By Brenda Flury Greig
I will make the coffee! I will operate the lights! I will …I kept offering up to God all that I was willing to do, yet He was saying He wanted me to write and speak. As part of this quest, He brought the Proverbs 31 She Speaks conference to my attention. That was two years ago.
I reservedly complied by signing up for the conference, along with the speaking critique and a publisher meeting. I felt the whole thing was really out of my realm. You see, as an introvert, I would rather starve than eat at a table with a bunch of strangers, and all meals were provided as part of the conference! Yes, that meant I had an unlimited opportunity to meet women from all over the country…yippee…I sighed sarcastically.
The opening celebration was powerful, with hundreds of women filling the conference full of love and excitement for Christ. The singing shouted to the heavens as each woman poured out her heart, except me. I was the shy, Minnesotan way in the back, singing quietly, knowing that even raising one hand in the air to worship would be way over the top! There I stood. Very nervous, fully certain that everyone else had polished their writing and speaking skills as to be on the brink of the fame. I had come barely prepared.
The usual small talk around the table started and the woman next to me asked, “Are you a speaker or writer?” Choking on my last swig of coffee, I stammered, “neither really, I would just like to make the coffee or something.” Needless-to-say, the conversation stopped in its tracks!
Thankfully, the opening speaker came up on stage to take my mind off myself. She spoke funny, inspiring, caring girl-type words in an attempt to ease the anxiety in the room with assurance that the loving staff, coaches, agents, publishers, and evaluators were all there to help us use our talents to fulfill all that God had in mind for us. I just want to make the coffee, I reminded God.
Off to the first breakout on “Ten Tips to Wow Publishers.” I couldn’t help but think how bizarre it was for me. Here I am in a room with others that know what a publisher, editor, and agent do! I had a rough idea …but still just wanted to make coffee. The next breakout told us how to promote our book. The steps included speaking engagements and the development of a blog…a what? I didn’t even know what that was!
Leaving the room at the end of that session, I realized I wasn’t really hungry so I could skip lunch and go back to my hotel room for a minute. Well, minutes turned to hours and yes, I hid out in my hotel room for the rest of the conference! I reminded God that He made me this shy introvert, so I think its best I just stay home to care for my husband and occasionally volunteer at church. Assured that He understood the wisdom in my reasoning I comfortably got back on the plane to return to my safety net. Ahhhh.
Afterwards, I was convicted numerous times by the Holy Spirit about my disobedience. Recently, while facilitating a Twelve Step group, everyone fell silent when asked to share a time of obedience or disobedience in their life. In an attempt to spur conversation, I shared about the clear directive I heard from God and my subsequent decision to hide out in my hotel room. One of the participants replied, “You never know, God is a God of second chances.” I chuckled and moved on.
That night I arrived home and checked my emails to discover the Proverbs 31 She Speaks Conference Director was announcing the conference had been full but now had a limited number of openings! I thought “No….you’ve got to be kidding!” Out of curiosity I checked the costs of the flight, hotel and conference to discover it would be approximately $1,400. “Well, there you have it,” I proclaimed. We don’t have an extra $14 dollars let alone $1,400 so that’s it! While lying in bed, I shared the story with my husband and he agreed there was surely not $1,400 somewhere in our budget. Relieved, I claimed the day and went off to sleep.
The next evening my husband came home from work and said, “Honey, you know those two people I recruited and hired at work? Well Human Resources told me today that there is a $700 recruiting bonus for each one!” I stood in silence staring at him. No matter how I calculated it, $700 plus $700 equaled $1,400. Yikes.
Quietly, but with a stern intent, my husband said, “I believe God wants you to go to that conference.” I stuttered and stammered questioning the validity of that conclusion. In another attempt to sway his thinking, I reminded him that his Jeep needs air conditioning and wouldn’t he rather have air in the Jeep? The answer remained…no. I was to go to the conference…again.
On the first morning of the conference, I found myself having breakfast with about eight other women. The question of prior attendance came up and everyone else was attending for the first time. When I mentioned this was my second time, they all fixated on me intently and began asking what it was like, was the writing critique hard, did I have a meeting with a publisher, etc. I proceeded to share from my heart what God had called me to do two years ago and how I had disobeyed. I shared my regret and sadness over disappointing Him; and how I ended up here today. It was as if God put His arms around each and every woman at the table and said “Be strong for I am with you!”
It was a magnificent conference and I have been blessed many times over for my obedience to Him. I continue to write and submit articles on a regular basis. My greatest desire, to write a book, is in the making. So when God tells you to do something, just do it!
Brenda Flury Greig has been described as passionate, inspiring and very authentic. She is a devoted follower of Christ who delights in leading Bible Studies, facilitating Twelve Step groups and walking one-on-one with others in their journey to sobriety. Brenda lives in Minnesota with her husband and their German Shepherds and Yorkies.
Showing posts with label Overcoming Fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Overcoming Fear. Show all posts
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
The Hold of Hoarding
By Johanna Tooke
Maybe one of God’s greatest gifts to us is misery and suffering. After all, without them we’d continue to walk obliviously through life as though nothing were wrong. Like any normal human being I was doing my best to avoid undue pain. My strategy was a simple one: Do good, make things look good, and life will be good.
At all costs (literally at times) I wanted to avoid repeating pain or remembrance of it from life’s past. What’s more, I was convinced if I saved anything from my life that had represented a good memory or a happy time, somehow the darker times would fade out with the tangible memory of things from happy times. As if that weren’t enough, I had reasoned by having a passel of possessions I could single-handedly create happy memories.
My strategy was foiled by the time it took to not only keep track of, care for and organize the possessions, but create the happy memories in between. My memories- “instead of happy” were becoming prominently miserable. This problem of mine was hoarding or in kinder terms- excessive saving.
Hoarding had never even been a consideration in my litany of life dilemmas. Among the complaints on my exhaustive list were: never enough time to exercise, a lack of money to buy organizing essentials, a lack of time to organize and have a workable system, a husband who lacked a vision to see the potential behind all of my belongings and moreover a vision of what could be done with them to glorify God. Yes, I had wrapped religion into being a justifiable reason to keep whatever I deemed worthy.
I knew I kept a lot, but I also believed I was honoring God by having the items. When in all reality, I was trying to play God by keeping things and hoping I wouldn’t have to depend on Him for the things “I could handle.”
Since hoarding had never even entered into my conscientiousness, all I knew was I was miserable. Each consecutive day seemed harder then the day prior and circumstances seemed dimmer. Waking up in the morning was stifling and meandering through the day felt more like a convoluted maze. I began feverishly reading self help books on organizing and de-cluttering. Several years later and heaps mounting higher than ever before, I felt hopeless. As I swirled in the abyss of confusion, I called a professional organizer as a final effort.
Without mincing words she told me what my husband had all along, “Whoa you have a lot of stuff.” Okay, so she couldn’t stop exclaiming in between breaths how much I had. Her reaction to my basement sent me reeling. We made a plan to help me stop the influx of stuff and begin the outtake. Once we parted ways, I spent every spare moment doing my best to clean and cull. Bravely I’d pack another box full of things we weren’t using, ready to be hauled off. My efforts seemed to be paying off. Except I noticed instead of experiencing freedom, I was feeling suffocated and smothered by this new lifestyle.
Still determined, I continued to zealously makeover our home. That was until one day I had a stomach ache I couldn’t shake. When the pain was intolerable a visit to the emergency room was in order. A couple of days later in the hospital, I felt as though there was more than a bug that had paid me a visit. I was reminded of Psalm 23:2, “He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside still waters.” While I didn’t have angels hovering over my hospital bed delivering a message, I encountered a stillness I hadn’t known for some time. Moreover, I had gotten to spend time praying and reading my Bible, disciplines I had abandoned until the house was placed in proper order.
Before I headed home I recommitted myself to be faithful in reading my Bible, journaling and giving God my day before it took off without me. The next morning I flipped open my Bible to the ribbon that held its place in the New Testament. That day’s reading was in Matthew 23. I was caught by the words in verse 26: “Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.”
“Wait,” I thought, “the Bible does have a thing or two to say about cleaning house.” After calling upon a wiser friend in Christ, I confirmed what I had suspected: I had been cleaning house in precisely the opposite order Jesus had intended. I had been so immersed in scouring, decorating, organizing, and saving ALL for the outside- I had given hardly any thought to the inside. At once I felt relief wash over me with a healthy dose of insufficiency to humbly level me; leveling me to the foot of the cross where my real help could be found.
Three years have passed since my hospital visit. Since then trailer loads of things have backed out of our driveway. As a family we are still vigilantly attempting to live with less. Now, instead of turning only to man’s wisdom to weave my way out of the colossal messes, I turn to God’s Word. Regardless of the battle, we fight with the same weapons. “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.” (2 Corinthians 10:4)
Johanna Tooke lives in Forsyth, Montana with her husband Ryan, and three children: Gracie (10); and twins Royce and Katie (7). In between family, friends and country living, Johanna leads Bible Studies for girls and women. Her hope is to encourage women of all ages in their walk of faith with Jesus Christ. For more on Johanna’s journey, go to www.johannatooke.com.
Editor’s Note: Hoarding can be a sign that an individual needs more help than a book or a friend can provide. If you know someone who hoards, please visit The Institute for Challenging Disorganization (www.challengingdisorganization.org) for resources.
If you need a little extra push to get organized, please consider purchasing one of these two resources by our own Proverbs 31 Ministries writers: “I Used to Be So Organized”
by Glynnis Whitwer and “The Complete Guide to Getting and Staying Organized” by Karen Ehman.
Maybe one of God’s greatest gifts to us is misery and suffering. After all, without them we’d continue to walk obliviously through life as though nothing were wrong. Like any normal human being I was doing my best to avoid undue pain. My strategy was a simple one: Do good, make things look good, and life will be good.
At all costs (literally at times) I wanted to avoid repeating pain or remembrance of it from life’s past. What’s more, I was convinced if I saved anything from my life that had represented a good memory or a happy time, somehow the darker times would fade out with the tangible memory of things from happy times. As if that weren’t enough, I had reasoned by having a passel of possessions I could single-handedly create happy memories.
My strategy was foiled by the time it took to not only keep track of, care for and organize the possessions, but create the happy memories in between. My memories- “instead of happy” were becoming prominently miserable. This problem of mine was hoarding or in kinder terms- excessive saving.
Hoarding had never even been a consideration in my litany of life dilemmas. Among the complaints on my exhaustive list were: never enough time to exercise, a lack of money to buy organizing essentials, a lack of time to organize and have a workable system, a husband who lacked a vision to see the potential behind all of my belongings and moreover a vision of what could be done with them to glorify God. Yes, I had wrapped religion into being a justifiable reason to keep whatever I deemed worthy.
I knew I kept a lot, but I also believed I was honoring God by having the items. When in all reality, I was trying to play God by keeping things and hoping I wouldn’t have to depend on Him for the things “I could handle.”
Since hoarding had never even entered into my conscientiousness, all I knew was I was miserable. Each consecutive day seemed harder then the day prior and circumstances seemed dimmer. Waking up in the morning was stifling and meandering through the day felt more like a convoluted maze. I began feverishly reading self help books on organizing and de-cluttering. Several years later and heaps mounting higher than ever before, I felt hopeless. As I swirled in the abyss of confusion, I called a professional organizer as a final effort.
