Scrambled Song

By Heather Gearhart



A few months ago, Taylen, my 10-year-old daughter, was asked to sing a solo for our church. Taylen has been singing with the children’s choir for many years. She has had small solo parts within the choir many times and participates in a competition choir and talent show at her school. Taylen is no stranger to the stage, has a beautiful voice and nerves of steel.


In the days leading up to the performance, she practiced every chance she got. We kept the CD in the car and sang with it every time we drove. She practiced without the music while getting ready. She attended rehearsals with the choir director where she was instructed to smile, make eye contact with the congregation and stay at the microphone until the last note was played on the piano. She was ready.


Before she walked on to the stage I reminded her to smile and we said a quick prayer about the performance. I know for certain that I was more nervous than she was. I glanced around the congregation with pride in my heart. My little girl was about to blow the socks off these people.


As she stepped up to the microphone, she glanced down at the sheet music in front of her. She looked up at me and smiled, just a bit. Then, the music started. Taylen started to sing. The notes flowed through the air melodically and perfectly pitched. Perfectly pitched, melodic, incorrect words. Somehow she had started with the chorus instead of the first verse. She realized her mistake right away but couldn’t correct it.


She stopped singing for a moment and listened to the music, trying to figure out which words she should sing. The pianist kept right on playing. Taylen chose another verse. It was still the wrong one. She had the tune right but the words came out jumbled and disorganized. She stood there for what seemed like an eternity. As the song came to a close Taylen dropped her eyes and stood still until the very last note was played. From the back of the sanctuary I could see her chin quivering.


Taylen hurried down the side aisle and collapsed silently into me. Heavy sobs shook the pew as she tried to hide her tears behind my shoulder. We quickly made our way out the side door and into the nursery. I held my precious daughter with her wounded pride. I whispered to her how proud I was of her, and that very few 10-year-olds would have the nerve to stand up there in front of the crowd.


It turned out, that wasn’t the problem. She was embarrassed, of course. But her main concern was that she hadn’t delivered the message the song had intended. Taylen wasn’t as upset about forgetting the words in front of everyone as she was disappointed that her words didn’t illustrate God’s message.


Luke 8:16 (ESV) tells us, “No one after lighting a lamp covers it with a jar or puts it under a bed, but puts it on a stand, so that those who enter may see the light.” She wanted to show God’s message in the best possible light. Her scrambled up version of the song didn’t do that, or so she thought.


That little girl, declaring her faith to her heavenly Father overwhelmed me and many others in the church that day. I had worried about her dress being clean and her hair being brushed. I fretted over her smiling and making eye contact. It wasn’t a show to her. She was truly making a joyful noise to the Lord. It was a declaration of love from a child to her Father.


Worship is not about performance or production. It isn’t about looking good or wearing our “Sunday best.” It’s about each of us shining our light in a darkened world with our God given talents. Taylen taught me the lesson of a lifetime through her scrambled song. We shouldn’t worry about being perfect or getting it just right. Sometimes a scrambled song is just what someone needs to hear.


Heather Gearhart lives in southwest Virginia with her husband of 16 years and their exuberant 11- year- old daughter. She enjoys spending time with her family and friends. Heather has a master’s degree in long-term care administration, works for a non-profit retirement community and enjoys writing fictional faith romances in her free time.

Ten Things to Consider Before Inviting a Stranger In

By Gaye Clark

Gaye wrote a wonderful article in the June issue of P31 Woman about inviting an abused young woman to live with her family for a few months. She now shares these words of wisdom for anyone considering the same.

1. In the case of domestic violence, ask the woman to commit to severing the relationship with her abuser permanently.

2. Be certain your entire family favors the invitation and is capable of maintaining basic precautions for your family’s safety.

3. Have the local abuse shelter or housing authority run a background check on the woman to ensure the need is legitimate.

4. Communicate ahead of time in writing your house rules and expectations. Revisit that list frequently.

5. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from church members. Accept offers for meals, help with moving belongings, transportation to and from work, childcare, etc.

6. Make your neighbors and local police aware of your circumstances.

7. Be patient. A woman in crisis may have difficulty planning her afternoon, let alone the following week. Help her make lists and prioritize needs.

8. Create margins in your schedule: this is no ordinary houseguest. Be available to talk, pray and listen. Limit unnecessary demands on your time and energy.

9. Encourage her to communicate often with friends and family with whom she had healthy relationships in the past. Abusers often cut off or discourage such contact.

