become my reference for every time the storms brew. I’ve learned that even though the storm clouds are rolling in, the sun still shines behind them. Our Lord shines even when we can’t see Him in the raging storms of life. He’s still there – just like the sun shining behind the storm clouds. “God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you’” (Hebrews 13:5b). But, it’s not enough to just know that in our heads-we need to know it deep in our hearts.
God has a plan for each of us. He needs us to step up and engage in that plan. It brings meaning to our lives and to the pain we have suffered. We are called to help others to find Jesus in their storms of life.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).
God’s promises aren’t just for those who lived many, many years ago. They are for you and me. We have a choice. Will we trust Him? Will we strain to hear His voice in the midst of our storms?
Speaker and writer Cheryl Fellores is passionate about helping others find Jesus. She and her husband Joey raise four children, ages 18 to 5, just outside of Charlotte, North Carolina. Cheryl actively volunteers with a number of organizations including the Cove Church and In His Steps dance ministry.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Coping with Alcoholism: A Mother's Perspective
By: Debbie Karis Graham
Dealing with my 25-year-old alcoholic son, Will, is a bit like a game of Candy Land. Sometimes I feel like I am coping with his disease fine, and am close to reaching the Candy Castle. Other times I feel like I am stuck in the Molasses Swamp.
The drinking hasn’t changed, but my reaction changes frequently. God has been the one constant in my life.
Alcoholism, like any other disease, has its ebbs and flows. On days when Will is not drinking, he is my fun-loving son, always armed with a joke. Usually, they are directed toward 1960’s rock icons, as that seems to be the era of music on my radio dial. We banter back and forth about Keith Richards and his latest death defying incident and laugh until we are both in tears. At that moment, I feel as I have just picked the card that will take me up the Gum Drop Mountain Pass.
Then, there are those days when Will comes home from work bathed in the stench of beer, flops in a chair, and blankly stares at the television. He usually watches the History Channel and marvels at the lives of others, while his slowly slips away into the abyss of alcoholism. These nights, I reach for my Bible, and cry.
Sometimes I can’t even open it because I am in such emotional pain. I don’t believe there are words in there to help me through the night or even the next five minutes. I hold the thick black book tightly to my chest and run my fingers along the indentation of the gold cross on the cover. Then a sense of peace comes over me. God is there waiting.
We have traveled this road for three years and his drinking has taken its toll on every aspect of life, including my faith, my marriage, my job and my health. Many sleepless nights have left me terribly unproductive at work and not the wife described in Proverbs. I don’t “laugh at the days to come (Proverbs 31:25).” Instead, I fear them. When is the next call from the police saying, “We have your son in custody for drunken driving?” Or, I wait for an officer to knock on my door with the sad news, “I am sorry to tell you ma’am, but…”
I have come to the harsh realization that I can not do anything about his drinking. A shopping trip to the mall, a favorite dinner, bribes (although I like to call it the incentive program), and even now AA has not and will not stop him until he chooses to change. But, I can do something about the way I respond to it.
I have decided to get serious about taking control over my own life and doing a spiritual inventory. I have often read, “If you can worry, you can pray.” Sometimes my prayers are scarcely nothing more than, “God, please help us.” But, that is a start.
Lately, Psalm 91 comes to mind: “He who dwells in the shelter of the Lord most high will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” Rest. I like the sound of that word. It evokes many good feelings. Then a sense of peace comes over me. God is there waiting. All I have to do is draw the right card to get unstuck and I can proceed on my journey. Maybe one day I’ll make it to the Candy Castle.
Debbie Karis Graham is both a secular and Christian writer of personal essays, mainly for and about women. She has been published in newspapers throughout New Hampshire and also in the Washington Post. Her goal is to raise awareness on personal topics that are sometimes otherwise not discussed and empower women who might be struggling with these issues.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Simple Things
by Ginny Cruz
Quietness of morning before the house awakes,
Smells of coffee brewing and my first warm taste.
The sounds of my babies stirring in their beds,
Sweetness of their eyes and the shapes of their heads.
Rumbles of thunder and the fresh smell of rain,
The lonesome whistle of the faraway train.