Without mincing words she told me what my husband had all along, “Whoa you have a lot of stuff.” Okay, so she couldn’t stop exclaiming in between breaths how much I had. Her reaction to my basement sent me reeling. We made a plan to help me stop the influx of stuff and begin the outtake. Once we parted ways, I spent every spare moment doing my best to clean and cull. Bravely I’d pack another box full of things we weren’t using, ready to be hauled off. My efforts seemed to be paying off. Except I noticed instead of experiencing freedom, I was feeling suffocated and smothered by this new lifestyle.
Still determined, I continued to zealously makeover our home. That was until one day I had a stomach ache I couldn’t shake. When the pain was intolerable a visit to the emergency room was in order. A couple of days later in the hospital, I felt as though there was more than a bug that had paid me a visit. I was reminded of Psalm 23:2, “He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside still waters.” While I didn’t have angels hovering over my hospital bed delivering a message, I encountered a stillness I hadn’t known for some time. Moreover, I had gotten to spend time praying and reading my Bible, disciplines I had abandoned until the house was placed in proper order.
Before I headed home I recommitted myself to be faithful in reading my Bible, journaling and giving God my day before it took off without me. The next morning I flipped open my Bible to the ribbon that held its place in the New Testament. That day’s reading was in Matthew 23. I was caught by the words in verse 26: “Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.”
“Wait,” I thought, “the Bible does have a thing or two to say about cleaning house.” After calling upon a wiser friend in Christ, I confirmed what I had suspected: I had been cleaning house in precisely the opposite order Jesus had intended. I had been so immersed in scouring, decorating, organizing, and saving ALL for the outside- I had given hardly any thought to the inside. At once I felt relief wash over me with a healthy dose of insufficiency to humbly level me; leveling me to the foot of the cross where my real help could be found.
Three years have passed since my hospital visit. Since then trailer loads of things have backed out of our driveway. As a family we are still vigilantly attempting to live with less. Now, instead of turning only to man’s wisdom to weave my way out of the colossal messes, I turn to God’s Word. Regardless of the battle, we fight with the same weapons. “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.” (2 Corinthians 10:4)
Johanna Tooke lives in Forsyth, Montana with her husband Ryan, and three children: Gracie (10); and twins Royce and Katie (7). In between family, friends and country living, Johanna leads Bible Studies for girls and women. Her hope is to encourage women of all ages in their walk of faith with Jesus Christ. For more on Johanna’s journey, go to www.johannatooke.com.
Editor’s Note: Hoarding can be a sign that an individual needs more help than a book or a friend can provide. If you know someone who hoards, please visit The Institute for Challenging Disorganization (www.challengingdisorganization.org) for resources.
If you need a little extra push to get organized, please consider purchasing one of these two resources by our own Proverbs 31 Ministries writers: “I Used to Be So Organized”
by Glynnis Whitwer and “The Complete Guide to Getting and Staying Organized” by Karen Ehman.
Monday, August 1, 2011
My Story
By Daria Wilson
I had been ridiculed, overlooked, and made fun of.
I had been beaten, bruised, and called stupid.
I had been yelled at and ignored and rejected.
I had searched for love and had been used.
I was broken. (1)
And then…Jesus came. (2)
He waited. (3)
Those that hurt me had finally been silenced.
They had tried to throw their stones, but I was still alive. (4)
He gently called to me. (5)
He silently waited until I was ready. (6)
He waited until the ache in my heart was ready for His healing.
He whispered to me again. (7)
And when I began to lift my head, He softly called to me, “My child.” (8)
“My child, I have been waiting.” (9)
He tenderly placed His scarred hand under my chin and ever so gently lifted my head. (10)
And there - in my tears - I looked up and saw Jesus who had died for me, the Lord who had taken all my hurt for me. (11)
He took it all away.
He had healed all my bruises, all my pain. (12)
He knew what it was to be hurt. (13)
When all had failed me, there He stood. (14)
I no longer flinched.
I no longer cried myself to sleep in utter silence. (15)
He told me tenderly that I was now worth something. (16)
He had carved me on His hand. (17)
He softly said, “You are my child. I love you.” (18)
And I had finally been…set free. (19)
1. Psalm 34:18 “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
2.1 Timothy 1:15 “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.”
3. 2 Peter 3:9 “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”
4. John 8:7-11 “When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" "No one, sir," she said. “Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."
5. Matthew 11:9 “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
6. 1 Corinthians 4:20-21 “For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power. What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a whip, or in love and with a gentle spirit?”
7. 1 Kings 19:12 “After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.”
8. Matthew 18:14 “In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.”
9. 1 Timothy 1:16 “But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.”
10. Psalm 3:3 “But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.”
11. John 3:16-17 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him”
12. Isaiah 42:3 “A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice.”
13. Isaiah 53:5 “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.”
14. Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
15. Romans 10:11 “As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.”
16. Matthew 10:30-32 “And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven.”
17. Isaiah 49:16 “See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.”
18. John 14:23 “Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.”
19. Romans 8:1-2 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”
Daria Wilson is a single mom of a cherished 18- year old daughter and is a professional court reporter who works in New York City Criminal Court. She goes through life ever humbled by the tender care of her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Trusting in the Storm
Cheryl Fellores
Fears. We all have them. Fears come in different shapes and sizes, but they share something in common: their ability to paralyze us and take our focus off God. The little voice of fear we hear becomes louder than the gentle whisper of our loving Savior.
In August 2007, my biggest fear became a reality. My teenage son, Justin, moved back to Indiana to live with his father. The weeks leading up to his departure, I prayed my most heart-felt prayers for God to stop the madness. God’s response was “Do you trust Me?” My instant answer was “yes, but not enough to give up my son.” That began my journey of truly trusting Him. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5).
“Do you trust Me?” Those four simple words rocked me to my core because I understood what it meant. I’d have to face my biggest fear in life: losing Justin. God didn’t stop the nightmare. Instead, He held me close as I gave up my son.
None of this surprised God. He had been preparing me when He prompted me months prior to get serious about quiet time with Him. During that quiet time, He taught me how to listen for His voice and to dig deeper into His Word. That was paramount to helping me through my dark days.
Over the next few months, I battled hopelessness and depression as I prayed for God to bring my baby back. His answer was “No.” God reminded me that Justin had become more important in my life than my relationship with Him, violating the first commandment of “You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3). As I continued the learning process, God poured into me by surrounding me with women of faith. He also used Christian music to shift my focus from me to Him.
One morning, the light bulb came on while listening to Casting Crown’s “Praise You in This Storm.” Right then and there, I thanked God for my circumstances. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). God had a reason for this storm. He used it to help me completely rely on Him for peace. It was then that I accepted my situation. My heart was filled with gratitude right there in the middle of the biggest storm of my life. My thankfulness was no longer conditional upon Justin coming home. My faith had grown wings. I was soaring with God.
A few months after Justin’s move to Indiana, he came home for a visit. As he shared his desire to live with us again, I had to put my faith into action while fighting every urge in my body that wanted to take control to make it happen. No, this time, I was committed to doing it God’s way. Taking Justin to the airport was gut-wrenching, but I had to trust God, and this time I really did. As we waited, over and over I prayed “Your will, Your way in Your time – not mine.”
Then, it happened. On January 27, 2008, God rewarded my obedience and trust. Justin came home. This time, it was to stay.
In looking back, I realized something. There were a few prodigal experiences running simultaneously. Before this storm, Justin wanted very little to do with God. But now, he’s on fire for Jesus. I also ran back into Jesus’ arms, and that is where I will stay.
The memories of that experience are still painful, but it changed my heart as I learned to completely trust the Lord. God had a plan for this. He used it to transform Justin and our entire family, including me. This became part of our story. The story will be told as each of us reach out to the hurting to help them find hope in the Lord. “He comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God” (2 Corinthians 1:4). God has led me to write a book and to share our story with Christian women’s groups. For Justin, God is calling him to become a youth pastor.
Do we ever learn when the experiences are easy? I rarely do, but I wish I had! This lesson stuck and has become my reference for every time the storms brew. I’ve learned that even though the storm clouds are rolling in, the sun still shines behind them. Our Lord shines even when we can’t see Him in the raging storms of life. He’s still there – just like the sun shining behind the storm clouds. “God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you’” (Hebrews 13:5b). But, it’s not enough to just know that in our heads-we need to know it deep in our hearts.
God has a plan for each of us. He needs us to step up and engage in that plan. It brings meaning to our lives and to the pain we have suffered. We are called to help others to find Jesus in their storms of life.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).
God’s promises aren’t just for those who lived many, many years ago. They are for you and me. We have a choice. Will we trust Him? Will we strain to hear His voice in the midst of our storms?
Speaker and writer Cheryl Fellores is passionate about helping others find Jesus. She and her husband Joey raise four children, ages 18 to 5, just outside of Charlotte, North Carolina. Cheryl actively volunteers with a number of organizations including the Cove Church and In His Steps dance ministry.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
The Perfect Liar
by Jeanette Towne
I never considered myself a liar. Good Christian woman, happily married, proud mother of four teens and the President and CEO of a corporation. As many of us do, I put on my plastic smile every day, dressed myself in the armor of coordinating clothes and padded myself with a thick wall of my untouchable façade. As an elaborate feast served buffet style, you could see a public exhibition of my life. What you saw from the outside appeared perfect. Every piece in place, my life was absolutely flawless. Or was it?
Several years ago while driving home with a new girlfriend I had met during a week-long mission trip I began to expose my lie. My friend shared her life story, detailing a desperate young mother who finally escaped an abusive marriage. God spoke loudly and directly to my heart. He encouraged me to open my mouth for once and to share. Risk myself to save another. Over hundreds of freeway miles, I obeyed and shared with my friend the story of me. Young, impulsive 19-year-old student, who at the urging and promise from an older boyfriend, dropped out of college, quit her job, sold her car and eloped. I explained to my friend how that one mistake almost cost me my life. I told her the next 10 years were spent as a captive, caught in the invisible web and downward spiral of horrific domestic abuse. God saved me and I miraculously escaped, never to return.
A few weeks after that long road trip, I received a letter from my friend. She encouraged me to get my story out. She told me God worked a miracle in my life and sharing this would give others hope. By being transparent it would help to educate, warn and provide inspiration for other women caught in the cycle. I argued. Why at this point while living the perfect lie would I want to be honest, open up and share the 10 years of my life that were a living nightmare? There could only be two reasons; one, I would be completely insane, or two, I would feel the conviction from God.
One of the scariest days of my life was the day I had to speak in my own church. My own church! These are the families who have known me for almost 10 years. These are the people who have seen my perfect life and have taken the bait and believed my perfect lie. Lie….who me? Yes. By not telling the truth and giving Him the glory for what He has done in my life, I was omitting to tell how miraculous and big our God really is. He provided a modern day miracle in my life and how did I thank Him for this feat? I hid the story and buried the truth to keep up my façade and show everyone my life without blemish.
I am convinced that hundreds of women come through the doors of our churches, wearing their mask of perfection and hiding the small cracks that produce instability beneath the smooth exterior. We must stop retouching our lip gloss, pasting on our plastic smiles and lying to everyone around us. We are all fractured vessels, pulling our cracked ships into the port of our churches to rest, repair and set out to sea again. If we fail to repair our cracks, we live these lies and are incapable of moving beyond our own hurt to look outward in hopes of pulling another ailing vessel into port.