10. Recognize radical hospitality comes with enormous risks. There is no “happily ever after” guarantee. While that may be true, seek to look at current disappointments through the lens of eternity. God often changes hearts over a matter of years, not months.

Gaye Clark is a freelance writer and cardiac nurse who lives in Augusta, Georgia, with her husband Jim and their two teenage children Anna and Nathan. She remains active in inner city ministry.

Who Makes a Family?

By LeAnn Rice

Between the loss of my husband, Ron, and living on the opposite coast from my parents and in-laws, holidays felt mighty lonely. Empty chairs around the table, fewer stockings hung, and wrapping presents alone made me keenly aware of the smallness of my family of two. But letting people in is not easy for me. Loss and betrayal have resulted in protective walls around my heart. Big ones. Walls to keep me from being hurt again.

For years, I was so afraid of letting anyone in that I found myself completely alone with my sweet little boy who didn’t understand why our home wasn’t filled with family on special occasions and why there were so many empty chairs at our dinner table. I knew I desired our home to be filled with people, laughter and memories, but how could I make that happen?

I didn’t know, but God did. Over the years, God put little cracks in my walls and brought a handful of treasured friends to fill the empty chairs around our table and the voids in our lives.

~ Friends who fill in the gaps when I am unable to pick Nick up from school.

~ Friends who include us in family celebrations.

~ Friends who take care of home repairs that are beyond my capabilities.

~ Friends who let me be “Aunt LeLe” to their children.

~ Friends who notice that Nick needs a positive male role model in his life and someone to hit a tennis ball with.

~ Friends who help with the yard work in our overgrown forest of weeds and leaves.

~ Friends who notice that I don’t always fit in, so they find ways to fit me into their lives.

~ Friends who continue to eat my kitchen experiments no matter how many times I set
off the smoke alarm.

I may not have the life I imagined or hoped for, but it is my life and I am grateful for the blessings of family and friends who love Nick and me and fill in some of the empty spaces in our hearts.

I have to be honest though…I miss the holidays I used to have. Yes, I feel loved when my new “family” gathers for a big Thanksgiving dinner or a Christmas celebration. But, they have families of their own: parents, siblings, or in-laws to visit on Christmas, so our celebration takes place on a different day. Christmas morning comes around and it is still just Nick and me sitting by the tree. Well… except for that spoiled rotten cat of ours.

If you find yourself in the same situation here are a few ideas that I hope will help get you through the holidays:

• Find a family or organization that needs something you can offer. It may be bringing ingredients for Thanksgiving dinner to a family that can’t afford a turkey and fixings. Maybe a family needs help purchasing and wrapping presents for their children who would otherwise have no gifts under their Christmas tree. Collect warm coats, blankets and socks for a homeless shelter. Help a shut-in write and send Christmas cards to friends and family. Simply find a need (and there is always a need) that you are gifted and have a heart for, and fill it.

• See if there are others who will be alone on a holiday and celebrate together. Prepare and serve a “family” meal or have everyone bring a dish to share. Maybe include a silly game to keep the mood lively.

• Volunteer to serve a holiday meal at a local soup kitchen.

I have found that doing for others makes me feel so much better. It takes the focus off of me, and I am blessed to be a blessing to someone else.

Maybe your situation is different. Maybe your home will be filled with family and friends this holiday season. Do you know someone who will be alone? Consider opening your home and heart to include them in your celebration. But please do not be offended if they say “no.” Sometimes it is actually harder to be a part of someone else’s celebration because it brings back memories of what you once had. But, even when I say “no,” it means so much to have been invited…to feel like I matter to someone.

Whether you are alone this holiday season, or you have a house brimming with family, I pray that God reveals Himself to you in a very real and tangible way. May He be all that you need. May He fill every empty space. May He draw you nearer to His heart.

Sweet Blessings,
LeAnn

LeAnn Rice is the Executive Director of Proverbs 31 Ministries. She lives with her 17-year-old son, Nick, and their ornery cat, Angel, in a small town just outside of Charlotte, NC. LeAnn shares hope and inspiration on her site www.AWidowsMight.org and recipes, grace, and southern hospitality on www.SheCooks.org.

Extend a Hand of Wholeness: Post-Abortion Healing

By Tracy Nunes

In the article, “Extend a Hand of Wholeness” we took some baby steps into understanding the issue of post abortion healing and why it should matter to the body of Christ. Let’s take that a bit further and talk about the “How.”

