By Paula Friedrichsen
With the advent of email, chat rooms, and other online technology, it is easier than ever for a married person to engage in a private, often intimate, relationship outside of their marriage. In the hothouse of secrecy, seduction can flourish.
When Lynn met Bill in a chat room they hit it off right away. His clever little comebacks and talent for conversation impressed Lynn and kept her coming back for more. Over time they decided to exchange photos. Sexual innuendo crept into their e-mails. A terrible fight with her husband, Anthony, gave Lynn the excuse she needed to finally meet Bill face to face. While Bill wasn’t quite as she had imagined, their relationship continued, resulting in adultery.
It started out as just a friendship. A loving wife and mother of three, Lynn had no intention of getting mired in an adulterous relationship. Do you know how to tell if your email habits are leading you somewhere you don’t want to go?
Inbox infidelity self-test
If your husband were to read all of your e-mails, or instant messages, or text messages, how would he react?
Is your communication with the opposite sex completely aboveboard?
If you gave your husband access to your private e-mail account would he read anything in there that would cause you to feel embarrassed or defensive?
Is there a platonic friendship that has slowly become something more? Take a minute to ask yourself the four questions below.
Do you check your e-mail compulsively, hoping to see his name in the inbox?
Do you often laugh out loud at his clever comments? Blush when he throws a little flattery your way? Sigh with contentment when he shares his heart with you?
Have you ever gotten up at night to check your e-mail and correspond with this person?
Do you glance around to make sure no one is watching while you read e-mails from him?
If you’ve answered yes to some of those questions, it may be time to make some changes.
1. Discontinue the “friendship” and change your e-mail account immediately. In a polite, yet firm email, let this man know that the relationship is over. Although this may seem like a drastic step (especially if the friendship hasn’t resulted in a sexual relationship…yet) it’s necessary.
Once you’ve written the email, it’s time to change your email account. There is no excuse that for not doing this. It will be worth the time-consuming process of giving out your new e-mail address to those who need it. Creating a new account and discontinuing the old ensures that at least this form of communication is cut off.
2. Bring more accountability into your life. The best way to eradicate dysfunctional and destructive behavior is to bring it out in the open. Remember, it’s only as issues are brought into God’s light that healing can come. Now is the time to share your struggle with others. Find a trusted older friend (of the same sex) in your church whom you can confide in, or ask your pastor and his wife for counsel.
3. Turn your attention back home. Make a concerted effort to turn your heart, mind, and body back toward your husband once more. Do your best to reconnect with your mate emotionally and sexually. At the same time, resist the urge to relive the flattering and exciting conversations that you once engaged in with this other man.
It’s important to note; remembering is a choice. You can choose to deny yourself the pleasure of recalling those electrified or intimate email exchanges. Deliberately put your focus back on your husband, the man you would have followed to the moon before the wedding.
Infidelity begins as a thought long before it becomes an action. Do not let yourself believe the lie that it’s not important or that because nothing has happened yet, nothing will. The time to deal with infidelity is before something happens. Marriage is far too important to play games with.
Check out Paula’s book “The Man You Always Wanted is the One You Already Have” available through P31 Ministries.
Please insert link to buy Paula’s book through P31
Here’s the link to it on the website: http://shopp31.com/themanyoualwayswantedistheoneyoualreadyhave.aspx
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Resources for the Grieving
Leann Rice, Executive Director of Operations for Proverbs 31 Ministries, offers insight and support to the grieving, based on her experiences as a widow and single mom at www.awidowsmight.blogspot.com.
Jennifer Silvera, She Speaks Graduate and author of the book "Believe: A Young Widow's Journey Through Brokenness and Back" shares her story of hope and encouragement at www.believenow.com.
For Grief Recovery Support groups visit www.griefshare.org.
GriefShare is a friendly, caring group of people who will walk alongside you through one of life’s most difficult experiences. You don’t have to go through the grieving process alone.