God has touched me and healed me; bringing me to a point where I can look at what He brought me through and use my experiences to help others. No, I don’t have the perfect life but I’m not lying anymore. Are you? Many of you have been in relationships like I was in, many of you have things you’ve stuffed down and cover. We cannot lie anymore and pretend to live the perfect life, smiling and hiding what God wants to do in our lives to heal us. Healing us and then allowing us to impact others for Him.
Today, He has given me the courage to uncover my “perfect lie,” to become transparent, to share my story. By opening up my life (and yours), we can enter into His will, continue the process of healing, and eventually minister to others.
Jeanette Towne is the author of “From Prisoner to President,” and the President and CEO of a U. S. Based Communications Corporation. She has been happily married to her husband, Sam, for almost twenty years. Together they are raising four teenagers and enjoying life in the western United States. Jeanette loves to share her incredible and miraculous story and is available for inspirational speaking engagements geared towards women’s groups. You may contact her via her website at www.prisonertopresident.com.
I never considered myself a liar. Good Christian woman, happily married, proud mother of four teens and the President and CEO of a corporation. As many of us do, I put on my plastic smile every day, dressed myself in the armor of coordinating clothes and padded myself with a thick wall of my untouchable façade. As an elaborate feast served buffet style, you could see a public exhibition of my life. What you saw from the outside appeared perfect. Every piece in place, my life was absolutely flawless. Or was it?
Several years ago while driving home with a new girlfriend I had met during a week-long mission trip I began to expose my lie. My friend shared her life story, detailing a desperate young mother who finally escaped an abusive marriage. God spoke loudly and directly to my heart. He encouraged me to open my mouth for once and to share. Risk myself to save another. Over hundreds of freeway miles, I obeyed and shared with my friend the story of me. Young, impulsive 19-year-old student, who at the urging and promise from an older boyfriend, dropped out of college, quit her job, sold her car and eloped. I explained to my friend how that one mistake almost cost me my life. I told her the next 10 years were spent as a captive, caught in the invisible web and downward spiral of horrific domestic abuse. God saved me and I miraculously escaped, never to return.
A few weeks after that long road trip, I received a letter from my friend. She encouraged me to get my story out. She told me God worked a miracle in my life and sharing this would give others hope. By being transparent it would help to educate, warn and provide inspiration for other women caught in the cycle. I argued. Why at this point while living the perfect lie would I want to be honest, open up and share the 10 years of my life that were a living nightmare? There could only be two reasons; one, I would be completely insane, or two, I would feel the conviction from God.
One of the scariest days of my life was the day I had to speak in my own church. My own church! These are the families who have known me for almost 10 years. These are the people who have seen my perfect life and have taken the bait and believed my perfect lie. Lie….who me? Yes. By not telling the truth and giving Him the glory for what He has done in my life, I was omitting to tell how miraculous and big our God really is. He provided a modern day miracle in my life and how did I thank Him for this feat? I hid the story and buried the truth to keep up my façade and show everyone my life without blemish.
I am convinced that hundreds of women come through the doors of our churches, wearing their mask of perfection and hiding the small cracks that produce instability beneath the smooth exterior. We must stop retouching our lip gloss, pasting on our plastic smiles and lying to everyone around us. We are all fractured vessels, pulling our cracked ships into the port of our churches to rest, repair and set out to sea again. If we fail to repair our cracks, we live these lies and are incapable of moving beyond our own hurt to look outward in hopes of pulling another ailing vessel into port.
God has touched me and healed me; bringing me to a point where I can look at what He brought me through and use my experiences to help others. No, I don’t have the perfect life but I’m not lying anymore. Are you? Many of you have been in relationships like I was in, many of you have things you’ve stuffed down and cover. We cannot lie anymore and pretend to live the perfect life, smiling and hiding what God wants to do in our lives to heal us. Healing us and then allowing us to impact others for Him.
Today, He has given me the courage to uncover my “perfect lie,” to become transparent, to share my story. By opening up my life (and yours), we can enter into His will, continue the process of healing, and eventually minister to others.
Jeanette Towne is the author of “From Prisoner to President,” and the President and CEO of a U. S. Based Communications Corporation. She has been happily married to her husband, Sam, for almost twenty years. Together they are raising four teenagers and enjoying life in the western United States. Jeanette loves to share her incredible and miraculous story and is available for inspirational speaking engagements geared towards women’s groups. You may contact her via her website at www.prisonertopresident.com.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Top 10 Ways You Can Choose Hope and Claim Peace
By Melissa Taylor
This was the hardest “Top 10” list I’ve written yet. I wanted to give practical ways to achieve peace, but that was a challenge. A big part of achieving peace is based on what you’re putting into your mind. What I’ve determined is that peace is a choice. I don’t mean to trivialize it because I know how easily peace can be snatched. Ultimately, when we put our hope in God, peace is achievable and will follow.
10. Begin by living in the light. Of course the light of Christ, but also light up your world. Open the blinds. Take a walk in the sunshine. Turn on some lights in your house. Listen to music that brightens your mood, not dampens it. Get rid of the misery around you and let light surround you. Invite hope into your life.
9. Spend time in God’s Word. I know Christians tell you to do that all the time. And you probably wish you had more time to do so, don’t you? I get that, I do. But it’s true that God’s Word is a “lamp to your feet and a light to your path” (Psalm 119:105) And since #10 instructed you to get a little more light in your life, well then give it a try. Romans 15:4 says, “For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.” (NIV) The knowledge of the Scriptures affects our attitude toward the present and the future. (Life Application Bible) Attitude is half the battle in gaining a hope perspective that leads to peace. God’s Word can help.
8. Dismiss depressing thoughts quickly. Be aware of what you are thinking. Do your thoughts tend to be negative, condemning, or gloomy? Not much room for hope in the company of those characters. Next time you find yourself dwelling on something depressing, stop it! You don’t want to do that. 2 Corinthians 10:5b, “…We capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ.” (CEV) So, catch those thoughts, give them up, and listen to Jesus who says, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27 (NIV)
7. Here’s a practical one. List 5 things that bring you hope or 5 things you are hopeful for. Read them when you need to. Can’t think of 5? Then make them up. You gotta start somewhere.
6. Don’t give up. “You feel hopeless because you have been using your own power, not because there is no hope. You feel hopeless because you have been headed in the wrong direction, not because there is not hope. You feel hopeless because you have cut yourself off from others who could help you and guide you, not because there is not hope…You are not hopeless because there is not hope. There is hope for you, if you will just persevere long enough to find it.” Stephen Arterburn (from Tammy Maltby’s book Confessions of a Good Christian Girl) Choose to persevere long enough to find hope.
5. Choose to be hopeful even when you don’t feel it. I struggle with this so I remind myself to choose hope. I wear a bracelet almost every day that says “HOPE” on it. I have a Willow Tree Angel of Hope in my den. I have Scriptures of hope posted at my desk at work. I’m choosing hope and hope brings me peace. When I’m struggling greatly with this, I get help! I talk to a friend, ask my Bible study gals to pray for me, or when it’s been too overwhelming, I have sought professional help. Do whatever it takes, but don’t live life based on your feelings. They can be so fickle. Choose hope. Live in peace. Don’t settle for less.
4. Thank God for your trials and hardships. Believe me, I know that sounds crazy. These next verses give big time purpose to our trials and suffering, therefore offering peace. Romans 5:3b-5a, “we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us…” (NIV) I’ve been through many trials where hope seemed lost and these verses have restored that. And that brought me peace. Take it for your own.
3. Take a time out for yourself. Psalm 46:10 instructs us to do that so we will understand Who is in control. Remember, when life is chaotic and peace seems far away, get quiet where you can hear God and God alone.
“Be still and know that I am God.” (NIV)
“Calm down and learn that I am God.” (CEV)
“Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God,
above politics, above everything.” (The Message)
2. Pray hope and peace for yourself. Like this:
“Lord, when my peace is broken by problems that come, remind me that You are always there caring about anything and everything that concerns me. I want to praise You through the painful places I walk through so I can rest in Your perfect peace. Thank You for giving me hope and being my peace. Please help me have hope and peace today. In Jesus’ Name, Amen (portions of this prayer are from Prayers to My King by Sheri Rose Shepherd)
1. Accept God’s plan for your life. When you’ve lost hope, you have nothing. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing to believe in. You begin to question if God exists for you or just other people. This verse tells us very different. Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” God does exist for you. He has plans for you. He has a purpose for your life and it is good. But you have to choose to trust Him. Choose to accept the hope God offers. Take it for your own. Look ahead with hope. As you do, soak in the peace it gives you.
God loves you. He created you and He had a good reason in doing so. I pray that you will give Him a chance. Never lose hope. Once when my marriage was on the verge on ending, I asked my husband, “Is there any hope for us?” He replied, “Just an ounce.” I immediately took that “ounce of hope” to the Lord and asked Him to multiply it. That was my prayer for the months ahead where we fought for our marriage. The restoration process wasn’t easy, but because I had hope, I was able to hang in there and claim peace. Peace that didn’t come from my circumstances. Peace that wasn’t a part of my surroundings. It was inside of me. It came from God. I had to choose it and I’m so thankful I did.
I don’t pretend that life is easy. It’s not. Hope and peace are available to us at all times, but we have to take them. In the middle of our sometimes raging world, I’m praying that you will claim them for your own and live life how God intended, with His peace in your heart.
This was the hardest “Top 10” list I’ve written yet. I wanted to give practical ways to achieve peace, but that was a challenge. A big part of achieving peace is based on what you’re putting into your mind. What I’ve determined is that peace is a choice. I don’t mean to trivialize it because I know how easily peace can be snatched. Ultimately, when we put our hope in God, peace is achievable and will follow.
10. Begin by living in the light. Of course the light of Christ, but also light up your world. Open the blinds. Take a walk in the sunshine. Turn on some lights in your house. Listen to music that brightens your mood, not dampens it. Get rid of the misery around you and let light surround you. Invite hope into your life.
9. Spend time in God’s Word. I know Christians tell you to do that all the time. And you probably wish you had more time to do so, don’t you? I get that, I do. But it’s true that God’s Word is a “lamp to your feet and a light to your path” (Psalm 119:105) And since #10 instructed you to get a little more light in your life, well then give it a try. Romans 15:4 says, “For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.” (NIV) The knowledge of the Scriptures affects our attitude toward the present and the future. (Life Application Bible) Attitude is half the battle in gaining a hope perspective that leads to peace. God’s Word can help.
8. Dismiss depressing thoughts quickly. Be aware of what you are thinking. Do your thoughts tend to be negative, condemning, or gloomy? Not much room for hope in the company of those characters. Next time you find yourself dwelling on something depressing, stop it! You don’t want to do that. 2 Corinthians 10:5b, “…We capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ.” (CEV) So, catch those thoughts, give them up, and listen to Jesus who says, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27 (NIV)
7. Here’s a practical one. List 5 things that bring you hope or 5 things you are hopeful for. Read them when you need to. Can’t think of 5? Then make them up. You gotta start somewhere.
6. Don’t give up. “You feel hopeless because you have been using your own power, not because there is no hope. You feel hopeless because you have been headed in the wrong direction, not because there is not hope. You feel hopeless because you have cut yourself off from others who could help you and guide you, not because there is not hope…You are not hopeless because there is not hope. There is hope for you, if you will just persevere long enough to find it.” Stephen Arterburn (from Tammy Maltby’s book Confessions of a Good Christian Girl) Choose to persevere long enough to find hope.