Our Words: Be aware of words like “killer,” and “murderer,” when referring to abortion. While we can’t step away from calling it the sin that it is, we need to remember that even as the baby rests in Heaven with Jesus the mother suffers still. Use words like forgiveness, healing and reconciliation when talking about it. You may never know how you will minister to a woman’s heart though unaware of it. Encourage your church to start post abortion healing groups and share this information with your pastor and congregation. You don’t have to be post abortive to start a ministry like this.

Post Abortion Help: If you are a woman who has had an abortion recently or in the distant past, there are a multitude of resources for you. The article may have stirred your feelings and that can be frightening. Don’t bury those feelings. Run to Jesus. You may feel that silent suffering will make it go away, but what is buried will still find ways to rear its ugly head. Seek out post abortion Bible studies, recovery groups or a Christian counselor who specializes in this area. Most of all…know that your abortion will not separate you from the love of God, but running away will limit your opportunities to be whole again. Remember, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4

Internet and Print Resources for Healing:
• Ramah International: www.ramahinternational.com
• The Comforted: www.thecomforted.blogspot.com
• Her Choice to Heal by Sydna Masse
• Forgiven and Set Free by Linda Cochrane


Tracy lives in Hawaii with Richard, her husband of 25 years. She has two grown daughters, one grandson and works with Hawaii Right to Life to promote awareness of post abortion issues. Visit Tracy’s Post-Abortion Healing blog The Comforted: http://thecomforted.blogspot.com. She also has a blog where she writes about all of the ways that God has taken the mess of her life and made it into something for His Glory: http://tracynunes.blogspot.com.

His Amazing Touch

By Carolyn H. Reynolds

Slipping into the back-row seat for the breakout session, “Preparing for the Battlefield through Prayer,” at the 2009 She Speaks Conference, my eyes surveyed the room for a chair closer to the speaker. I knew God had directed me to this session, and I didn’t want to miss a word. There was not a single empty chair in sight; the classroom was filled to capacity. Disappointed with myself for lingering a little too long at the book table, I sat down in the back row and prepared to focus my full attention on the speaker’s presentation. Always the dutiful student, I was equipped with a class syllabus and arsenal of multicolored pens.

Getting equipped for spiritual battle has been a goal of mine for a long time, but especially now. There was an upcoming marriage enrichment weekend which my husband I were coordinating and my pastor warned us to always be on the alert for the tactics of the enemy, especially during ministry. My protective armor was a little rusty; it needed to be dusted, oiled, and polished! I knew I needed a renewed commitment to strap on the helmet of salvation, to put on the breastplate of righteousness, the belt of truth, the sandals of the gospel of peace. Oh, how I needed a persistent, firm grip on the shield of faith. And most importantly, I needed a renewed commitment to take up my only defensive weapon, the sword of the spirit, the Living Word of God.

Immediately, I knew I would need to be laser-focused because nearby commotions began with later-than-me arrivals, and sound technicians making adjustments. Then the gal next to me began rubbing her eyes, and she asked if I had a tissue. After a quick survey through my usual everything-but-the-kitchen-sink handbag, I told her regretfully, I had none. Her head was slightly bowed forward, and her face remained concealed with her silky chestnut hair. She continued to rub her eyes. She must be having contact lens problems, I empathized. I’d like to think my motive was more out of compassion for another, but it was an “inner nudge to action” that wouldn’t stop. So up I sprang to locate and return with the needed TISSUES. Still, without any eye contact, my classmate waved to me a sweet thank-you. Whew! No more distractions.

A quiet hush fell over the room as our speaker, Luann, asked us to bow our heads for the opening prayer. It was at that very moment that I had overwhelming inclination to touch this person next to me on the shoulder. “No, not another distraction,” I thought. Had I not just purposed to stay focused on Luann’s prayer and message? Had I not heard from God to attend this session to learn and apply the principles we would hear? I struggled with myself regarding staying focused on the ongoing prayer, versus touching my classmate.

In a split-second my mind filled with questions, and the self-talk went something like this: “You don’t know this gal; she’ll think you’re nuts and she’d probably be right! Why risk making a fool of yourself? What if you scare her? What if…” That did it! Somewhere along my faith journey, I learned to take captive the “what if’s” of doubt and deception, and boldly step into the faith walk of “what if I fail to obey the voice of God?” I remembered that His sheep know His voice, and that there is peace in the center of His will. There was a prayer team back home praying for me to hear from God at “She Speaks”. And hadn’t my husband prayed over me that morning for God’s direction for my day?