Whispers of the wind as it rustles the leaves,
The peace that resides in the heart that believes.
Eating red tomatoes off the garden vine,
Running through the cornfields or just wasting time.
The simple beauty of butterflies and bees,
Messages received while down on bent knees.
The smell of a fire and the warmth of the sun,
A good book to read and a dog out to run.
Crisp colors of fall and the fresh green of spring,
Rocking on the porch as the bluebirds sing.
A golden cross as it tops the white steeple,
Church overflowing with all kinds of people.
Simple things offered from God up above,
Crafted by His hands and given in love.
Ginny Cruz, a pediatric physical therapist, has spent her entire life helping others. Her passion for songwriting, poetry, and writing for children is deeply rooted in her desire to use these gifts as God leads. She is founder of Character Trail Roundup (www.charactertrailroundup.com), a children’s edutainment company designing products to teach a biblical approach to the development of good character.
Smells of coffee brewing and my first warm taste.
The sounds of my babies stirring in their beds,
Sweetness of their eyes and the shapes of their heads.
Rumbles of thunder and the fresh smell of rain,
The lonesome whistle of the faraway train.
Whispers of the wind as it rustles the leaves,
The peace that resides in the heart that believes.
Eating red tomatoes off the garden vine,
Running through the cornfields or just wasting time.
The simple beauty of butterflies and bees,
Messages received while down on bent knees.
The smell of a fire and the warmth of the sun,
A good book to read and a dog out to run.
Crisp colors of fall and the fresh green of spring,
Rocking on the porch as the bluebirds sing.
A golden cross as it tops the white steeple,
Church overflowing with all kinds of people.
Simple things offered from God up above,
Crafted by His hands and given in love.
Ginny Cruz, a pediatric physical therapist, has spent her entire life helping others. Her passion for songwriting, poetry, and writing for children is deeply rooted in her desire to use these gifts as God leads. She is founder of Character Trail Roundup (www.charactertrailroundup.com), a children’s edutainment company designing products to teach a biblical approach to the development of good character.
Ten Things to Consider Before Inviting a Stranger In
By Gaye Clark
Gaye wrote a wonderful article in the June issue of P31 Woman about inviting an abused young woman to live with her family for a few months. She now shares these words of wisdom for anyone considering the same.
1. In the case of domestic violence, ask the woman to commit to severing the relationship with her abuser permanently.
2. Be certain your entire family favors the invitation and is capable of maintaining basic precautions for your family’s safety.
3. Have the local abuse shelter or housing authority run a background check on the woman to ensure the need is legitimate.
4. Communicate ahead of time in writing your house rules and expectations. Revisit that list frequently.
5. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from church members. Accept offers for meals, help with moving belongings, transportation to and from work, childcare, etc.
6. Make your neighbors and local police aware of your circumstances.
7. Be patient. A woman in crisis may have difficulty planning her afternoon, let alone the following week. Help her make lists and prioritize needs.
8. Create margins in your schedule: this is no ordinary houseguest. Be available to talk, pray and listen. Limit unnecessary demands on your time and energy.
9. Encourage her to communicate often with friends and family with whom she had healthy relationships in the past. Abusers often cut off or discourage such contact.
10. Recognize radical hospitality comes with enormous risks. There is no “happily ever after” guarantee. While that may be true, seek to look at current disappointments through the lens of eternity. God often changes hearts over a matter of years, not months.
Gaye Clark is a freelance writer and cardiac nurse who lives in Augusta, Georgia, with her husband Jim and their two teenage children Anna and Nathan. She remains active in inner city ministry.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Turtles in My Dish Draine
Turtles in My Dish Drainer
By Karen Ehman
I wish I could get married all over again.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’d still choose the same groom. I’d even pick out the same off-the-shoulder, ivory wedding dress. And I’ve never seen a ring I love more than my custom-made, heart-shaped, half-carat solitaire. No, what I’d like to do all over again is to relive the day my groom-to-be and I visited the bridal registry.
I remember it well.