5. Choose to be hopeful even when you don’t feel it. I struggle with this so I remind myself to choose hope. I wear a bracelet almost every day that says “HOPE” on it. I have a Willow Tree Angel of Hope in my den. I have Scriptures of hope posted at my desk at work. I’m choosing hope and hope brings me peace. When I’m struggling greatly with this, I get help! I talk to a friend, ask my Bible study gals to pray for me, or when it’s been too overwhelming, I have sought professional help. Do whatever it takes, but don’t live life based on your feelings. They can be so fickle. Choose hope. Live in peace. Don’t settle for less.
4. Thank God for your trials and hardships. Believe me, I know that sounds crazy. These next verses give big time purpose to our trials and suffering, therefore offering peace. Romans 5:3b-5a, “we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us…” (NIV) I’ve been through many trials where hope seemed lost and these verses have restored that. And that brought me peace. Take it for your own.
3. Take a time out for yourself. Psalm 46:10 instructs us to do that so we will understand Who is in control. Remember, when life is chaotic and peace seems far away, get quiet where you can hear God and God alone.
“Be still and know that I am God.” (NIV)
“Calm down and learn that I am God.” (CEV)
“Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God,
above politics, above everything.” (The Message)
2. Pray hope and peace for yourself. Like this:
“Lord, when my peace is broken by problems that come, remind me that You are always there caring about anything and everything that concerns me. I want to praise You through the painful places I walk through so I can rest in Your perfect peace. Thank You for giving me hope and being my peace. Please help me have hope and peace today. In Jesus’ Name, Amen (portions of this prayer are from Prayers to My King by Sheri Rose Shepherd)
1. Accept God’s plan for your life. When you’ve lost hope, you have nothing. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing to believe in. You begin to question if God exists for you or just other people. This verse tells us very different. Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” God does exist for you. He has plans for you. He has a purpose for your life and it is good. But you have to choose to trust Him. Choose to accept the hope God offers. Take it for your own. Look ahead with hope. As you do, soak in the peace it gives you.
God loves you. He created you and He had a good reason in doing so. I pray that you will give Him a chance. Never lose hope. Once when my marriage was on the verge on ending, I asked my husband, “Is there any hope for us?” He replied, “Just an ounce.” I immediately took that “ounce of hope” to the Lord and asked Him to multiply it. That was my prayer for the months ahead where we fought for our marriage. The restoration process wasn’t easy, but because I had hope, I was able to hang in there and claim peace. Peace that didn’t come from my circumstances. Peace that wasn’t a part of my surroundings. It was inside of me. It came from God. I had to choose it and I’m so thankful I did.
I don’t pretend that life is easy. It’s not. Hope and peace are available to us at all times, but we have to take them. In the middle of our sometimes raging world, I’m praying that you will claim them for your own and live life how God intended, with His peace in your heart.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Cast Your Cares Upon Him
By Micca Campbell
My oldest son Mitch, and his friend, Jamie, had spent the afternoon at our house watching movies up until it was time for Mitch to go to work. It wasn’t ten minutes after they left the house that the phone rang.
“Mom, I just wrecked my car. I’m okay, but Jamie is hurt. We’re just down the road from the house. Can you come?”
Can I come? What kind of question is that? I was already sitting in my car after he said the word “wrecked.” I just needed to know what direction to turn out of my driveway.
It’s one thing to hear that your child has been in a car accident, but it’s another to witness the scene. The first thing I saw was his car upside down and smashed between two trees like a pancake. An ambulance and fire truck were already at the site. Cars lined the road and people came out of their homes to view the accident. Once my mind absorbed the scene, I realized Mitch and his friend were nowhere in sight.
“WHERE ARE THEY?” I began to shout as I turned in a circle scoping the area for any sign of them. A paramedic took me by the arm and led me toward the ambulance. I felt my body go numb from fear of what I might find inside.
The first person I saw was Mitch. Our eyes met, and without exchanging words, I could tell he was scared, but okay. Jamie, on the other hand, was strapped to a straight board with her back, neck and head secured. Tears of concern filled my eyes.
“Jamie’s hurt bad,” Mitch said as if I could fix it. At that moment, if I couldn’t fix it, I was sure going to find someone who could. I bent down close to Jamie and took her hand in mine. “I’m here, Sweetie. It’s going to be okay,” I said trying to reassure us both. However, my motherly authority took over when Jamie shared her needs with me. I tried to relay them to the paramedic as calmly as I could.
“I can’t breathe,” Jamie whispered.
“SHE CAN’T BREATHE!” I shouted to the paramedic.
“I’m in pain,” she begged.
“SHE’S IN PAIN!” I demanded. Suddenly, I felt as if I needed to lie down on the other side of the ambulance from the adrenaline rush surging through my body. Fortunately, we all survived the incident and arrived safely at the hospital. Mitch only received a few bumps and bruises. Jamie dislocated a few ribs, but after several weeks she, too, was as good as new.
My son may not have been thinking about me before the accident occurred, but immediately afterward, he knew who he needed. That’s because children are bonded to their parents by a love relationship that they don’t often think about, and really aren’t even aware of. Yet, in times of trouble, worry or fear the child appreciates and reaches for that union. The same is true of our relationship with God. We should be eager to “cast our cares on Him because He cares for us” (1 Peter 5:7).
I often take for granted the awesome privilege of being God’s child. As His child, I have the privilege of casting my worries on the Lord with strong confidence that He cares for me. Worry is unnecessary when our God is able and willing to bear our burdens.
When you and I worry, we are denying the wisdom, love and provision of God. Like my son, I should be quick to call out to my heavenly Father for help. I need to run to God for comfort and reassurance instead of worrying myself sick. Often I do the opposite. I try to be the adult instead of the child. I truly want to do better. I want to be so aware of God’s abiding presence in my life that I fall asleep in His arms at night and awake to His presence in the morning.
When everything had settled after the accident, Mitch could no longer contain his worry and fear. Burying his head in my chest, he burst into tears. It was his way of releasing his anxieties and casting them on me. Because I love my son, I gladly supported him in the midst of his pain. Wrapping my arms around Mitch, I reassured him he was safe.
In the same way, our fears and worries should drive us into the safety of God’s arms. Those who trust in Him have tremendous security. We find support in God’s presence when we cast our cares on Him. No worry is too big for our Father to shoulder. Because of His great love for us, He gladly takes away our fears and quiets our hearts with peace. “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you” (Isaiah 26:3). The Lord picks us up out of our wrecked lives while we are still scared and afraid and He comforts us. It’s in God’s loving care that our spirit is renewed and we know for certain there is no safer place on earth.
Micca Campbell knows the unpredictable nature of life. As the twenty-one year old mother of an infant son, her world was shattered when she lost her husband in a tragic accident. Yet in her darkest moment, God began teaching her His remedy for our deepest fears. Let Micca encourage you to lay down your worries, trust God, and embrace a life marked by peace and joy. Micca is also a national speaker with Proverbs 31 Ministries and writes regularly for their on-line devotions, Encouragement for Today. In 2004, she was named ‘Mother of the Year’ by ParentLife Magazine. Micca and her family reside in Nashville, TN.
Click here to purchase Micca's book, "An Untroubled Heart: Finding Faith that is Stronger than My Fears".
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Overcoming Perfectionism
by Rachel Olsen
Do you feel most of what you do is never quite good enough?
Do you avoid starting tasks for worry you’ll fail?
Do you think “average” is an ugly word?
If so, rather than working toward success, you are probably trying to be flawless from start to finish. It’s likely you are plagued by perfectionism.
I know; I’ve been there.
Perfectionism refers to a set of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching excessively high or unrealistic goals. Mistakenly believed necessary for success, perfectionism is often detrimental. It can rob us of a sense of personal satisfaction or achievement, damage our relationships, and prevent us from reaching our potential.
In fact, research shows women who demand perfection from themselves often achieve less than women with more realistic strivings. Surprised?
Causes of Perfectionism
A number of negative thoughts, feelings, and beliefs can drive our perfectionistic tendencies:
• Fear of failure. Perfectionists often equate failure to achieve with a lack of personal worth or value. (God tells us we have value because we are made by Him, in His image, for His plans and pleasure.)
• Fear of making mistakes. Perfectionists often equate mistakes with failure – and therefore, with a lack of personal worth. In orienting their lives around avoiding mistakes, perfectionists miss opportunities to learn and grow.
• Fear of disapproval. Perfectionists often believe if they let others see their flaws, they will no longer be accepted. Trying to be perfect is a way of trying to avoid criticism, disapproval, and rejection. (Christ was criticized, disapproved of, and rejected – and He was truly perfect.)
• All-or-none thinking. Perfectionists frequently believe they are failures if their accomplishments are not perfect from start to finish. Every part must be flawless. They deny the learning curve and discount the process of “failing forward.”
• Belief that others are easily successful. Perfectionists tend to perceive others as achieving success with a minimum of effort, few or no errors, little emotional stress, and maximum self-confidence. This of course is inaccurate. At the same time, perfectionists view their own efforts and confidence as uncommonly inadequate.
A Harmful Cycle
Perfectionistic attitudes start a frustrating cycle in motion. First, perfectionists set unreachable goals based on unrealistic expectations. Second, they fail to meet their often well-out-of-reach goals. Third, they become anxious and self-critical over their failure. Finally, rather than realizing the true problem, they demand a perfect performance next time or avoid the pursuit entirely.
Also, without realizing it, perfectionists can apply their unrealistically high standards to others, becoming critical and demanding. Their frequent lack of grace damages their relationships. Furthermore, perfectionists may avoid letting people see their mistakes, not realizing that self-disclosure allows others to perceive them as more human and thus more likeable. Because of this, perfectionists often have difficulty being close to people and they create unsatisfying relationships – which only confirms in their mind their lack of value or their need to strive harder.
What to do About Perfectionism
The first step in moving from a performance-based attitude of perfectionism to a grace-based attitude of healthy striving and dependence on Christ is to realize that perfection, instantly or in everything, is simply unattainable. And the pursuit of it is counterproductive.
The next step is to challenge the self-defeating thoughts and behaviors that fuel your perfectionism. Some of the following strategies - many outlined by the counseling center at the University of Illinois - may help:
• Set realistic, reachable goals based on what you have accomplished in the past. This will enable you to rein in unrealistic expectations and experience the satisfaction of achievement.
• Set subsequent goals in a sequential manner. As you reach a goal, set your next goal one step beyond your present level of accomplishment.
• Relax your standards for success. Choose any activity and instead of aiming for 100 percent, try for 90 percent, 80 percent, or even 70 percent success. This will help you to realize that the world does not end when you are less than perfect.
• Learn to discriminate the tasks you want to give high priority to from those tasks that are less important to you. On less important tasks, choose to put forth less effort in favor of increased rest and emotional stability.
• Focus on the process of doing an activity, not just on the end result. Evaluate your success not only in terms of what you accomplished but also in terms of how you accomplished it. Did you remain calm? Did you learn something new along the way? Did you enjoy the process?
• Use feelings of anxiety and depression as opportunities to ask yourself, “Have I set impossible expectations for myself in this situation?”
• Confront the fears that may be behind your perfectionism by asking yourself, “What am I afraid of? What is the worst thing that could happen?”
• Recall a recent mistake you made and list all the things you can learn from it. Mistakes are powerful learning tools.
• Pray daily, giving your stresses and to-do list to Christ to oversee. Remember that His priority is your character and relationships over your accomplishments.
As perfectionists, we’ve come to believe our value – in God’s or other people’s eyes – is irrevocably linked to our performance. In a quest to be accepted and loved, we set out to be flawless. This is both unnecessary and unproductive.
