From Princess to Pornography: One Woman’s Struggle with Lust

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Pornography, by its very nature, assaults everything beautiful in a woman. It is devoid of beauty, grace, innocence, joy and compassion. So, after becoming hooked at age 13, I constantly found myself questioning how I could have ended up there. I am a woman! How could I be getting some twisted satisfaction from watching the destruction of everything I was created to be? Was I even getting satisfaction if all I felt was guilt, shame and loneliness? What was wrong with me?

Every little girl is born with a certain beauty, grace and innocence that fills her heart. There’s just something beautiful about the joy and compassion that comes with being a woman. For some, though, the fairy tales are squashed before they can ever grow. Hearts are left searching for acceptance, love, compassion, joy and fulfillment. The consequences of that search are dire.

For whatever reason, my heart was searching, and I felt an acceptance in pornography. Grant you, I was being fake. When I wasn’t in a chat room being the blonde-haired blue-eyed “angelface001” I was in my bedroom, isolated, dreaming about my prince Charming. Fantasizing.

Every time, though, I just felt more and more empty—hollow. I was becoming a shell of who I was supposed to be. After being told “women just don’t have this problem,” I gave up hope of ever becoming anything worthwhile. But then, God sent me a rescue.

Seven years after my struggle began, one woman stood in front of 300 young women and said, “We know some of you struggle with pornography and masturbation and we are here to help.” It sent a surge of hope through me, and began my journey to freedom and a restoration to the life God wanted me to have.

In the years since then, I have found that I am not alone. Many Christian women struggle with lust, with masturbation, with fantasy, with pornography. Some are married, some are single, but all are carrying the weight, guilt and shame of their sin. They know what it is to battle alone because they fear rejection at the hand of those closest to them. Fear keeps them from being honest and open, and it keeps them in chains.

Be assured, that if you are a woman struggling with lust, you are not alone. In fact, you are joined by a growing number of fallen princesses, many who probably sit beside you in church. Cling to the promises of God’s word that He will provide a way for you to escape temptation! Pray diligently for an open door to be honest and throw away the mask.

Remember that no matter how far you have fallen and how much you feel you have wasted away, God’s grace is enough to pick up your broken pieces and restore your joy, grace, innocence and compassion. There is freedom for you and hope found in Christ.

Editor’s note: The author’s name has been withheld to protect her privacy.

My Lips are Concealed

By Cynthia Brown Cooksey


“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, But only what is helpful for building others up, According to their needs,That it may benefit those who listen”(Ephesians 4:29)NIV.

I rummaged through my purse in the seat next to me as I sat waiting for the traffic light to turn green. My lips were dry and cracking from the bitter cold conditions, and I was trying to find my Chap Stick for quick relief. The light turned green, and traffic began to move. With my eyes now on the road, I kept blindly feeling for the tiny tube as I accelerated with the flow of cars.

Instead of the Chap Stick, I came upon what I thought was my lip gloss. Thankful for anything that could provide relief to my irritated lips, I grabbed the tube from the bottom of my purse. Still watching the road ahead, I unscrewed the cap and used the sponge applicator to rub the moist balm onto my lips.

At the next traffic light, I looked in the rear view mirror to check my application of lip gloss. Something did not feel quite right, and I wondered what was wrong. To my surprise, when I looked in the mirror I realized that I had applied ivory toned concealer instead of lip gloss. My lips were now the same color as the skin surrounding them!

As I looked for a tissue to wipe away my mistake, I thought about the fact that sometimes it would be best if my lips really were concealed. I recalled many times when being silent would have been a much better choice than speaking my mind. The reflection in my mirror reminded me that I frequently speak harshly to my husband or children and say things to them that I would never say to others outside my home. When stressed or frustrated, I submit to the urge to "say the last word" during an argument. More often than not, the "last word" should be eliminated from my vocabulary. There are other times when the problem might be the tone I use to speak to my loved ones; in other words, it's not what I say, but rather how I say it.

The Bible has many lessons on how we should talk to others and the types of conversations we should be having with them. Here are a few verses to meditate upon concerning our speech:

• “Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning” (Proverbs 10:13).

• “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise” (Proverbs 10:19).

• “The lips of the righteous nourish many” (Proverbs 10:21).

• “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger”
(Proverbs 15:1).

• “He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity” (Proverbs 21:23).

• “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Proverbs 25:11).

• “But I tell you that men will have to give account on the Day of Judgment for every careless word they have spoken” (Matthew 12:36).

If we hit the pause button on our lips and think about these instructions, we can live more harmoniously with our families, friends, co-workers, acquaintances…even strangers who cross our paths. More importantly, our testimony will not be tarnished by the use of careless words. Stop and think about the visual of "concealed lips" before you snap back with a quick response to someone in your "line of fire." Use words that build up, rather than tear down. You never know when your kind words may be life-changing for someone. Choose to sow peace with your words, rather than anger…my lips are concealed.

My Story

By Daria Wilson

I had been ridiculed, overlooked, and made fun of.

I had been beaten, bruised, and called stupid.

I had been yelled at and ignored and rejected.

I had searched for love and had been used.

I was broken. (1)

And then…Jesus came. (2)

He waited. (3)

Those that hurt me had finally been silenced.

They had tried to throw their stones, but I was still alive. (4)

He gently called to me. (5)

He silently waited until I was ready. (6)

He waited until the ache in my heart was ready for His healing.

He whispered to me again. (7)

And when I began to lift my head, He softly called to me, “My child.” (8)

“My child, I have been waiting.” (9)

He tenderly placed His scarred hand under my chin and ever so gently lifted my head. (10)

And there - in my tears - I looked up and saw Jesus who had died for me, the Lord who had taken all my hurt for me. (11)

He took it all away.

He had healed all my bruises, all my pain. (12)

He knew what it was to be hurt. (13)

When all had failed me, there He stood. (14)

I no longer flinched.

I no longer cried myself to sleep in utter silence. (15)

He told me tenderly that I was now worth something. (16)

He had carved me on His hand. (17)

He softly said, “You are my child. I love you.” (18)

And I had finally been…set free. (19)

1. Psalm 34:18 “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

2.1 Timothy 1:15 “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.”

3. 2 Peter 3:9 “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”

4. John 8:7-11 “When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" "No one, sir," she said. “Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

5. Matthew 11:9 “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

6. 1 Corinthians 4:20-21 “For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power. What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a whip, or in love and with a gentle spirit?”

7. 1 Kings 19:12 “After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.”

8. Matthew 18:14 “In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.”

9. 1 Timothy 1:16 “But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.”

10. Psalm 3:3 “But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.”

11. John 3:16-17 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him”

12. Isaiah 42:3 “A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice.”

13. Isaiah 53:5 “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.”

14. Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

15. Romans 10:11 “As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.”

16. Matthew 10:30-32 “And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven.”

17. Isaiah 49:16 “See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.”

18. John 14:23 “Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.”

19. Romans 8:1-2 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”

Daria Wilson is a single mom of a cherished 18- year old daughter and is a professional court reporter who works in New York City Criminal Court. She goes through life ever humbled by the tender care of her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Trusting in the Storm

Cheryl Fellores

Fears. We all have them. Fears come in different shapes and sizes, but they share something in common: their ability to paralyze us and take our focus off God. The little voice of fear we hear becomes louder than the gentle whisper of our loving Savior.

In August 2007, my biggest fear became a reality. My teenage son, Justin, moved back to Indiana to live with his father. The weeks leading up to his departure, I prayed my most heart-felt prayers for God to stop the madness. God’s response was “Do you trust Me?” My instant answer was “yes, but not enough to give up my son.” That began my journey of truly trusting Him. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5).