We met halfway between the Christian college I was still attending and the small town where he’d accepted a position as a youth pastor. Heading up the escalator at the JC Penney store in
We pored over the various patterns and styles in the house wares department. I was elated when he agreed to the dishes I had my heart set on and the colors I envisioned for the bathroom, kitchen, and living room.
We discussed comforters and candlesticks, shower curtains and sheets. But as the minutes turned to hours, my once-cheerful fiancé sat slumped on the floor with his back up against the side of a toaster display, mumbling, “I don’t care anymore. Just pick something!”
As a male, he didn’t find the same exhilaration in this activity as I did. I had dreamed of this day for months! We’d select exactly what items we wanted in our humble home. Then well-wishing friends and family members would happily pay for them. What a setup! What I didn’t realize, however, was that these items wouldn’t be for my husband and I alone to use and enjoy. As they say, first comes love, then comes marriage . . . well, you know the rest.
Now three children and 25 years later, I wish I could choose my items all over again. Who would’ve ever imagined where some of those possessions would one day end up? If I’d known then what I know now? Well, here are some of the choices I would have made differently:
• Our state-of-the-art, stainless steel pasta colander. Instead of asking myself, “Is this big enough to hold spaghetti noodles for a party of 12?” I should have pondered the question, “Will this, when turned upside down and placed in our garden, be able to accommodate our son Spencer’s pet toad “Hoppy” and six of his closest kin, providing shelter while still allowing them to breathe?”
• Our 200-thread-count, full-size floral cotton sheet set. Instead of making sure it matched our comforter and complemented our bedroom colors, I should have given it this test: “Will it still be in good enough shape 10 years from now to be made into a tablecloth and napkin set for our five-year-old Mackenzie’s Victorian tea table?”
• Our Revere cookware set with the copper-clad bottoms. How foolish of me to diligently research and then choose based on its ability to conduct heat on both gas and electric burners. Why was I ever swayed by their warranty plan and top-notch Consumer Reports rating? Rather, I should have asked myself these questions: “Are there enough different-sized pans in this ensemble to make a full drum set for 18-month-old Mitchell armed with two large wooden soup spoons? Will it stand the test of time as the instrument of choice for three different drum-crazed children?” Thank goodness for their lifetime warranty!
• Our beautiful silver cake server with the real ivory handle. This one hurts! Here I envisioned cutting our beautiful wedding cake. Then we’d bring this fine piece of cutlery out of storage year after year only for special anniversaries and important milestones. I never dreamed where it would one day end up. Here’s what I should have contemplated instead: “Will this be the perfect fit as a four-year-old’s makeshift belt, instantly turning him into Peter Pan, ready to take on Captain Hook with his (as he puts it) ‘trusty sword’ by his side?”
• Our dish drainer. Not much thought went into that decision. I just chose one based on our kitchen color scheme. I should have, however, given thought to this:
“Will this be large enough to properly drain 14 small rubber snakes, six plastic frogs, and four snapping turtles from the dollar store after my five-year-old is finished playing with them in the bath tub?”
Well, there you have it. Thankfully our crystal goblets are safely locked up in the china hutch. Otherwise, who knows what disaster might have befallen them. Just the other day, my boys wondered how many shots from a Red Ryder BB gun it might take to shatter real glass instead of the simple cardboard targets they now use. I should have gone for the Tupperware tumblers!
Karen Ehman is a the Director of Speakers for Proverbs 31 Ministries and the author of four books including A Life That Says Welcome and The Complete Guide to Getting & Staying Organized. She has been a guest on national television and radio programs including At Home Live, Engaging Women, The Harvest Show, Moody Midday Connection and Dr. James Dobson’s Focus on the Family.
Please insert links to Karen’s books in P31 Resources
Karen resides in
Thursday, March 31, 2011
How I Slashed High Utility Costs With Very Little Discomfort
by Teresa Ambord
"Look at this," said Anne. "My utility bill doubled since last month!"
My friend's words scared me. If my power bill doubled, I'd be in double trouble. When California's electricity market went out of control a few years ago, the utility company warned us prices would soar. They weren't kidding. My friend's bill doubled, and before long it tripled. As a single mom, there was no way I could pay those prices. So I made some changes. And to my great relief, our bills not only didn't increase, but over time they decreased. The most surprising thing was that we barely noticed the difference in how we live and use power.