So pull out a sheet of paper and write out in your own words the reasons why your perfection is unnecessary and unproductive. Don’t worry if it is well-worded or commas are in the right place. And in the process, you’ll begin to overcome the plague of perfectionism.
Rachel Olsen is a woman who seeks to savor life with Christ and help others find that sweet spot as well. A writer, speaker and editor with Proverbs 31 Ministries, Rachel communicates biblical truths modern women need to know. To learn more, read her recent release “It’s No Secret: Revealing Divine Truths Every Woman Should Know.”
Do you feel most of what you do is never quite good enough?
Do you avoid starting tasks for worry you’ll fail?
Do you think “average” is an ugly word?
If so, rather than working toward success, you are probably trying to be flawless from start to finish. It’s likely you are plagued by perfectionism.
I know; I’ve been there.
Perfectionism refers to a set of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching excessively high or unrealistic goals. Mistakenly believed necessary for success, perfectionism is often detrimental. It can rob us of a sense of personal satisfaction or achievement, damage our relationships, and prevent us from reaching our potential.
In fact, research shows women who demand perfection from themselves often achieve less than women with more realistic strivings. Surprised?
Causes of Perfectionism
A number of negative thoughts, feelings, and beliefs can drive our perfectionistic tendencies:
• Fear of failure. Perfectionists often equate failure to achieve with a lack of personal worth or value. (God tells us we have value because we are made by Him, in His image, for His plans and pleasure.)
• Fear of making mistakes. Perfectionists often equate mistakes with failure – and therefore, with a lack of personal worth. In orienting their lives around avoiding mistakes, perfectionists miss opportunities to learn and grow.
• Fear of disapproval. Perfectionists often believe if they let others see their flaws, they will no longer be accepted. Trying to be perfect is a way of trying to avoid criticism, disapproval, and rejection. (Christ was criticized, disapproved of, and rejected – and He was truly perfect.)
• All-or-none thinking. Perfectionists frequently believe they are failures if their accomplishments are not perfect from start to finish. Every part must be flawless. They deny the learning curve and discount the process of “failing forward.”
• Belief that others are easily successful. Perfectionists tend to perceive others as achieving success with a minimum of effort, few or no errors, little emotional stress, and maximum self-confidence. This of course is inaccurate. At the same time, perfectionists view their own efforts and confidence as uncommonly inadequate.
A Harmful Cycle
Perfectionistic attitudes start a frustrating cycle in motion. First, perfectionists set unreachable goals based on unrealistic expectations. Second, they fail to meet their often well-out-of-reach goals. Third, they become anxious and self-critical over their failure. Finally, rather than realizing the true problem, they demand a perfect performance next time or avoid the pursuit entirely.
Also, without realizing it, perfectionists can apply their unrealistically high standards to others, becoming critical and demanding. Their frequent lack of grace damages their relationships. Furthermore, perfectionists may avoid letting people see their mistakes, not realizing that self-disclosure allows others to perceive them as more human and thus more likeable. Because of this, perfectionists often have difficulty being close to people and they create unsatisfying relationships – which only confirms in their mind their lack of value or their need to strive harder.
What to do About Perfectionism
The first step in moving from a performance-based attitude of perfectionism to a grace-based attitude of healthy striving and dependence on Christ is to realize that perfection, instantly or in everything, is simply unattainable. And the pursuit of it is counterproductive.
The next step is to challenge the self-defeating thoughts and behaviors that fuel your perfectionism. Some of the following strategies - many outlined by the counseling center at the University of Illinois - may help:
• Set realistic, reachable goals based on what you have accomplished in the past. This will enable you to rein in unrealistic expectations and experience the satisfaction of achievement.
• Set subsequent goals in a sequential manner. As you reach a goal, set your next goal one step beyond your present level of accomplishment.
• Relax your standards for success. Choose any activity and instead of aiming for 100 percent, try for 90 percent, 80 percent, or even 70 percent success. This will help you to realize that the world does not end when you are less than perfect.
• Learn to discriminate the tasks you want to give high priority to from those tasks that are less important to you. On less important tasks, choose to put forth less effort in favor of increased rest and emotional stability.
• Focus on the process of doing an activity, not just on the end result. Evaluate your success not only in terms of what you accomplished but also in terms of how you accomplished it. Did you remain calm? Did you learn something new along the way? Did you enjoy the process?
• Use feelings of anxiety and depression as opportunities to ask yourself, “Have I set impossible expectations for myself in this situation?”
• Confront the fears that may be behind your perfectionism by asking yourself, “What am I afraid of? What is the worst thing that could happen?”
• Recall a recent mistake you made and list all the things you can learn from it. Mistakes are powerful learning tools.
• Pray daily, giving your stresses and to-do list to Christ to oversee. Remember that His priority is your character and relationships over your accomplishments.
As perfectionists, we’ve come to believe our value – in God’s or other people’s eyes – is irrevocably linked to our performance. In a quest to be accepted and loved, we set out to be flawless. This is both unnecessary and unproductive.
So pull out a sheet of paper and write out in your own words the reasons why your perfection is unnecessary and unproductive. Don’t worry if it is well-worded or commas are in the right place. And in the process, you’ll begin to overcome the plague of perfectionism.
Rachel Olsen is a woman who seeks to savor life with Christ and help others find that sweet spot as well. A writer, speaker and editor with Proverbs 31 Ministries, Rachel communicates biblical truths modern women need to know. To learn more, read her recent release “It’s No Secret: Revealing Divine Truths Every Woman Should Know.”
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Tips for Preparing Your Child for Challenges
By Glynnis Whitwer
The promise of a new school year burns bright this time of year. Crisp white paper and sharpened pencils are at the ready, as excited children (and moms) fill clean, new backpacks with supplies. Back-to-school shopping has restocked the closets with shoes that fit, jeans that are long enough and jackets to replace the ones that were left on the playground in March.
By the first day of school, parents will have prepared their children well. But, have they thought of everything? Have parents prepared their children to deal with the anxiety of change, the fear of harder tests and the possible bullying from a new classmate?
Sadly, most of us don’t know how to prepare our children for the emotional challenges of school. We tend to find out about issues when they have escalated into problems. This year, I’d like to share a few tips for preparing children to deal with some of the most common problems they might face in the coming months.
Stress
People get stressed when pressures accumulate faster than our ability to adapt, last longer than our ability to maintain control, or our internal makeup is unable to deal with problems. Given that children have very little control over their circumstances, they are at a great risk of facing stress. Here are a few things parents can do:
· Create a stress-free environment at home. Establishing calming routines in the mornings, afternoons and evenings give your children a chance to regroup.
· Limit extra-curricular activities for all family members. Parents can model healthy activity loads when children are very young. Lots of time at home enables you to finish homework, study for test and work on projects without stress.
· Honor the Sabbath. This is difficult for most families, but it was God’s design for a day of well-needed rest. Try and build in a day where everyone is free to celebrate life together.
Fear
Many children will deal with fear at school. Fear often manifests itself with physical symptoms before your child will be able to communicate his emotions. Be attuned to slight hesitancy, upset stomachs or difficulty sleeping. What you can do:
· Establish a culture of openness at home. Always take your child’s fear seriously and investigate a concern. Your child will grow to trust that you will take her seriously.
· Desensitize your child. If your child is naturally hesitant and fearful, introduce new situations gradually. If the start of school is fearful, then practice walking to school the week before. Talk through possible situations. If you’ve never be separated before, then have some practice runs where you leave your child at a friend’s house for a short time and then return.
· Have an action plan. Play the “What If?” game. What if mom isn’t there to pick you up? What if you forget your lunch? What if you get picked on at recess? Talk though the potentially fearful situations and have a plan.
Bullying
Sadly, bullies are a part of life. Statistics say that up to 90% of schoolchildren will be bullied. Unfortunately, shame and a code of silence often keeps parents from knowing about it until it’s too late. Thankfully, there are things you can do to bully-proof your child.
· Don’t over-protect. Teach your children early on to deal with problems themselves. Children who run to adults over every small problem tend to be bullied more than children who are calmly assertive in meeting their own needs.
· Invest in your children’s friendships. Good friends are protection against bullies. Make an effort to invite other children to your home, or to join your family on outings. Create situations where your child can interact with others and develop good friendships.
· Teach your children to stand up for others. This might be controversial to you, but children need to know their parents would support them if they had to defend someone. We need to raise a generation who will defend the weak. It’s called moral courage and we need more young men and women who won’t tolerate injustice. That means getting involved and not walking away when someone is getting bullied. Another mom will thank you for it.
Problems are a part of life. We will always have them. Perhaps one of the best gifts we can give our children is to equip them with practical ways to deal with the everyday issues of life. I believe they’ll thank you for it when they’ve become adults who persevere through pain, and come out victorious.
Glynnis has written a book on this subject titled “When Your Child is Hurting.” In the book, she explores these three topics, plus 11 other common, everyday issues children face. Each chapter contains Scripture verses, inspiring quotes and discussion questions to be used in a small group setting or individually. It’s filled with practical parenting tips and encouraging stories. Click here to purchase or read more.
The promise of a new school year burns bright this time of year. Crisp white paper and sharpened pencils are at the ready, as excited children (and moms) fill clean, new backpacks with supplies. Back-to-school shopping has restocked the closets with shoes that fit, jeans that are long enough and jackets to replace the ones that were left on the playground in March.
By the first day of school, parents will have prepared their children well. But, have they thought of everything? Have parents prepared their children to deal with the anxiety of change, the fear of harder tests and the possible bullying from a new classmate?
Sadly, most of us don’t know how to prepare our children for the emotional challenges of school. We tend to find out about issues when they have escalated into problems. This year, I’d like to share a few tips for preparing children to deal with some of the most common problems they might face in the coming months.
Stress
People get stressed when pressures accumulate faster than our ability to adapt, last longer than our ability to maintain control, or our internal makeup is unable to deal with problems. Given that children have very little control over their circumstances, they are at a great risk of facing stress. Here are a few things parents can do:
· Create a stress-free environment at home. Establishing calming routines in the mornings, afternoons and evenings give your children a chance to regroup.
· Limit extra-curricular activities for all family members. Parents can model healthy activity loads when children are very young. Lots of time at home enables you to finish homework, study for test and work on projects without stress.
· Honor the Sabbath. This is difficult for most families, but it was God’s design for a day of well-needed rest. Try and build in a day where everyone is free to celebrate life together.
Fear
Many children will deal with fear at school. Fear often manifests itself with physical symptoms before your child will be able to communicate his emotions. Be attuned to slight hesitancy, upset stomachs or difficulty sleeping. What you can do:
· Establish a culture of openness at home. Always take your child’s fear seriously and investigate a concern. Your child will grow to trust that you will take her seriously.
· Desensitize your child. If your child is naturally hesitant and fearful, introduce new situations gradually. If the start of school is fearful, then practice walking to school the week before. Talk through possible situations. If you’ve never be separated before, then have some practice runs where you leave your child at a friend’s house for a short time and then return.
· Have an action plan. Play the “What If?” game. What if mom isn’t there to pick you up? What if you forget your lunch? What if you get picked on at recess? Talk though the potentially fearful situations and have a plan.
Bullying
Sadly, bullies are a part of life. Statistics say that up to 90% of schoolchildren will be bullied. Unfortunately, shame and a code of silence often keeps parents from knowing about it until it’s too late. Thankfully, there are things you can do to bully-proof your child.