“Do you trust Me?” Those four simple words rocked me to my core because I understood what it meant. I’d have to face my biggest fear in life: losing Justin. God didn’t stop the nightmare. Instead, He held me close as I gave up my son.

None of this surprised God. He had been preparing me when He prompted me months prior to get serious about quiet time with Him. During that quiet time, He taught me how to listen for His voice and to dig deeper into His Word. That was paramount to helping me through my dark days.

Over the next few months, I battled hopelessness and depression as I prayed for God to bring my baby back. His answer was “No.” God reminded me that Justin had become more important in my life than my relationship with Him, violating the first commandment of “You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3). As I continued the learning process, God poured into me by surrounding me with women of faith. He also used Christian music to shift my focus from me to Him.

One morning, the light bulb came on while listening to Casting Crown’s “Praise You in This Storm.” Right then and there, I thanked God for my circumstances. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). God had a reason for this storm. He used it to help me completely rely on Him for peace. It was then that I accepted my situation. My heart was filled with gratitude right there in the middle of the biggest storm of my life. My thankfulness was no longer conditional upon Justin coming home. My faith had grown wings. I was soaring with God.

A few months after Justin’s move to Indiana, he came home for a visit. As he shared his desire to live with us again, I had to put my faith into action while fighting every urge in my body that wanted to take control to make it happen. No, this time, I was committed to doing it God’s way. Taking Justin to the airport was gut-wrenching, but I had to trust God, and this time I really did. As we waited, over and over I prayed “Your will, Your way in Your time – not mine.”

Then, it happened. On January 27, 2008, God rewarded my obedience and trust. Justin came home. This time, it was to stay.

In looking back, I realized something. There were a few prodigal experiences running simultaneously. Before this storm, Justin wanted very little to do with God. But now, he’s on fire for Jesus. I also ran back into Jesus’ arms, and that is where I will stay.

The memories of that experience are still painful, but it changed my heart as I learned to completely trust the Lord. God had a plan for this. He used it to transform Justin and our entire family, including me. This became part of our story. The story will be told as each of us reach out to the hurting to help them find hope in the Lord. “He comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God” (2 Corinthians 1:4). God has led me to write a book and to share our story with Christian women’s groups. For Justin, God is calling him to become a youth pastor.

Do we ever learn when the experiences are easy? I rarely do, but I wish I had! This lesson stuck and has become my reference for every time the storms brew. I’ve learned that even though the storm clouds are rolling in, the sun still shines behind them. Our Lord shines even when we can’t see Him in the raging storms of life. He’s still there – just like the sun shining behind the storm clouds. “God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you’” (Hebrews 13:5b). But, it’s not enough to just know that in our heads-we need to know it deep in our hearts.

God has a plan for each of us. He needs us to step up and engage in that plan. It brings meaning to our lives and to the pain we have suffered. We are called to help others to find Jesus in their storms of life.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).

God’s promises aren’t just for those who lived many, many years ago. They are for you and me. We have a choice. Will we trust Him? Will we strain to hear His voice in the midst of our storms?

Speaker and writer Cheryl Fellores is passionate about helping others find Jesus. She and her husband Joey raise four children, ages 18 to 5, just outside of Charlotte, North Carolina. Cheryl actively volunteers with a number of organizations including the Cove Church and In His Steps dance ministry.

Coping with Alcoholism: A Mother's Perspective

By: Debbie Karis Graham

Dealing with my 25-year-old alcoholic son, Will, is a bit like a game of Candy Land. Sometimes I feel like I am coping with his disease fine, and am close to reaching the Candy Castle. Other times I feel like I am stuck in the Molasses Swamp.

The drinking hasn’t changed, but my reaction changes frequently. God has been the one constant in my life.

Alcoholism, like any other disease, has its ebbs and flows. On days when Will is not drinking, he is my fun-loving son, always armed with a joke. Usually, they are directed toward 1960’s rock icons, as that seems to be the era of music on my radio dial. We banter back and forth about Keith Richards and his latest death defying incident and laugh until we are both in tears. At that moment, I feel as I have just picked the card that will take me up the Gum Drop Mountain Pass.

Then, there are those days when Will comes home from work bathed in the stench of beer, flops in a chair, and blankly stares at the television. He usually watches the History Channel and marvels at the lives of others, while his slowly slips away into the abyss of alcoholism. These nights, I reach for my Bible, and cry.

Sometimes I can’t even open it because I am in such emotional pain. I don’t believe there are words in there to help me through the night or even the next five minutes. I hold the thick black book tightly to my chest and run my fingers along the indentation of the gold cross on the cover. Then a sense of peace comes over me. God is there waiting.

We have traveled this road for three years and his drinking has taken its toll on every aspect of life, including my faith, my marriage, my job and my health. Many sleepless nights have left me terribly unproductive at work and not the wife described in Proverbs. I don’t “laugh at the days to come (Proverbs 31:25).” Instead, I fear them. When is the next call from the police saying, “We have your son in custody for drunken driving?” Or, I wait for an officer to knock on my door with the sad news, “I am sorry to tell you ma’am, but…”

I have come to the harsh realization that I can not do anything about his drinking. A shopping trip to the mall, a favorite dinner, bribes (although I like to call it the incentive program), and even now AA has not and will not stop him until he chooses to change. But, I can do something about the way I respond to it.

I have decided to get serious about taking control over my own life and doing a spiritual inventory. I have often read, “If you can worry, you can pray.” Sometimes my prayers are scarcely nothing more than, “God, please help us.” But, that is a start.

Lately, Psalm 91 comes to mind: “He who dwells in the shelter of the Lord most high will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” Rest. I like the sound of that word. It evokes many good feelings. Then a sense of peace comes over me. God is there waiting. All I have to do is draw the right card to get unstuck and I can proceed on my journey. Maybe one day I’ll make it to the Candy Castle.

Debbie Karis Graham is both a secular and Christian writer of personal essays, mainly for and about women. She has been published in newspapers throughout New Hampshire and also in the Washington Post. Her goal is to raise awareness on personal topics that are sometimes otherwise not discussed and empower women who might be struggling with these issues.

The Perfect Liar

by Jeanette Towne

I never considered myself a liar. Good Christian woman, happily married, proud mother of four teens and the President and CEO of a corporation. As many of us do, I put on my plastic smile every day, dressed myself in the armor of coordinating clothes and padded myself with a thick wall of my untouchable façade. As an elaborate feast served buffet style, you could see a public exhibition of my life. What you saw from the outside appeared perfect. Every piece in place, my life was absolutely flawless. Or was it?

Several years ago while driving home with a new girlfriend I had met during a week-long mission trip I began to expose my lie. My friend shared her life story, detailing a desperate young mother who finally escaped an abusive marriage. God spoke loudly and directly to my heart. He encouraged me to open my mouth for once and to share. Risk myself to save another. Over hundreds of freeway miles, I obeyed and shared with my friend the story of me. Young, impulsive 19-year-old student, who at the urging and promise from an older boyfriend, dropped out of college, quit her job, sold her car and eloped. I explained to my friend how that one mistake almost cost me my life. I told her the next 10 years were spent as a captive, caught in the invisible web and downward spiral of horrific domestic abuse. God saved me and I miraculously escaped, never to return.

A few weeks after that long road trip, I received a letter from my friend. She encouraged me to get my story out. She told me God worked a miracle in my life and sharing this would give others hope. By being transparent it would help to educate, warn and provide inspiration for other women caught in the cycle. I argued. Why at this point while living the perfect lie would I want to be honest, open up and share the 10 years of my life that were a living nightmare? There could only be two reasons; one, I would be completely insane, or two, I would feel the conviction from God.