Here's what I did:
• I replaced the light bulbs with compact fluorescent bulbs which use less energy. But because the bulbs are expensive, I didn't replace them all at once. I started with the most-used lights in our house. Gradually, I replaced some of the others. And for lights we seldom use, I decided it was more cost effective to leave the old, cheaper bulbs.
• Like most people, we make many quick trips into the kitchen or bathroom every evening. Each time, a light was flipped on for a moment or two. A teacher of mine once told me that more electricity is required to turn a light than to leave it on for half an hour or so. I've never been able to prove this theory, but it makes sense. So to avoid flipping lights off and on all the time, I bought some night-lights and installed them in keys rooms, such as the kitchen, bathroom and bedrooms. They cost a dollar each, use almost no electricity and last forever. And they provide enough light for most of the quick trips. Unless I'm shaving my legs, I even take my shower by night-light which is more pleasant than the glare of overhead lights.
• In two dark closets that have no light source of their own I installed touch lights that use batteries.
• As for laundry, I wash full loads in cold water. If the clothes need a little extra help, I let them soak in the full washer for a while or pre-treat them. I have a clothesline in my backyard and another over the washer. And in the winter, I use a wooden clothes rack inside. The rack cost nine dollars at Wal-Mart and saves a bundle. To prevent stiffness, I let the clothes hang till they are almost dry, and then toss them in the dryer with a dryer sheet for ten minutes.
• For baking, my big oven has practically been retired. There is very little I can't bake in my toaster oven which uses a fraction of the energy. Of course, my family is small so this is easy for me. On the rare occasions I do use my big oven during cold weather, after I've finished and turned off the oven, I leave the oven door open to take advantage of the escaping heat.
• As for savings on hot water, each of us cut back our shower times by a couple of minutes. The hot water feels good but comes at a high price.
Our utility company put the icing on the cake for me. To help beleaguered power customers, they began a program whereby, if we cut back our usage 20%, we got a 20% discount. Meeting this goal was no problem; in fact, we easily cut back 40%. We have met it every single month and barely noticed the difference in comfort. If anything, the laundry takes a little more effort to accomplish, but other than that it's been so easy that it’s hard to believe how much we've saved.
Eventually power returned to more affordable prices and we could splurge a little. But I don't really see a need. We haven't sacrificed much. If anything has changed, it’s that we think first before flipping on a power switch. I've gotten addicted to those lower bills and I'm not anxious to let them creep higher. I've got better things to do with my money than to support the power company. Now that money is tight all over, I am grateful for good habits.
Teresa Ambord is a full-time writer for a business publication known as BizActions. She has the privilege of working from home, in the company of her small dogs. She is also a volunteer foster mother of abused and abandoned animals for Another Chance Animal Welfare League. She has been published in Chicken Soup for the Adopted Soul, Cup of Comfort for Christmas, Cup of Comfort for Sisters, Cup of Comfort for Dog Lovers II, Dad's Bow Tie, and more.
"Look at this," said Anne. "My utility bill doubled since last month!"
My friend's words scared me. If my power bill doubled, I'd be in double trouble. When California's electricity market went out of control a few years ago, the utility company warned us prices would soar. They weren't kidding. My friend's bill doubled, and before long it tripled. As a single mom, there was no way I could pay those prices. So I made some changes. And to my great relief, our bills not only didn't increase, but over time they decreased. The most surprising thing was that we barely noticed the difference in how we live and use power.
Here's what I did:
• I replaced the light bulbs with compact fluorescent bulbs which use less energy. But because the bulbs are expensive, I didn't replace them all at once. I started with the most-used lights in our house. Gradually, I replaced some of the others. And for lights we seldom use, I decided it was more cost effective to leave the old, cheaper bulbs.