· Don’t over-protect. Teach your children early on to deal with problems themselves. Children who run to adults over every small problem tend to be bullied more than children who are calmly assertive in meeting their own needs.
· Invest in your children’s friendships. Good friends are protection against bullies. Make an effort to invite other children to your home, or to join your family on outings. Create situations where your child can interact with others and develop good friendships.
· Teach your children to stand up for others. This might be controversial to you, but children need to know their parents would support them if they had to defend someone. We need to raise a generation who will defend the weak. It’s called moral courage and we need more young men and women who won’t tolerate injustice. That means getting involved and not walking away when someone is getting bullied. Another mom will thank you for it.
Problems are a part of life. We will always have them. Perhaps one of the best gifts we can give our children is to equip them with practical ways to deal with the everyday issues of life. I believe they’ll thank you for it when they’ve become adults who persevere through pain, and come out victorious.
Glynnis has written a book on this subject titled “When Your Child is Hurting.” In the book, she explores these three topics, plus 11 other common, everyday issues children face. Each chapter contains Scripture verses, inspiring quotes and discussion questions to be used in a small group setting or individually. It’s filled with practical parenting tips and encouraging stories. Click here to purchase or read more.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Healing in Hurting Times
by Tamela Ward
The unemployment rate is at a 25-year high, hovering at 9.5%. Everyone knows someone that is touched by these difficult times. What happens when it hits your home? Who do you put your faith in? How do you support your family?
In my home, it hit my husband, David, before the recession. It was exactly 18 years from the date he began his career with a Fortune 500 shipping company, which happened to be his 37th birthday. It was also my first day back at work after having our third miracle child born three months prior. Little did I know that when I took that call from my husband, our lives would change forever.
Chills still run through my body when I recall his words, “I’m headed home. They just let me go.” My immediate response, “I’ll meet you at the house.” Thankfully, God gave me wisdom to say little and listen a lot. I knew God would see us through this change. We stood in the kitchen of our home bewildered with the shocking news. Questions raced through our minds like cars around a NASCAR track: How long could we make it financially? How will we explain to our friends and family? Who do we tell first?
During this difficult time, God gave me several things to do that have ended up being lifelong strategies for drawing closer.
Daily devotion – “Experiencing God Day by Day” by Henry T. and Richard Blackaby ministered to us, and is now a gift my husband gives to others in times of need. The tattered and unglued book is a treasured reminder of how God spoke to us and carried us through this time.
Words of encouragement –My aunt and I were attending a Christian women’s conference and in the slide show, the message “David, Trust in me. I am in control” caught my eye. Strangely, my aunt doesn’t recall seeing it at all. That’s because God cared enough to speak to me personally that day. Immediately, I knew those words were for me to share with my husband. Daily these words remind us that God is in control and that “nothing pleases God without faith.”
Praise – Find a prayer closet for praise. Turn on your local Christian radio station. God will send songs your way that minister to your needs. Find a quiet place where you can sing at the top of your lungs. My treadmill is often a refuge where I sing praises and release stress. My family knows I don’t want to be disturbed when the door is shut. All they can hear is the hum of the treadmill and the wailing of my seemingly a cappella tunes.
Church – Attend church. Emotions can be so raw that you dread the thought of attending church and telling your story repeatedly to friends. Don’t let Satan use that to overwhelm you. Let the love and concern of your church family heal your wounds.
Tithe –If you are a two income family, Satan will try to convince you that you need every penny. He is the master deceiver. Tithing is one of the best gifts you can give during difficult times. Tithe on whatever is coming your way and you will be blessed. You can’t out give God.
Focus – Keep your eyes on Jesus. There will be times that you feel so alone. You are not alone. God will never leave you nor forsake you. Your hopes will brighten when you think you have found the perfect new job, and suddenly the emotional roller coaster plummets you to the darkness of rejection. Know that God has a plan – the perfect plan for His will.
Find Comfort in Scripture
Scriptures float throughout my belongings and are saved to my desktop; scriptures that I repeat to myself and to my husband. Insert your loved one’s name into the scripture to remind them that our God is personal. Over and over His Word was and still is like healing salve to our hurts. There will be times that you feel at such a loss for what to do. Pull out the scriptures and read them. Feed yourself and your family extra doses of spiritual food. There is nothing more nourishing than the richness of His Word. Here are two of my favorites:
“Lord, when doubts fill my mind, when my heart is in turmoil, quiet me and give me renewed hope and cheer.” Psalm 94:19
“You can never please God without faith, without depending on him. Anyone who wants to come to God must believe that there is a God and that he rewards those who sincerely look for him.” Hebrews 11:6
Was this an easy time? No. Did God see us through it? Yes. Are we stronger and closer in Christ? Absolutely. One of the vivid memories from this time is when I called my Pastor to ask him to call my husband. He said to me, “You both have heard all your life what to do and how to live in faith. Now you have to do it.”
We all go through times that stretch our faith when we need healing for our hurt. What has you hurting today? Where do you place your faith? Who will you turn to? Have faith in Christ and know that nothing pleases Him more.
Tamela Ward is a nationally certified counselor at a local elementary school. She has been happily married to David for 21 years. David and Tamela live in South Carolina with their three miracle children. After David lost his job, God led him to start their own company which God has blessed beyond their dreams.
The unemployment rate is at a 25-year high, hovering at 9.5%. Everyone knows someone that is touched by these difficult times. What happens when it hits your home? Who do you put your faith in? How do you support your family?
In my home, it hit my husband, David, before the recession. It was exactly 18 years from the date he began his career with a Fortune 500 shipping company, which happened to be his 37th birthday. It was also my first day back at work after having our third miracle child born three months prior. Little did I know that when I took that call from my husband, our lives would change forever.
Chills still run through my body when I recall his words, “I’m headed home. They just let me go.” My immediate response, “I’ll meet you at the house.” Thankfully, God gave me wisdom to say little and listen a lot. I knew God would see us through this change. We stood in the kitchen of our home bewildered with the shocking news. Questions raced through our minds like cars around a NASCAR track: How long could we make it financially? How will we explain to our friends and family? Who do we tell first?
During this difficult time, God gave me several things to do that have ended up being lifelong strategies for drawing closer.
Daily devotion – “Experiencing God Day by Day” by Henry T. and Richard Blackaby ministered to us, and is now a gift my husband gives to others in times of need. The tattered and unglued book is a treasured reminder of how God spoke to us and carried us through this time.
Words of encouragement –My aunt and I were attending a Christian women’s conference and in the slide show, the message “David, Trust in me. I am in control” caught my eye. Strangely, my aunt doesn’t recall seeing it at all. That’s because God cared enough to speak to me personally that day. Immediately, I knew those words were for me to share with my husband. Daily these words remind us that God is in control and that “nothing pleases God without faith.”
Praise – Find a prayer closet for praise. Turn on your local Christian radio station. God will send songs your way that minister to your needs. Find a quiet place where you can sing at the top of your lungs. My treadmill is often a refuge where I sing praises and release stress. My family knows I don’t want to be disturbed when the door is shut. All they can hear is the hum of the treadmill and the wailing of my seemingly a cappella tunes.
Church – Attend church. Emotions can be so raw that you dread the thought of attending church and telling your story repeatedly to friends. Don’t let Satan use that to overwhelm you. Let the love and concern of your church family heal your wounds.
Tithe –If you are a two income family, Satan will try to convince you that you need every penny. He is the master deceiver. Tithing is one of the best gifts you can give during difficult times. Tithe on whatever is coming your way and you will be blessed. You can’t out give God.
Focus – Keep your eyes on Jesus. There will be times that you feel so alone. You are not alone. God will never leave you nor forsake you. Your hopes will brighten when you think you have found the perfect new job, and suddenly the emotional roller coaster plummets you to the darkness of rejection. Know that God has a plan – the perfect plan for His will.
Find Comfort in Scripture
Scriptures float throughout my belongings and are saved to my desktop; scriptures that I repeat to myself and to my husband. Insert your loved one’s name into the scripture to remind them that our God is personal. Over and over His Word was and still is like healing salve to our hurts. There will be times that you feel at such a loss for what to do. Pull out the scriptures and read them. Feed yourself and your family extra doses of spiritual food. There is nothing more nourishing than the richness of His Word. Here are two of my favorites:
“Lord, when doubts fill my mind, when my heart is in turmoil, quiet me and give me renewed hope and cheer.” Psalm 94:19
“You can never please God without faith, without depending on him. Anyone who wants to come to God must believe that there is a God and that he rewards those who sincerely look for him.” Hebrews 11:6
Was this an easy time? No. Did God see us through it? Yes. Are we stronger and closer in Christ? Absolutely. One of the vivid memories from this time is when I called my Pastor to ask him to call my husband. He said to me, “You both have heard all your life what to do and how to live in faith. Now you have to do it.”
We all go through times that stretch our faith when we need healing for our hurt. What has you hurting today? Where do you place your faith? Who will you turn to? Have faith in Christ and know that nothing pleases Him more.
Tamela Ward is a nationally certified counselor at a local elementary school. She has been happily married to David for 21 years. David and Tamela live in South Carolina with their three miracle children. After David lost his job, God led him to start their own company which God has blessed beyond their dreams.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Clothed with Strength and Dignity: What I Wore on Black Friday
Unfortunately, many of us have received the dreaded “pink slip” in recent months. Theresa shares her experience and offers hope for others in a similar situation.
Clothed with Strength and Dignity: What I Wore on Black Friday
By Theresa Ceniccola
I wasn’t one hundred percent certain, but the empty pit in my stomach told me this was it. My time had come. Call it intuition, but when my boss set an unannounced private meeting on my calendar for a Friday afternoon during a recession, anxiety became my friend. I barely slept that night, bargaining with the Lord as I tossed in turned in my bed. When the sun finally peeked through the curtains I was filled with a sense of urgency and panic.
What does one wear to work on the day she gets laid off? The thought itself seemed superfluous and irrelevant, but at the same time oddly appropriate as I perused the options in my closet. Should I pay tribute to “Black Friday” by dressing head to toe in the obvious color?
Maybe I should wear something slightly outdated or mildly tattered in hopes that my boss will take pity on me and change his mind at the last minute. On the other hand, I could present a brave front wearing my power suit as an outward symbol of the inner strength I was searching so desperately to find. Perhaps I should let my whimsical side prevail by sporting a pink slip under my skirt. (No, I don’t actually own one, but a pink slip would have been a welcome reminder to retain my sense of humor.)
In the end, I opted for business casual – after all, it was Friday. I wore a simple olive sweater and tan dress pants that probably should have been pressed. I added a funky beaded necklace I purchased at the gift shop where I worked – using my employee discount, which I would sorely miss.
As I rushed through my usual routine in the mirror, I instinctively reached for the waterproof mascara, normally reserved for days at the beach or a girls’ night out at the movies. I knew I would need the reliable smudge-proof formula. I recited a litany of my favorite prayers as I drove to the office, too preoccupied to be mindful of their meaning, yet finding comfort in the familiar sound of the words in my head.
My qualms were confirmed when my boss closed the door behind me as I entered his office. I knew instantly that he was uncomfortable. His words were rehearsed yet awkward. “You are aware of the current economic situation,” he began. I mentally pleaded with him to get to the point. I remember hearing the words “economy” and “termination” and “sorry.”
“Breathe,” I instructed myself. Despite my best efforts, I felt the tears surface against my will. I wanted to ask questions – to clarify the details – to negotiate. But the words simply could not emerge in any intelligible manner. I managed to utter a feeble request, “Isn’t there any other option?”