One of the scariest days of my life was the day I had to speak in my own church. My own church! These are the families who have known me for almost 10 years. These are the people who have seen my perfect life and have taken the bait and believed my perfect lie. Lie….who me? Yes. By not telling the truth and giving Him the glory for what He has done in my life, I was omitting to tell how miraculous and big our God really is. He provided a modern day miracle in my life and how did I thank Him for this feat? I hid the story and buried the truth to keep up my façade and show everyone my life without blemish.


I am convinced that hundreds of women come through the doors of our churches, wearing their mask of perfection and hiding the small cracks that produce instability beneath the smooth exterior. We must stop retouching our lip gloss, pasting on our plastic smiles and lying to everyone around us. We are all fractured vessels, pulling our cracked ships into the port of our churches to rest, repair and set out to sea again. If we fail to repair our cracks, we live these lies and are incapable of moving beyond our own hurt to look outward in hopes of pulling another ailing vessel into port.


God has touched me and healed me; bringing me to a point where I can look at what He brought me through and use my experiences to help others. No, I don’t have the perfect life but I’m not lying anymore. Are you? Many of you have been in relationships like I was in, many of you have things you’ve stuffed down and cover. We cannot lie anymore and pretend to live the perfect life, smiling and hiding what God wants to do in our lives to heal us. Healing us and then allowing us to impact others for Him.


Today, He has given me the courage to uncover my “perfect lie,” to become transparent, to share my story. By opening up my life (and yours), we can enter into His will, continue the process of healing, and eventually minister to others.

Jeanette Towne is the author of “From Prisoner to President,” and the President and CEO of a U. S. Based Communications Corporation. She has been happily married to her husband, Sam, for almost twenty years. Together they are raising four teenagers and enjoying life in the western United States. Jeanette loves to share her incredible and miraculous story and is available for inspirational speaking engagements geared towards women’s groups. You may contact her via her website at www.prisonertopresident.com.

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Simple Pleasures

By Luann Prater www.LuannPrater.com
I called home to check on my hubby one Saturday morning while speaking at a retreat. He abruptly said, "Can I call you back? There are 5 horses running through our backyard!"

Huh?

It seems our neighbor who takes in all old, mistreated or abandoned horses had one very clever stallion. He slipped the latch from the barn and boldly bolted out. Since he is a leader, the others faithfully followed.

They crossed the sometimes busy street and pranced along the lake enjoying the lawn. My husband, along with another neighbor corralled them in her fenced yard until the horse family returned. But they didn't return. It seems there was a disconnect in communication and whoever was suppose to watch them, didn't.

So the next day when I returned there were the horses cooped up leaving mountain-sized reminders of their visit. It was time to take action. We went into their stall and found harnesses. Not being horse people, we needed instruction on how exactly to put the thing on these spirited guys.

One by one, together, we led each one back into their pasture. We learned a little something about horses that weekend, but more importantly we learned how to share life with our neighbors. We laughed, planned, worked and rejoiced together when the final horse crossed safely into the familiar grass of home.

Sometimes I play follow the leader, and it's the wrong leader! John 10:3 reminds me who is my True Leader.

I love surprises that stretch me and teach me to simply enjoy the interruptions.

What interruption have you enjoyed lately?


Luann is the host of a one-hour live call-in radio show every Saturday called Encouragement Cafe with Luann & Friends, which broadcasts across the nation and online worldwide. She loves life and her zest for living is contagious. From stained tragedies to the brilliant glow of grace, she allows God to use her life struggles to portray a picture of hope and encouragement to others. You can find more about Encouragement Café by visiting www.EncouragmentCafe.com.



Stay

by Amy Carroll www.AmyCarroll.org

When I spoke in Peoria recently, I talked about friendships' essential components, and one of them is that we stay.

Stay through conflict.

Stay through struggles.

Stay through suffering.

Stay through uncomfortableness (my spell check tells me that's not a word but you get it).

Stay through spiritual uneveness.

Mary Magdalene is such a beautiful example of this. Because of her great love for Jesus, she stayed.

She stayed after He set her free.

She stayed as He traveled.

She stayed through His torture.

She stayed at the cross.

She stayed at His burial.

She left only for Passover and returned AS SOON as it was over.

She stayed to pass on the news of His resurrection.

I have trouble staying. When a church doesn't quite fit my desires, I want to leave. When a friend is going through a bad time because of choices I can't endorse, I want to leave. When God does things I can't understand, I want to leave.

Come Thou Fount is my favorite hymn, and I think it's because this verse resounds so loudly with me:

O to grace how great a debtor
daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
here's my heart, O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above.

I want to leave sometimes, but I long to learn to stay.


Amy Carroll is a member of the Proverbs 31 Speaker Team and the director of Next Step Speaker Services. She, her husband, their two teen-aged boys and a little red dog reside in Holly Springs, NC.


God’s Special Purpose for You
By Wendy Blight www.WendyBlight.com

As I write tonight, my heart is heavy for every woman who feels unworthy, unimportant, average, lonely, sad, and without purpose. At one time, that was the cry of my heart...what is my purpose, God? How could you ever use me?
But as I journeyed with God through some painful years, He taught me very powerful Truths.

For those of you sitting in the place I just described, may you never forget God created you with a special purpose. He says in His Word...

“For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.”
(Psalm 139:13-16)

God says in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,
plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Sometimes the lies of the evil one tell us we are unworthy and there is no hope for us. But Jesus tells us in His Word that those words come from the one who is the father of lies. Please, please do not listen to him. Instead of believing lies, believe TRUTH from the One Who says, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life."
Hear Truth from God's Word today.

You are LOVED...
with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)

You are PRECIOUS and VALUABLE...
your name engraved on the palm of His hand. (Isaiah 49:16)

You are WORTHY...
for He gave the life of His only Son, Jesus Christ, for you. (John 3:16)

You are FORGIVEN...
you need only repent of your sin. (Acts 3:19)

You are REDEEMED...
the old is gone and the new has come...in Christ you are a new creation! (2 Corinthians 5:17)
You are SAVED FOR A PURPOSE...
one for which He specially created you. (Ephesians 2:10)

Will you believe with me today that God created you for a great PURPOSE...one that only you can fulfill?
If you don't know that today, promise me you'll spend time in these verses and ask Your Father in heaven to make them very real to you! And if you have never accepted Christ, please visit our Proverbs 31 web site, and we will lead you through the steps to receive Christ. If you do this today, please let me know as well as Proverbs because we desire to come alongside you on your wonderful new journey with the Lord!
As I close my post, I am going to pray for each one of you that God brings here today...pray that this is a day you will have an amazing God moment...where you KNOW that you KNOW He is working in your midst, listening to the cry of your heart. He desires to heal your hurt and bring you back to wholeness.
I am praying for you!


Wendy currently lives in Charlotte, North Carolina and serves on the Proverbs 31 Speaker Team. She finds her greatest joy in teaching Bible study, writing curriculum, and leading on-line Bible studies through her blog.


Hug the Little Girl Within Me
by Melissa Taylor www.MelissaTaylor.org

This was NOT what I planned to write about today, but when I read it, I knew I had to share it. I know that many of my readers are/were victims of sexual abuse, like me. When I wrote the devotion Stained and Ruined last November, I had no idea how many women (and men too) that would be able to relate to my experience of being sexually abused. I received more emails, comments on my blog, visits to my blog, phone calls, and prayer requests than ever before. I was sick over the amount of women who are still haunted by their past. It saddened me to the point of being physically ill. My heart broke for them, just like it broke for the little girl (me) I knew who had been so cruelly violated.
For those of you who think back to your childhood and it makes you sad or you often feel like a little girl inside, this prayer is for you. It blessed me today and I hope it does the same for you. It is from the book “When I’m On My Knees” by Anita Corrine Donihue.