• Like most people, we make many quick trips into the kitchen or bathroom every evening. Each time, a light was flipped on for a moment or two. A teacher of mine once told me that more electricity is required to turn a light than to leave it on for half an hour or so. I've never been able to prove this theory, but it makes sense. So to avoid flipping lights off and on all the time, I bought some night-lights and installed them in keys rooms, such as the kitchen, bathroom and bedrooms. They cost a dollar each, use almost no electricity and last forever. And they provide enough light for most of the quick trips. Unless I'm shaving my legs, I even take my shower by night-light which is more pleasant than the glare of overhead lights.
• In two dark closets that have no light source of their own I installed touch lights that use batteries.
• As for laundry, I wash full loads in cold water. If the clothes need a little extra help, I let them soak in the full washer for a while or pre-treat them. I have a clothesline in my backyard and another over the washer. And in the winter, I use a wooden clothes rack inside. The rack cost nine dollars at Wal-Mart and saves a bundle. To prevent stiffness, I let the clothes hang till they are almost dry, and then toss them in the dryer with a dryer sheet for ten minutes.
• For baking, my big oven has practically been retired. There is very little I can't bake in my toaster oven which uses a fraction of the energy. Of course, my family is small so this is easy for me. On the rare occasions I do use my big oven during cold weather, after I've finished and turned off the oven, I leave the oven door open to take advantage of the escaping heat.
• As for savings on hot water, each of us cut back our shower times by a couple of minutes. The hot water feels good but comes at a high price.
Our utility company put the icing on the cake for me. To help beleaguered power customers, they began a program whereby, if we cut back our usage 20%, we got a 20% discount. Meeting this goal was no problem; in fact, we easily cut back 40%. We have met it every single month and barely noticed the difference in comfort. If anything, the laundry takes a little more effort to accomplish, but other than that it's been so easy that it’s hard to believe how much we've saved.
Eventually power returned to more affordable prices and we could splurge a little. But I don't really see a need. We haven't sacrificed much. If anything has changed, it’s that we think first before flipping on a power switch. I've gotten addicted to those lower bills and I'm not anxious to let them creep higher. I've got better things to do with my money than to support the power company. Now that money is tight all over, I am grateful for good habits.
Teresa Ambord is a full-time writer for a business publication known as BizActions. She has the privilege of working from home, in the company of her small dogs. She is also a volunteer foster mother of abused and abandoned animals for Another Chance Animal Welfare League. She has been published in Chicken Soup for the Adopted Soul, Cup of Comfort for Christmas, Cup of Comfort for Sisters, Cup of Comfort for Dog Lovers II, Dad's Bow Tie, and more.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Practical Tips for Caregivers
by Angela Pisel
Most women at one time in their life will be called upon to be a caregiver. Whether it is for a chronically ill child or an aging parent, here are some tips to help you keep the added responsibility in perspective.
· Remember that even Jesus rested. Prioritize time for yourself to rejuvenate. Consider “me” time a necessity, not a luxury.
· Ask God to reveal what He is trying to teach you through this situation. Thank God (whether you feel like it or not) for giving you the opportunity to be a servant to others.
· Think about the emotional and spiritual needs of the person you are helping. These needs, although often unspoken, are critical to the healing process.
· Don’t feel guilty about asking for help. No one can do this alone. Find one person you can vent to when the situation seems overwhelming.
· Care giving is for a season. Other responsibilities on your to-do list may need to slide.
· Go online and search for “resources for caregivers.” You will find links for valuable information on various topics such as governmental assistance and tips on ways to avoid burnout.
Angela Pisel is a freelance writer, speaker and Christian life coach who lives in Hickory, North Carolina. She is the author of the book “Praying for Your Kids Character – 31 Ways in 31 Days.” She and her husband, Greg are the proud parents of four children. She can be contacted at angelapisel@gmail.com.
Most women at one time in their life will be called upon to be a caregiver. Whether it is for a chronically ill child or an aging parent, here are some tips to help you keep the added responsibility in perspective.
· Remember that even Jesus rested. Prioritize time for yourself to rejuvenate. Consider “me” time a necessity, not a luxury.
· Ask God to reveal what He is trying to teach you through this situation. Thank God (whether you feel like it or not) for giving you the opportunity to be a servant to others.