He struggled to conceal his sympathy. “We have no more work for you,” he responded. Ouch. My thoughtfully assembled attire was meaningless now. It provided no protection from the pain and hurt. No escape from reality. Holding back my tears, I managed to express my gratitude for the opportunity to work with a wonderful organization and for the friendships I had formed. There was nothing left to say.
The floodgates released as I left the office and I had to stop twice on the way home because I couldn’t see well enough to drive. I called my husband and invited him into my state of shock and despair. We spent the next 24 hours crying and praying. Despite my devastation, I was keenly aware of the gift in my situation. Here I was, holding hands with my husband and praising our Lord aloud. Other than blessings before meals, and the bedtime routine with the kids, prayer is a private activity in our house. I could not help but reminded of the words of Matthew 18:20 – “Where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.”
The remainder of the weekend, we alternated turns keeping the kids occupied so they wouldn’t notice our world was coming to an end. Whoever decided it was best to terminate workers on a Friday clearly did not have young children at home. I would have preferred to mourn in private after I put them on the school bus under the illusion that everything was just perfect. Instead I grieved in stolen moments in between basketball games, birthday parties and Sunday school. Sleep eluded me, yet I was drawn to my bed as if there were some healing powers in my covers. I emerged on occasion, wearing my weekend uniform of flannel pants and a comfy sweatshirt.
On Monday morning, I found myself alone in the closet, once again searching for the perfect outfit for the occasion. Then the Lord whispered in my ear a familiar phrase from a favorite scripture, “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” Proverbs 31: 25
So I dusted off some of my classic favorites and tried them on for size: grace and honor, hope and faith, kindness, wisdom, ambition and honesty. I was surprised how well they fit. And I have a feeling they will always be in style. As timeless as the Word of God.
Months later, I understand and accept God’s plan for the once unwelcome change in my career. Despite the emotional turmoil, the endless soul searching has yielded an opportunity for growth and transformation. My new professional direction allows me to spend more time with my children and to truly be present in their lives. While I pray that others are not faced with the same unexpected challenge, I also offer my personal tips for surviving job loss with strength and dignity.
How to Dress Divinely in Times of Despair
• Remember that God has a plan for you – even when you don’t have one for yourself. Most of us control freaks know this is true, but it’s very difficult to internalize. I relied on my journal to pray and write to God asking Him for patience and courage to follow His plan.
• Find one positive thing in your situation and enjoy it. Perhaps you can spend more time with family, sleep in late or work in your garden. For me, it is a blessing to be able to be home when my children get off the school bus every afternoon.
• Be honest with yourself and others. People respect a straightforward approach and in today’s economy, there is no shame in losing a job. The disgrace comes from how you convey your story to others. I found it refreshingly healing to admit that life is difficult but through hard work and faith in God, something wonderful will develop.
• Seek comfort and support from others and be willing to accept their assistance. At first, it was difficult for me to ask for help – to acknowledge that I needed someone to watch my kids so I could go on a job interview or that my children could use some hand-me-down clothes. It was even more humbling to decline social invitations because they were no longer in the budget. But, I found that friends truly did want to help me and these were simple ways they could show their kindness.
• Remain open to God’s call. When I told friends about my situation, many of them gave the standard reply, “When God closes one door, He opens another.” This response, although comforting, became cliché after awhile. But the message at heart is significant – God was calling me to create a change in my life – one that I never would have made on my own. I had to remain open to this call and believe in the world of opportunity that He opened for me.
Theresa Ceniccola is a writer and corporate communications professional living in Virginia Beach, VA. With more than 20 years of experience in healthcare, Theresa has covered topics from cardiac surgery to patient safety and family-centered care. She recently answered God’s call to write personal stories to inspire others. Theresa’s passion for writing allows her to spend time with her husband and their three children. Theresa is co-founder of Write to Health, a guided journaling practice dedicated to encouraging people to discover the health benefits of writing. Her own journal writing enriches her personal relationship with Christ and provides a sacred place for ongoing spiritual reflection. Theresa is active in community organizations including her home church, Susan G. Komen and Girl Scouts.
Clothed with Strength and Dignity: What I Wore on Black Friday
By Theresa Ceniccola
I wasn’t one hundred percent certain, but the empty pit in my stomach told me this was it. My time had come. Call it intuition, but when my boss set an unannounced private meeting on my calendar for a Friday afternoon during a recession, anxiety became my friend. I barely slept that night, bargaining with the Lord as I tossed in turned in my bed. When the sun finally peeked through the curtains I was filled with a sense of urgency and panic.
What does one wear to work on the day she gets laid off? The thought itself seemed superfluous and irrelevant, but at the same time oddly appropriate as I perused the options in my closet. Should I pay tribute to “Black Friday” by dressing head to toe in the obvious color?
Maybe I should wear something slightly outdated or mildly tattered in hopes that my boss will take pity on me and change his mind at the last minute. On the other hand, I could present a brave front wearing my power suit as an outward symbol of the inner strength I was searching so desperately to find. Perhaps I should let my whimsical side prevail by sporting a pink slip under my skirt. (No, I don’t actually own one, but a pink slip would have been a welcome reminder to retain my sense of humor.)
In the end, I opted for business casual – after all, it was Friday. I wore a simple olive sweater and tan dress pants that probably should have been pressed. I added a funky beaded necklace I purchased at the gift shop where I worked – using my employee discount, which I would sorely miss.
As I rushed through my usual routine in the mirror, I instinctively reached for the waterproof mascara, normally reserved for days at the beach or a girls’ night out at the movies. I knew I would need the reliable smudge-proof formula. I recited a litany of my favorite prayers as I drove to the office, too preoccupied to be mindful of their meaning, yet finding comfort in the familiar sound of the words in my head.
My qualms were confirmed when my boss closed the door behind me as I entered his office. I knew instantly that he was uncomfortable. His words were rehearsed yet awkward. “You are aware of the current economic situation,” he began. I mentally pleaded with him to get to the point. I remember hearing the words “economy” and “termination” and “sorry.”
“Breathe,” I instructed myself. Despite my best efforts, I felt the tears surface against my will. I wanted to ask questions – to clarify the details – to negotiate. But the words simply could not emerge in any intelligible manner. I managed to utter a feeble request, “Isn’t there any other option?”
He struggled to conceal his sympathy. “We have no more work for you,” he responded. Ouch. My thoughtfully assembled attire was meaningless now. It provided no protection from the pain and hurt. No escape from reality. Holding back my tears, I managed to express my gratitude for the opportunity to work with a wonderful organization and for the friendships I had formed. There was nothing left to say.
The floodgates released as I left the office and I had to stop twice on the way home because I couldn’t see well enough to drive. I called my husband and invited him into my state of shock and despair. We spent the next 24 hours crying and praying. Despite my devastation, I was keenly aware of the gift in my situation. Here I was, holding hands with my husband and praising our Lord aloud. Other than blessings before meals, and the bedtime routine with the kids, prayer is a private activity in our house. I could not help but reminded of the words of Matthew 18:20 – “Where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.”
The remainder of the weekend, we alternated turns keeping the kids occupied so they wouldn’t notice our world was coming to an end. Whoever decided it was best to terminate workers on a Friday clearly did not have young children at home. I would have preferred to mourn in private after I put them on the school bus under the illusion that everything was just perfect. Instead I grieved in stolen moments in between basketball games, birthday parties and Sunday school. Sleep eluded me, yet I was drawn to my bed as if there were some healing powers in my covers. I emerged on occasion, wearing my weekend uniform of flannel pants and a comfy sweatshirt.
On Monday morning, I found myself alone in the closet, once again searching for the perfect outfit for the occasion. Then the Lord whispered in my ear a familiar phrase from a favorite scripture, “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” Proverbs 31: 25
So I dusted off some of my classic favorites and tried them on for size: grace and honor, hope and faith, kindness, wisdom, ambition and honesty. I was surprised how well they fit. And I have a feeling they will always be in style. As timeless as the Word of God.
Months later, I understand and accept God’s plan for the once unwelcome change in my career. Despite the emotional turmoil, the endless soul searching has yielded an opportunity for growth and transformation. My new professional direction allows me to spend more time with my children and to truly be present in their lives. While I pray that others are not faced with the same unexpected challenge, I also offer my personal tips for surviving job loss with strength and dignity.
How to Dress Divinely in Times of Despair
• Remember that God has a plan for you – even when you don’t have one for yourself. Most of us control freaks know this is true, but it’s very difficult to internalize. I relied on my journal to pray and write to God asking Him for patience and courage to follow His plan.
• Find one positive thing in your situation and enjoy it. Perhaps you can spend more time with family, sleep in late or work in your garden. For me, it is a blessing to be able to be home when my children get off the school bus every afternoon.
• Be honest with yourself and others. People respect a straightforward approach and in today’s economy, there is no shame in losing a job. The disgrace comes from how you convey your story to others. I found it refreshingly healing to admit that life is difficult but through hard work and faith in God, something wonderful will develop.
• Seek comfort and support from others and be willing to accept their assistance. At first, it was difficult for me to ask for help – to acknowledge that I needed someone to watch my kids so I could go on a job interview or that my children could use some hand-me-down clothes. It was even more humbling to decline social invitations because they were no longer in the budget. But, I found that friends truly did want to help me and these were simple ways they could show their kindness.
• Remain open to God’s call. When I told friends about my situation, many of them gave the standard reply, “When God closes one door, He opens another.” This response, although comforting, became cliché after awhile. But the message at heart is significant – God was calling me to create a change in my life – one that I never would have made on my own. I had to remain open to this call and believe in the world of opportunity that He opened for me.
Theresa Ceniccola is a writer and corporate communications professional living in Virginia Beach, VA. With more than 20 years of experience in healthcare, Theresa has covered topics from cardiac surgery to patient safety and family-centered care. She recently answered God’s call to write personal stories to inspire others. Theresa’s passion for writing allows her to spend time with her husband and their three children. Theresa is co-founder of Write to Health, a guided journaling practice dedicated to encouraging people to discover the health benefits of writing. Her own journal writing enriches her personal relationship with Christ and provides a sacred place for ongoing spiritual reflection. Theresa is active in community organizations including her home church, Susan G. Komen and Girl Scouts.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
10 Ways to Pray While Waiting to Work
By Julie Sanders
1. Pray for patience to wait for God’s perfect timing… it’s not easy to wait.
2. Pray for discernment to make practical decisions… like when to make a follow up call.
3. Pray for provision for the basic needs of your life… for things like groceries, gas, and utilities.
4. Pray for affirmation of your gifts and skills… to know that God made you uniquely to do great things.
5. Pray for opportunities to hear about potential jobs… keep knocking ‘til you get the right one.
6. Pray for chances to encourage others in need… it helps to remember you aren’t the only one in need.
7. Pray for partners who will faithfully pray with you… it helps so much to have friends stand with you.
8. Pray for understanding of God’s promises to encourage you… cling to what God says is true.
9. Pray for peace that passes understanding… this is truly divine, and God wants you to have it.
10. Pray for the ability to rest physically and spiritually… this will help to keep your perspective clear.
1. Pray for patience to wait for God’s perfect timing… it’s not easy to wait.
2. Pray for discernment to make practical decisions… like when to make a follow up call.
3. Pray for provision for the basic needs of your life… for things like groceries, gas, and utilities.
4. Pray for affirmation of your gifts and skills… to know that God made you uniquely to do great things.
5. Pray for opportunities to hear about potential jobs… keep knocking ‘til you get the right one.
6. Pray for chances to encourage others in need… it helps to remember you aren’t the only one in need.
7. Pray for partners who will faithfully pray with you… it helps so much to have friends stand with you.
8. Pray for understanding of God’s promises to encourage you… cling to what God says is true.
9. Pray for peace that passes understanding… this is truly divine, and God wants you to have it.
10. Pray for the ability to rest physically and spiritually… this will help to keep your perspective clear.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Preparing For the Tough Times
By Karen O'Neill Velasquez
What happens when a newly married woman is diagnosed with terminal cancer and only six months to live? Read on for an inspirational testimony…
He quietly opened the bedroom door, thinking I was asleep. I wasn’t. I hadn’t slept in days. My mind was consumed with the news I had gotten. Sleep just wasn’t coming. I rolled over to look at my husband and he said, “When are you going to get out of bed?”