Hug The Little Girl Within Me
Dear Lord, hug the little girl within me—the little girl mistreated and abused. Encircle me with Your everlasting arms. Still my silent sobs. Anoint my head with Your healing oil; free me from my nightmares of memories. Touch my scars with Your healing stripes. Soothe each muscle that suffered in anger and pain. I know You suffered, too. Piece together my broken heart. Your heart bled and You died for me. In sleepless nights, wrap me in Your comforting presence. Let me rest in the shadow of You, the Almighty. Hug the little girl in me as You cover me with Your feathers like a mother hen does her chicks. I find refuge under Your wings. Help me to face yesterday (wrong as it was), to forgive as You forgive me, and to look toward tomorrow with hope. Your faithfulness will be my shield and rampart. Let me not feel terror by night nor arrows that fly by day. Take my weakness and grant me Your strength. Make my feet swift at the dawning of a new day to do service for You. I go now in praise.
But please, Lord, don’t ever stop hugging me.


And we can be assured that He never will. Today let’s grasp the hope we have in Jesus, and let go of our despair and fear from the past. We are wrapped tight in the arms of our Rescuer and Savior and nothing can separate us from Him.
Romans 8:38- “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, not any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Melissa is a speaker for Proverbs 31 Ministries and a contributing author to “God’s Purpose for Every Woman”, “The Reason We Speak”, and “Encouragement for Today” devotions. She lives in Charlotte, North Carolina, with her husband, four children and two dogs. For information on booking Melissa to speak, information about her online Bible studies, or just to read her words of hope, humor and encouragement, visit www.MelissaTaylor.org.



When I Am Free....
By Lynn Cowell www.LynnCowell.com


"Mom, the dog won't come! I think she has run away again."

Uggg....This was MY time. Why should I have to take care of the dog? I never wanted her any way! These were the stinky thoughts in my brain last night at 9:30 p.m. After spending the day doing the "have to's" I was enjoying a few minutes of "want to's" and I didn't want to be interrupted!

As I got up off the couch, my daughter asked, "What is wrong?". She might as well have been the Holy Spirit Himself. What was wrong with me?

My problem...me.

Do you ever suffer from the Me Syndrome? I sure do; often in fact. If it doesn't help or benefit me, I really don't want to do it! I guess that is why Galatians 5:13 jumped off the pages.

"You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love." (NIV)

Ouch! That really hurt! Freedom is given so I can serve. Ok, Lord, so where do you want to free me so I can serve? Here is the short list of what was downloaded to my heart in a mere two minutes of asking that question:

When I am free from ambition, I am free to serve with a joyful heart.

When I am free from selfishness, I am free from irritation.

When I am free from jealousy, I am free to rejoice in good things in the life of another.

When I am free from judgement, I am free to pray for others from a pure heart.

When I am free from expectation, I am free to enjoy whatever life brings.

When I am freed from controlling others, I am free to see God do the miraculous.

When I am truly free, I will see the Kingdom of God at work in my life.

Friends, I just cannot tell you how desperate I am to see the Kingdom of God come in my life. Desperate people take desperate measures. I have to pursue Him this year in an abandonment like never before. I have to; I want to be free...free of me.

Do you too want to be free? Free to find total and utter completion in Jesus? What steps will you need to take to make that freedom a reality?


Lynn Cowell is a speaker and writer with Proverbs 31 Ministries. She lives in Charlotte, North Carolina with her husband of 23 years and her three teenage children. The Cowell’s enjoy all types of outdoor sports: rugby, hiking, fast pitch softball and white water rafting. She is the author of “His Revolutionary Love: Jesus’ Radical Pursuit of You”; a study for young women. She loves sushi, well worn sweatshirts and anything that combines chocolate and peanut butter.

Who Makes a Family?

By LeAnn Rice

Between the loss of my husband, Ron, and living on the opposite coast from my parents and in-laws, holidays felt mighty lonely. Empty chairs around the table, fewer stockings hung, and wrapping presents alone made me keenly aware of the smallness of my family of two. But letting people in is not easy for me. Loss and betrayal have resulted in protective walls around my heart. Big ones. Walls to keep me from being hurt again.

For years, I was so afraid of letting anyone in that I found myself completely alone with my sweet little boy who didn’t understand why our home wasn’t filled with family on special occasions and why there were so many empty chairs at our dinner table. I knew I desired our home to be filled with people, laughter and memories, but how could I make that happen?

I didn’t know, but God did. Over the years, God put little cracks in my walls and brought a handful of treasured friends to fill the empty chairs around our table and the voids in our lives.

~ Friends who fill in the gaps when I am unable to pick Nick up from school.

~ Friends who include us in family celebrations.

~ Friends who take care of home repairs that are beyond my capabilities.

~ Friends who let me be “Aunt LeLe” to their children.

~ Friends who notice that Nick needs a positive male role model in his life and someone to hit a tennis ball with.

~ Friends who help with the yard work in our overgrown forest of weeds and leaves.

~ Friends who notice that I don’t always fit in, so they find ways to fit me into their lives.

~ Friends who continue to eat my kitchen experiments no matter how many times I set
off the smoke alarm.

I may not have the life I imagined or hoped for, but it is my life and I am grateful for the blessings of family and friends who love Nick and me and fill in some of the empty spaces in our hearts.

I have to be honest though…I miss the holidays I used to have. Yes, I feel loved when my new “family” gathers for a big Thanksgiving dinner or a Christmas celebration. But, they have families of their own: parents, siblings, or in-laws to visit on Christmas, so our celebration takes place on a different day. Christmas morning comes around and it is still just Nick and me sitting by the tree. Well… except for that spoiled rotten cat of ours.

If you find yourself in the same situation here are a few ideas that I hope will help get you through the holidays:

• Find a family or organization that needs something you can offer. It may be bringing ingredients for Thanksgiving dinner to a family that can’t afford a turkey and fixings. Maybe a family needs help purchasing and wrapping presents for their children who would otherwise have no gifts under their Christmas tree. Collect warm coats, blankets and socks for a homeless shelter. Help a shut-in write and send Christmas cards to friends and family. Simply find a need (and there is always a need) that you are gifted and have a heart for, and fill it.

• See if there are others who will be alone on a holiday and celebrate together. Prepare and serve a “family” meal or have everyone bring a dish to share. Maybe include a silly game to keep the mood lively.

• Volunteer to serve a holiday meal at a local soup kitchen.

I have found that doing for others makes me feel so much better. It takes the focus off of me, and I am blessed to be a blessing to someone else.

Maybe your situation is different. Maybe your home will be filled with family and friends this holiday season. Do you know someone who will be alone? Consider opening your home and heart to include them in your celebration. But please do not be offended if they say “no.” Sometimes it is actually harder to be a part of someone else’s celebration because it brings back memories of what you once had. But, even when I say “no,” it means so much to have been invited…to feel like I matter to someone.

Whether you are alone this holiday season, or you have a house brimming with family, I pray that God reveals Himself to you in a very real and tangible way. May He be all that you need. May He fill every empty space. May He draw you nearer to His heart.

Sweet Blessings,
LeAnn

LeAnn Rice is the Executive Director of Proverbs 31 Ministries. She lives with her 17-year-old son, Nick, and their ornery cat, Angel, in a small town just outside of Charlotte, NC. LeAnn shares hope and inspiration on her site www.AWidowsMight.org and recipes, grace, and southern hospitality on www.SheCooks.org.