So, by faith, I reached out and touched her. My heart suddenly warmed, and my hand gently began stoking her arm. It was a tender moment, reminding me of intimate memories with my children. Time seemed to stand still while my hand continued making soft circles on her arm. The prayer ended and our gazes continued focused forward on the speaker. Together we sat, two strangers, who were now connected by a spiritual bond of love.

Throughout the session, principles of effective prayers were interspersed with pertinent applications. The hour passed quickly. My colored highlighters got a workout, and the notes on Spiritual Warfare could parallel a Picasso. It was clear that spiritual warfare was not for the faint of faith. There were serious and somber charges to Christian prayer warriors like taking our thoughts captive and realizing the battle is the Lord’s.

At the conclusion of the session, we were challenged to find a prayer partner. At that time Tammy and I, introduced ourselves, paired together, and found our way to the prayer room. She took my arms in her hands tightly and shook me as if to get my attention.

“Carolyn, you’ll never believe what your touch during the opening prayer was to me. It was a gift from God. You see, I have been holding back tears throughout the conference because of the recent death of my precious son, Nick.” Just as I was entering the classroom, an “innocent” Mother whose son was fighting leukemia asked how Nick was doing. That’s when the dam broke.
Tears sprang from her eyes as she told me of the courageous journey of her precious son, Nicholas, who fought brain tumors for six years. At the conference the loneliness of missing Nick had tugged heavily at her heartstrings.

“When you reached over and touched me during the opening prayer, I knew it was a miracle from God,” Tammy explained. “The way you made gentle circles on my arm, was exactly the way Nick showed his love to me.”

What a gift from God we both experienced that day, His amazing touch.

Carolyn and Tammy have remained friends since the 2009 She Speaks Conference. You can read more about Tammy on her blog at http://www.tammynischan.com/.


Carolyn H. Reynolds, M.A. resides in Tampa Bay, Florida. She is a Bible teacher, Christian Life Purpose Coach, and president of Growth in Faith, an interdenominational ministry for women. Married to her dentist and best friend, Michael, they founded Pathway Partners for the purpose of encouragement through speaking, writing and coaching. They have authored a devotional book, “Pocket Pearls” and have hosted a television show, “Growing in Faith”. As new empty nesters, they retreat to Flat Rock, NC, where they conduct marriage conferences, and facilitate Life-Plans for individuals and couples. www.pathway-partners.com.

Welcoming Overnight Guests: Hospitality Tips

By Karen Ehman

Hospitality.
Sometimes the very word sends shudders up our spine as doubt invades our brain. “Host others for a meal or even overnight? No way. Not me!!! Too difficult and almost downright scary!”

Fear not, sweet sisters! There are simple solutions to your hosting dilemmas. With a little forethought and creativity, you can offer hospitality with a smile and with ease.
Although we’ve never had company live with us for an extended period of time, we have had our fair share of overnight guests. My husband’s parents have always lived nearly three hours from us and have come to stay several times a year. We have missionary friends and college buddies who also spend the night with us. And then there are our kids’ friends! Each month of the year finds us hosting an assortment of sleepy-eyed teenage girls or bright-eyed and bushy-tailed boys up at the crack of dawn ready to go pester squirrels with their BB guns. Yep, hospitality means sometimes guests spend the night.

Here are some do’s and don’ts to remember when hosting overnight callers:

Decide where they will keep their things, even if there isn’t space in the room where they will sleep. Show them the spot and make sure others respect their personal space and property.

Have a pleasant place for them to lay their head for the night. It doesn’t have to be a real guest bedroom. At our former house, company slept on a hand-me-down pull-out sofa we had in our unfinished basement. We purchased a new slipcover for it and made sure it was outfitted with warm, flannel sheets as the room was sometimes chilly. We found a dresser at a yard sale that they could use to put their things in. We painted the walls white to lighten the room and would set out a bouquet of fresh flowers, or leave chocolates on their pillows like a real inn would.

Stock their room with needed items. A lamp for evening reading, a mirror for getting ready, and a working alarm clock are the basics.

Show them the bathroom. Have a space cleared on the counter or in a cabinet for them to place their toiletries. Roll a few wash cloths and tie with a ribbon. Place them on top of the bath towel they will use. Fill a small basket with other items they might possibly need: soap, shampoo, toothpaste, toothbrush, lotion, etc. Look for these items in special scents and trial sizes. Or, if a hotel says you can take them, then by all means, bring them home!