I didn’t answer. Didn’t it go without saying? Newly diagnosed terminal cancer patients are allowed to stay in bed for hours on end crying. People should understand that. I didn’t appreciate the question.
Noticing my silence, he quietly repeated, “You really should try to get out of bed.”
I threw off the covers and stomped to the bathroom and promptly slammed the door shut to accentuate my point. I was angry and I wanted him to know it.
From the other side of the bathroom door I heard his gentle voice. “Honey, let’s go out and get a pizza or something. You really do need to eat.”
My husband’s voice has that Southern charm that softens everything he says. His tone is like a caress, and I could feel it breaking through my bitterness and anger. As I pretended not to hear him above the shower, I realized he had succeeded in reaching me. I couldn’t resist him. He had gotten me out of bed. For the first time in days, I was thinking about something other than cancer. I was thinking about my family and food and how very hungry I was. He had used Southern charm and pizza to get the best of me.
I stared at my reflection in the mirror. As I put on my make-up and fixed my hair, I realized that I looked just like every other healthy woman in the world. No one around me would know about my cancer unless I chose to dwell on it. My husband was telling me I had to get on with life. I should not let cancer defeat me. I knew in that moment that I could get through this ordeal with the strength of God and my husband behind me.
That evening I realized how blessed I was to have this special man by my side. We were just two weeks home from our honeymoon when we stood in a doctor’s office and listened to him tell us that I had stage IV cancer and had only six months left to live. I had melanoma, one of the most untreatable cancers. Traditional medicine had nothing to offer us. My sweet husband went from being a thirty six year old bachelor who had never lived with a woman to a new husband with a dying wife. Yet, somehow he seemed to know just what to say and do during this painful time in our lives. He didn’t read self help books and he didn’t own any marriage guides. He relied exclusively on his faith in God and drew on the Biblical wisdom he learned through the many hours he spent alone with God’s word.
Looking back, Jay’s strength in this crisis should not have surprised me. While we were dating, I saw him regularly cultivating his relationship with the Lord. All through our courtship he had his nose in his Bible, worn out and dog-eared from years of faithful study. He started each day in the same way, by praying and reading God’s word. God blessed Jay with a rare wisdom that comes from knowing Jesus in a very personal way. He lived what he believed and modeled his behavior on Jesus. “Why panic?” he asked me. “God is in charge.” He conveyed that peace to me and it became contagious. So, as a family, we decided to stay alive. And we have.
“All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work,” 2 Timothy 3:16 NIV
God regularly uses common people to accomplish great things. My husband was and still is used by God to bring me comfort and encouragement at a time of great need. Jay had no experience with marriage or cancer. Yet through many hours of Bible study and prayer, the Lord prepared him in advance for any crisis that might come. He gave Jay the skills to survive and the godly wisdom to help me through one of the most difficult times in my life.
When the struggle is staring you in the face, when the darkness is threatening to overtake you, this is the moment that the years of Bible study and prayer will cover you with wisdom like a warm blanket on a cold winter night. Thankfully, God gave me a husband who has chosen the path to godly wisdom.
Editor’s note: Praise report: In October, 2007 Karen celebrated 11years as a cancer survivor. “God has been good to me, ” she says. Thank you Lord!
What happens when a newly married woman is diagnosed with terminal cancer and only six months to live? Read on for an inspirational testimony…
He quietly opened the bedroom door, thinking I was asleep. I wasn’t. I hadn’t slept in days. My mind was consumed with the news I had gotten. Sleep just wasn’t coming. I rolled over to look at my husband and he said, “When are you going to get out of bed?”
I didn’t answer. Didn’t it go without saying? Newly diagnosed terminal cancer patients are allowed to stay in bed for hours on end crying. People should understand that. I didn’t appreciate the question.
Noticing my silence, he quietly repeated, “You really should try to get out of bed.”
I threw off the covers and stomped to the bathroom and promptly slammed the door shut to accentuate my point. I was angry and I wanted him to know it.
From the other side of the bathroom door I heard his gentle voice. “Honey, let’s go out and get a pizza or something. You really do need to eat.”
My husband’s voice has that Southern charm that softens everything he says. His tone is like a caress, and I could feel it breaking through my bitterness and anger. As I pretended not to hear him above the shower, I realized he had succeeded in reaching me. I couldn’t resist him. He had gotten me out of bed. For the first time in days, I was thinking about something other than cancer. I was thinking about my family and food and how very hungry I was. He had used Southern charm and pizza to get the best of me.
I stared at my reflection in the mirror. As I put on my make-up and fixed my hair, I realized that I looked just like every other healthy woman in the world. No one around me would know about my cancer unless I chose to dwell on it. My husband was telling me I had to get on with life. I should not let cancer defeat me. I knew in that moment that I could get through this ordeal with the strength of God and my husband behind me.
That evening I realized how blessed I was to have this special man by my side. We were just two weeks home from our honeymoon when we stood in a doctor’s office and listened to him tell us that I had stage IV cancer and had only six months left to live. I had melanoma, one of the most untreatable cancers. Traditional medicine had nothing to offer us. My sweet husband went from being a thirty six year old bachelor who had never lived with a woman to a new husband with a dying wife. Yet, somehow he seemed to know just what to say and do during this painful time in our lives. He didn’t read self help books and he didn’t own any marriage guides. He relied exclusively on his faith in God and drew on the Biblical wisdom he learned through the many hours he spent alone with God’s word.
Looking back, Jay’s strength in this crisis should not have surprised me. While we were dating, I saw him regularly cultivating his relationship with the Lord. All through our courtship he had his nose in his Bible, worn out and dog-eared from years of faithful study. He started each day in the same way, by praying and reading God’s word. God blessed Jay with a rare wisdom that comes from knowing Jesus in a very personal way. He lived what he believed and modeled his behavior on Jesus. “Why panic?” he asked me. “God is in charge.” He conveyed that peace to me and it became contagious. So, as a family, we decided to stay alive. And we have.
“All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work,” 2 Timothy 3:16 NIV
God regularly uses common people to accomplish great things. My husband was and still is used by God to bring me comfort and encouragement at a time of great need. Jay had no experience with marriage or cancer. Yet through many hours of Bible study and prayer, the Lord prepared him in advance for any crisis that might come. He gave Jay the skills to survive and the godly wisdom to help me through one of the most difficult times in my life.
When the struggle is staring you in the face, when the darkness is threatening to overtake you, this is the moment that the years of Bible study and prayer will cover you with wisdom like a warm blanket on a cold winter night. Thankfully, God gave me a husband who has chosen the path to godly wisdom.
Editor’s note: Praise report: In October, 2007 Karen celebrated 11years as a cancer survivor. “God has been good to me, ” she says. Thank you Lord!
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Scriptures and Thoughts for Battling Fear
Are you experiencing fear, worry or hardship? You can combat fear and doubt by speaking truth from the Word of God. Here is a list of bible verses to pray.
Psalm 34:4-6, 8 I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
1 Peter 4:12 Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
Romans 8:31 What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?
Romans 8:35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
"If you don't have faith, pray anyway. If you don't understand or believe the words you're saying, pray anyway. Prayer can start faith, particularly if you pray aloud and even the most imperfect prayer is an attempt to reach God." - Cary Grant
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Isaiah 40:31 But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Psalm 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
"I have found the perfect antidote for fear whenever it sticks up its ugly face is to clobber it with prayer." - Dale Evans Rogers
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Psalm 91:10-11 No harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.
2 Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
"Any concern too small to be turned into a prayer is too small to be made into a burden." - Corrie ten Boom
Psalm 23:4-5 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Romans 8:15 For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."
Hebrews 13:6 So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
Psalm 91:1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
Psalm 91:4-7 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.
Isaiah 54:14 In righteousness you will be established: Tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to fear. Terror will be far removed; it will not come near you.
Isaiah 43:2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
Proverbs 29:25 Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.
Psalm 31:19-20 How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you. In the shelter of your presence you hide them from the intrigues of men; in your dwelling you keep them safe from accusing tongues.
Psalm 32:7 You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.
Psalm 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation-- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life-- of whom shall I be afraid?
Isaiah 54:17 No weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me," declares the LORD.
Isaiah 51:12-13 "I, even I, am he who comforts you. Who are you that you fear mortal men, the sons of men, who are but grass, that you forget the LORD your Maker, who stretched out the heavens and laid the foundations of the earth, that you live in constant terror every day because of the wrath of the oppressor, who is bent on destruction? For where is the wrath of the oppressor?
Proverbs 3:25-26 Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared.2
Corinthians 4:13-18 It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
"Courage is grace under pressure." - Ernest Hemingway
*All scripture selections were taken from the New International Version (NIV) and were compiled by Marie Ogram.
Psalm 34:4-6, 8 I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
1 Peter 4:12 Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
Romans 8:31 What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?
Romans 8:35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
"If you don't have faith, pray anyway. If you don't understand or believe the words you're saying, pray anyway. Prayer can start faith, particularly if you pray aloud and even the most imperfect prayer is an attempt to reach God." - Cary Grant
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Isaiah 40:31 But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Psalm 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
"I have found the perfect antidote for fear whenever it sticks up its ugly face is to clobber it with prayer." - Dale Evans Rogers
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Psalm 91:10-11 No harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.
2 Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
"Any concern too small to be turned into a prayer is too small to be made into a burden." - Corrie ten Boom
Psalm 23:4-5 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Romans 8:15 For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."
Hebrews 13:6 So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
Psalm 91:1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
Psalm 91:4-7 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.
Isaiah 54:14 In righteousness you will be established: Tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to fear. Terror will be far removed; it will not come near you.
Isaiah 43:2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
Proverbs 29:25 Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.
Psalm 31:19-20 How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you. In the shelter of your presence you hide them from the intrigues of men; in your dwelling you keep them safe from accusing tongues.
Psalm 32:7 You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.
Psalm 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation-- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life-- of whom shall I be afraid?
Isaiah 54:17 No weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me," declares the LORD.
Isaiah 51:12-13 "I, even I, am he who comforts you. Who are you that you fear mortal men, the sons of men, who are but grass, that you forget the LORD your Maker, who stretched out the heavens and laid the foundations of the earth, that you live in constant terror every day because of the wrath of the oppressor, who is bent on destruction? For where is the wrath of the oppressor?
Proverbs 3:25-26 Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared.2
Corinthians 4:13-18 It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
"Courage is grace under pressure." - Ernest Hemingway
*All scripture selections were taken from the New International Version (NIV) and were compiled by Marie Ogram.
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