Extend a Hand of Wholeness: Post-Abortion Healing

By Tracy Nunes

In the article, “Extend a Hand of Wholeness” we took some baby steps into understanding the issue of post abortion healing and why it should matter to the body of Christ. Let’s take that a bit further and talk about the “How.”

Our Words: Be aware of words like “killer,” and “murderer,” when referring to abortion. While we can’t step away from calling it the sin that it is, we need to remember that even as the baby rests in Heaven with Jesus the mother suffers still. Use words like forgiveness, healing and reconciliation when talking about it. You may never know how you will minister to a woman’s heart though unaware of it. Encourage your church to start post abortion healing groups and share this information with your pastor and congregation. You don’t have to be post abortive to start a ministry like this.

Post Abortion Help: If you are a woman who has had an abortion recently or in the distant past, there are a multitude of resources for you. The article may have stirred your feelings and that can be frightening. Don’t bury those feelings. Run to Jesus. You may feel that silent suffering will make it go away, but what is buried will still find ways to rear its ugly head. Seek out post abortion Bible studies, recovery groups or a Christian counselor who specializes in this area. Most of all…know that your abortion will not separate you from the love of God, but running away will limit your opportunities to be whole again. Remember, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4

Internet and Print Resources for Healing:
• Ramah International: www.ramahinternational.com
• The Comforted: www.thecomforted.blogspot.com
• Her Choice to Heal by Sydna Masse
• Forgiven and Set Free by Linda Cochrane


Tracy lives in Hawaii with Richard, her husband of 25 years. She has two grown daughters, one grandson and works with Hawaii Right to Life to promote awareness of post abortion issues. Visit Tracy’s Post-Abortion Healing blog The Comforted: http://thecomforted.blogspot.com. She also has a blog where she writes about all of the ways that God has taken the mess of her life and made it into something for His Glory: http://tracynunes.blogspot.com.

Tips for Preparing Your Child for Challenges

By Glynnis Whitwer

The promise of a new school year burns bright this time of year. Crisp white paper and sharpened pencils are at the ready, as excited children (and moms) fill clean, new backpacks with supplies. Back-to-school shopping has restocked the closets with shoes that fit, jeans that are long enough and jackets to replace the ones that were left on the playground in March.

By the first day of school, parents will have prepared their children well. But, have they thought of everything? Have parents prepared their children to deal with the anxiety of change, the fear of harder tests and the possible bullying from a new classmate?

Sadly, most of us don’t know how to prepare our children for the emotional challenges of school. We tend to find out about issues when they have escalated into problems. This year, I’d like to share a few tips for preparing children to deal with some of the most common problems they might face in the coming months.

Stress

People get stressed when pressures accumulate faster than our ability to adapt, last longer than our ability to maintain control, or our internal makeup is unable to deal with problems. Given that children have very little control over their circumstances, they are at a great risk of facing stress. Here are a few things parents can do:
· Create a stress-free environment at home. Establishing calming routines in the mornings, afternoons and evenings give your children a chance to regroup.
· Limit extra-curricular activities for all family members. Parents can model healthy activity loads when children are very young. Lots of time at home enables you to finish homework, study for test and work on projects without stress.
· Honor the Sabbath. This is difficult for most families, but it was God’s design for a day of well-needed rest. Try and build in a day where everyone is free to celebrate life together.

Fear

Many children will deal with fear at school. Fear often manifests itself with physical symptoms before your child will be able to communicate his emotions. Be attuned to slight hesitancy, upset stomachs or difficulty sleeping. What you can do:
· Establish a culture of openness at home. Always take your child’s fear seriously and investigate a concern. Your child will grow to trust that you will take her seriously.
· Desensitize your child. If your child is naturally hesitant and fearful, introduce new situations gradually. If the start of school is fearful, then practice walking to school the week before. Talk through possible situations. If you’ve never be separated before, then have some practice runs where you leave your child at a friend’s house for a short time and then return.
· Have an action plan. Play the “What If?” game. What if mom isn’t there to pick you up? What if you forget your lunch? What if you get picked on at recess? Talk though the potentially fearful situations and have a plan.

Bullying
Sadly, bullies are a part of life. Statistics say that up to 90% of schoolchildren will be bullied. Unfortunately, shame and a code of silence often keeps parents from knowing about it until it’s too late. Thankfully, there are things you can do to bully-proof your child.
· Don’t over-protect. Teach your children early on to deal with problems themselves. Children who run to adults over every small problem tend to be bullied more than children who are calmly assertive in meeting their own needs.
· Invest in your children’s friendships. Good friends are protection against bullies. Make an effort to invite other children to your home, or to join your family on outings. Create situations where your child can interact with others and develop good friendships.
· Teach your children to stand up for others. This might be controversial to you, but children need to know their parents would support them if they had to defend someone. We need to raise a generation who will defend the weak. It’s called moral courage and we need more young men and women who won’t tolerate injustice. That means getting involved and not walking away when someone is getting bullied. Another mom will thank you for it.

Problems are a part of life. We will always have them. Perhaps one of the best gifts we can give our children is to equip them with practical ways to deal with the everyday issues of life. I believe they’ll thank you for it when they’ve become adults who persevere through pain, and come out victorious.


Glynnis has written a book on this subject titled “When Your Child is Hurting.” In the book, she explores these three topics, plus 11 other common, everyday issues children face. Each chapter contains Scripture verses, inspiring quotes and discussion questions to be used in a small group setting or individually. It’s filled with practical parenting tips and encouraging stories. Click here to purchase or read more.

His Amazing Touch

By Carolyn H. Reynolds

Slipping into the back-row seat for the breakout session, “Preparing for the Battlefield through Prayer,” at the 2009 She Speaks Conference, my eyes surveyed the room for a chair closer to the speaker. I knew God had directed me to this session, and I didn’t want to miss a word. There was not a single empty chair in sight; the classroom was filled to capacity. Disappointed with myself for lingering a little too long at the book table, I sat down in the back row and prepared to focus my full attention on the speaker’s presentation. Always the dutiful student, I was equipped with a class syllabus and arsenal of multicolored pens.

Getting equipped for spiritual battle has been a goal of mine for a long time, but especially now. There was an upcoming marriage enrichment weekend which my husband I were coordinating and my pastor warned us to always be on the alert for the tactics of the enemy, especially during ministry. My protective armor was a little rusty; it needed to be dusted, oiled, and polished! I knew I needed a renewed commitment to strap on the helmet of salvation, to put on the breastplate of righteousness, the belt of truth, the sandals of the gospel of peace. Oh, how I needed a persistent, firm grip on the shield of faith. And most importantly, I needed a renewed commitment to take up my only defensive weapon, the sword of the spirit, the Living Word of God.

Immediately, I knew I would need to be laser-focused because nearby commotions began with later-than-me arrivals, and sound technicians making adjustments. Then the gal next to me began rubbing her eyes, and she asked if I had a tissue. After a quick survey through my usual everything-but-the-kitchen-sink handbag, I told her regretfully, I had none. Her head was slightly bowed forward, and her face remained concealed with her silky chestnut hair. She continued to rub her eyes. She must be having contact lens problems, I empathized. I’d like to think my motive was more out of compassion for another, but it was an “inner nudge to action” that wouldn’t stop. So up I sprang to locate and return with the needed TISSUES. Still, without any eye contact, my classmate waved to me a sweet thank-you. Whew! No more distractions.