Jennifer Silvera, She Speaks Graduate and author of the book "Believe: A Young Widow's Journey Through Brokenness and Back" shares her story of hope and encouragement at www.believenow.com.
For Grief Recovery Support groups visit www.griefshare.org.
GriefShare is a friendly, caring group of people who will walk alongside you through one of life’s most difficult experiences. You don’t have to go through the grieving process alone.
Friday, July 31, 2009
The Most Important Meal of the Day
By Erin Bunting
“When you wake up in the morning, Pooh,” said Piglet at last, “what's the first thing you say to yourself?” “What's for breakfast?” said Pooh. “What do you say, Piglet?” “I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?” said Piglet. Pooh nodded thoughtfully. “It's the same thing,” he said.
-- A. A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner
I admit I’m more like Piglet than Pooh -- not much of a breakfast eater, but eager to see “what’s going to happen exciting today.” For me, breakfast is a cup of coffee and maybe a handful of dry cereal before I get on with more pressing matters of the day. Sometimes I even skip the cereal.
And I know, I know, how important breakfast is. I’ve heard the mantra: “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” I’ve read about the studies proving that kids and adults who eat breakfast perform better in school and on the job. I know that a good breakfast staves off hunger, helps me focus, accomplish more and resist unhealthy temptations to overeat later in the day. I know!
But come on- preparing a real breakfast -- cooking actual hot food in the morning? That takes time. It takes effort. You have to get up early to do it. Think about that Proverbs 31 woman: “She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family.” (Proverbs 31:15). Maybe a hearty breakfast was why her husband and kids were such happy over-achievers, but in today’s ready-to-eat, cereal-in-a-box, Pop Tart, protein-bar-on-the-way-out-the-door culture, that’s just crazy talk.
Maybe that’s also why it’s so extra special when someone cooks you breakfast -- because it’s such a tender, tangible act of care and kindness. Cooking breakfast means something. It’s love on a plate.
Jesus understood the importance of a good breakfast. He even cooked breakfast for His disciples, to fuel them for their upcoming work spreading the gospel. The story is found in John 21:12. The disciples had been fishing unsuccessfully all night and it was early morning. It was shortly after Jesus’ resurrection when He appeared on the shore and suggested they fish on the other side of the boat. They did, and pulled in a net bursting with fish. “Now,” Jesus shouted, “Come and have some breakfast!” By the time they hit the beach, Jesus had everything prepared. In fact, as verse 13 says He even “served them.” Jesus nourished his friends with a hearty breakfast of bread and fish.
You’ll notice He did not serve them the fish they caught themselves, but the fish He brought and cooked. Yes, they needed physical food, but they also required spiritual sustenance that only the Savior could provide. “When they had finished eating,” Jesus asked Peter three times “Do you love me?” In the course of the questioning, Jesus told Peter “Feed my lambs,” “Take care of my sheep,” “Feed my sheep,” and “Follow me!” (v. 15-19) Notice the sequence. First Jesus fed Peter -- nourished him physically and spiritually, and only when Peter “had finished eating” could he fulfill Jesus command to follow Him and share the Gospel of Christ with others.
Ministry, marriage, mothering, mentoring – all require tremendous physical and spiritual energy. Jesus, the Proverbs 31 woman, wives, mothers and all those nutritionists understand that nutritionally, a good breakfast sets the tone for the rest of the day.
Spiritually-speaking, it does the same thing. Jesus said “I am the bread of life, and he who believes in me will never go hungry.” (John 6:35) So even though I’m not big on bacon and eggs first thing in the morning, I try to always start my day feasting on the soul-satisfying “bread of life” which is God’s Word. Breakfast with Jesus sets the tone for the rest of my day and gives me the spiritual sustenance to complete whatever He gives me to do.