Let them know the laundry facilities are available to them. Check each day to see if they need anything washed and dried or ironed.

Have a pitcher of water and glasses in their room. Have the refrigerator well stocked with juices, spritzers, or teas for them to enjoy if they are thirsty.

Consider placing a basket of fruit or shortbread cookies and chocolates in their room. Tailor it to their liking. Include anything that says, “Welcome! We were thinking of you!”

If a coffee lover will be staying with you and you don’t drink coffee, consider purchasing a small coffeemaker that they can use in their room.

Let them know your schedule and be aware of theirs. Discuss breakfast the night before. Let them know when supper will be served and make sure it works in their schedule.

Before they come, discuss dietary restrictions.

Pet- and child-proof your guest’s room. They will appreciate the protection it will provide their belongings. Also, before arrival, find out if your guests have pet allergies. Rid your place of pet hair and try to keep your animals away from them as much as you can.

Let them know if there are any quirks to how things work at your house. Does the hot water take a while to run? Does the front door lock need a little push to the right in order to open?

If you can’t always be home when they will be returning, give them a spare house key.

Treat them like both guests and part of the family. People feel uneasy if you seem to be begrudgingly putting life on hold just to entertain them. As a rule, go about your daily routine, but make them a part of it.

There you have it! Now, don’t feel as if you need to invite a whole host of folks to spend the week with you. Start small. In no time, you will be in hostess heaven and your guest will feel right at home. Enjoy your company!


For more great hospitality tips, check out Karen’s book “A Life that Says Welcome.”
Karen Ehman is also a member of the P31 Speaker’s team. Click here to learn more about Karen.

Ten Things You Can Do for Parents of Really Sick Kids

By Jolene Philo


During a family crisis, people want to put feet to their prayers and help in tangible ways. Here are ten practical things you do for parents of really sick kids.

1. Be specific. Say “I’ll come for your laundry Tuesday” rather than “Call me if there’s anything I can do.”
2. Do yard work. Mow, weed and water flower beds, harvest the garden, or shovel snow.
3. Facilitate communication. To avoid inundating parents with phone calls, arrange a daily time for them to call you with updates. Via email, disseminate the updates to church family, friends, neighbors, and co-workers.
4. Offer technical expertise. Set up webpage for parents at www.CaringBridge.com or www.CarePages.com, two organizations that offer free website for hospital patients.
5. Send an activity box. Depending on the child’s age, illness, ability and interests fill the box with coloring and activity books, crayons, markers, glue, stickers, sewing cards, scissors, paper dolls, and small Lego sets.
6. Send a care package. Depending on the parents’ situation, send note cards, stamps, pens and pencils, travel-sized toiletry items, quarters for vending machines and laundromats, crossword puzzle and Sudoku books, magazines, a phone card, favorite treats, and a copy of A Different Dream for My Child.
7. Help with the siblings. Take healthy siblings to school, extra-curricular, and church events, or have them stay with you until the hospitalization ends.
8. Provide maid service. Commandeer a house cleaning crew when the hospital stay winds down.
9. Fill the fridge. Toss out any green stuff growing in the refrigerator and stock it with bread, milk, eggs and other staples.
10. Organize meals. Create a volunteer rotation to provide meals three or four times a week. Record menus to avoid duplication.

Jolene Philo lives and writes in Boone, Iowa. You can interact with her at her websites, www.jolenephilo.com, and www.differentdream.com. Jolene is a graduate of Proverbs 31 Ministries’ She Speaks.

Light in the Darkness

By Susan Senechal

It was a week from hell. A friend, a young mother with two young daughters, is diagnosed with breast cancer. Another, whose children are the same ages as my own, is rushed to the ER with severe chest pains. My mom e-mails that she’s been getting tired and winded very quickly, so she has seen a doctor. Twice before she’s had cancer—this time it’s a rapid irregular heartbeat. She’s on medication for 3 weeks, and then the doctor will “shock” her heart into a regular rhythm. Until then, there’s a concern for blood clots and stroke. My sister-in-law, whose twin sister died almost exactly a year ago in a tragic car crash, now loses her mother to cancer just a week before Christmas. And on my own street, in a quiet suburban neighborhood, not more than a few doors down, two women are killed. Fear and police activity fill our street as a teenage neighbor is arrested for the murders. We try to shield our 5 and 7 year olds from the ugliness as they see police cars and television crews, but there’s no shielding ourselves from the world gone dark. I’m overwhelmed.