A quiet hush fell over the room as our speaker, Luann, asked us to bow our heads for the opening prayer. It was at that very moment that I had overwhelming inclination to touch this person next to me on the shoulder. “No, not another distraction,” I thought. Had I not just purposed to stay focused on Luann’s prayer and message? Had I not heard from God to attend this session to learn and apply the principles we would hear? I struggled with myself regarding staying focused on the ongoing prayer, versus touching my classmate.

In a split-second my mind filled with questions, and the self-talk went something like this: “You don’t know this gal; she’ll think you’re nuts and she’d probably be right! Why risk making a fool of yourself? What if you scare her? What if…” That did it! Somewhere along my faith journey, I learned to take captive the “what if’s” of doubt and deception, and boldly step into the faith walk of “what if I fail to obey the voice of God?” I remembered that His sheep know His voice, and that there is peace in the center of His will. There was a prayer team back home praying for me to hear from God at “She Speaks”. And hadn’t my husband prayed over me that morning for God’s direction for my day?

So, by faith, I reached out and touched her. My heart suddenly warmed, and my hand gently began stoking her arm. It was a tender moment, reminding me of intimate memories with my children. Time seemed to stand still while my hand continued making soft circles on her arm. The prayer ended and our gazes continued focused forward on the speaker. Together we sat, two strangers, who were now connected by a spiritual bond of love.

Throughout the session, principles of effective prayers were interspersed with pertinent applications. The hour passed quickly. My colored highlighters got a workout, and the notes on Spiritual Warfare could parallel a Picasso. It was clear that spiritual warfare was not for the faint of faith. There were serious and somber charges to Christian prayer warriors like taking our thoughts captive and realizing the battle is the Lord’s.

At the conclusion of the session, we were challenged to find a prayer partner. At that time Tammy and I, introduced ourselves, paired together, and found our way to the prayer room. She took my arms in her hands tightly and shook me as if to get my attention.

“Carolyn, you’ll never believe what your touch during the opening prayer was to me. It was a gift from God. You see, I have been holding back tears throughout the conference because of the recent death of my precious son, Nick.” Just as I was entering the classroom, an “innocent” Mother whose son was fighting leukemia asked how Nick was doing. That’s when the dam broke.
Tears sprang from her eyes as she told me of the courageous journey of her precious son, Nicholas, who fought brain tumors for six years. At the conference the loneliness of missing Nick had tugged heavily at her heartstrings.

“When you reached over and touched me during the opening prayer, I knew it was a miracle from God,” Tammy explained. “The way you made gentle circles on my arm, was exactly the way Nick showed his love to me.”

What a gift from God we both experienced that day, His amazing touch.

Carolyn and Tammy have remained friends since the 2009 She Speaks Conference. You can read more about Tammy on her blog at http://www.tammynischan.com/.


Carolyn H. Reynolds, M.A. resides in Tampa Bay, Florida. She is a Bible teacher, Christian Life Purpose Coach, and president of Growth in Faith, an interdenominational ministry for women. Married to her dentist and best friend, Michael, they founded Pathway Partners for the purpose of encouragement through speaking, writing and coaching. They have authored a devotional book, “Pocket Pearls” and have hosted a television show, “Growing in Faith”. As new empty nesters, they retreat to Flat Rock, NC, where they conduct marriage conferences, and facilitate Life-Plans for individuals and couples. www.pathway-partners.com.

A Well-Pruned Life

By Erin Bunting

Outside my office window are two small mail-order apple trees that my husband and son planted ten years ago. When the plants first arrived they looked like a couple of dead sticks -- no branches, no leaves, their sparse, scraggly roots wrapped in plastic. Nothing suggested what kind of trees they’d someday grow up to be except for little labels marked “MacIntosh” and “Liberty.”

For the first couple of years, the trees grew leaves on their weak, feeble branches, but no apples. Finally one spring, they blossomed and bore their first fruit – small, hard, spotted, ugly, sour and inedible.

Eventually, the trees grew enough branches to require pruning. Knowing nothing about the proper pruning of fruit trees I asked a local orchard owner for advice. He drew me a diagram, gave me a few tips, and I also bought a book. Every year since, in the late winter when the trees are still dormant, I head out with my pruning shears and sink the sharp, hooked blades into the tender bark, lopping off dead, damaged or diseased limbs, useless shoots and branches. Later, when the weather warms a little and the branches are more pliable, I attach cords to any upward-reaching limbs and bind them to the trunk, training them into the characteristic graceful downward curve of apple trees.

They always look a little pathetic after pruning – shorn, bound and naked, exposed. But miraculously, a couple of months later, buds, then leaves then fragrant blossoms burst open gloriously and adorn those once-bare branches. In late June, tiny apples replace the blossoms. When I untie the cords the branches hold their new shape. With proper pruning, those little sticks have grown into flourishing, fruitful trees. Every year they yield not only more apples, but larger, tastier, prettier, healthier ones. Last fall I gathered enough to can several quarts of homemade applesauce.
I prune my apple trees to remove useless, superfluous growth and to allow in more sunlight, which encourages fruit production and ripening. In the same way, God disciplines me to remove what’s useless and superfluous, sinful, selfish or simply unnecessary, from my life. His pruning allows more “Son-light” in to encourage spiritual fruitfulness in me, the “fruit of the Spirit” which is “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23)

Jesus described God as “the gardener” who “cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” (John 15:2) The Greek word for prune, “kathairo,” means to purge or cleanse of filth or impurity. It’s what James meant when he encouraged Christians to “get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.” (James 1:21) By removing what’s harmful, diseased or useless, God’s pruning makes way for healthy spiritual growth.
Pruning takes time, patience and know-how. A wise fruit grower knows exactly when, where and how much to prune. He also knows that over-pruning can damage or even kill a growing tree. It must be done gradually, in the proper season, a little at a time over a tree’s entire life. God, too, knows exactly when, where and how much pruning I need and can withstand. Like a wise gardener, He disciplines me gradually and in the proper season as I grow in Christ’s likeness. Even though I was “made perfect” by Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross, I am constantly in the process of “being made holy” (Hebrews 10:14). With His discipline, God trims, shapes and trains me a little at a time, removing what’s harmful, sinful or simply useless so that I may achieve wholeness and maturity, and bear healthy fruit.

Still, even though I know that pruning is good for me, sometimes it hurts -- a lot. The writer of Hebrews said, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.” (Hebrews 12:11). Remember, pruning requires the sharp blades of loppers, shears, snips, and saws. Sometimes, God has to wound me before He can use me. But thankfully, His cuts are kind, clean and precise, and always for my good – to shape me into the disciple He wants me to be.

Like my apple trees, sometimes I feel a little pathetic after pruning – shorn, bound and naked, exposed. But God promises He’ll never abandon me in that condition. Rather, after I have suffered a little while, He promises to restore me and make me “strong, firm and steadfast.” (1 Peter 5:10) And then, as I continue to grow, miraculously, I blossom. Tended by God’s skillful discipline, my “feeble arms and weak knees” are strengthened and able to hold their new shape. And eventually, I bear the fruit of a strong, firm, well-pruned life -- a “harvest of righteousness and peace.” (Hebrews 12:11) Sure, pruning hurts. But the results are worth it. Like Oswald Chambers said, “To be hurt by Jesus is the most exquisite hurt conceivable.”
Jesus Himself said simply, “Make a tree good and its fruit will be good. Make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit.” (Matthew 12: 33)

With proper care and pruning, I’ve watched a couple of dead-looking sticks grow into productive, fruitful trees. And now, every fall I look forward to the sweet, juicy crunch of fresh, crisp Macintosh and Liberty apples. Likewise, with proper care and pruning, I’ve experienced God’s shaping and transformation of me, a little at a time, closer to the image of Christ. Even though it’s sometimes painful and I have lots more growing to do, I’ve learned to patiently welcome the “exquisite hurts,” the careful cleansing cuts administered by my heavenly Father.