So whether you wake up like Pooh asking “What's for breakfast?” or like Piglet, asking “What's going to happen exciting today?” remember, it’s pretty much the same thing. Let the Bread of Life fill you and receive it as a tender, tangible act of care and kindness. Then follow Jesus, nourished and strengthened by His presence and His Holy Word -- love on a plate with no dishes to wash. Now that’s a miracle only Jesus could cook up!
“When you wake up in the morning, Pooh,” said Piglet at last, “what's the first thing you say to yourself?” “What's for breakfast?” said Pooh. “What do you say, Piglet?” “I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?” said Piglet. Pooh nodded thoughtfully. “It's the same thing,” he said.
-- A. A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner
I admit I’m more like Piglet than Pooh -- not much of a breakfast eater, but eager to see “what’s going to happen exciting today.” For me, breakfast is a cup of coffee and maybe a handful of dry cereal before I get on with more pressing matters of the day. Sometimes I even skip the cereal.
And I know, I know, how important breakfast is. I’ve heard the mantra: “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” I’ve read about the studies proving that kids and adults who eat breakfast perform better in school and on the job. I know that a good breakfast staves off hunger, helps me focus, accomplish more and resist unhealthy temptations to overeat later in the day. I know!
But come on- preparing a real breakfast -- cooking actual hot food in the morning? That takes time. It takes effort. You have to get up early to do it. Think about that Proverbs 31 woman: “She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family.” (Proverbs 31:15). Maybe a hearty breakfast was why her husband and kids were such happy over-achievers, but in today’s ready-to-eat, cereal-in-a-box, Pop Tart, protein-bar-on-the-way-out-the-door culture, that’s just crazy talk.
Maybe that’s also why it’s so extra special when someone cooks you breakfast -- because it’s such a tender, tangible act of care and kindness. Cooking breakfast means something. It’s love on a plate.
Jesus understood the importance of a good breakfast. He even cooked breakfast for His disciples, to fuel them for their upcoming work spreading the gospel. The story is found in John 21:12. The disciples had been fishing unsuccessfully all night and it was early morning. It was shortly after Jesus’ resurrection when He appeared on the shore and suggested they fish on the other side of the boat. They did, and pulled in a net bursting with fish. “Now,” Jesus shouted, “Come and have some breakfast!” By the time they hit the beach, Jesus had everything prepared. In fact, as verse 13 says He even “served them.” Jesus nourished his friends with a hearty breakfast of bread and fish.
You’ll notice He did not serve them the fish they caught themselves, but the fish He brought and cooked. Yes, they needed physical food, but they also required spiritual sustenance that only the Savior could provide. “When they had finished eating,” Jesus asked Peter three times “Do you love me?” In the course of the questioning, Jesus told Peter “Feed my lambs,” “Take care of my sheep,” “Feed my sheep,” and “Follow me!” (v. 15-19) Notice the sequence. First Jesus fed Peter -- nourished him physically and spiritually, and only when Peter “had finished eating” could he fulfill Jesus command to follow Him and share the Gospel of Christ with others.
Ministry, marriage, mothering, mentoring – all require tremendous physical and spiritual energy. Jesus, the Proverbs 31 woman, wives, mothers and all those nutritionists understand that nutritionally, a good breakfast sets the tone for the rest of the day.
Spiritually-speaking, it does the same thing. Jesus said “I am the bread of life, and he who believes in me will never go hungry.” (John 6:35) So even though I’m not big on bacon and eggs first thing in the morning, I try to always start my day feasting on the soul-satisfying “bread of life” which is God’s Word. Breakfast with Jesus sets the tone for the rest of my day and gives me the spiritual sustenance to complete whatever He gives me to do.
So whether you wake up like Pooh asking “What's for breakfast?” or like Piglet, asking “What's going to happen exciting today?” remember, it’s pretty much the same thing. Let the Bread of Life fill you and receive it as a tender, tangible act of care and kindness. Then follow Jesus, nourished and strengthened by His presence and His Holy Word -- love on a plate with no dishes to wash. Now that’s a miracle only Jesus could cook up!
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