And so, a week before Christmas, I sit in the pew as we begin to sing “O Little Town of Bethlehem.” On the second line, tears begin to fall, “…above thy dark and dreamless sleep…” That’s what I feel—the darkness and dreamlessness. The world seems to have been overtaken by the prince of darkness. There is so much pain and grief and suffering; how can we endure? And why all this suffering at Christmas, the season of good cheer?

Despite my flood of tears the song continues. Though I am unable to sing, I hear the words, “…yet in thy dark streets shineth the everlasting light…” and I know the darkness is temporary because there’s a light in the darkness that can’t be put out. Psalm 139:13 says “Even the darkness will not be dark to you…” and Ps. 18:28, “my God turns my darkness into light”. That’s exactly what Christmas is about. John tells us, “The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.” (John 1:9) God entered our world at Christmas to be the light of the world.

Recently I learned when Jesus said, “I am the light of the world,” it was at the end of the feast of tabernacles. This festival was known for the beauty of its lights. A ring of lights from camped pilgrims surrounded Jerusalem, and in the temple courts a giant menorah burned for 7 days. But at the end of the feast, the light in the temple courts was put out, and as the pilgrims prepared to go home it felt like the world was plunged into darkness. That’s when Jesus said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” (John 8:12) God is the God of time and of timing—when our world is plunged into a darkness we can’t understand, he says, “let there be light.” And he says “I am the light.”

That night I turn out the lights in the living room and just turn on the lights on my tree. As I look at the lights I remember God’s words, “The people living in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned.” (Matt 4:16) And from the prophet Isaiah, “I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.”
(Is 42:16)

Despite the darkness of this world, there is a Light that darkness cannot overcome. I will let that Light be my guide.

Susan Senechal lives near Houston, Texas with her husband and two children, Matthew and Brianna. For ten years she has led a women's Bible study at her home congregation, and she occasionally writes and speaks for women's ministry events at her church.

She's Just Like Me

By Susan Frantz Belisle

October is Clergy Appreciation month. Why not take this opportunity to support and encourage your pastor’s wife?

If you are like most women, you need a little encouragement every now and then. There is a very special woman in your life that especially needs your support and encouragement. She’s your Pastor’s wife, and just like you, she needs to be loved, honored, and appreciated.

October is designated as Clergy Appreciation Month by several different Christian organizations. Indeed, Pastors need to be recognized and appreciated during the month of October as well as throughout the year. The Bible says we should give honor to whom honor is due. (Roman 13:7) Blessings will come to those who follow this admonition from the Apostle Paul.

As you think of ways to honor your Pastor this October, be certain to recognize and honor his wife. Regardless of what specific roles she may fulfill within your church, she is your Pastor’s partner in ministry. She is also your spiritual leader and carries a tremendous burden for the ministry of your church. She too needs to be encouraged and honored during Clergy Appreciation Month. So here are some practical ways in which you can encourage her as you think of your PASTOR and his wife this October.

PRAY for your Pastor’s wife. She needs your prayers daily. Pray for her health, her family, her spiritual well-being, and her ministry. Ask her if she has specific needs that you can pray about. Call her, send a card or tell her that you are praying for her. If you can commit to on-going prayer for her, offer to be her prayer partner. More than likely, she is already praying for you. Your Pastor’s wife would be delighted to know that you are also praying for her. Perhaps you already are, but be sure to let her know that you often pray for her. This will encourage her greatly.

AFFIRM her value as a person. Tell your Pastor’s wife that you appreciate the many ways in which she supports her husband and your church. Although she may serve in the “shadow” of her husband or “behind the scenes”, she is laboring faithfully for the Lord. Try to be specific in complimenting her on the work that you see her do. Or just thank her for being a godly role model for the women of your church. Most importantly, tell her that she has made a difference in your life. This is one of her greatest desires.

SURPRISE her with an act of kindness. Your Pastor’s wife is always thinking of you! She makes phone calls, sends cards, plans and organizes events, gives of her time, and does so many other things with you in mind. Take the time to call her or send her a card thanking her for all that she does. Send her flowers, take her to lunch, or give her a small gift. The monetary value of what you do is not important. She will be touched that you thought of her, and your act of kindness will brighten her day. It will give her the motivation to keep on keeping on.