Erin Bunting is a writer, speaker, actor, athlete and artist whose mission is to communicate God’s truth clearly, creatively, responsibly and relevantly. Erin holds degrees in journalism, theater arts and English. She has recently contributed essays to “P31 Woman,” “FullFill,” and “Kyria.” She lives in Ohio with her husband and two sons.

Resources for the Grieving

Leann Rice, Executive Director of Operations for Proverbs 31 Ministries, offers insight and support to the grieving, based on her experiences as a widow and single mom at www.awidowsmight.blogspot.com.



Jennifer Silvera, She Speaks Graduate and author of the book "Believe: A Young Widow's Journey Through Brokenness and Back" shares her story of hope and encouragement at www.believenow.com.


For Grief Recovery Support groups visit www.griefshare.org.
GriefShare is a friendly, caring group of people who will walk alongside you through one of life’s most difficult experiences. You don’t have to go through the grieving process alone.

Love’s Perfect Plan…The Rest of the Story

By Danita Dalton Hiles

This first part of this story was featured in the February 2008 issue of the P31 Woman Magazine. Seven weeks after Audrey's adoption was finalized, a shocking phone call came. The Hiles family once again became a family of three.

For seven weeks, we were a family of four. The court battle was over, the paperwork was filed and our newly adopted daughter, Audrey, was officially a Hiles in name as well as in our hearts. Hurrah! It was definitely a season of rejoicing and thanksgiving.

And then the phone rang again. Isn’t it amazing how often a simple phone call and the news that it brings can change the course of our lives?

Early October 2, 2003, the shrill ringing of the phone served to change our ‘happily ever after’ into a movie of the week. My husband, Dave had collapsed at his desk on Pearl Harbor in Honolulu. And the voice on the other end of the phone was telling me that my marathon running, fun loving, all American, ‘officer and a gentlemen’ Navy husband was being rushed by ambulance to the nearest hospital. The next few minutes were a blur: frantic driving, cell phone calls to family and friends, anguished prayers with absolutely no eloquence. Simply Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! No, No, No! This can’t be happening. But it was. And at 8:30 that morning the ER doctor came out with the impossible news that my Dave was gone. Forever. They were unable to revive him following a massive heart attack at his desk.

Driving home with a dear friend, it was as if I was in a dream. Passing other cars filled with laughing, happy people going on with their lives. How can this be? Walking in the house, sunlight streaming in, it all looked so normal. But everything had changed. Telling my girls about Dave’s death is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Two –year-old Audrey was fairly oblivious, but the look of disbelief and shock in eight-year-old Kelsey’s eyes will stay with me forever.

Sometimes, as in the case of Audrey’s adoption, prayers are answered in a miraculous way and we can clearly see the hand of God at work. In other times, it seems as though the prayers were not being answered at all, but that a giant door was being slammed in our face. I have learned over the past few years that God always answers our prayers. That, as it says in the Psalms, if we have a thousand ‘why?s’ we can always count on the fact that He is loving and He is strong. And that His strength is enough to get us through anything. Sometimes, when nothing in the situation changes, when there is no miracle and the ugliness of life threatens to overwhelms us completely, we realize it ‘is what it is…..but He is who He is.

Throughout Audrey’s adoption process, I had clung to 1Timothy 1:6: ‘I know in whom I believe and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed to Him.‘ The night of Dave’s death I begged the Lord for a verse to stand on – I knew my Bible was full of encouragement and hope but I was desperate for Him to give me a specific word. On my bedside table was a devotional book I had been reading- it was open to a devotional on Psalm 16:5-20 ‘This is my portion and my cup…the boundaries will fall for me in pleasant places…I will keep Him before me…there will be joy again in His presence.’

During the next few weeks and month these simple verses were my lifeline.

I cried out to the Lord – that is a phrase we hear a lot. When you read it in the Psalms, it is easy to romanticize the idea: telling God in poetic words how you trust Him in your situation. My reality did not feel like a romantic Psalm at all. Crying out to the Lord involved a whole lot of tears and many boxes of Kleenex. Sleepless nights. Cries of frustration, anger and abandonment. But somehow in the midst of it all I knew that He was with me. And in each day that followed there was ‘enough’ of what I needed to get through.

Four years later, those desperate feelings have eased, but some things have not changed. I am a single mother doing my best to raise my two girls to love Jesus and serve Him. I am still astounded to check the box marked ‘widow’ on my tax return, but I’m also privileged that He keeps opening doors for me to reach out to other precious sisters who have lost their husbands.

God has remained faithful to all of His promises (did I ever doubt that He would?!!) There has been joy again in His presence. I have learned to lean on Him in ways that I may never have been able to do with Dave at my side. There are still a lot of questions but ultimately His word had been true and He has been enough.

Light in the Darkness

By Susan Senechal

It was a week from hell. A friend, a young mother with two young daughters, is diagnosed with breast cancer. Another, whose children are the same ages as my own, is rushed to the ER with severe chest pains. My mom e-mails that she’s been getting tired and winded very quickly, so she has seen a doctor. Twice before she’s had cancer—this time it’s a rapid irregular heartbeat. She’s on medication for 3 weeks, and then the doctor will “shock” her heart into a regular rhythm. Until then, there’s a concern for blood clots and stroke. My sister-in-law, whose twin sister died almost exactly a year ago in a tragic car crash, now loses her mother to cancer just a week before Christmas. And on my own street, in a quiet suburban neighborhood, not more than a few doors down, two women are killed. Fear and police activity fill our street as a teenage neighbor is arrested for the murders. We try to shield our 5 and 7 year olds from the ugliness as they see police cars and television crews, but there’s no shielding ourselves from the world gone dark. I’m overwhelmed.

And so, a week before Christmas, I sit in the pew as we begin to sing “O Little Town of Bethlehem.” On the second line, tears begin to fall, “…above thy dark and dreamless sleep…” That’s what I feel—the darkness and dreamlessness. The world seems to have been overtaken by the prince of darkness. There is so much pain and grief and suffering; how can we endure? And why all this suffering at Christmas, the season of good cheer?

Despite my flood of tears the song continues. Though I am unable to sing, I hear the words, “…yet in thy dark streets shineth the everlasting light…” and I know the darkness is temporary because there’s a light in the darkness that can’t be put out. Psalm 139:13 says “Even the darkness will not be dark to you…” and Ps. 18:28, “my God turns my darkness into light”. That’s exactly what Christmas is about. John tells us, “The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.” (John 1:9) God entered our world at Christmas to be the light of the world.

Recently I learned when Jesus said, “I am the light of the world,” it was at the end of the feast of tabernacles. This festival was known for the beauty of its lights. A ring of lights from camped pilgrims surrounded Jerusalem, and in the temple courts a giant menorah burned for 7 days. But at the end of the feast, the light in the temple courts was put out, and as the pilgrims prepared to go home it felt like the world was plunged into darkness. That’s when Jesus said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” (John 8:12) God is the God of time and of timing—when our world is plunged into a darkness we can’t understand, he says, “let there be light.” And he says “I am the light.”

That night I turn out the lights in the living room and just turn on the lights on my tree. As I look at the lights I remember God’s words, “The people living in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned.” (Matt 4:16) And from the prophet Isaiah, “I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.”
(Is 42:16)

Despite the darkness of this world, there is a Light that darkness cannot overcome. I will let that Light be my guide.

Susan Senechal lives near Houston, Texas with her husband and two children, Matthew and Brianna. For ten years she has led a women's Bible study at her home congregation, and she occasionally writes and speaks for women's ministry events at her church.