· Think about the emotional and spiritual needs of the person you are helping. These needs, although often unspoken, are critical to the healing process.
· Don’t feel guilty about asking for help. No one can do this alone. Find one person you can vent to when the situation seems overwhelming.
· Care giving is for a season. Other responsibilities on your to-do list may need to slide.
· Go online and search for “resources for caregivers.” You will find links for valuable information on various topics such as governmental assistance and tips on ways to avoid burnout.
Angela Pisel is a freelance writer, speaker and Christian life coach who lives in Hickory, North Carolina. She is the author of the book “Praying for Your Kids Character – 31 Ways in 31 Days.” She and her husband, Greg are the proud parents of four children. She can be contacted at angelapisel@gmail.com.
Parenting from a Different Vantage Point
By Doris M. Cush
I was home making cookies when our son asked, “Mom, who’s that girl?” “Oh honey, that’s the baby Jesus in a manger under the Christmas tree.” “Who’s she?” “What do you mean ‘she’?! You’re kidding, right?!” I mused. As I glanced at his clueless disposition awaiting my response, I clearly remained dumbfounded. Normally, this could have been an adorable moment, but since he only graced our threshold less than a month ago, I realized my husband and I were parenting from a different vantage point. Adopting an older child means being prepared for the unexpected. For us, the key lesson was learning how to confront our child’s past as we learned to define our future together as a family.
At four years old, our precious bundle of joy came to us with his hurts, hang-ups and habits. I’d be lying if I said we weren’t the least bit surprised. We were hoping for a longer “honeymoon” period. But for better or worse, we prayed through our son’s night terrors, public meltdowns, unwarranted outbursts and unexplainable insecurities. We were determined as a family to trust the Lord with our little boy’s fragile heart. We forged ahead flip-flopping parenting roles between “dastardly villain Mom” and “amazing superhero Dad.” In the process, God taught us how to turn dilemmas into precious, teachable moments.
With so many from which to choose, I can remember a particular event like it was yesterday. It was our son’s first city bus ride and I had planned every detail perfectly. We would go to the library for story time, have lunch downtown, walk to the old-fashioned candy store for a treat and take the bus home.
But ah, the best-laid plans of mice and men! By the time I realized the library wouldn’t be open for at least an hour, I was well into Plan B. After 20 minutes of browsing through a department store, I was sitting Indian styled on the floor protecting the head of a screaming banshee from doing bodily harm to himself all under the watchful eye of a city police officer. “Dear Lord, please help!” was my repetitious prayer.
Giving up on the outing, I finally tossed our son over my shoulder trekking four blocks to the bus stop and home sweet home. With each step, my agitated petitions were being answered. His flailing lessened and the reality of the morning’s events sank in as we boarded the bus. Fear had been talking and I had to look beyond the behavior to hear what it was telling my son.
“Sorry, mom,” he repeated through his tears. And my arms, which previously carried him down the street like a sack of potatoes now warmly embraced his worn-out frame. He buried his head in my arms and slept the rest of the way home. I quietly offered up prayers of thanksgiving.
Our son came with no instructions, but what child, adopted or not, does? And yet, the only true, how-to manual any parent has at their disposal is God’s word. As parents, we learn to “trust in the Lord with ALL our heart and lean not on our own understanding.” We learn to embrace our children through love, consistency and constancy. And if all else fails, we learn to stand, reaching out for support from loved ones and wise counsel from professional, Christian therapists.
Well, three months after baby Jesus was put away with the rest of the Christmas decorations, I got to experience another precious moment. While running errands, our son recited the entire resurrection story from the backseat of our minivan as we sat at the stoplight.
“Mom, guess what? See those crosses? That’s where Jesus and the two thieves were. One’s with him in heaven and Jesus isn’t there anymore!” “Him? He said,’ him’!” I had to hold back the tears when the light changed and our son resumed playing “smash ‘em up” with his action figures. That precious moment caught me marveling at God’s handiwork. And from this particular parenting vantage point forged from consistency and love, the view was quite spectacular!