TAKE the time to understand her. As the saying goes, “Walk a mile in her shoes.” Unless you have been a Pastor’s wife, it is difficult to understand the pressures and demands that she experiences daily. She carries a heavy burden for the spiritual well-being of those at her church. She cares deeply about the hurts of others. She wants her church to make an incredible difference for the Kingdom. She works with the zeal of our friend Martha who labored in the kitchen trying to please her Lord. Allow and encourage her to serve in her area of giftedness rather than serving according to the needs of your church or the expectations of others.

OFFER to help her in whatever way you can. Besides being a wife, mother and perhaps a grandmother, her role as your Pastor’s wife’s is endless and never done. She would be surprised and thrilled to have you offer to help her when she’s working on something at church. Better yet, call her and ask if there is anything you can do to help her. Think of a small task that you know she is responsible for and ask her if you can take care of that for her. She’s probably not accustomed to people offering to help her so it may take some time before she can think of a task you can help her with. She may be used to giving and not receiving, but continue asking her how you can help lighten he load.

REMEMBER that she’s human. She’s just like you. She has struggles, heartaches, disappointments, doubts, and fears… just like you. She makes mistakes and is sometimes disappointed with herself…just like you. She is seeking a closer walk with Christ…just like you. She wants to be loved and accepted…just like you. Although she is your Shepherd’s spouse, she is not exempt from human frailty and weaknesses. Extend grace and forgiveness to her when she disappoints you or doesn’t meet your expectations. Support and defend her to those who may be critical at times. Love her with the love of Christ. Treat her as you would want to be treated if you served in the same role of a Pastor’s wife. Most importantly, remember…she’s just like you!

Tips for Avoiding "Ministry Madness"

By Rachel Olsen

Many a woman, myself included, has drawn comfort from the story of Mary and Martha. Jesus and his entourage stopped at their home for a respite from their travels. Mary was thrilled with the opportunity to learn from Jesus and plopped herself down at his feet to listen to his every word. Martha too was thrilled about the company she was keeping that afternoon, and she busied herself in the kitchen trying to make all the food and accommodations "just so." Growing resentful that her sister was not jumping on board the hospitality committee, Martha insisted that Jesus instruct Mary to help her in the kitchen. Jesus indicated that he would not instruct Mary to leave his side to help. He made it clear that "doing what needs to be done," is not always doing what needs to be done. Before we venture off into ministry and service, we need to ensure we are keeping our priorities properly aligned and that we are keeping in touch with the heart of the Father. Here are four tips to help:

1. Determine your spiritual gifts. You need to know what types of things God has gifted and called you to do. Ask the Lord to reveal these to you. Ask other Christians what talents they see in you. Take a spiritual gifts questionnaire - you can find some in your local Christian bookstore.

2. Pray before saying "yes." Whether you are asked over the telephone, over email, at your front door, over a cup of coffee, by your best friend, by your role model or by your pastor, always pray before you reply. If you need some time to pray and consider it, simply smile and say, "I will pray about that and let you know my answer at such and such time."

3. Ask your husband. If you are married, run any ministry opportunities (or other large time commitments) by your husband first. You will need his blessing and support to minister well. Sometimes my husband can tell better than I when I am getting over-extended. We also need to protect that quality time we spend connecting with him each day. If you are not married, this paragraph still applies to you and your heavenly husband, Jesus.

4. If you find yourself over-extended, feeling outside of God' will for your life, say so! Do not be afraid to pull back from things you are already doing in order to spend more time with God and your family. We have limited time and resources ladies, let's make sure we are investing them in the best possible way.

As a personal example, I was once leading a women's ministry I had been involved with for years, but I no longer sensed the Lord's anointing to do so. Like never before I found my service to this ministry disrupting to my family life. After much prayer, I withdrew as the group's leader. It was very hard to stand before the ladies and say: "I'm serving but it's not flowing well, and I'm growing resentful of my work here. I sense the need to step down and spend more time with my family and at the Lord's feet."

I did so and experienced immediate personal revival. It wasn't long before God lead me to another, greater ministry opportunity I would otherwise have missed.Jesus said between housework and heart-work, Mary had chosen the better thing. Given the choice between working for the Lord and working with Him, I'd rather work with Him any day. Mary had made the right choice and so can we. Friends, let us not grow weary in well doing (Gal 6:9) by trying to do too much.