Attack of the Killer Weeds

By Paula Friedrichsen

We recently moved into a smaller home in an effort to down-size and prepare our finances for my husband’s impending retirement. Our little house has a planter that skirts the entire length of the home, and it was originally filled with ugly ground cover. This last spring my husband tore out all the ugly ground cover and we replaced it with a vast assortment of flowers. That planter is now a stunning display of color as you drive up to our home. Everyone who visits mentions its beauty. It is thriving, flourishing, it is well tended- it is alive!

But that ground cover wants to come back. At first it appears as just a little leafy greenery, but before you know it, it has sent out tentacle-like shoots that begin to insidiously wind their way around and around the stems of the flowers. This stuff is evil! As I winds around each stem, it tightens and slowly chokes the life out of my lovely blossoms.

Every day Jeff or I have to rescue the flowers from “The Attack of the Killer Weeds.” If we want our flower garden to continue to thrive and “wow” all the neighbors, then we have to be diligent.

If you allow Him, God will tend the garden of your marriage and examine it by the light of His Word. He can remove some pretty nasty weeds and plant some exciting new things. But you’ll have to be diligent in your effort not to be overtaken again by the weeds. Remember the weeds are insidious. At first they appear as benign and non-threatening, but don’t be fooled- anything that is not a flower does not belong in your garden.

A weed may start off as just a negative memory of something unkind your husband said or did lately. From negative memory to rumination…from rumination to negative emotions…from negative emotions to negative behavior…from negative behavior to resentment. Bam! You’ve got yourself a weed! And it’s choking out God’s new planting.

Guard against the weed. Refuse to let them take hold of the good things God has done in your life and marriage. Those negative thought patterns can be changed. You don’t have to just give up and say, “I can’t change; this is just how it is.”

With God’s help, you can transform long-standing negative patterns in your marriage. He is mighty and will help you keep ugly, joy-stealing weeds out of your garden. Simply do your part, and trust God to do His. Your job is to resist the enemy’s plan to steal the good things that God has planted in your marriage; His is to supernaturally strengthen you, giving you His wisdom to overcome each obstacle and keep those weeds out of your garden.

Excerpted from The Man You’ve Always Wanted is the One You Already Have © 2007 by Paula Friedrichsen. Used by permission of WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc. Excerpt may not be reproduced without prior written consent.

Click here to purchase Paula’s book, The Man You’ve Always Wanted is the One You Already Have, from P31 Ministries.

Feeling Alone

By Rachel Olsen

As we go through life, we all experiences times of feeling lonely. Sometimes we even feel alone in the midst of a large crowd. Are any of these situations familiar to you?

Being the new girl in school.
Being the only one of your friends to not make the team.
Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.
Being the first of your friends to have babies - and no social life.
Being the only one of your friends not to have babies.
Being new to town, new to the neighborhood, or new to the church.
Having a spouse on the road - or the battle field.
Having a child with disabilities.
Feeling misunderstood.
Feeling different.
Marital Trouble.
Divorce.
Empty Nesting.
Retirement.
Terminal illness.
Death of a loved one.

Loneliness is often a desert-like experience. Our first reaction to feeling alone is usually sadness. Additional reactions may be fear, self-doubt, anger towards God, or full-fledged depression. Loneliness is a dry, barren place no one likes to frequent. Yet many of us find ourselves there repeatedly.

While we have limited control over whether we enter the desert of loneliness, we have much control over our reaction to it. Time spent in the desert alone with God can actually be a season of strengthening and growth.

Author Cindi McMenamin writes in her book When Women Walk Alone: "I wonder, my friend, what would happen if you embraced that Stranger of Aloneness, seeing him not as the Stranger who has come to take something from you, but as the Blesser who has come to bestow on you something wonderful!"

Perhaps we should not be concerned with finding the fastest way out of the desert, but with finding the most rewarding way through it.What can we learn through our times of aloneness?

• That God is strongest in our lives when we are the weakest (2 Cor. 12:9).
• That Jesus sticks closer than a brother (Prov. 18:24).
• Just how Jesus felt (Isa. 53:3).
• That He will never leave us or forsake us (Heb. 13:5).
• That God comforts us, and prepares us to comfort others(2 Cor. 1:3-4).
• That we are becoming perfected and complete (James 1:2-3).
• That His ways are not always for us to understand (Isa. 55:9), but they can be trusted (Jer. 29:11).
• That we can be content no matter our current circumstances (Phil. 4:12-13).

The woman who has learned these truths, walking in the heat of the desert with her Lord, will be stronger and more fruitful than the woman who flees the desert each time she feels its dry heat on her cheek.

When you notice the cool breeze of togetherness has faded, do not despair. When you look and find the green grass on which you had been walking is turning to dust and to sand, do not fear. When you feel the heat of the Son intensifying, rejoice. You just may be receiving a great invitation to "Come Higher." Call out to Jesus, He'll be right there. Embrace the lessons and blessings He has for you as you spend time together in your season of aloneness.

Are You Struggling?

Complied by Rachel Olsen

Here are some selected Scriptures by topic to look up, write down, pray and memorize as you chart your course towards renewal.

FINANCES
Deuteronomy 8:18
Psalms 102:17
Psalm 132:15
1 Timothy 6:17-19

HURTFUL SPEECH
Matthew 5:11-12
Matthew 12:36
Isaiah 51:7Job 5:21

LONELINESS
Genesis 28:15
John 15:13
2 Corinthians 6:18
Proverbs 18:24

SHAME
Romans 10:11
Psalm 119:80
2 Timothy 1:12
1 Peter 4:16

SICKNESS
Exodus 15:26
Jeremiah 17:14
Matthew 9:6-7
James 5:14-16
2 Corinthians 12: 1-10

Remember Mark 10:27 - through God all things are possible!

Healing the Wounds of Abuse

By Mary Nash with Rachel Olsen

In this month's issue of P31 Woman, Mary Nash told the touching story of her experience with childhood abuse and the way she came to know healing through Christ Jesus. Mary also offered five tips for abused women in need of restoration. Each tip is reprinted here, with additional resources added.

Share your feelings with a caring friend, pastor or counselor. Choose a counselor who has worked with abused women. It is a special field requiring special understanding. Here is a link to an article on how to choose a Christian counselor: http://cbn.org/spirituallife/prayerandcounseling/choosing_a_christian_counselor.asp

Join a support group. Churches with recovery groups are great sources of information and help. Try looking in the newspaper, or on local churches web sites to find a group meeting near you.

Pray. Only God can fully understand and completely heal your pain. The book Survivor Prayers: Talking with God About Childhood Sexual Abuse by Catherine Foote may be helpful as you get started.

Read. Arm yourself with information from the lives of other Christians who have dealt with abuse. - Door of Hope by Jan Frank - No Place to Cry, The Hurt and Healing of Sexual Abuse by VanStone/Lutzer - The Wounded Heart by Dan Allender - Shelter From the Storm by Cynthia Kubetin and James Mallory, M.D. - Making Peace With Your Past by Tim Sledge - Coming Out of the Dark by Mary Southerland - Broken Trust: Surviving Sexual Abuse video by Dan Allender

Choose to get help. Understand that you are a victim and that the abuse was not your fault. Then make the commitment to deal with the pain of abuse and, through God's healing power, and move forward in life. Here are more resources to aid you: - American Association of Christian Counselors http://www.aacc.net - Christian Counselor's Directory http://christiantherapist.com - Christians in Recovery online community
http://www.christians-in-recovery.com - Freedom in Christ forgiveness article http://www.ficm.org/questions/ques18.htm