Doris Cush provides true-life musings on her blog, Embrace His Truth (www.embracehistruth.blogspot.com). Infused with humor, encouragement and a bit of “real talk,” she loves bringing truth to life’s common misconceptions. Doris’ spare time involves more writing, ministry, teaching, crafting and songwriting detail with her husband, Dan. Their adoptive vantage point includes 11-year old, Jakji and a 4-year old Rhodesian Ridgeback-Beagle mix, Ginger.
I was home making cookies when our son asked, “Mom, who’s that girl?” “Oh honey, that’s the baby Jesus in a manger under the Christmas tree.” “Who’s she?” “What do you mean ‘she’?! You’re kidding, right?!” I mused. As I glanced at his clueless disposition awaiting my response, I clearly remained dumbfounded. Normally, this could have been an adorable moment, but since he only graced our threshold less than a month ago, I realized my husband and I were parenting from a different vantage point. Adopting an older child means being prepared for the unexpected. For us, the key lesson was learning how to confront our child’s past as we learned to define our future together as a family.
At four years old, our precious bundle of joy came to us with his hurts, hang-ups and habits. I’d be lying if I said we weren’t the least bit surprised. We were hoping for a longer “honeymoon” period. But for better or worse, we prayed through our son’s night terrors, public meltdowns, unwarranted outbursts and unexplainable insecurities. We were determined as a family to trust the Lord with our little boy’s fragile heart. We forged ahead flip-flopping parenting roles between “dastardly villain Mom” and “amazing superhero Dad.” In the process, God taught us how to turn dilemmas into precious, teachable moments.
With so many from which to choose, I can remember a particular event like it was yesterday. It was our son’s first city bus ride and I had planned every detail perfectly. We would go to the library for story time, have lunch downtown, walk to the old-fashioned candy store for a treat and take the bus home.
But ah, the best-laid plans of mice and men! By the time I realized the library wouldn’t be open for at least an hour, I was well into Plan B. After 20 minutes of browsing through a department store, I was sitting Indian styled on the floor protecting the head of a screaming banshee from doing bodily harm to himself all under the watchful eye of a city police officer. “Dear Lord, please help!” was my repetitious prayer.
Giving up on the outing, I finally tossed our son over my shoulder trekking four blocks to the bus stop and home sweet home. With each step, my agitated petitions were being answered. His flailing lessened and the reality of the morning’s events sank in as we boarded the bus. Fear had been talking and I had to look beyond the behavior to hear what it was telling my son.
“Sorry, mom,” he repeated through his tears. And my arms, which previously carried him down the street like a sack of potatoes now warmly embraced his worn-out frame. He buried his head in my arms and slept the rest of the way home. I quietly offered up prayers of thanksgiving.
Our son came with no instructions, but what child, adopted or not, does? And yet, the only true, how-to manual any parent has at their disposal is God’s word. As parents, we learn to “trust in the Lord with ALL our heart and lean not on our own understanding.” We learn to embrace our children through love, consistency and constancy. And if all else fails, we learn to stand, reaching out for support from loved ones and wise counsel from professional, Christian therapists.
Well, three months after baby Jesus was put away with the rest of the Christmas decorations, I got to experience another precious moment. While running errands, our son recited the entire resurrection story from the backseat of our minivan as we sat at the stoplight.
“Mom, guess what? See those crosses? That’s where Jesus and the two thieves were. One’s with him in heaven and Jesus isn’t there anymore!” “Him? He said,’ him’!” I had to hold back the tears when the light changed and our son resumed playing “smash ‘em up” with his action figures. That precious moment caught me marveling at God’s handiwork. And from this particular parenting vantage point forged from consistency and love, the view was quite spectacular!
Doris Cush provides true-life musings on her blog, Embrace His Truth (www.embracehistruth.blogspot.com). Infused with humor, encouragement and a bit of “real talk,” she loves bringing truth to life’s common misconceptions. Doris’ spare time involves more writing, ministry, teaching, crafting and songwriting detail with her husband, Dan. Their adoptive vantage point includes 11-year old, Jakji and a 4-year old Rhodesian Ridgeback-Beagle mix, Ginger.
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